Comment: I’m wondering if you can share some advice on how to get more responses from women on dating profiles. It seems that for every 10 messages I send, I get maybe 2 or 3 responses, and of those maybe 35% lead to a date. It’s really frustrating for guys, and we can’t even tell what we’re doing wrong. I tried out this service SpamHerClam.com that messages women for you to save time and rejection…aside from being a little crass, it’s the best thing I’ve found to work so far. Suggestions?
Now, before everybody jumps into the comments it’s important to realize that this is an advertisement disguised as a letter.
I don’t believe in sponsored posts. In fact, when a crew of dating bloggers formed so that they could each schill a bunch of cheap, stupid scams and products I laughed knowing that it would destroy whatever modest credibility the bloggers had. Oh hai, internetz. Let me tell you how much I luuurve having this meal program delivered to my home for a week or about this mood ring for single ladiez that they can wear on the wedding finger and pretend to be engaged. I mean, I would never pay for this myself, of course. But I got paid to tell you how awesome it is, so here I am telling you to spend your money on this stinker. While maybe 2 or 3 of these bloggers were honest in their assessment of various services, most weren’t. You’d be surprised how willing someone is to promote a product just to get a little publicity or promotion. Or cash.
Let’s discuss SpamHerClam.com, shall we. Their tag line is…wait for it…”If you want some clam, you have to spam.” Stay classy, kids. Stay classy. The service provided by this site is to mass mail several women at once based on criteria you select.
You set the search criteria, eg: Girl, aged 18-28, thin/fit, in New York. We can use whatever your site allows as a search feature.
So, if my feeble woman brain is understanding this correctly, this site sends a bunch of messages to women based not on whether or not the customer finds them attractive, but just because they have a vagina. Is that right? Tell me again how this isn’t a disaster waiting to happen? Let’s picture the awkward conversations and possible drama that ensues when a bunch of women the client finds unattractive reply to these emails. Talk about frustrating. But hey, if the woman is getting frustrated, who cares? Vaginas don’t have feelings!
From their website:
Online Dating sites are designed to cater to women and frustrate men.
Boobs, amirite guys? Yes. It’s all a conspiracy! The womenz are eeevil. I’m not sure which is more reprehensible, that tag line or the black and white photo of the obviously under-aged model glammed up to look adult. Sadly, we all know that there are men out there who will rush to this site. Who is the target demographic for SpamHerClam? The “nice” guys. The whiny dudes. The, let’s just say it, less attractive men. Yes, let’s feed into the misconception that online dating is so! hard! for men. Bitch, please. Try being a woman over 35 on these sites. Then come crying to me about what a rough go of it you have. Online dating is hard for everybody. A person is lucky to send out 10 messages and get 2 to 3 responses. That’s higher than average.
Do women really respond to these messages? SHC’s answer:
Yes, they do, so long as it’s a good message. Sending an overly long, detailed, and personalized message actually comes off as desperate to most women.
Wrong! Wrong wrong wrong. People respond if you’re attractive. Or they respond just to get more attention. That doesn’t mean they are interested in you. What this service will do will get you more frustration. Not dates. Pay close attention to the verbage of sites like this. They aren’t promising more dates. Just more responses.I could send out 20 emails to guys on OKCupid that say, “Hey, I think you and I used to work together.” Guess how many guys will respond? Like, all of them. There. I just saved you money, bro. You’re welcome. At least you won’t be getting responses from women you don’t find attractive and have to deal with the possible landmines that come from conversations like that.
The problem isn’t how shallow people are, it’s the unreasonable expectations and self-perceptions that many people bring to online dating. When you identify and accept what you can feasibly attract, and you focus on the people who show interest in you rather than throwing a bunch of darts in the dark, you’ll have an easier time of it. Nobody owes you a response or an acknowledgement of the hard work and effort you put into an introductory email.
Despite what your brahs tell you, guys, not all women on these sites just want attention. The only people who make such claims are the ones who go for people way, way out of their league and get no response. They blame the opposite sex because that’s easier than saying admitting that they aren’t as attractive or youthful or interesting as they think.
DISCLAIMER: I did not receive payment or any kind of reimbursement/discount of services for writing this post.