Comment: I thought this topic should (if not) already be discussed. I think most of us are in agreement that if we received a message from someone we’re not interested in on an online dating site, it’s fair to just not respond. Sure, you COULD respond and say “Thanks, I’m not interested” but that honestly just seems like a waste of time and internet bandwidth.
One thing I’ve noticed in my NYC dating life is that, when I first stated, I was a bit taken a back about how I could go out with someone, spend 4 hours enjoying their company, pay and then just have them flat out not respond to a text I sent. I know everyone’s first response is “aw, another typical fragile male ego” but that’s really not the case. There have been plenty of women who found me attractive, enjoyed my time but just didn’t feel like we were compatible. They said so (either in text or that night) and I found that very admirable. Some other women (and I’m sure men do this to) seem to find it perfectly acceptable to go out with someone, be paid for and then just never respond to any communication again. Hell, I’ve even had women sleep with me and then not respond (another head-scratcher but we’ll leave that one for another day).
Perhaps I’m old-fashioned in my general manners but I like to believe that treating others the way you like to be treated counts for at least something. What’s the typical M.O. that you recommend to someone when a date texts them to ask them out again and they’re not interested?
The obvious answer to this that you’re right. The courteous thing to do when someone sends you a text after a date to say thank you or to ask you out again is to reply. Obviously. But you know what? Most people don’t really care how you feel. Sorry, they don’t. Most people have accepted that no response is usually a response and they move it along.
Getting stuck on situations like this serves zero purpose. You can talk all day about how people should be more polite and follow the Golden Rule, etc. Nobody. Cares. No response is a response. Tattoo that on your arm so you won’t forget it. What you want is to be acknowledged and shown that you matter to that person. You don’t. Simple as that. You do not matter to that person. This is a case of a fragile ego whether you want to admit to that or not.
Here’s a new Golden Rule for You: Some people suck. Deal with it.
Accept that and you’ll be better off.
We now exist in an age of anonymity and detachment. After years of feeling like just a number or option, people have developed a harder outer shell. We have to in order to survive dating as it is now. It’s not 20 or even 10 years ago. We communicate in bytes and bits. That’s what we have become, mostly due to technology. Dating online requires a sense of detachment. The days of getting your hopes up and swooning over someone you met online are and should be gone. That’s unrealistic now. Dating now requires that people stay realistic and maintain low to moderate expectations.
One of the greatest tool a single person can develop is a thick skin. The amount of rejection we experience can be soul crushing. People fade and disappear and cancel and flake. That is dating now. That type of behavior is a staple dating experience for everybody. The reality is that in order to survive it you must check your ego at the door. 50% of the time the lack of response or rejection or ghosting you experience has nothing to do with you. There are countless reasons why someone didn’t follow up or see you again or respond. You can not sit and over-think it. You have to learn how to shrug this treatment off and keep trudging on. Not everybody is going to think and act and date just like you. If you need constant affirmation that you’re a fun date or good in bed or a nice person, then that’s your homework. It’s not the responsibility of random strangers you meet on the internet to validate your existence. That’s your job.
When those thoughts pop into your head about why someone blew you off or didn’t respond, push them right out of your mind. If this stuff keeps happening over and over with nothing in between, then and only then should you perform a post-mortem on your dating and social skills.