I have used OKCupid off and on for about three years. After a six-month relationship with a man I met on OKCupid ended, I took a brief break. 
When I came back I decided to shake things up a bit.
I updated my relationship preferences to include casual sex….
I didn’t judge a man if he selected casual sex as an option. As long as he made an effort to complete his profile and post pictures that didn’t appear to be from some ’80s era Playgirl shoot, I didn’t care. (Side note: Naked torso shots. Why? Discuss.)
There were a number of take-aways from this experience.
First, just because someone chooses casual sex doesn’t mean they’re looking for a one-night stand. A person’s willingness to be open about that interest should not be held against them or get them labeled a player or slut. I ended up dating three men during this time for 3-6 months each. We did “couple-y” things like go to the movies, make dinner, and spend weekends together. We weren’t meeting up for quickies as some people might assume. There was intimacy and affection and shared confidences. There just wasn’t exclusivity or expressed commitment. I wasn’t seeking “just” sex, so adding casual sex as a relationship choice actually worked to my advantage. It exposed me—in various ways—to a broader audience. One that I may not have been exposed to had I been a “good girl” and listened to my well-meaning male friends and only selected short and long-term dating.
Read the full article here.
There was intimacy and affection and shared confidences. There just wasn’t exclusivity or expressed commitment. I wasn’t seeking “just” sex, so adding casual sex as a relationship choice actually worked to my advantage. It exposed me—in various ways—to a broader audience. One that I may not have been exposed to had I been a “good girl” and listened to my well-meaning male friends and only selected short and long-term dating.
But, Moxie, you have better filters and you know what you’re doing. You were able to forge a good casual relationship–involved yet not involve–which is a difficult thing to do.
A lot of people, both men and women, think they can do casual and be involved without being invested, but they can’t.
I’ve been able to do the same thing you wrote about, but it takes just the right person to carve this out with…
Like or Dislike:
6 
0