So according to you, the only women worth paying for are gorgeous model types? What if they’re a horrible date? Wow, well I think that says a lot about your attitude toward women. For myself, it’s not about “just wanting a free meal”. It’s about seeing how generous he is with his resources. I’m a cheap date anyway so the way I see it, if all a guy can afford is to buy me a coffee then that’s fine with me. Even though I make very little money, I can pay my own way but it’s not about that. I want a man who WANTS to take care of me, because it shows me he has the instinct to provide and is generally a generous, chivalrous person. It’s also about showing me how much he appreciates my company, since I strive to be as pleasant and fun as possible. Plus, it takes a lot of effort for a woman to look good enough so that a man will even consider asking her for a date. Do you think we just roll out of bed looking good? Just the other day I went on a coffee date and it took me two full hours to get ready, not to mention that the outfit I was wearing consisted of two new pieces which cost me $80. The date turned into a dinner date and of course, the guy didn’t pay for me. All that time, effort and money I spent and the guy couldn’t even be bothered to pay for a lousy $12 dinner. Granted, dating is expensive for both sexes but I think in terms of dollars and cents, women have it way worse. We not only have to keep ourselves trim enough to be considered attractive to men, we also have to spend all kinds of time and money getting ourselves primped. For the typical woman, hair highlights alone cost about $100. Then there’s mani-pedi’s, facials, body waxing, teeth bleaching, etc. New clothes, new shoes, makeup, perfume, lotions, scrubs, face creams, at-home pore masks, shaving, tweezing, hair curling/flat-ironing, it all adds up to a lot of time and money spent trying to get dates! What does a guy do? Spray some cologne, throw on a clean shirt, muss his hair with some gel and he’s done. – J.
This is another flimsy rationalization women like to use to defend why they expect men to pay for dates. You want to see if he’s generous with his resources? How is that any different than saying you want to know if he’s going to spend money on you? It has nothing to do with his generosity or chivalry. You want him to pay for you so you can feel pretty and so you can say he paid for you. That’s it. He didn’t pay for you because, despite all of your effort, he wasn’t attracted to you. That’s the bottom line. And that’s what truly bugs you.
All of the lotions and potions and creams and tweezing and waxing that women say they do for a date isn’t just for a date. They’d likely be doing those things anyway. The money they spend on primping and new clothes isn’t a waste. Those shoes or clothes or that haircut can be re-purposed. Not so for the guy who pays for a first date. There’s no guarantee that his money is an investment.
Next up is the time involved with preparing for a first date. While I might space out the pre-date preparing throughout the day, if I were to do it all at once it might take me an hour. Might. I will never ever spend more time getting ready for a date than I will actually spend on the date. Again, that’s our choice. We’re the ones who have convinced ourselves that things like hair highlights and brow threading and mani-pedis are things men care about or even pay attention to. They barely notice these things. I think that if men had their way, they’d request that women wear very little make-up and perfume and spend less time applying all these concoctions to their face.. To most men, make up is just a mask used to hide flaws. They know that, once the relationship settles in, they will probably see the woman without any cosmetics on her face just as frequently if not more often than with them. Men like to see what they’re getting. Blush and highlights cover all that stuff up and do nothing but distract.
Many will disagree with this, but I think men and women identify beauty quite differently. While there are certainly some men who have watched too much porn or hit up far too many douchey roof top bars where they’re surrounded by shallow and looks obsessed people, I think most guys think natural or close to natural is what’s truly beautiful.
All the upkeep most women do is to gain approval from other women. Not men. But you’ll never hear that on most beauty or female-oriented website. It’s all about how men expect us to look like Barbies. Sure, maybe the Derek Zoolanders or crabby Red Pill types like to yap about waist to hip ratio and space between breasts and saggy boobs and size of your forehead. Believe it or not, most guys don’t really notice those things. Do you hear anybody critiquing Kerry Washington’s forehead? Nope. Most men don’t dress or prepare for other men. They barely do it for women. They just don’t care about this stuff. In fact, a woman who is too put together is often perceived by a man as high maintenance.
While I tend to agree with you that our time is better spent keeping fit, what men truly look for or notice is a woman who looks healthy. That can come in various body types. They want to meet a woman who pays attention to her looks, but not so much that she’s obsessed with them. What is important to them is that they meet someone who is not going to stop caring about how she looks. Men are far more forgiving of some extra weight or wrinkles than women think. That’s not what bothers them. What causes men concern is when women seem to stop caring about whether or not he’s still attracted to her.
According to many lady-blogs, men are just supposed to suck it up and accept when a woman no longer makes attraction a priority. I disagree. I think part of being in a relationship means doing what you can to maintain the desire you and your partner have for each other. I’m getting really, really tired of the brainwashing that is being done by a lot of women’s lifestyle blogs. They’re presenting one side of the argument and dumping on any woman who dares to choose not to let herself get overweight or who wants to stay attractive to her partner. God forbid you admit that you lost weight so you could be more desirable to men. I actually wrote an article about this very topic, admitting to the fact that a big reason why I lost weight was to make dating easier and to attract more men. The editor made me take that out and re-write the piece so that the focus was self-improvement, saying she refused to publish it with that admission included in the essay.
I’ll just leave you with this. Nobody forces us to devote hours to getting all dolled up for a date. We choose to do that. Men can tell when a great deal of prep work is involved with our date face. Believe it or not, that actually works against us. What most men want to see before them is a woman who is comfortable with her looks and body. The more at ease she is with how she looks, the less she will require constant compliments and affirmation and validation.