As usual a quick google has turned up contradictory advice on my question, so I would appreciate your always well-conceived thoughts on this. From the bits I have read, my natural inclinations aren’t always the best course of action.
My question: how does one balance determining if a man has genuine interest vs a man wanting to take things slowly? Some advice says not to put men on the spot about their feelings, they need to come to it organically and “process.” Okay, fair enough, but how much time is reasonable to give it? On one hand, I am not in a hurry and naturally want a relationship to be right for both parties, but on the other hand, don’t want to be dragged along and left feeling like an option (or in the “grey zone” as some site called it). How much do individual circumstances (excuses?) play in to the equation on what’s reasonable? For example .. relatively recent break-up, job stress ..
I could be setting dates with other gents as I do get asked out often (on okc). But as a parent with a full-time career, don’t have the time, and frankly don’t have the inclination as I would prefer to be developing things with Guy#1 so it feels disingenuous to these other possible dates. Be happy to share any other details you think would be vital to a response.
If, after a handful of dates, someone isn’t making an effort to see you more than once a week then they’re either too busy for a full-on relationship or not looking for anything too serious.
Since you’re crowd sourcing this predicament and scouring the internet looking for an answer, then my inclination is to tell you to just ask Guy #1 where he sees things heading. If he’s interested, he’ll stick around. If he’s not, he won’t.
If you have people showing interest and you think you and they might hit it off, go out with them. I just don’t understand this need to put your whole life on hold while you wait for someone else to decide the direction of the relationship. If you want a certain kind of commitment, you need to ask for it. That seems a lot more productive than spinning your wheels and wondering.
If someone constantly has a reason for not being able to see you on a regular basis, you have your answer. When someone wants you, they’ll do what they can to make sure nobody else gets you. It’s very simple.
I apologize for being short with this response, but the whole idea of worrying about whether or not a guy wants to commit or not and wondering where I stand with him just exhausts me. I intentionally detach myself from guys who travel a lot, work inordinate hours, or otherwise make it abundantly clear that they aren’t physically available. The minute a man shows signs of having limited amounts of time or emotional bandwidth, I simply shut off the switch in my head and look elsewhere. I might still date them and enjoy the time we do spend together. But I also acknowledge that they can only give so much and therefore should not be made any kind of priority. I expect nothing from them. Sometimes they surprise me, sometimes they don’t. Oh well.
I guess it comes down to how comfortable you are being alone or not being attached to someone.If you can get to a place where you accept the possibility that singledom might be your destiny, it’s amazing how much easier and less stressful dating becomes.
OP, you’re 45 years old. You have a child. You have a career. You have what it takes to get by and be secure. If this guy comes around, then Godspeed. Enjoy it. Love like nobody’s watching. But if he doesn’t, it’s okay. You’re fine. You still have options. Women our age have to stop buying into the idea that a happy ending looks one specific way. It doesn’t. Write your own Second Act. Maybe it has a dashing leading man. Maybe it has a few. Maybe it has none. Just remember that they’re just the supporting players. You’re the lead.