Would You Give a Second Date To a Guy Who Didn’t Pay for The First?

Author : KC
I went on a date last night with a guy I met online.  He suggested dinner and I thought it was a very gentlemanly thing to do.  The date went fairly well – conversation flowed, he was extremely complimentary, telling me I was far more stunning than my posted pictures and he was shocked at how well we seemed to click. We discussed family, jobs (both have great, well-paying jobs) and aspirations.

Near the end of the meal, he asked when he could see me next –  again telling me he was thrilled with his first impression and excited to see where this may lead.

I was flattered and also a bit excited.

BUT…when the bill came, he sort of reluctantly took it and then asked me for HALF…  I must have turned white – I was so shocked.  I of course handed him the cash and then a quick hug and bee-lined for the door.

I made the mistake of giving this bozo my phone number and now’s he’s a texting maniac – asking when we can see each other again.  I don’t want to sound superficial but I am so turned off by this tacky behavior (dinner was at his suggestion and I am a very generous person and would happily pick up future tabs).  How do I tell him to take a hike and hopefully teach him a little something about how you treat a lady?

Advice would be most welcomed – Thanks!!!

 

He reluctantly took the bill because, possibly like you, he was having a really great time and he was looking to see if you would offer to contribute to the bill. See, that who pays test works both ways. Unlike you, he’s willing to brush it off and give it another go.

Here’s what your real question is: How do I swallow my pride and accept a date with this guy again without looking desperate or losing my power? If you truly had no interest in seeing him again, his texts wouldn’t bother you. You’d simply reply back and tell him something suddenly came up and you won’t be seeing each other again. People who complain about all the pestering texts they get from folks aren’t really griping. They’re bragging. You, love, are bragging.  So accept the date and move past this, because you know that’s what you want to do. How much more does he need to do to woo you? He agreed to dinner on a first date, something no guy does. The conversation went well. He showered you with compliments. You got the majority of The Girlfriend Experience. Which, frankly, I see as a red flag. Not sure how genuine this guy is. For that reason alone I’d want another date.Experienced guys know that dinner on a first date is a no no. So he’s either inexperienced or disingenuous. Only time will tell.

Was it as simple as he “reluctantly” took the bill or did he sit there and watch you steadfastly refuse to even pretend to want to pay your share. If I were confronted with that sense of expectation and entitlement, I would probably do exactly what he did.Who the hell is anybody to expect me to spend my money, money I work hard for, on them just because they agreed to meet me for a meal?

First dates aren’t all about the man working to impress the woman. It’s about both people trying to make a good first impression. You don’t seem at all concerned that maybe you failed the test. Because you did. While many women will turn to friends or the internet to complain/brag about their date with the cheap Unicorn, most men will just chalk it up to poor communication. They might even make a judgment call that the woman is possible spoiled or entitled. They don’t crowd source the experience. They decide to either file that away and give it another go or to blow her off and move on to the next.

Maybe by asking you to help pay, he was trying to teach you a lesson about how to treat a guy.

 

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121 Responses to “Would You Give a Second Date To a Guy Who Didn’t Pay for The First?”

  1. LaMotta Says:

    Because he agreed to dinner on the first date, asking her to pay have may have been his way of keeping things from getting too “out of hand”.

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    • GI_JANE Says:

      A man should pay for the first date no questions asked.

      You say he has a good job but is asking you to split the first bill? No, you American women cheapen yourself to the point where the majority of people are in aggreence with his cheap ways.

      He could of EASILY picked Starbucks or a neighborhood bar, happy hour, lunch, etc to save on cash if he was really strapped since dinner is a more expensive meal.

      If I am paying for my share of things it is because we are FRIENDS. Don’t try to get me to pay for food because we are “equal” then try to kiss up on me and sleep with me.

      I dumped a guy one time because on our second date he took long with the bill and when I offered to pay he said “yes”. By the way, my total was 6 DOLLARS and he ate about 30 dollars worth. That was the last time I spoke to him.

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      • Scott Says:

        The woman should have offered to pay her share as soon as the Check came. Her sense of entitlement is disgusting and the way of most women today, which is why there are lots of single women. Lots of women will not even offer to pay the tip and let the guy pay the whole bill, knowing that she isn’t interested in seeing him again but wants that free meal.

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      • Scott Says:

        You will remain single with your attitude. Maybe your Daddy pays when you go out to eat , but you are a big girl now and should chip in every now and then, if you want men to call you for a second date. Unless you are a Victorias Secret model , don’t expect a guy paying every time just to be in your company !

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        • J Says:

          So according to you, the only women worth paying for are gorgeous model types? What if they’re a horrible date? Wow, well I think that says a lot about your attitude toward women. For myself, it’s not about “just wanting a free meal”. It’s about seeing how generous he is with his resources. I’m a cheap date anyway so the way I see it, if all a guy can afford is to buy me a coffee then that’s fine with me. Even though I make very little money, I can pay my own way but it’s not about that. I want a man who WANTS to take care of me, because it shows me he has the instinct to provide and is generally a generous, chivalrous person. It’s also about showing me how much he appreciates my company, since I strive to be as pleasant and fun as possible. Plus, it takes a lot of effort for a woman to look good enough so that a man will even consider asking her for a date. Do you think we just roll out of bed looking good? Just the other day I went on a coffee date and it took me two full hours to get ready, not to mention that the outfit I was wearing consisted of two new pieces which cost me $80. The date turned into a dinner date and of course, the guy didn’t pay for me. All that time, effort and money I spent and the guy couldn’t even be bothered to pay for a lousy $12 dinner. Granted, dating is expensive for both sexes but I think in terms of dollars and cents, women have it way worse. We not only have to keep ourselves trim enough to be considered attractive to men, we also have to spend all kinds of time and money getting ourselves primped. For the typical woman, hair highlights alone cost about $100. Then there’s mani-pedi’s, facials, body waxing, teeth bleaching, etc. New clothes, new shoes, makeup, perfume, lotions, scrubs, face creams, at-home pore masks, shaving, tweezing, hair curling/flat-ironing, it all adds up to a lot of time and money spent trying to get dates! What does a guy do? Spray some cologne, throw on a clean shirt, muss his hair with some gel and he’s done.

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      • beck Says:

        sounds like a dodged a bullet

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    • Source Says:

      A date is nothing more than audition to see if you click, learn about each other, and to get a “feel” for what the other person would be like in a potential future relationship. There is nothing wrong with splitting the bill for ALL activities on the first date (and then alternating who covers each following date), as a way of way of being fair and showing that you can carry your own weight (in all situations…not just financial) and aren’t one of those women who just looks for a handout all the time. Plus a man wants an “equal” partner in all things and not some leech looking to take advantage of him. Your outdated thinking, listening to friends/family who are in no better situation than yourself, and your sense of entitlement (which is really just due to your low self-esteem and need for someone to make you feel valued) is the REASON why you’re single in the first place (and why if you have a man, he’s probably talking to someone else behind your back – no really, he is…lol).

      If a guy says he wants to foot the bill all the time, or tries to work hard to impress you on a first date, he’s just using those actions as “bait” (like how a fisherman lures in fish) to get you…he’s not really interested in doing that long term. And once he sees that you’re entitled or crazy, you’ll be dumped and he’ll be on to the next one. I guess that’s what all the bitter women on here have been dealing with. Here’s an idea for you. How about you do the opposite of everything you’ve been taught, so that you stand out in the man’s eyes and he sees you as something different/special than just some other chick. Then he would actually want to get to know you better and actually feel like you could be worth the entitlement you seek in the first place. Wouldn’t that be something? HAHA!!

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      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        Plus a man wants an “equal” partner in all things
        Some men don’t want an equal partner. Also, many men understand that equality doesn’t necessarily mean you contribute to a relationship in the same ways. I don’t want to date myself; I’m looking for someone who complements me, not competes with me.

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  2. Novelty718 Says:

    I am so sick and tired of this a man must pay for the first date BS…Sh*t is expensive, dating can be costly. I have no issue with a guy asking me to pay half. I pay half when I eat with family and friends…Why wouldn’t I do it with a guy I am trying to get to know?

    I don’t see a man asking for me to pay half as tacky…in fact the men who I have gone dutch with were a hell of a lot nicer and less assuming than the men who paid for the meal.

    One guy actually said “So can I see you Saturday?” (we went out on a Thursday.) I was busy and told him so. His arrogant self said “I just bought you dinner, paid for $$$$ I should be pushed to the top of the list”
    He wasn’t joking. He was dead serious.

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  3. Jacob Says:

    Great advice! I do believe a man should pay for the first date, but a woman should definitely offer to contribute. There’s always that fine line between being an assertive and being a push over when interacting with someone new.

    I am very curious as to why a dinner date is seen as a no-no for the first meeting?

    Jacob

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    • Novelty718 Says:

      Because if the chemistry isn’t flowing you are stuck with awkward silences over a meal. It is best to meet for coffee first and if the chemistry is there suggest getting a bite to eat.

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      • Jacob Says:

        Isn’t the potential for akward silences still there regardless if it’s a mocha or a sandwich?

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        • Raving Lunatic Says:

          I’m with you, Jacob. This is a rather bizarre one to me as well. I’ve never had a problem with this. Then again, dating in NY appears to have all sorts of ridiculous dating rules for no other reason than to have something to complain about.

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          • Novelty718 Says:

            This isn’t a rule, it’s a preference.

            And why it is so hard to believe that people may not want to verbally commit themselves to sharing a meal (1 to 2 hours) with someone they are meeting for the first time

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            • L Says:

              I feel that this is more related to fear than being a preference. If your boss told you that as part of your job, you have to meet for 1 hour with a total stranger (but that you have some basic things in common with), would you tell him/her “I have a preference” not to make that commitment … and say
              “I’ll sit down with him for 15 mins over coffee and see if I like him enough to spend an hour with him”. Why? Because you HAVE to do it.

              Look, every first date I go on … I have some trepidation about. It’s a complete stranger and I will feel somewhat awkward and I don’t know how the chemistry will work. But I think if we all grow up a little bit, we can show up and treat this as another human being and just try to get to know them just like you would in a business meeting and if you have to sit through an hour with them, just make up your mind to do it. You’re never gonna find someone unless you take risks and try to get to know people.

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              • Greg Figueroa Says:

                Weak example. A work related requirement is different than a by choice date for pleasure.

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              • Novelty718 Says:

                That example is beyond silly. My risk is meeting him for coffee and then deciding if I want to see him again. Then every time I see him after that it is another risk. Whatever time I want to spend on that risk is my preference.

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          • James Says:

            Would you have dinner or coffee with a male friend you newly get to know from a social gathering? Treat a girl as you would treat a male friend. No double standards.

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        • Novelty718 Says:

          Would you rather make a quick exit through a crowded coffee bar or a dimly lit restaurant?
          Would you rather we walking around with said mocha or seated at a table?

          First meetings should be low-key and casual…and I’m saying this for people who meet online. You meet someone in RL it is different.

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        • WO7 Says:

          Yes, but it lasts 15 minutes instead of an hour. A smaller waste of time and/or money.

          Not that I think coffee is a good idea. I think you need some kind of romance conducive atmosphere for a first date, and coffee isn’t it.

          Also, dinner is very formal. Everyone’s watching their manners. This kind of date is much better once you already know someone.

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        • LaMotta Says:

          Coffee is quicker. You aren’t sitting there waiting for the check, so if you need to make a quick exit, nothing is stopping you. Also, just being during the day carries a much more “casual” connotation than evening (which is automatically “romantic”, or at least, trying to be…)

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        • Andrew Says:

          Stick to drinks on the first date. It loosens things up. Offering to
          buy a meal for a complete stranger looks desparate, and the ones
          who suggest coffee dates have turned out to be real bores.

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    • D. Says:

      I don’t view it as a “should” thing. It’s nice if you do. It’s polite and whatnot, but it’s not an obligation or an entitlement. That’s where the disconnect is with this behavior. A guy isn’t REQUIRED to pay for a date, even if he invites the woman out to dinner.

      As for why it’s a no-no, I think it depends on what happens before the date. If you literally traded, say, 2 emails, maybe a few quick text messages, and set the date up, then it’s anyone’s guess as to whether you’ll actually get along in person. Most people, I gather, tend to approach dating — particularly online dating — this way. There’s not a ton of communication on the front end. In that context, asking a woman out to dinner is indeed risky. Her accepting the request is risky. Because, as has been said, what if you’re stuck with someone who’s a total dud? Now you’re there for the evening and out at least $40 if you go dutch, or more if you don’t.

      On the other hand,If you’re more picky in your criteria before asking someone out, if you actually have, say, a 20 min conversation on the phone ahead of time, or if you meet them in person and spend some time with them before asking them out, then the question of whether the date will be a giant waste of time is less of an issue, and I see no problem with dinner.

      I don’t see it as necessarily disingenuous to ask someone out to dinner if (A) you already know them or know you can at least carry on a decent conversation with ‘em, and/or (B) you happen to actually like going out to dinner and sharing that experience with someone. If you’re putting on a show for them, yeah, that’s disingenuous. But it’s not like “Dinner for first date? Dude’s full of shit” automatically.

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    • B Says:

      because most people know within a couple seconds whether or not they are attracted to their “date.” Would you really want to sit through an entire dinner? Also, if you think the date went really well and you paid for her because of this impression, that doesn’t mean she’ll call you back. Do that several times and you will go back to coffee dates. Unless money is not an issue for you.

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  4. Laura Says:

    UGH. Ugh ugh UGH. I generally try to pay half (actually, I usually try to pick up the entire tab but most polite guys refuse), but for a guy to ASK me to pay half is beyond tacky. Like you, I would have paid my half and never spoken to him again.

    And while it’s very equal opportunity to say that it’s not about the man trying to impress the woman, let’s be honest: that’s exactly what a first date is. MOST men are far less picky than women (yes, generalizing) and in real life, it’s up to the guy to impress the girl, not vice versa.

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    • Dean Says:

      UGH. Ugh ugh UGH. I generally try to pay half (actually, I usually try to pick up the entire tab but most polite guys refuse

      Is the guy considered impolite if he accepted your offer to pay half?

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      • Laura Says:

        I don’t offer to pay half. I simply put my credit card down. I don’t mind if a guy takes me up on it, and in fact, I’d prefer to not be obligated. But I’d be PISSED if he expected me to pay and ASKED me to before I could offer.

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        • WO7 Says:

          You’d be “pissed” if he “expected” you to pay YOUR half of the bill?

          Interesting…

          So why shouldn’t he be pissed that you expect him to pay his half of the bill?

          Because that’s just how it is, right? Because you want equal pay, voting rights, etc…but you still want cool free shit, right?

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          • Laura Says:

            Unfortunately, yes – that’s how it is. The guy pays for a first date. Honestly, I don’t necessarily agree with it, but given that it’s social convention (at least in NYC), it shows me that a guy is cheap if he doesn’t do what is the societal norm.

            Is it wrong to not shake hands with someone when you meet them for the first time at a meeting? No, but given that it’s the societal norm for business meetings in the US, people would think it was weird if I refused. (Yes, I realize that’s a cultural thing, which is exactly why I picked it.)

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            • Speedy Says:

              The American notion of ‘cheap’ is an interesting one and doesn’t travel, it just sounds incredibly crass and grasping to everyone else.

              And if you think the purpose of a first date is for men to ‘impress’ women (because of course you couldn’t afford to feed yourself could you) I’m not sure where you’ve been for the past 50 years.

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            • mindstar Says:

              Laura I’m curious as to how many times a man has taken you up on your offer to pay and how many of those men you have actually gone on a second date with.

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            • WO7 Says:

              That’s your answer? “Unfortunately” that’s how it is?

              You sound REALLY beat up about the fact that society has determined you are entitled to get a bunch of free shit from men you don’t know.

              It was also once a societal norm to own slaves, marry a 12 year old, hit your kids, etc, etc, etc. If the best you got is “society says it’s okay”, then you’re not standing on much.

              Maybe what it should show you, is that the guy is progressive (or just smart), not cheap. It’s going to take a lot more than a first date to determine if someone is “cheap” or not.

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          • shalisha42 Says:

            You are a real cheapo. What a loser!

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        • LostSailor Says:

          I simply put my credit card down. I don’t mind if a guy takes me up on it,…But I’d be PISSED if he expected me to pay and ASKED me to before I could offer.

          So, putting your credit card down is just a ploy, a head-fake to soothe your entitled ego. It’s not real. That you would be PISSED if he asked confirms your sense of entitlement. If that weren’t so, you might be disappointed that he asked you to pay and you might lower your estimation of him, but you wouldn’t be actually angry.

          See, it’s not the right or wrong of whether a guy should pay (most of us agree he should on early dates), it’s the burning anger you and the OP (and some others here)feel because you are asked to pay your “share.” You’re angry because you feel you “deserve” the free meal or whatever for the grace of him being in your presence for an hour or so.

          As for the credit card fake-out, most guys with a modicum of a clue can tell the difference. The only person you’re faking is yourself.

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          • Laura Says:

            It’s not the fake out – and in fact, I usually go back and forth SEVERAL times (‘no, I’ll get it” “no really, let me” “No it’s fine” “Come on, we’ll split it!”) because I hate when women do the wallet reach disingenuously. But there’s a difference between me doing it voluntarily and some guy asking me to pay.

            To use another analogy: I work in Texas during the week, where it’s expected that men will get the door for women. If I get to the door at the same time as a guy and I reach for it, I genuinely don’t mind holding it for him, and don’t think twice about it. (Hey, I hold the door for everyone in NYC without a second thought! Different cultural expectations.) But if we got to the door at the same time and he stood there waiting for ME to open it for HIM, I’d consider that obnoxiously rude and would absolutely judge him for it.

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            • LostSailor Says:

              The opening doors analogy is a bit specious.

              But please explain to me exactly what that difference is between it being okay for you to offer to pay and being righteously angry if he asks for your share on a first date. Why is that not an egregious double standard of entitlement? Should you be absolutely judged if you just sit there smiling and mute when the bill arrives?

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              • yb Says:

                Because it is defensive (I will not be taken advantage of) and petty behavior. His desire to go 50/50 right from date one shows he is already keeping score. He is showing he is not generous. Why not show generosity and pay for the first date? Why not give the lady an opportunity to show generosity in the future if things went so well? This would hold true for a woman as well. If a woman asked for a man for his half the bill it would be just as tacky.

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                • mindstar Says:

                  I assume because this guy has been burned on previous times when he gave other ladies an opportunity to show generosity in the future and they did not. If a man thinks that women see him as a ATM with legs then he will be reluctant to be generous on a first date. The same way women who have been burned by players in the past will be guarded and cautious with men on first dates because of that.

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    • WO7 Says:

      Okay. We know your opinion. Now rationalize it.

      Why does the man have to impress you? Are you superior to them?

      Are you something to be bought? Are you shallow? If not, then how come a man who pays for your dinner is better than a man who doesn’t?

      And for the record, most men aren’t less picky than women. They’re just picky at different times. A woman is more picky at the door, a man is more picky at the alter.

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      • Laura Says:

        You hit the nail on the head with picky at different times. He has to impress me because I could find a dozen men willing to take me on a date. When we’re in a relationship, I have to impress him because he could find a dozen women willing to marry him.

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        • James Says:

          When you win at the door, you already lost before getting to the altar.

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        • Speedy Says:

          Which is a nice 1950s idea again.

          Unfortunately in our new age of equality, you’ll be lucky to get any kind of relationship in the first place with that attitude. Take a look around.

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        • L Says:

          If you are both meant to be together, you are both in love with each other, and the relationship is working, you shouldn’t have to “impress him because he could find a dozen women willing to marry him”.

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        • Greg Figueroa Says:

          So in the relationship, while impressing him, he doesn’t have to impress you as well to keep you?

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          • Laura Says:

            Oh, absolutely he does. But the generalization remains that guys are quick to date, slow to marry, and women are the reverse.

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            • Speedy Says:

              It isn’t really true though is it.
              This is one of the lies women agree is true to share each other’s feelings.
              Men are very quick to marry the right woman. Men remain very keen on marriage as an institution, but they are utterly terrified of marrying the wrong woman and these days there isn’t much to make them either.

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        • WO7 Says:

          The problem, is that women don’t know what should and shouldn’t impress them.

          They’re impressed by a bunch of things that make the man look good on paper (or things other people told them they should be impressed with), but have nothing to do with whether he’s actually a good candidate for the long haul.

          On a first date, the only thing you should really be looking for is if you “click” or not. There is plenty of time to weed out the rest later.

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  5. Mickey Says:

    He asked her to dinner, the asker pays. If she’d suggested dinner, she should have paid. This is why first dates should be casual, and relatively inexpensive. I have no problems paying on a first date and in fact, always offer to pay, going beyond the fake attempt. If I have no interest in seeing the guys again, I insist on paying, I guess to silence the ‘she used me for dinner’ thoughts. If there is interest, I pick up the next bill, and we can volley as we continue to see each other. Offline, if a man ask me to dinner, I expect him to pay, but again, am prepared to pay. Online, I suggest something casual and quick, to determine if id want to sit through a dinner with him.

    But really ladies, this isn’t new. Guys shelling out their dough on all and every date is no longer the norm, and it isn’t fair. When you go out, be prepared to at least cover your expenses, and if a guys picks up the bill, thank him.

    If you were interested in this guy before the check came, then that’s all that matters. At this point, no one’s bringing anything extra to the table to demand being ‘treated’.

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    • Rosie Says:

      I don’t mind paying. In fact I’ve paid for 1st, 2nd and other dates IF I ask. The asker pays. That being said I wouldn’t be offended that he asked me to pay my 1/2- I ate the dinner and enjoyed the company. Nothing wrong with paying your share.

      But manners dictate that the asker (regardless of gender) pays. And I would probably go on a 2nd date regardless.

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      • Dean Says:

        In almost every time with me and I am sure with many guys too, it was both people discussing what to do and dinner was agreed upon. Many times dinner is just a suggestion as part of a conversation as to the logistics of the date. And women seem to spin that into “he asked me to dinner”. Meanwhile, they were equally part of that conversation and decision making process.

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      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        But manners dictate that the asker (regardless of gender) pays.
        This is a cover women use to pretend they’re interested in equality, but they know (and men certainly know) that men do the asking the vast majority of the time, so in practice this translates to the age-old sexist “the man should always pay.”

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    • M Says:

      The asker does not pay because women never ask. By your logic, guys would always pay.

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  6. Chris Says:

    Why – in the 21st century – do some women still want to be treated like we’re stuck in the 19th century?

    I simply don’t understand why the OP – boasting that BOTH have great, well-paying jobs – is offended when asked to pick up 1/2 of the tab?

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    • mindstar Says:

      Because your salary from your well paying job goes further when your food and entertainment expenses are being subsidized by men. I’ve said it before too many women want equality until the check comes.

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  7. L Says:

    So here’s the thing. Yes, most men I know consider it completely inappropriate to go dutch on not only date #1, but on at least the first few dates – the man should pay. But not everyone shares that same point of view, and in addition, since he is a complete stranger … you don’t know the individual financial circumstances involved (is he paying through the nose for child support/alimony? is he in serious debt? Did he just lose a job or is he just back into the job market after being unemployed for some period of time?).

    The bottom line question is this: Forget about the fact that he asked to go dutch for a minute. Do you like him? Are you prepared to let someone go … simply based on the fact that he didn’t pick up the entire tab … who could be Mr. Right? Was everything else good? If this was the only thing you see that is wrong, why not give it another date or two to see if this is a pattern? You can’t tell whether someone is cheap or what the story is from one date. You can … put this “incident” into your head as a “yellow flag” and proceed with caution, though (unless you just can’t get past the fact that he didn’t pick up the entire tab … in which case, of course, you’ll need to move on). And if he continues to show signs that this is indicative of a more serious problem (e.g. he is cheap, or shows other examples of poor etiquette), you can always make these yellow flags into red flags and end it after 2 or 3 dates instead of 1.

    You know, eventually … in most relationships … both members of the couple end up sharing in the expenses of dating anyway. So think about what you are doing by making a quick judgement. You’re writing him off cause he didn’t pay, even though at some point you’re both going to share in dating expenses anyway. Again, if there are already other things that bother you about him, it probably isn’t worth it.

    Good luck.

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  8. coffeestop Says:

    This is some entitled whining. Why is dinnerman such a horrible person for asking her to pay for half? Why did they meet for the very first time for dinner instead of something less involved? Why does the LW think she needs to teach him a lesson? I am a woman just to clarify and I do not see why this man had to pay for the privilege of her company which is pretty much what she is implying. This is why it is good to meet for coffee or whatever and maybe bring a few things up like oh man I hardly know I will expect you to pay for dinner. I am pretty undatable right now I work nights, I go to school, and I am old but my paying for half of dinner is not a deal breaker for me. There are much worse things that can happen to a “Lady” on a date.

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    • Claire Says:

      If a man goes against status quo (man pays for dinner) then he should mention it prior to the date. If she’s down with equality she will appreciate you bringing it up prior to the date rather than springing it on her at the end. I’m talking about Respect boys. Mentioning it at the end sets off alarm bells for some women and makes us question your character. If she’s not down with splitting the bill, she will most likely cancel and refuse future dates but at least you know not to date her because her expectations are beyond you. The issue here is not who pays, the issue is poor communication and that leads to anger. So, do yourself a favor, have the discussion prior to the date and don’t rely on opinions of societal norms to communicate it for you.

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  9. Craig Says:

    So let me get this straight: the OP enjoyed the date and was all excited to see this guy again – until he didn’t pay for her on the date. Now she never wants to see him again. So all the other great things she observed about him were instantly negated just because he wouldn’t pay the whole tab? The question shouldn’t be whether she should give him a second date, but rather should he give her one. A sense of entitlement is so not hot.

    To all the guys out there, allow me to share some wisdom from my single days: Every woman I dated who made a sincere offer to help pay on the first date ended up a keeper (I don’t mean the token B.S. fake reach for the wallet either – we can tell the difference ladies). The ones who didn’t sincerely offer when the check came always ended up being trouble down the road. If they feel entitled to a man financing their evening out just because they have graced him with their presence, it’s a character flaw and a precursor of things to come. Runb and don’t look back.

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    • Mike Says:

      That guy is lucky if he never sees her again. In 2013 thats just not how things work.

      I’m floored at some of the comments written here by women expecting men to just pay no questions asked – did you just step out of a time machine? You are then also I presume completely ok with the woman doing all the washing, cooking and those other wonderful stereo types?

      Your view is completely warped and maybe thats why youre single … Dont expect that to change until you do.

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  10. shalisha42 Says:

    He’s a loser. A woman should never ever pay on a date – especially not the first few months.

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    • Greg Figueroa Says:

      What happens after the first few months that now she’s going to contribute to the relationship?

      Of course, if the guy expects sex from you early on then he’s a jerk, right? Some guys pay to be nice, some guys pay to stay in the game for sex, second date, or etc.

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  11. Classy Says:

    OP do NOT go out with this guy again! It doesn’t bode well for the future if he asked you for half. That *connection* is more about what you want than who this guy really is.

    Good luck!

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    • Rosie Says:

      Are you serious? What “connection”? Is that why you put it in quotes since it’s not real?

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  12. LostSailor Says:

    Oh, hell. Not this again.

    Yes, the guy should pay for a first date. Which is why first dates should be something simple, not an expensive dinner. In spite of all the feminism saturating our culture, this classic standard is still the norm. Funny thing is, I can’t recall the last first date I had where the woman didn’t offer to pay or split the tab (always politely turned down).

    As a lot of comments have noted, the interesting part is the entitlement double standard that’s going on. Women apparently “happy” to pay all or part of the bill on a date (Yay empowerment!) yet are absolutely horrified, indignant, and nearly disgusted if they are asked to pay half. So it’s okay if it’s on their terms, but not really, cuz they still want the dudes to pay. The offers to pay are mostly disingenuous, no matter what you say ladies. You still feel entitled to be treated by a man and are quietly outraged when he “treats” you as if you were an equal. I guess modern, liberated women really don’t mind at least some parts of the oppressive Patriarchy. At least not when it benefits them.

    As for the OP, I agree with Moxie. It’s possible that you failed a test as well, though he still seems to fancy you. He “reluctantly” took the check, probably to see if you would offer to pay half. You didn’t, which says something about you. Your shock when he asked also says something about you. You felt entitled to your free meal. Now, not having been on the date, I can’t say whether his asking for half was in response to that entitlement–which for most guys will lower their estimation of you–or a clueless move. But you’re letting your sense of entitlement, and your outrage at not having it met, get in the way. Here’s a guy with whom you clicked, shared chemistry, and whom you were excited to see again who in the instant he did not feed your ego and entitlement became a “bozo,” a “maniac,” who is “tacky,” and whom you now want to kick to the curb while vindictively teaching him a lesson.

    You many not want to sound superficial, but you are if you blow him off over this. And if you do, don’t think to school him on how to treat a lady, because you’re no lady…

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    • L Says:

      … and stop whining about how it’s so hard to meet a nice guy … if you blow them off before you have a chance to find out what they are all about, it’s your fault.

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  13. Adrienne Says:

    I think both men and women have to be very flexible when it comes to dating – there are no hard or fast rules anymore. I’ve been on a bunch of first dates in the past 6 months, and they’ve varied from dinner, drinks, coffee, etc. I usually let the man take the lead and whatever he suggests, I’m open to.

    For dinner dates, I’ve had both experiences of the man picking up the tab, even though I offered half, and going dutch, which I’ve gladly done. I don’t necessarily think that dinner for a first date is a bad idea, but I agree with Moxie that if she really liked this guy, his incessant texting wouldn’t really bother her so much.

    And, I’m curious as to how he ASKED her for the money – did he say, “The bill is $40 and therefore your half is $20?”

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    • Greg Figueroa Says:

      There is no right way to ask to go to dutch if the woman is dead-set against it.

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  14. Curious Guy Says:

    One male perspective:

    If I go on a few dates with a girl and she expects me to pay for everything every time then I stop taking her out. I will either just invite her to my place to hang out or just forget about her.

    If I go out with a woman who genuinely likes to pay her share I will still pay most of the time but I will have a better impression of her. These are the types of woman I have had relationships with in the past.

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    • Greg Figueroa Says:

      Imagine that! Some girls feel entitled to have their share paid and it’s not like most guys are expected to have their share covered.

      Would you say something to a girl who kept ordering drinks or the most expensive thing on the menu?

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      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        Would you say something to a girl who kept ordering drinks or the most expensive thing on the menu?
        Few, if any, guys would call a woman out for that. We just stop asking her out.

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    • Laura Says:

      For all the negative responses above, I’d like to clarify that THIS is exactly the attitude I’m looking for in a guy. I am more than happy to pay my share and usually do my best to do so. But if a guy EXPECTS me to (and I’m talking about the first date – if a guy has paid for the first date, I have never, ever, EVER let him pay for the second one; that’s on me), that’s incredibly classless and tacky. Curious Guy has it exactly right.

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      • Speedy Says:

        But WHY?

        All you’ve done so far is say its a ‘societal norm’ as if thats an answer to anything.

        Is that why you do things, because people you don’t know and will never find out apparently expect it?

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        • Laura Says:

          MANY things are life are done purely because of societal norms – like the handshake analogy I referenced above. Do you refuse to shake hands with people so you can stick it to society and its rules?

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        • DrivingMeNutes Says:

          I actually think Laura has it right here. All of her commentary rings true. Despite all the supposedly rational arguments pro or against the man paying, the ONLY reason the man pays is because it’s a social norm. And the social norm is based on the economics that Laura describes – dates are relatively scarce for men, relationships are relatively scarce for women. I see no reason to get upset about that practical reality.

          I don’t know whether this is true of all western cultures – it may be different in the UK, though I’ve dated English women in NYC and, in at least one case, she literally asked to be taken to a sushi dinner. But, it could be an American thing. Splitting the check is called “going Dutch” because it’s culturally, a foreign concept to us. If splitting the check were the norm, it would be called “going American.”

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          • Speedy Says:

            It isn’t that the norm is the same or different, its that we are less uptight. Caring about pretend rules is a far bigger mistake than anything else, it just seems a bit messed up and WTF. Why would you want to come across as such a huge drag? I don’t know many women whose friends would indulge them in that kind of complaint, Have a few drinks, talk, have a laugh, thats the model.

            More alcohol, less religion, different politics, who knows why.

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            • Laura Says:

              To counter, why would you want to come across as a social recluse who isn’t astute enough to understand what’s expected?

              You have an entire relationship to talk about your religion, politics, and hatred of society in great detail. But on the first date, it’s better to put your best foot forward and go with the flow so that there aren’t misunderstandings.

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  15. Yvonne Says:

    If this man suggested dinner, then I agree, he should have picked up the tab. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do, and if he didn’t want to pay much, he should have suggested drinks or coffee. Whenever I’ve gone out with a guy who wanted to go dutch on the first date, he either wasn’t into me or he was cheap. I always offer, but almost never does the man accept on the first couple of dates. Would I never see the man again if I liked him? No, but I’d be wondering if he was cheap. Now it might be different if I had a high income, like the OP, but I don’t. Also, lots of dating advice out there tells women not to pay at all on the early dates.

    Actually, something similar happened to me once. The man asked me to pay for my drinks and for half of our food. This guy was very interested and wanted to see me again. I liked him, so I agreed. And guess what? He told me on the second date that he WAS cheap, and didn’t like to spend money. Not attractive and not something you brag about on a date.

    Hey, I don’t need a man to open a door for me either, but I consider it a thoughtful gesture when he does.

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  16. Robyn Says:

    When it comes to “Who pays for the first date”, I would say that the majority of the population (guys and girls) still expect that the asker (which is the guy 99% of the time) will be paying 100% of the bill.
    It’s not “right” or “wrong” – it just is what it is, the prevailing cultural norm at this time.

    So a guy makes a better impression on most women by picking up 100% of a $50 bill than by picking up 50% of a $100 bill.

    Therefore a prudent guy would NOT invite a girl out on an unaffordable expensive first date with the expectation that she is going to pick up half the bill.

    That’s why drinks & an appetizer is a better option than a full-blown dinner for a first date.
    It’s more intimate & relaxed than squeezing in a “coffee only” date during the working day, and if you go to a nice neighborhood pub or wine-bar (as opposed to a ritzy cocktail lounge in a 5 star hotel), it shouldn’t break the bank for the guy to pick up 100% of the bill.

    Now when it comes to dates 2, 3, 4 and beyond…. there should be some form of sharing of expenses because it isn’t fair to expect one party to always cover the expenses of both people in the relationship. Sharing doesn’t necessarily mean 50-50 – if one party earns significantly less than the other, a 50-50 split would be unfair.

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    • Laura Says:

      This is exactly my belief as well. Very well said, Robyn.

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    • Crotch Rocket Says:

      the majority of the population … still expect that the asker (which is the guy 99% of the time) will be paying 100% of the bill.
      True, but only because the guy knows that he is competing against hundreds to thousands of other men who are willing to pay, so he has to do the same or risk a reaction like that of the OP. It’s not because we want to do so or think it’s right that we have to do so. And when a woman goes against the norm by (genuinely) offering to split the check or pick up the next date, that automatically elevates her above the other women she is competing with. So, it actually benefits both sides for women to reject this norm.

      a prudent guy would NOT invite a girl out on an unaffordable expensive first date
      I don’t think that’s what anyone is talking about here. I don’t care if it’s $5 sandwiches from a lunch cart. It’s not about the money; it’s about the sense of entitlement that some women (like the OP) have.

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      • Laura Says:

        I completely agree that it benefits both sides for women to reject this norm. But in the case of the OP’s situation, the woman didn’t reject the norm; the man forced her to reject it. Whether it’s for financial reasons, morality, whatever – we don’t know. All she knows is that he put her in an incredibly socially awkward situation, and I don’t blame her for not waning to see the guy again.

        IMO, anything that goes requires explanation because it goes against societal norms is best saved for a later date. The FIRST thing a woman tries to discern on a first date (assuming she doesn’t know the guy) is whether or not he’s crazy. Bucking norms really doesn’t help him pass that test.

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        • Speedy Says:

          “Societal norms” “bucking norms”. What rot.

          We’re talking about paying for dinner for someone you’ve never met before (an internet meet-up as opposed to a real first date), not running around without trousers on.

          What this really comes down to, and why you are so blindly clinging to conformity to an outdated rule only for its own sake is this: you are ashamed to be internet dating. Demanding someone buys you dinner is the same routine as the ‘dignity date’ if you’re basically just shagging. Its pretending to make yourself feel better that this is what you’ve been reduced to, flagging down strangers on the internet. The man running up to you in the street with a bunch of flowers hasn’t happened. Time to accept it.

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  17. Microwave King Says:

    Oh, so many dinner whores in here?
    Wake up. We’re in the 20th century, women make more money than men. They should pay at least their half, especially in cities like NYC where competition for guys is high. I’ve been to quite a few dates that women treated me like dinner tickets and on the flippoint I’ve considered some as escorts as I was paying top $$$ for the night out so let’s get over that bs…

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    • Yvonne Says:

      Since when do “women make more money than men”? Have you heard of the Paycheck Fairness Act?

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      • LostSailor Says:

        Just because a politician proposes legislation doesn’t mean there is actually a problem for it to solve.

        If you look into the details of the data supposedly supporting the so-called “pay gap” you find interesting things, such as among college educated people living in urban areas in their 20s, women out earn men by something like 8%. Further, if you compare men and women in the same jobs who work the same hours, pay is relatively even, and where there is a disparity, it’s a very small one.

        The famous “women make $0.79 for every dollar a man makes” is a broad average of all workers in the country, not comparing specific jobs. And it is easily explained by the fact that men tend to take on more difficult and/or dangerous jobs that necessarily pay more. Women in the workforce make different choices than men and when the outcomes, in broad strokes, are different the only answer isn’t women’s choices, it’s sexism. I’ll believe that when women are clamoring to have equal access to jobs in coal mines and the North Slope oil fields.

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        • mindstar Says:

          To add to what L.S. said you also have to factor in that many women take time off to raise children and that this has an impact on her career track and future earnings. There was an article a few days ago about Sweden and how generous parental leave policies and part-time options actually appear to weaken a Swedish woman’s career prospects since many never return to full time employment because they are content with part time work. If a man works 60 hoursa week and a woman in the same job only works 30 hours why shouldn’t the man earn more?.

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    • ISOf16 Says:

      Love that term of yours “dinner whores” How true that is…. But we are in the 21 st Century :-) And most of the women I know make more (or have more) money than me… or have a bigger and better house than me, because of their divorce settlement.

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  18. hammersandnails Says:

    I just can’t believe there are guys willing to waste this much energy swimming upstream over the price of a few drinks. I guess I’m fortunate to have an accommodating entertainment budget (don’t worry, I’ve got the crappy apartment to show for it)

    I think it’s a pretty piss poor test for anything but cheapness, as it certainly does not indicate interest, or any other crap. It’s just one more hoop guys jump through because they know women expect it, and why make life harder?

    I never call a girl back if there isn’t a decent kiss on the first date, but that seems like a much more reliably measure of interest then dropping a few bucks.

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    • Speedy Says:

      Who wants to date someone that makes them just through hoops? Why would you do that to yourself.
      Fair enough if you’re on a pure pump and dump mission with someone you really don’t find attractive in any other way, but otherwise, meh.

      I dunno. Its no wonder people have so much trouble, there is a sort of pervasive autism surrounding dating. Or maybe it looks like that as soon as anyone tries to write it down maybe. Did she follow a rule, did he follow a rule, how can I gauge ‘interest’, let me consult my Spotter’s Guide to Red Flag Mindreading etc etc etc ad nauseum.

      Have people lost the ability to talk? How much front do you people put up, just how wooden and mechanical are these awkward assignations?

      I really wonder at this point.

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  19. Grace Says:

    Honestly, there is no right or wrong. Do what you feel comfortable with. If for you, a man not paying on the first date is a deal breaker, don’t go out with him again.

    I have offered to pay half on dates and guys felt like I was insulting them for even offering. Go figure.

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    • Crotch Rocket Says:

      I have offered to pay half on dates and guys felt like I was insulting them for even offering. Go figure.
      That’s because some women use that as a signal that they don’t want to see the guy again; I actually endorse this practice. If you want to see him again, offer to pay for the next date instead.

      Other women do this because they don’t want to feel obligated in return for the meal, and a certain type of guy will get offended because making her feel obligated (to have sex with him, of course) was the entire purpose of him spending money on the date. If you think these guys get insulted when you thwart their plan, imagine how insulted (and often violent) they’ll get when you refuse to go back to their place afterward.

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  20. Chris Says:

    I usually ask out for a drink and a possible app, I a;ways pay, even if it isnt going well, its like therapy, its nice when she oofers to pay for half, but its just not me …….

    Chris

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  21. Marie Says:

    I think a lot of it depends on the circumstance. I would actually be uncomfortable if someone picked up the tab for an expensive place. That’s a lot of pressure for an early date. I’ve only had 2 extravagant first dates – both of which I paid my share of – and both of which turned into a LTR. On the other hand, if I went out on a date for coffee or happy hour and the guy (assuming he asked) didn’t pick up the tab, it usually meant he wasn’t that into me. Not always, but that’s been my experience.

    While it is a nice gesture for the person who did the asking out (which, in honesty, is usually the man) to pick up the tab when reasonable, if you get along and it ends up in LTR land, you eventually split everything anyways, so it doesn’t really make much difference in the end. Silly reason to write somebody off.

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  22. AnnieNonymous Says:

    I don’t think this is about the nitty-gritty of details and qualifications and entitlements. Guys know that they’re expected to pay, and you have to take it as some sort of message when they don’t. Maybe he didn’t really like the OP and is only calling her now because his favorite option blew him off. Maybe his social skills are off or he’s super inexperienced. Maybe he’s worn out by the rigmarole of online dating and he’s running out of money to keep going on with it.

    Guys who are in full dating mode want to prove to women that they can take care of them. They want to impress women. It’s perfectly okay to turn down a guy who doesn’t do that, but you’d be better off if you didn’t advertise your preference for guys who pay.

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  23. anna Says:

    He should have paid. Don’t see him again.

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    • Crotch Rocket Says:

      So nice of you to dictate how he should spend his hard-earned income. Dating you must be a real joy. (I typo’d that at first: job. Freudian slip?)

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    • Kurt Says:

      Anna, what is the man getting out of this exchange? Think about it – the man is going on a first date with a woman he met online and you expect him to pay for everything. If he does this, the woman is getting all of the benefits of the date and the man basically gets nothing out of it. Women with attitudes of entitlement like yours make dating a hassle for many men.

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  24. Dark Sarcasm Says:

    This is why a first date, especially with someone you meet online…should never be a dinner date.

    Besides the above scenario, if there is no ‘chemistry’ (unicorn) then you’re sitting at a table with uncomfortable silence, sitting through a meal, not really enjoying the food, because you’re not really enjoying the company. You’re trying to scheme a way to get this date over with as soon as possible.

    That’s why first dates should be coffee, a drink or a walk through the park. Then you can see if there’s this ‘chemistry’ (unicorn) in a less stressful atmosphere. If there is none, you can excuse yourself easier, and the man shouldn’t be so cheap that he can’t pay for at least a drink or a coffee. There’s too much pressure in dinner as a first date.

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  25. saad Says:

    Every body diserve a 2nd chance. No one is perfect, most of us did not accept this attetute but he might be perfect on many other issues. I’m from diff culture and lost my chance with a very wonderful girl because of a culture agnoranse

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  26. D'Alias Says:

    OP, go out with him again and tell him you don’t like splitting the check so you’d rather alternate who pays. Why not? You seemed to like him.

    Generally, I don’t see what’s wrong with a dinner date. In fact, my last few successful online dates when I was out there WERE dinner dates. It’s nice. Just don’t go somewhere fancy – Plenty of places in NYC still offer meals in the 25.00 pp range. I’d be horrified to meet a guy in Starbucks! Zero ambiance.

    Like the OP, I offer to pay but I’d balk if I were ASKED to. That’s really rude. And cheap. Idk why so many people are pretending they don’t know that behavior is rude. Such silliness. No wonder these guys are on a dating advice blog – my gosh: plan an affordable date, be prepared to pay, take her up on her offer to pay or not. Take a chance!

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    • Crotch Rocket Says:

      I offer to pay but I’d balk if I were ASKED to. That’s really rude.
      If you’re truly willing to pay, what difference does it make if he asks? How is that “really rude”? If you indeed offer to pay, then when would he have had a chance to ask? Or is your MO that you wait to see if he goes to pay for it himself before you make the offer? What purpose does that serve other than to give you an opportunity to judge him for asking you to do what you claim you’re about to offer to do anyway?

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  27. Roxy Says:

    When I first met my husband, the date was a basketball game. Since he bought the tickets, I bought the beers.

    He took me to dinner afterwards and paid. He took me on several more dates and always paid.

    When we got serious he told me about his financial situation. I couldn’t believe he was paying for almost everything given his money woes, while I was financially sound. I felt like a horrible human being for not even offering to help out.

    I used to be one of those girls who believed men should always impress me and pay for everything. Then I grew up and became a woman who learned that a partnership requires equal effort from both sides.

    I think the original poster should swallow her pride and give this guy another chance. If she is worried about spending money, suggest an inexpensive date like a walk in the park with ice cream or lattes.

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  28. monica Says:

    The more “successful” guys are usually the ones who don’t want to pay because of “principles”. Yet, “working class” guys appear to spend more generously on dates. I find that ironic because you would think that guys with more money can afford to pay. Then again, the more financially secure men think they are a better catch and, therefore, feel that a woman is privileged to be on a date with them. Also, it could be more of a generational thing. Younger men weren’t raised believing they have to pay for dates but that it’s optional. If a man wants to make a good first impression, he will pay for the first date. If not, he wasn’t that impressed with you.

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    • Speedy Says:

      I think this is a more general thing than dating and it is to do with values and culture.
      Ever seen ‘Saturday Night Fever’? The guy who works in the hardware store spending all his money on designer clothes. Thats what that is about, working class people tend to spend their money more readily. Its why they stay working class though.

      To be honest this is an issue for dating, particularly for people out of their 20s.”Financially secure” is a widely requested item. But the thing is, you don’t become financially secure by splashing your money around on cars and clothes, yet these are still taken as signifiers of wealth even though they make even less sense in an age of easily available mass credit.

      As more women become financially secure themselves and looking after the finances is no longer a solely male pursuit I hope this becomes less of an issue with time but I feel we are at an awkward transitional stage in it.

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    • Kurt Says:

      In my own experience, a man willing to take a woman on a first date to dinner and pay the entire bill is very inexperienced with dating. Men wise up quickly and learn to stop wasting their money, otherwise they end up wasting a lot of money on women who aren’t really into them.

      A lot of women will go on dates with men whom they don’t really like simply because the man is paying for the dates. The OP is probably trying to find a woman who isn’t going to use him for his money. This may be his way of weeding out the takers to find the women who are truly interested in him.

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  29. monica Says:

    Yes, but at the end of the day, men don’t hesitate to pay when they feel the women are what society views as “hot” (whether there is potential for another date or “intimacy” or not). “Hotness” usually overrides “fairness”.

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  30. Kurt Says:

    He should absolutely not have taken her to dinner for a first date. She may claim to be upset that he asked her to pay half, but she needs to realize that most women will assume that a man who takes her to dinner for a first date is either very inexperienced with dating or some some type of “nice guy” chump. He may have dealt with this type of woman before and is sick of paying for dinner dates and having it go nowhere. I would bet that the man is young – probably in his 20s and hasn’t done much dating recently either because he has been busy with school or working long hours.

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  31. Max Says:

    Successful and attractive men these days have to worry about being taken advantage of by all the gold diggers out there and often use their own tests to try to weed them out early. You ought to be concerned about how you are presenting yourself to him.

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  32. Monica Says:

    Oh, the smart “gold diggers” are hip to this. They don’t ask for anything. The successful ones shower their targets with gifts and affection in an effort to prove that they are sincere. They present themselves as the “total package” (loyal, sweet, sexy, generous, fun, agreeable & non-materialistic) until after they “seal the deal” (get married).

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  33. Jonathon Factory Says:

    I don’t know that I come here for dating advice as much as to know there is at least one sane voice advising women.

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  34. Angie Says:

    He asked her out. If he wanted her to pay half, that should have been established UP FRONT. Not when the check actually came.

    Now I’ve been out with men for whom I might pay one, they pay the other (or I pay for the movie etc). But that was established beforehand and not a surprise at the end.

    On a first date, if he didn’t have the money, they could have met up at a coffee shop or for happy hour and just had a glass of wine etc. This move makes him seem cheap. I wouldn’t go out with him again if I were her.

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  35. alexa Says:

    I just want to throw it out here that it is a nice gesture for the askee to pay. I always offer to pay (and a serious offer – as in, get my purse and take my wallet out when the check comes). But I would be offended ultimately if this person who asked me out and seemed to genuinely like me showed me the bill and did not pay. And that doesn’t mean I won’t treat him the next time. It is the thought that counts – whether for a coffee, a drink or for dinner.

    I don’t understand why there is so much hostility towards the OP in many of the comments above. Whether a guy pays or not comes down to his character / personality. The guy the OP went on that first date with is cheap. That is it. If the OP can accept that and look at his other nice attributes as a counterbalance, then fine. If she can not, then find someone else. The guy will ultimately probably prefer to date a girl who has similar views on money anyway.

    As an aside: I actually spend a good amount of money getting ready for a date. I do my nails and get my hair blowdried and/or get my eyebrows done — all in order to look nice for the date that I have been asked to go out on (and am also excited to be going on). And while it is true that I don’t HAVE to do these things, having nice nails and hair and looking attractive is important too. Women tend to put more effort and time into getting ready pre-date, and these things are simply more expensive (manicure and hair alone cost me $70 or more)! So if you are talking about spending money, most women have already spent a good amount before they even meet up for the date! It would be nice for some men to at the very least acknowledge or appreciate that.

    re: the OP’s dilemma, something about the guy is off. I do think that if a guy really likes you, he will treat you. Maybe he can go dutch the second date (or you treat him) – but the first date? And when he asked you and picked dinner? Strange. Just tell him you are no longer interested and cut him off. Or, as Moxie says: if deep down, you want to give him a shot and go out again, just go and see how you feel. You will be sure about what you think of him by date 2. If you are turned off again, then cut it off.

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  36. angie Says:

    If you don’t pay on the first date you are not a man. Equality my butt. You are a man. Just because laws made both sexes equal does not mean you are not genetically made to be the provider. Just because the law says we are equal does not change the fact that men have balls and women have vagina. And if you don’t pay on the first date I will automatically assume you have a vagina. You had the balls to ask me out, but you lack them when the bill comes. Lol grow some balls guys. Its the first date please don’t look cheap and like a female dog asking her to pitch in. And if you’re short on money or broke ….why are you going out on dates? Get your life together first. Seriously why would you put yourself through that embarrassing and degrading situation. Where is your pride? Hahaha ok I’m done

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    • B Says:

      If I’m broke and going on dates, perhaps I’m looking for a woman to take care of me and treat me right. I can cook and clean, take care of the house, and be sexy whenever she needs me to be. I don’t see why “having balls” means I have to also “have the money.” Do you not have the education or career to make enough money to support me financially? Where is your female pride? You say “female dog” like it is a weakness to be female. You should be PROUD to be a woman but understand that it doesn’t really matter.

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  37. Jennifer Says:

    Reading the comments above, it seems that the majority here thinks that no such thing as a “cheap man” exists – only women who are “dinner whores” and “gold diggers”.

    I absolutely agree with Alexa – If a man is truly interested, he will show his best on the first date, especially when he is asking you out. If he can’t afford it, a $ 2 coffee date would do it as well.

    It’s not about the money, but the thought that counts. Period.

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  38. B Says:

    If you are the type of woman that is offended by not being paid for by a man on a first date, why are you even dating? You should be living with your parents. I’m sure they’ll stock the pantry for you.

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