Does Bad Grammar & Punctuation Turn You Off?

An article over at XOJane yesterday got me thinking about how written communication has changed, especially due to technology and social media. I’ve said before that a lot of people – if not most – now access dating sites and social media platforms using mobile apps. As such, people are using smaller keyboards and writing/communicating on the go.

Unless you work for yourself, it’s not often that someone is sitting in an ergonomic chair with a huge screen and appropriately sized keyboard when they’re typing. Replying to messages isn’t usually done during working hours as most businesses monitor employees internet access. That forces folks to access websites via their phone. Sometimes we are on a bus or in a cab when we’re tapping out a response to a message or updating our profile. We might even be crossing the street. If you weren’t an English major or in a similar course of study where you were judged on the quality of your written work, what you know about grammar came from High School English class. Do you remember everything you learned in high school?

Contributing to this issue is that many news or content oriented websites take submissions from writers without offering payment or assistance with editing. What you end up with is an uptick in the bad grammar and usage that we now see on sites we consider to host professionally written material, sending a mixed message. Being restricted to using only a certain amount of characters also gets us in the habit of taking grammatical shortcuts. So what we have here, as the line goes, is a failure to communicate properly. Admittedly the breakdown in communication is a failure on our parts. No question. We’ve gotten lazy about how we present ourselves in writing.

Is this lack of concern truly indicative of our character or personality? Does a decision to send a message to a potential date without spell checking it really display a lack of genuine interest? Or is this just one more flimsy excuse that people use to blow someone off? Is this yet another faux test men and women use to determine a quality match?

I do tend to agree that poor grammar and usage is usually a sign of lower intelligence. But let’s define “poor.” Here is what I consider unacceptable:

  • Run on sentences with a total lack of punctuation
  • Multiple instances of misspelling words
  • All caps
  • Ur instead of your, etc – (This one is debateable.)

Writing in all lowercase doesn’t bother me. Nor do I care if someone uses “your” when they should use “you’re.” I think people have taken the whole “dating is like an interview” thing too far. Yes, if you were applying for a job then being more concerned with spelling and punctuation is appropriate and expected. There is a smaller margin of error when a person is submitting themselves for a position for which they are being paid. I’m not sure if you guys heard this but nobody is perfect. The people you date are not just a cog in a machine. They are human beings. That means that they, and you, will make mistakes. A lot of them. If you are someone who will dismiss somebody because they used too many ellipses, you might want to consider the possibility that you’re kind of insufferable, humorless and difficult. That kind of holier than thou attitude will kill every relationship you have.

The other thing to realize and accept is that, as D’Alias said in the comments recently, online dating isn’t what it used to be.  Truth? People just don’t care much anymore. Like ‘em. Don’t like ‘em. They believe that they have a vast number of options out there and therefore don’t have to bow to your whim. Whether or not that is true is irrelevant. That’s how many people think. They’ll blow you off, stop responding to emails, cancel dates, etc. They simply don’t care.

This isn’t to suggest that people should stop trying to make a good first impression. Of course we shouldn’t. What we do need to adjust is our expectations. Good for you that you never abuse commas. You win the internet! Some people do. Some people pay more attention to math or science.  Something else that needs to go is creating a back story as to why someone didn’t spell check before hitting send. That crap borders on paranoia and delusion. Given how people constantly complain about the lack of messages they get, isn’t it progress enough that someone took the time to reply or write at all?

Finally, can we also put a cease and desist on taking screen shots of poorly written messages and posting them to Twitter or on blogs? Can we stop taking content from people’s profiles and putting them on the internet entirely? Let me explain something to you: someone with bad grammar might not be the rocket scientist you feel you deserve, but a person who gets off publicly shaming and humiliating these people for something so innocuous and impersonal is far more hateable. Short of coming out and being hateful towards someone, people don’t deserve public floggings like that. That man or woman didn’t erect that profile or send you that message to push you down some shame spiral. If your life is so empty and your need for attention so bottomless that you have to do such things, you’ve hit on the main reason why you’re single. People need to stop indulging and encouraging that nonsense. That person you’re replying to with your “LOL!” is an asshole. Plain and simple.

 

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52 Responses to “Does Bad Grammar & Punctuation Turn You Off?”

  1. Carlos Nunez Says:

    Poor grammar absolutely turns me off.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 44 Thumb down 5

  2. krismae Says:

    I’ll forgive almost anything except “should of”, “would of” and “could of”, when the writer meant, “should’ve”, “would’ve” and “could’ve”. Well, I guess I will forgive it, but there’s a lot of teeth-gritting on my end.

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  3. LaMotta Says:

    I often am suspicious of people who laboriously type out full, newsprint-ready text in phone or other non-formal format messages. That is, they are probably too “anal” — big dating-killer there.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 38

  4. Raving Lunatic Says:

    Poor spelling and grammar in a profile is definite turnoff (text speak = instant poison). That thing should have some measure of polish since it is your introduction. In an email it isn’t much better, at least initially. Typos can’t be helped now and then and one or two at a time isn’t a big deal. Grammar, while there are set rules, can be heavily influenced by locale and ought to be given some measure of leeway. Once there is a measure of familiarity it’s no big deal, especially if it’s coming from text. But initially, take the few extra seconds to proof and correct your email. Later on, think of it as a written version of farting in front of your significant other. You’ll know when it’s appropriate.

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  5. midtempo Says:

    Is this lack of concern truly indicative of our character or personality?

    Yes.

    Does a decision to send a message to a potential date without spell checking it really display a lack of genuine interest?

    Yes, or a lack of education or intelligence.

    Or is this just one more flimsy excuse that people use to blow someone off?

    Yes, that too.

    Is this yet another faux test men and women use to determine a quality match?

    Yes, but it’s not a “faux test,” it’s a real test.

    Nor do I care if someone uses “your” when they should use “you’re.”

    This one absolutely grates on me! I can’t stand “your cute!” That’s awful.

    People have different grammar and spelling peeves. Some people are fine with “irregardless” but not fine with switching “your/you’re,” and vice versa. I am ashamed to say that I occasionally say “there” when I meant to say “their,” and sometimes say “to” when I meant “too.” But if I proofread something I just wrote, at least realize my mistake and feel ashamed and correct it.

    So proofread your messages, and using a phone for your dating is no excuse not to proofread. And I wasn’t aware that sitting at a computer reading and replying on a dating site is as endangered as you make it sound. I would venture to say that nearly half of all active users are still doing this.

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      >But if I proofread something I just wrote, at least realize my mistake and feel ashamed and correct it.<

      The types of errors made do make a difference to me. For instance, do I get the sense that they know the correct usage and simply made a mistake because they had a brain fart/were in a hurry or do they truly not seem to understand the difference? "You're/your" does bug me, but I could attribute that to the brain fart/in a hurry thing. "Patients" when they mean "patience" or "loose" when they mean "lose" would have me shaving off intelligence points (rightly or wrongly, just my gut reaction).

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      • Laura Says:

        This is my take, too. I don’t completely write someone off for “ur” (although I do wonder why they’re talking like a tween), but if someone screws up “you’re” / “your” repeatedly, it’s clear that they didn’t graduate high school and I have no interest in dating them.

        Interesting to see that the author has the opposite take as me on this particular one…

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      • The D-man Says:

        In the age of the iPhone, “you’re” / “your” is entirely driven by autocorrect.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 7

        • midtempo Says:

          True, that. Still, y’all ought to proofread. The people you are writing to most certainly are judging you.

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  6. mindstar Says:

    I’m an attorney so I come at this from the view that communications should be clear/concise and accurately convey the information one is seeking to provide. I completely believe that your profile should be spelling/grammar error free. It’s amusing when you see a profile, allegedly by a college educated professional, which is full of mistakes. I also think one should make a determined effort in the early stages to write well when communicating with another. That being said errors in text/email messages after one has been dating for months should be ignored unless the errors make communication impossible. I will admit to being a littled ticked when someone constantly uses rare acronyms when emailing. You should not have to search online dictionaries just to understand a message.

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    • LaRubia Says:

      I, too, work in law (but am not an attorney), in the land of Microsoft and work for a lot of high-tech firms – in daily work-world correspondence, accuracy is VITAL; but in casual/personal communications, I’ll let a few things slide – I tend to date tech guys, so as geek-smart and uber-educated as most may be, their grammar/spelling at times can be a bit lacking – especially when one “speaks” in code most days!

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • ISOf16 Says:

      Ha ha… I had a lady go on and on about all her college and university degrees, but spelled like she was a 2nd grader…. Oh… it was worst than that. I wrote her back, and said obviously during all her education, she must have missed the day in class when they were showing how to use “spell check”. She never wrote back, thank GOD :-)

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 10

  7. fuzzilla Says:

    >Does Bad Grammar & Punctuation Turn You Off?<

    Absolutely, but I try not to be ridiculous about it. I can forgive a few spelling mistakes in a quickly rattled off e-mail, but huge, glaring errors would turn me off. I wouldn't be a dick about it, but my interest in the person would taper dramatically.

    I have to say the absolute biggest turnoff for me w/r/t spelling and grammar are people who try and fail to sound smarter than they are. If English is your second language or you're just not the sort to throw around 50-cent words, that's cool. Simple and to the point is fine. However, throwing around incorrectly defined 50-cent words and doggedly defending your usage when called on it – nope, I'm done. That's like fingernails down a chalkboard to me.

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  8. LostSailor Says:

    Poor grammar and punctuation don’t turn me off per se but as noted it will reveal something about the writer. Spelling is another matter. Spell-check is so ubiquitous these days that people have come to rely on it as a crutch, so “your” and “you’re” errors aren’t caught. I try not to judge people on their grammar or punctuation (or spelling), but when these flaws reach a critical mass, they can’t be ignored. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t date someone with poor grammar skills, but I would take a long-term relationship far less seriously.

    Oh, and item number one in the graphic is one of my all time pet peeves. Don’t even get me started on defining and non-defining relative pronouns. And the Oxford comma rules!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

    • Laura Says:

      Spellcheck is exactly why I think you’re / your is much more indicative of a problem – it indicates that you didn’t graduate high school, vs someone who writes “teh” instead of “the”. A typo here and there is no problem; being stupid is a major issue.

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  9. kay Says:

    It’s a complete turn-off. Before meeting in-person and winning someone over with your personality and/or convince them that you look like the pictures you’ve submitted to the dating site, your words are what you bring to show and tell. When people meet, they take stock of what the other person wears, and how it’s worn. Whether it’s dirty, wrinkle, old and faded or new and off the runaway, what others wear helps in our assumption of who we think they are. The same goes for words. A note filled with errors may suggest you are careless, uneducated, rushed or at the very least, simply don’t give a damn. I equate this to the ‘hot’ girl or guy who post pics and barely fills out the profile, thinking viewers would see a stunning picture and forget about the time they didn’t take to introduce themselves. It’s like saying, ‘they’re already interested, why try harder?” Upon meeting someone (online or off), you want to present your best self. The competition is already stiff and taking the few seconds to reread and correct something can never hurt; if English isn’t your first language, state that up front. Not doing so, may be why you’re still single.

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      Yeah, as a first impression, you really should put on your Sunday best, as it were. I’m gonna be a lot pickier about “you’re” versus “your” from someone I don’t know than from someone I’ve been dating a while who’s just rattling off a quick “are we still on for dinner Saturday?” type message.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  10. D'Alias Says:

    People who are obsessed with others’ grammar irritate me. I doubt it is as linked to one’s educ or intelligence as the grammar police suspect.

    That being said, I generally make the effort to spell check and write relatively full sentences consistent with dominant usage. I’m a personal fan of run on sentences to demonstrate stream of consciousness, elimination of apostrophes b/c I feel they should just be assumed by readers at this point (we all know what dont means), blah blah. I try not to give strangers reasons to cut me off before getting to know me. There are enough people I won’t be compatible with for genuine reasons so why add to it? I see grammar policing the same way – if somebody is stupid, sloppy, uneducated, or careless I think there are better ways to find them out than to cut them off for saying “what r u doin this wknd?” from their iPhone.

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    • Marie Says:

      Wait. So you’re saying that you would actually go on a first date with someone you’d never met before who texted you “what r u doin this wknd?”? I’m not a member of the grammar police by any means, but there is no chance I would meet that person. Not only does it make them sound like they are 15 years old, but there’s simply no need for that. I actually attempted to type that on my phone and it came out reading: “what r u doing this wonderful”. Wknd is not a word, nor is ‘doin’ – there’s no blaming autotext for those errors. ‘R’ and ‘u’ – not necessary, but more understandable. They were not in a rush; they chose to speak that way. That doesn’t strike me as uneducated, it strikes me as lazy.

      As for everyday grammar mistakes, for most I either won’t notice or I won’t care. Especially when discussing punctuation. We have so many rules, unless your job involves proofreading or editing, chances are you will not write with 100% perfection. However, I do tend to choose my words carefully and appreciate someone who does the same. In regards to the ‘they’re, there, their’ or the ‘your, you’re’ debate? Personally, this frustrates me. While it isn’t the end of the world, it also is just not that hard to learn. In 10 minutes, that could be solved. What’s the point in continuing to use them incorrectly?

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      • D'Alias Says:

        Yes, I would date somebody who uses that type of language in a text. I don’t care about grammar in personal communications. It’s just not important to me.

        Honestly, my experience is that people who harp on grammar are usually just kinda-smart. Like they have fairly reputable degrees but lack the ability to think critically and connect the dots when it comes to larger things like politics, communities, motivations. They’re sometimes the type of people who think they are “smart” because they rehash arguments they heard in grad school. They’re information gatherers and not idea creators. Not really my thing.

        For a first date, my requirements are simple: Does he look normal,
        Does he seem sane over emails/texts, does he have a job listed in his profile? Does he say “just got of a relationship” in his profile or not? I leave the rest for the in person meetings to analyze.

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        • fuzzilla Says:

          For me at least, bad grammar is not an absolute deal breaker, but is a red flag that they might not be that smart or someone I can see myself connecting with. That’s why I’m much more forgiving of mistakes from people I already know and like. Written communication from an unknown commodity on a dating site is about all I have to go on w/r/t who they are.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  11. meh Says:

    you people are way too picky.

    i’m not trying to hire a speech writer, i’m looking for a wife & writing ability is not an indicator of a woman’s personality.

    (also i think that final paragraph is an incredibly important topic that deserves it’s own post)

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  12. Miss BB Says:

    Spelling or puncuntation errors are not a deal breaker for me. But lacking the ability to spell altogether is. I can’t stand texting someone who speaks in slang or acroymns. I despise acroymns and 100% of the time I have to ask what it means. It kind of makes me feel stupid but sorry not sorry I don’t speak in “cool guy” lingo and have no desire too.

    In regards to the all caps I once exchanged some messages with a guy who used them. He said its how typed everything. He was cute. I let it slide. Don’t get all judgy on me either!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 4

  13. DumbFace Says:

    “This isn’t to suggest that people should stop trying to make a good first impression. Of course we shouldn’t. What we do need to adjust is our expectations. Good for you that you never abuse commas. You win the internet!”

    Yeah, you know what you also win? A high school diploma. I’m a little shocked that you would openly advocate a carefree attitude toward functional mastery of the English language. Aren’t you a blogger? Isn’t the written word your primary form of communication to your peers? I don’t care what your medium is: if you choose to compose a message in your language-of-choice, it’s absolutely fair to be held to the rules/standards of that language. You have tools (historically unmatched in ease-of-use) at your disposal — don’t blame Apple for not having an app that replaces your brain.

    Now, to qualify that sentiment, I’ll say that tiny errors can be (and usually are) forgiven, but an inability to communicate effectively within the rules and/or an outward refusal to even attempt to communicate in any kind of proper form is just absolutely not okay.

    “Finally, can we also put a cease and desist on taking screen shots of poorly written messages and posting them to Twitter or on blogs? Can we stop taking content from people’s profiles and putting them on the internet entirely?”

    Absolutely agree. The people who do this are self-absorbed pricks. These are the people I have severe conflicts with in real life.

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  14. M Says:

    How well someone writes their profile does matters to me. One of the things I look for in someone I am dating is intelligence, and poor grammar can be a sign of below average intelligence. Yes, its not perfect, but its a start. Beyond that, I look for all of it – grammar, punctuation, spelling, you name it. You dont have to be perfect, but if your profile is littered with errors, it makes you look unintelligent, or at the very least, careless – not a good thing.

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    • K Says:

      M, at first glance I noticed three significant errors in your post. Perhaps you should spend less time making theories about others’ “below-average intelligence” and concentrate on improving your own responses.

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      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        gladiator

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      • M Says:

        How convenient you “found 3 errors” but dont bother pointing out any of them. Oh, and BTW, I guarantee that whatever they are, they are not significant errors.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 6

        • Speed Says:

          Here are the errors from a casual glance:

          Should be “it’s” with apostrophe, not “its”

          “…all of it—” should be “…all of it:” with a colon

          “Unintelligent, or, at the very least, careless…” should be “unintelligent or, at the very least, careless…”

          This last one is more stylistic than grammatical, but makes for easier reading. To confirm, please check AP, Turabian, etc.

          Now, like I wrote below, I judge people on character, not grammar. I’ve met many erudite people who were terrible human beings. Education tells one nothing how they will behave as a friend or lover. Yet, if you’re going to join the Grammar Police, M, you’re going to have work much harder to earn your badge.

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  15. Speed Says:

    I have a hard time believing anyone is truly rejecting stunningly attractive people because of bad grammar or typos: “That guy/gal was a literal Kate Upton/Daniel Craig but I cut him/her off because of errors in their text messages!”

    Rather, I think “bad grammar” is just a codeword for “blue collar.” That’s the real 800-pound gorilla in the room. A person with just a high school diploma or (horrors!) a GED is assumed to have bad grammar because they are blue-collar (and hence unsuitable as partners).

    Personally, I couldn’t care less about a woman’s grammar or even education level. I and all my friends have an assortment of graduate degrees. If I want to debate international economic policy or whether Google’s stock price really makes any sense, I talk with them.

    Nearly all my friends married mainly secretaries or teachers. One, a super-smart IT director, married a barista. They never considered grammar and education level. All their women are good wives and mothers.

    [OK, admittedly, a secretary or teacher would have good grammar, but please follow my main point]

    Even in an FWB, why would I need good grammar in a partner? What would be the purpose of that?

    I do agree that good grammar can tell you something about the person’s intelligence but it tells you nothing about the character and suitability as a partner. I’ve met some incredibly educated people who were horrific human beings. But if good grammar is your priority in a partner, then have at it.

    Good luck in love, all you grammar police.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 16 Thumb down 7

    • DumbFace Says:

      “Rather, I think “bad grammar” is just a codeword for “blue collar.” That’s the real 800-pound gorilla in the room. A person with just a high school diploma or (horrors!) a GED is assumed to have bad grammar because they are blue-collar (and hence unsuitable as partners).

      It doesn’t have anything to do with this at all. A person’s job is their own business, and I don’t much care what it is as long as they’re satisfied with it. It’s more about what it implies about how they’ll interact with me. Precisely to your point about wanting to discuss advanced topics with your friends… if those are your interests, why wouldn’t you want your partner to be able to share in them as well? I guess you’re allowed to want whatever you want in your partner, Speedy, but I want my friends/family to sit at the same table when dinner’s served.

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      • Speed Says:

        To me, it’s a “tell” when a person insists on a certain level of grammar/education. Specifically, it informs me they are:

        Fantasists
        They have unrealistic/immature notions of what a relationship or marriage—which is a lot of long stretches of dull routine, house maintenance, chores, dealing with kids (an enormous amount of energy just there), work-related stress, and occasional family crises. Only a tiny fraction of time, if any, is spent on debating national energy policy around the dinner table when you’ve got a crying baby in the next room and your wife’s mom has fallen ill.

        Shallow:
        They want to showboat their partner’s resume among friends. Fearful of social opinion, they’re scared to death of bringing an “uneducated” person into their circle. They lack the maturity or depth to look for the true qualities that make a good partner, such as strength, wisdom, discretion, resilience, honesty, patience and so on.

        Adversarial/Lacking social skills
        Most “war” can be avoided by even a modicum of diplomacy. Often, ignoring a slight offense or uninformed opinion is the best way to keep the peace and build the relationship. If you need to point out a partner’s mistake the same way a prosecutor would, the relationship won’t last.

        But beyond all that analyses, I work 12-18 hour days and travel maybe two months out of the year. I’m looking for some peace, quiet, love and comfort at home—not a fiery debate on stem cells, climate change, civil liberties or whatever. Some good woman who is lighthearted, easy and feminine is better for me. If “big news” for such a good woman is the Jodi Arias case instead of the Sequester, I’m fine with it.

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        • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

          Agree on all counts. And, yes, a person’s disdain for “poor” grammar is absolutely related to their opinion of blue collar vs. white collar people. I’ll be the first to admit that horrible grammar/spelling, and not just a random typo here and there or misuse of a word, absolutely makes me think that person is uneducated and therefore works a blue collar job. It’s a logical leap to make. The blue collar aspect doesn’t bother me. The lack of basic rules we learned in high school does.

          It’s more about what it implies about how they’ll interact with me.

          Will you and your partner be passing notes to communicate? If not, then this makes no sense.

          I guess you’re allowed to want whatever you want in your partner, Speedy, but I want my friends/family to sit at the same table when dinner’s served.

          So what you’re saying is that you don’t want to be embarrassed, yes?

          I feel about people who insist upon error free grammar and spelling the same way I feel about people who announce that they don’t have a TV. They’re pretentious.

          There’s a difference between someone who misuses/misspells a word or two or doesn’t know punctuation and someone who butchers the English Language.

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          • DumbFace Says:

            “Will you and your partner be passing notes to communicate? If not, then this makes no sense.”

            If my partner and I are discussing literature and the intricacies of stylistic components in historical contexts, then yes, it makes absolute sense. I won’t apologize for having interests that require an ability to read/write/think critically.

            Will you and your partner be passing notes to communicate? If not, then this makes no sense.

            No, what I’m saying is that I want my partner to actually be INTERESTED IN WHAT I’M INTERESTED IN, ALONG WITH MY FRIENDS!

            I feel about people who insist upon error free grammar and spelling the same way I feel about people who announce that they don’t have a TV. They’re pretentious.

            I feel the same way about people who write matter-of-fact blogs on the Internet about subjects that are purely subjective by nature.

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            • DumbFace Says:

              *

              So what you’re saying is that you don’t want to be embarrassed, yes?

              No, what I’m saying is that I want my partner to actually be INTERESTED IN WHAT I’M INTERESTED IN, ALONG WITH MY FRIENDS!

              Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 7

            • Matt Says:

              “’Will you and your partner be passing notes to communicate? If not, then this makes no sense.’

              If my partner and I are discussing literature and the intricacies of stylistic components in historical contexts, then yes, it makes absolute sense. I won’t apologize for having interests that require an ability to read/write/think critically.”

              And you’ll be doing all of this via text message?!? Impressive. Also, completely full of BS.

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        • DumbFace Says:

          They have unrealistic/immature notions of what a relationship or marriage—which is a lot of long stretches of dull routine, house maintenance, chores, dealing with kids (an enormous amount of energy just there), work-related stress, and occasional family crises.

          Sorry, but I’m not really understanding why I’d ever even dream of enduring such long stretches of boredom and unrelenting maintenance with someone who doesn’t (or didn’t at least once) excite me or connect with me on some intellectual level.

          They lack the maturity or depth to look for the true qualities that make a good partner, such as strength, wisdom, discretion, resilience, honesty, patience and so on.

          You’re saying intelligence and “good qualities” as listed are mutually exclusive? I should give up now then.

          Most “war” can be avoided by even a modicum of diplomacy. Often, ignoring a slight offense or uninformed opinion is the best way to keep the peace and build the relationship. If you need to point out a partner’s mistake the same way a prosecutor would, the relationship won’t last.

          I don’t understand where you’re finding my baseline requirement for language proficiency to be adversarial. It’s not about pointing out errors. I’m not going to actively insult you. I’ll just choose not to date you.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 9

        • India Says:

          Well you don’t a woman who talks about politics, some others may not want a man who have had grammar. Everyone have their own preferences. It is not a “tell”. Live and let live.
          From what I have been reading, you don’t sound like who likes peace and quiet. You sounds like you are pretty big into arguing. You work 12 and 14 hours a day yet have time for these long diatribes?

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 9

          • India Says:

            So many gramma mistakes in my post. Clearly I don’t put too much emphasis on grammar. I just find it interesting that someone who claims to like easygoing people enjoying arguing so much, and if you work such long hours, how do you find the energy to write these long diatribes about women during your few free moments.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 5

    • India Says:

      Whether you like it or not, most women still expect their husbands to be good providers. Marrying a barista may work for a man, but if you are a woman who want kids and family, you have to be realistic about your choices in a mate. It is very romantic to pretend that we should all be blind to these things, but 10 years down the line, when you are a mom of four kids, your concerns may have to be more realistic.
      I went to a graduate program where it was 80 percent men and 20 percent women (finance mba).Absolutely no one I know – men or women – have married a barista, bar tender, or waitress five years down the line. In rom-coms, these things happen. In real life, most people stay within their strata and make relatistic choices.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 5

      • J Says:

        Or maybe being a mom of four kids in today’s economy is slightly financial irresponsible, especially if the woman is not willing to take some share in the financial well being of their household. My sister is the primary bread winner in her household, and she realized that having two kids was enough of a financial sacrifice. We no longer live in an age where a woman should be having multiple numbers of children, and then expecting the man to carry all the financial burden. I do think men should have jobs and provide to society, but I also find it a bit sexist that anyone would have a problem with the type of job a man has. If he is working then why judge so harshly? I think women need to be able to financially afford all the things they choose to do on their own, especially since even those perfect marriages where a husband is the primary bread winner can often end in divorce.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

  16. Steve From the City Next Door Says:

    I am surprised that none of you were taught multiple English grammars. I was taught one in system in Jr. High, a slightly different one in Sr. High and then a surprisingly different one as an under graduate.

    Spelling and grammar errors do not generally bother me so long as I can still easily understand what was meant. Errors in a posted profile are more serious in my opinion since I assume it is written once and then only occasionally updated so they should have time to polish it. I am pickier about diction.

    My communications can vary quite a bit. I believe part of this is that I have worked a lot with foreigners. For awhile the word “whilst” became part of my vocabulary.

    Generally those who are particularly intelligent have poor grammar (at least in my experience) … they have more important things concerning them.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

  17. Matt Says:

    First impressions count. So, maybe wait until you get home to type out that message to someone on a dating site.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

  18. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    So, to summarize, there are people with poor grammar. There are people who hate people with poor grammar. Then, there are people who hate on people who hate on people with poor grammar. And, there are a few who hate on people who use proper grammar. Really? Can’t we all just get along?

    I admit that I am turned off by people who make glaring mistakes, especially in the profile. I can’t help it. Even when I make mistakes in my comments here, I self-flagelate (and I know some of you can relate.) But, judging someone based on grammar IS a prejudice, no more or less valid than rejecting or prefering people based on their place of birth, their income, their education, their job, their height, weight, race etc. You ALL do it, to one degree or another. Sometimes poor grammar is a proxy for lack of intelligence or effort, absolutely. Sometimes, it is nothing more than evidence of really fat fingers on a really small phone. The day you take every potential date for who they really are, without prejudice, is the day you get to judge others for failing to do the same.

    With the exception of the few people (see above) who actually mistrust people who use proper grammar, for the most part, if you use proper grammar, no one will judge you negatively for it. In online dating, the key is to turn off as few people as possible. So, obviously, everyone should make the effort to use proper grammar where possible. That’s a more sensible strategy, in my view, than trying to shame the people who care about it. The purpose is not to please me but to maximize your options.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1

    • LoriQ Says:

      Well, we all judge especially when it comes to dating. We all look around and pick out the one that looks, “Hot” and then see if he has the qualities we are looking for. Dating is somewhat like an interview. Not all of our dates will end up as marriage material. We look at our dates and judge is we want to bring them home to meet our parents. If we meet someone and they don’t know how to spell or use proper grammar we might wonder what else he doesn’t know. I myself do not want to date a dummy. I want someone that is intelligent, not a genius. I don’t think expecting someone to use proper grammar and to know how to spell is something over the top. I view it as something basic you should have learned in elementary school. If I meet someone and he thinks the first president of the US was Lincoln, I’m leaving!

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  19. J Says:

    Maybe some people should just adopt a child, have casual relationships, and stop acting like dating is an interview. Really? I mean online dating used to be considered a way for people to hook up, and it often still is. I know many want to reclaim this form of social networking as the new interview format, but it will always retain some of its seedier elements. Even if you do meet that perfect guy, you better keep in mind you met him online. Even the most professional and well-written type of people have often been known to surf the net for porn, and hookups. So if you think that grammar is all that, maybe you should take your dating offline to a book club. Seriously, just think about it.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 3

  20. KB Says:

    I must admit that my grammar isn’t amazing but poor spelling and punctuation is one of the biggest turn-offs in online dating. Some messages aren’t even remotely understandable and it’s so frustrating. Most of the men that are messaging me are the same age so I know that text speak isn’t the norm for them, they’re grown adults. Bad spelling is just lazy and proves that little thought has been put into the commucation. Similarly lack of capitals and full stops goes to show that someone has rushed to put a message together. Whether it’s in their profile or their message to me I find it frustrating. Not to mention that I’ve read one profile where he spells out that he finds bad spelling repellant but I received a rather unpleasant mesage from someone when I told them that I couldn’t understand their message because none of the words made sense!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    • LoriQ Says:

      You typed “commucation” You should have typed “communication.” lol

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 2

  21. Hannah Says:

    Poor grammar is a huge turn-off for me, BUT, I don’t count shortening words because it makes it easier as poor grammar. Poor grammar is when you don’t actually know how to spell or use a word and don’t even bother trying to learn it. I often use “u”, “ur”, “tmrw”, “lol”, “btw” etc. when texting or messaging people on Facebook, and it’s not because I don’t know how to spell, it’s simply because it’s faster. It does not display poor use of grammar.
    Things that irritate me the most:
    could of, should of etc.
    you’re vs. your, it’s vs. its
    ect instead of etc. (hate this one)
    affect vs. effect
    no vs. know
    use of numbers in words.. I’m all for some harmless text language, but using numbers really doesn’t save any time and it just looks silly
    defiantly or definately instead of definitely
    off of instead of just off
    to vs. too
    loser vs. looser

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  22. cats42301 Says:

    I am no where near being perfect when it comes to grammar, and proper sentence structure. I am the first to admit that. The part that bothers me the most is how it seems there are a majority of people who just don’t care that they are coming across as ignorant. Some people say, what difference does it make, you knew what I was talking about. Well, actually a lot people don’t know what you’re talking about. More than likely other people are not going to take the time to read something you wrote if you didn’t take the time to at least make it coherent and spell correctly. No wonder some (not all) people can’t find work when their applications and resumes are for the most part illegible. Employers draw a mental picture of you using these documents. What type of picture do you think will be drawn based on an application that is sloppy and full of spelling errors? That’s ONE reason why writing, grammar and speech should matter to an individual.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  23. LoriQ Says:

    I hate when people online constantly misspell words. I also hate when people use bad grammar online. It bothers me a lot. It makes the person look like they are unintelligent. It makes me wonder if they ever went to school. I’m not talking about the occasional typo. I’m talking about when they always type this way. It looks like they misspell words and use bad grammar because they don’t know any better. I am always asking myself, “Don’t they teach grammar in school anymore?” I see things like, “close minded.” “your” for “you are” “Blowed” for “blown.” Another one is the words “to, two and too. People don’t know which ones to use. Not knowing to put a space after a period, “Could of” instead of “could have.” I have seen people say, “Why didn’t he just shot?” Instead of “shoot.” I have seen that one numerous times. Some people don’t know when to use “it’s or its.” Like I said, don’t they teach this stuff in school anymore? It makes me cringe. I don’t mind someone using short cuts like using numbers instead of words. By the way, the author misspelled “debatable.” lol So yeah, poor grammar and misspelled words are such a turn off for me.

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