What If They Aren’t The Best Lover You’ve Ever Had?

Name: Lourdesbestinbed
Comment: Hi.  I used to live in NY.  I had a short committed relationship with a guy and after we broke up we continued hooking up and the sex got so much better that we continued a fwb relationship for about 6 years;  On and off depending on whether we were in a relationship with others.  But we would always come back to each other because the sex was the best we would ever have.  We just got so comfortable with each other.  Our bodies were like magnets.  I live in Miami now.  my fwb was visiting often but now we both got involved with other people so it stopped.  Which takes me to my situation.  My boyfriend (been with him for 7 months now) is great.  I love him and see a future with him.  And although we have sex regularly I dont enjoy it as much as I did with my fwb.  I mean my bf really tries and I do end up enjoying myself.  But with my fwb it was explosive, out of this world.  I would come 6-12times.  With my boyfriend 1, up to 3 on a good day.  But it does take a lot of effort to get there in part because my boyfriends penis is on the smaller side. Im wondering if any married people out there can tell me if they’ve been in similar situations and if they are happy even though the sex with their partner is not the best they’ve had.
Age: 33
City: Miami
State: Fl

 

I think the first thing you need to do is grow up. Listening to women brag about all the “amazing” sex they have makes me cringe. Hate to break it to you, but committing to someone involves a series of trade-offs. Oh well. You’re not going to be able to have your 6-12 orgasms (*eyeroll*) any more.  You’re just going to have to settle for climaxing two or three times with the man that loves you and actually wants to be with you. In what world is three orgasms in a night not good sex? Seriously?

I had a similar relationship with someone off and on for several years. In the beginning, the sex was fantastic. We did all kinds of experimenting. The sexual attraction was intense. But that intensity flickers on and off. Sometimes we would go out and come home and lie in bed and just..talk. If anything, over time we became less sexual towards each other but more affectionate. We would still have sex and it was still good. But wass it the explosive sex it used to be? Nope. There was a definite “been there, done that” feeling to it sometimes. That’s life. We get bored with our sexual partners like we get bored with anything else we have regularly, over and over, for an extended period of time. It’s not always going to be handcuffs, facials and threeways. We continued to see each other because we transcended the initial hot sexual connection and built a trust and consideration for each other. Basically, we just really enjoyed each other. That, in addition to an initial strong sexual compatibility,  is what you should want in a partner. You have to like being with them. You can’t ever feel like you’re enduring them and their “small” penis.

You sound like you think you’re doing him a favor by allowing him to get you off. Do him a favor and leave him now if you feel you are making some kind of ultimate sacrifice by staying with a man who loves you and treats you well who “only” gets you off once or twice per session.

 

 

 

UPDATED: Am I the only one who made the connection between the details of this story and the ones from this one:

http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2012/01/15/beware-the-man-who-commits-too-soon/

Ages line up, so do locations and fact that the OP moved from NYC to Florida.

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61 Responses to “What If They Aren’t The Best Lover You’ve Ever Had?”

  1. Kurt Says:

    I am sure that this happens frequently. If a woman was very promiscuous prior to marriage, then it is practically a guarantee that her husband is not the best lover she has ever had.

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    • coffeestop Says:

      Define promiscuous, which I imagine is whatever arbitrary thing you get to decide. Or is it “convenience” promiscuity whereby if you bang the hot chick you get the benefit then it is ok but if you don’t score it’s a problem. This is a good reason why adult women lie about their “number” to somebody they actually like, the suspicion that they will be judged as a flawed character being honest. There is a group of dudes who want it both ways to take enjoy having sex with women who do not throw up barriers considered irritating
      while specifically being disdainful of women who given them access. Hopefully, this is not a large group.

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      • Kurt Says:

        Why is a woman mentioning how many partners she had? If she mentions her number with no prompting from her mate and lies about the number, then she obviously has an insecurity about it.

        But you are correct – women are judged negatively if their number is “too high.” It is much easier for a woman to get sex than it is for most men, so a high number for a woman shows that she has low standards and will likely cheat on her man in the future.

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        • coffeestop Says:

          I was specifically talking about offering a number when asked. I have never asked or offered that information myself on the assumption at least in my age group ( old as shit ) that I in actuality do not care but I am very aware other people do. I call bullshit on the whole women who have high number have low standards bullshit. That is your assumption/opinion which is fine but no more or less legitimate than any opinion on the topic. Some women have a high sex drive when they are young and enjoyed experimenting and it has nothing to do with cheating or false morality. The idea that there is some distinct number of sex partners that will predict cheating seems like flakey logic what predicts cheating is past and present behavior surrounding the act of cheating. Even that is largely an opinion.

          The LW in this case is just kind of immature and needs to either get with reality or end the relationship with her current boyfriend and go chasing a replacement unicorn boyfriend for the past one.

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        • HammersAndNails Says:

          ” It is much easier for a woman to get sex than it is for most men, so a high number for a woman shows that she has low standards and will likely cheat on her man in the future.”

          That’s beyond absurd. Stop trying to rationalize the effects of your own low self esteem.

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    • D. Says:

      Only if her husband’s an insecure chump who’s worried he doesn’t measure up.

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      • Kurt Says:

        He’ll only worry about it if he is insecure. However, if the woman slept with 50 guys before she got married, then the odds are that the man she married wasn’t the best lover she ever had.

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        • D. Says:

          And odds are it doesn’t matter, so who cares?

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          • Kurt Says:

            If a man is stupid enough to marry a woman that he knows was promiscuous prior to marriage, then he gets what he deserves. In that situation, the woman will probably get sick of having sex with him and will all but stop, leaving him frustrated.

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            • Matt Says:

              You DO realize there is more to a relationship than just sex, yes?

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              • mindstar Says:

                True but without sex all you have is a strong friendship and mutual interests and respect. Most people aready have that from family and friends.

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  2. mindstar Says:

    The OP sounds very selfish. When you hear about all the women who complain their lovers can’t make them orgasm once let alone three times per session she should be thankful for what she has. She won’t be faithful to her current partner since in the back of her mind she’s looking for something better

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  3. Snowflake Says:

    The hill she wants to die on, that her love of her life boyfriend can only make her come up to THREE times vs her fwb guy who is NOT the love of her life has made her come TWELVE.

    Oh dear god, you are gonna have a melt down over the toothpaste cap not being on the tooth paste/coffee cup rings on the coffee table/ the laundry not being folded the “proper way” etc etc.

    Please, do him a favour and let him find a woman who will love him unconditonally and not have a cow over the little to NO meaning things in life. And thanks for making fun of the size of his penis too.

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  4. LostSailor Says:

    Do him a favor and leave him now if you feel you are making some kind of ultimate sacrifice by staying with a man who loves you and treats you well who “only” gets you off once or twice per session.

    Yes. This. Definitely this. If this guy ever marries the OP, Lourdes, he’s likely in for a world of hurt. Chances are Lourdes will be back in bed with her lover in NY inside of 3 years. She will never stop thinking of him and the “mind-blowing” sex they used to have and she will never stop comparing her current partner to him.

    Coffeestop can scoff, but Kurt is right (did his comment hit close to home?). Promiscuous is a relative thing; but the higher the number, the greater the chances that someone in the past was a better lover, or at least perceived to be that way. This is true for both men and women, but given the differences in male and female sexuality, it has a greater impact on women.

    And it’s evident by her letter. Her BF is “great” and “really tries” to please her in bed but… But…

    Sorry, Lourdes, you don’t really love him. If you did really love him this wouldn’t be an issue and you would not have written this letter. You had an intensely sexual relationship with another man for 6 years but apparently didn’t find him to have good enough qualities to marry, just fuck. You can’t pretend that you didn’t develop any intimate emotional connections to that man. One doesn’t have that kind of relationship for that long and not develop some kind of attachment, even is you claim it’s just an attachment to his penis.

    Do your boyfriend a favor, Lourdes, break up with him now. Do not marry him, for his sake. Better he endure the pain now than 10 years from now when, after years of diminishing sexual attraction to your husband and not having sex by the end, your memories of your dynamic lover and occasional trysts with him during your marriage cannot be controlled any longer, and you divorce your husband, taking him to the cleaners, and head back to either the arms of your lover or take on many other lovers in search of the elusive one who is “better.”

    Your lover will always be the ghostly third person in your relationships and/or marriage.

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      Assuming your theory is correct (for the sake of argument) – nowhere does it say she’s promiscuous. Someone with a “high number” (or even someone with a modest number who’s lived long enough) likely regrets and/or barely remembers some of their partners. It’s ridiculous to think a woman or man who’s slept with 50 people, let’s say, has 50 “ghosts” they compare their partner to. Jesus, someone that sensitive and stuck in the past would have a nervous breakdown.

      You’re absolutely right that she’s having trouble moving on due to her long investment and emotional attachment to her FWB. Probably right that she doesn’t really love her current boyfriend and isn’t being fair to him. Maybe she’s so attached to FWB there’s no emotional “room” to let anyone else in, no matter how fabulous they are or how much they knock it out of the park in sack. Your promiscuous theories, though, seems pulled out of thin air. The letter mentioned nothing about that.

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      • fuzzilla Says:

        …”knock it out of the park in *the* sack”…heh.

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      • LostSailor Says:

        Fuzzilla, the part of my comment about promiscuity was a direct reference only to Kurt’s comment above and coffeestop’s response. I never said that every single past partner is a “ghost” in a relationship, but only that the higher the number, the greater the likelihood of at least one but perhaps more past partners will be a better lover than the current partner. My “theory” is correct.

        I also never said the OP was promiscuous, and only referred to the specific, and very real, “ghost” in her relationship.

        RIF.

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        • fuzzilla Says:

          >but only that the higher the number, the greater the likelihood of at least one but perhaps more past partners will be a better lover than the current partner. My “theory” is correct.<

          So then it is a man's own fear of inadequacy that explains why anyone past high school gives a crap about a "number." Got it; good to know.

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          • mindstar Says:

            Actually a lot of women obsess over their “Number” too. There was a laughable article in the Frisky a few months back (I do end up is some sordid corners of the Net sometimes). The telling quote was:

            “I didn’t think I was ashamed of the number of sexual partners I’ve had in the 20 years I’ve been getting it on until I found myself filling in a number half the true total at a recent gynecologist appointment.”

            If women do that are you surprised that some men would be concerned?

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          • LostSailor Says:

            It has nothing to do with “fear” fuzz. It’s a matter of statistical fact. No matter how proficient a man is in bed, the higher the number the chance that someone in a woman’s past will be perceived as having been better. Especially in marriage, where sex inevitably becomes more rote and it takes effort to keep that spark burning bright, the rose-colored glass through which the past is viewed will skew that perception.

            This is borne out by divorce statistics: the higher a woman’s number (and to a lesser extent the higher a man’s) the greater, sometimes much greater, the chance of divorce.

            It’s usually the highest value, most attractive men that can rack up high numbers; the average guy these days, not so much. The same is not true for most women; even women of average attractiveness can rack up an impressive number of partners if she so desires.

            And it’s not just Mindstar’s anecdote that women lie about their number of partners. Studies have shown it.

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            • John Says:

              Lost Sailor- In this thread and in another one recently, Fuzilla is constantly defending promiscuous women and making fun of guys who have issue with that. I can understand maybe one or two comments from Fuzilla about this. But it is constant from her. Anytime a guy mentions how it is a turn off or a bad thing in his eyes if she has a high number, she gets her panties in a bunch.

              We get it Fuzilla. You and Eliza should get together and see how many redundant posts you can say on the same issue.

              By the way, a hundred bucks says Fuzilla has a really high number. .

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        • coffeestop Says:

          Yes, I think I am the one who moved the chat in the realm of what constituted promiscuity reacting off Kurt’s assertion. Interesting sway referred to a study that linked numbers/partners with cheating. I was also reacting to the whole judgey attitude that I perceived regarding female sexuality which I still perceive but it is the dominant one in society so I should not be super shocked. But it brings me back to my original premise that a) I never offer or ask a number form somebody and b) I have shaved mine a bit so I do not have to deal with the attitude. Since I am older I am not really considered marriage material any more so the judgey attitude is more something that makes wonder what else a partner is going to get finger wavey about.

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  5. A to the F Says:

    I also question whether she knows what an orgasm actually is

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  6. TheGirl Says:

    Well, I don’t like using the word promiscuous, because obviously the guy was seeing other people and part of the FWB thing too. I think the reason she’s not enjoying sex with her new beau is because she’s not over the old one.

    Women need to have an emotional connection, and even though she says she was ok with the FWB thing (really for 6 years) she probably wasn’t completely over him and needed him to stay in her life, even if it was just as a side-chick thing.

    I mean he just so happen to come and visit to Miami just for casual hookups? There’s more to it….she needs time by herself before she jumps into a relationship.

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      Yeah, exactly. This FWB is a legitimate threat to her relationship. She’s attached to him and admits she constantly compares them, and current BF comes up short. She’s not in a good place to be in a relationship; her head is clearly somewhere else.

      OTOH, guys who obsess over every last drunken rave hookup you had in 1998, worrying if that guy might have been better are rigoddamndiculous. “Slut shaming” is absolutely the shamer’s self-esteem deficiency projected onto someone else.

      It makes sense to feel threatened by your partner’s past if they constantly rub your nose in it. If your relationship is good and they don’t kiss and tell, why would you care?

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      • LostSailor Says:

        guys who obsess over every last drunken rave hookup you had in 1998, worrying if that guy might have been better are rigoddamndiculous. “Slut shaming” is absolutely the shamer’s self-esteem deficiency projected onto someone else.

        Talk about obsessing, you’re consistently missing the point. No one is “slut shaming” here. Note that it wasn’t the BF that wrote in, it’s the woman who is making sexual comparisons. As Moxie has consistently noted, if a woman keeps her mouth shut about past partners, or, as shown above, lies about it, a guy is usually simply not going to know.

        But there does seem to be an obsession here, but it’s not slut-shaming, it’s shaming men who make a rational argument that getting into a long-term relationship or marriage with a woman with a high partner count is a risky bet. Methinks that argument may have struck a chord too close to home…

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        • fuzzilla Says:

          If the consensus is that the OP is not promiscuous (but yes, screwed up/unavailable/whatever), why is anyone talking about promiscuity or “partner numbers” in the comments at all? Yes, I reacted to things said, but I’m not the one who brought it up, Kurt is, and then you jumped in. Yet somehow I’m the obsessed one.

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          • LostSailor Says:

            Fuzzie, last comment on this. I only commented on promiscuity in direct response to a single comment and response. Most of my comment was directed at the specific issue in the OP. But you’ve consistently returned to the issue of promiscuity and “the number.” So, yes you seem obsessed by it. I’m not castigating promiscuity; I’ve merely said that the number affects relationships. And the OP is not over her lover, which is an object lesson. Again, this seemed to have hit close to home…

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          • Kurt Says:

            Fuzzilla, you clearly are obsessed – you are dominating this thread with all of your comments! Promiscuity is obviously a sensitive issue for you – I wonder why that is??

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  7. Mary Says:

    Considering the best I have ever had was an emotionally damaged nutjob- I’m pretty happy with the less exciting father of my children that I ended up with.
    Honestly I think when a guy is that great in bed, they are usually covering up something that makes them a less than ideal mate- if you’re thinking long term.

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  8. Speed Says:

    It’s a little difficult for me to believe the OP’s story as she relates it. It sounds too much like a romantic drama: two lovers passionately made for one another but kept apart by circumstances beyond their control. They’re with other people right now, but perhaps one day they’ll….

    No, I don’t believe it.

    Here’s what I think truly happened: the OP did meet a 10-level guy who was awesome. Maybe across the board: looks, money, charisma, the whole package. The guy put her into the starting rotation for a short while (hence the “short, committed relationship,” whatever that means), but benched her when hotter talent came along. If he hit a dry spell or just happened to have a night open, he called her back onto the field. Recycle, repeat. The OP kept trying desperately to get back into the starting rotation, going along with this for six years.

    Now, she’s with a decent guy, maybe a 5-7 (average looks, average job, etc.), but nowhere near the 10-level guy she’s still carrying a torch for. She thinks somehow, someway, if she just hangs on long enough, she’ll beat out the competition. But she wants the current boyfriend as a safety net.

    The current boyfriend is being played for a chump. He’ll be dumped in a heartbeat if Mr. 10 should call the OP away for a week in Cabo San Lucas or Rome. Hopefully, the relationship will end soon so the boyfriend can develop his own life and the OP can continue to chase her fantasies.

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    • sway Says:

      Nailed it.

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      • mindstar Says:

        Absolutely. The OP had her taste of Alpha and now all the Beta in the world won’t satisfy her.

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        • Joey Giraud Says:

          It’s a popular story, this story you tell, it gets a lot of attention.

          The PUA version of the siren song, a paean to the enchanting power of the alpha player.

          But it’s just a damn story. And you’re turning it into graffiti, smearing it all over walls where it doesn’t belong.

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    • Lourdes Says:

      Uh ok. While your story makes for an average romcom story line, its very innacurate. My bf is better looking, makes more money and is smarter. My fwb is just that. I dont deny I was attached to him for a year or so but Im not interested in more and if he invited me to Cabo tomorrow (which he has done) I would say no. Emotionally Im more attached to my bf, more than I ever was to my fwb.

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      • LostSailor Says:

        Your bf may be great, but your fuck-buddy is still in your head and always will be. If you and your bf stay together you may not go to Cabo with your fuck-buddy tomorrow, but chances are you will eventually, whether you can admit it or not. Not good odds for your bf…

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  9. Yvonne Says:

    I agree that the OP is still carrying a torch for her FWB, and it’s likely emotional as well as physical. I’m not a fan of the FWB situation, and the reason is that it’s usually the man who decides that it should remain casual, because he doesn’t really believe the woman is quite good enough for him. The woman tells herself that it’s okay and she can handle it, all the while developing deeper feelings for the guy. One one hand, she tries to push those feelings aside. On the other, she secretly harbors hopes that, eventually, he will fall in love with her too.

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  10. Lourdes Says:

    Moxie, I enjoy sex and thats that; wont apologize for it. Excuse me all but it was a simple question. Im certainly not breaking up with him because you all think I should. My question is not related to love or my committment to him, its was plainly about sex. I thought this blog would have people that maybe were or had thought about this in the past.
    Moxie,your feedback was centered on you and your 12 year fwb that has “trascended” (really?). Not sure how that has to do with my question. Im not focused (nor asking) on my fwb. I am talking about a REAL loving and happy relationship. My question is about the pleasure of sex as in “is sex the most important aspect in marriage? (I havent been married so I dont know). Thank you to the ones that did answer.

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    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      Not sure how that has to do with my question.

      I think the comparison was pretty obvious. That initial intense sexual chemistry that you have someone eventually fades. You are under the false belief that this ‘explosive” sex you had with this FWB is how sex between two people is supposed to be. Those are thoughts and idea of immature, inexperienced people who have been programmed to believe certain things about relationships by friends, movies, etc, etc. It’s not reality. Reality: you eventually get bored with each other. If there’s nothing else holding you together, then the relationship eventually dwindles. But if you have a solid connection and comfort and trust with them, the relationship can withstand the changes in your sex life.

      You’re pondering this non-problem as though it actually exists. The true point of your letter was to humblebrag about your FWB with the big penis who gives you “12 orgasms.” As someone said above, you’re living in a fantasy, one where you had this “hot” sex with some dude that probably has dropped you down on his best I ever had list years ago.

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      • Lourdes Says:

        Ok, I get it. The explosive sex will fade away.

        As to the humblebrag, why would I need to brag on ur blog to total strangers? Theres a lot I could brag about and this is not one of the things I would choose and certainly not to strangers.

        On the other hand, you may want to re-read your second paragraph and realize who is actually bragging about what an intense, experimential sexual relationship that has trascended into the trustworthy and considerate relationship I should seek for. Please. And Im living in fantasy world? Okay. Hang on to that guy, he sounds extra special.

        As for my fwb dropping me off the list, who knows. I dont really care about that. I actually hope hes happy in his relationship and wish him well.

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        • Greg Figueroa Says:

          But you did tell strangers about a nonproblem problem you’re facing.

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        • Snowflake Says:

          Lourdes, do you understand what you have asked in your question?

          You are stating your boyfriend loves you so much he is just fantastic amazing awesome, will do anything for you. You are giving us the image that that is NOT good enough. Him being the amazing guy who loves you and will do anything is not enough. I mean the fact that this man can make you come apparently is not good enough, you want him to beat or come close to the goal target of 12 times (which in my opnion is ridiculous to begin with).

          Shoe on the other foot – here is something you need to think about, have you showed him what your fwb did to accomplish that goal? Did you show him what works for you what doesnt, apparently he is supposed to KNOW all these things just by being with you? When two people get into a relationship its the journey of learning about each other, do you get that? You learn what works, what doesnt work, both individuals will fumble, stumble, learning, guess what you love each other enough to forgive the stumbling, laugh it off and carry on. So things like the coffee stains, the toothpaste will all not mean sfa!

          Seriously, I hope he never finds out what you truly think of him, and in your mind his lack of ability to do your coming justice and you making fun of his manhood. (which is akin to making fun of someone’s height, skin colour, eye colour, breast size etc)

          You give women a bad reputation!

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  11. JulesP Says:

    Lourdes, sex is the glue that will hold your marriage together. Please don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise. Having been married and divorced; in a long term relationship (8 years, that finished last summer) I can tell you that sex absolutely is the glue. Communication is vital for your marriage to work, and there are going to be ups and downs and when it the ‘ups’ sex is great and when it’s the ‘downs’ sex can be your partner’s way of showing you how much he loves you. When the communication breaks down and sex breaks down with it, you either need to decide how much you want to save your marriage and get help or you need to part ways.

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    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      You do realize that marriage is supposed to last forever, right? That you’re supposed to get married once and grow old with that person? If sex is the “glue” that holds marriages together, then how do you think all those couples in their sixties, seventies and eighties keep their marriages from falling apart? People get sick, they get older, things stop functioning the way they used to, things change. Sex becomes near impossible for some.

      What holds a marriage together is devotion and a shared idea of commitment. Not sex.

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      • JulesP Says:

        And what you’ve written all works very nicely on paper… devotion and a shared idea of commitment are all very good as long as you have communication. Yes I will stand by what I say that sex is the glue.

        There are too many married couples who stay together for 30 years and with all the “devotion and committment” they still separate and divorce… usually regretting that they hadn’t done it earlier. Some people are really, really lucky and manage to get all the factors right and stay married “forever” (your words… not mine).

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      • LostSailor Says:

        I don’t agree that sex is the glue that holds a marriage together, but it is an important part of the glue. Devotion, love, and a shared vision of commitment are very important, but physical intimacy and sex are right up there, too. Yes, people get sick and older and where sex becomes impossible for some couples the other pillars of support can often keep them together. But were sex is possible and where it is missing, often result in broken marriages. After money problems and actual abuse, sex is the issue that most often breaks up a marriage.

        In Lourdes’ case, she needs to know that passion in a marriage inevitably cools and for many if not most couples, it takes some effort to keep the sexual fires burning. Lourdes is already starting out at a disadvantage. If she’s already wondering and comparing her current boyfriend’s performance to that of her fuck-buddy, what the hell does she think is going to happen in a marriage three year, five years, or seven years down the line? Fuck-buddy will always be in her head, whether she wants to face it or not, and he will only grow larger there as time goes on, a splinter in her mind and at the heart of any potential marriage.

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  12. John Says:

    Lourdes,
    Just out of curiosity, how many times a night do you make your current boyfriend cum? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you are not the best lover HE ever had?

    And before you say “he tells me I am the best he ever had”, it could be that he is smart enough to tell you that even though it may not be true. He knows that good sex within a great relationship is better than amazing sex in a non existent relationship.

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    • Lourdes Says:

      1-2 times.
      No, why would he tell me that? I dont know and I dont ask that. Neither does he. We are not insecure people.

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  13. D. Says:

    In the original letter submitted, Lourdes claims to be concerned that her current boyfriend isn’t satisfying her sexually to the degree that someone else in the past did.

    My question is this: So what?

    So someone else once did it better? Why does that matter if the sex you’re getting now is good enough?

    And ultimately, I think this is the reason the letter comes across as driven by fantasy or immaturity or some kind of other avoidance of reality. Lourdes claims to be in love with the current BF, to have a solid emotional connection, etc….yet she’s hung up on sex with the pseudo-ex? Even though the current BF is getting her off 1-3 times a night?

    I don’t know what the story is here, but there’s something that’s definitely “off” about it. If things are so wonderful with the current BF, why is Lourdes hung up on the past? If the past was so great, why isn’t she with that guy instead?

    I think this basically boils down to one of two underlying reasons: either Lourdes isn’t ready to find the kind of relationship she claims to want (and have), or the guy she’s with isn’t the right guy (even though she wishes he was). To me, those are the only reasons why you get hung up on an ex and how much better this or that was: either something’s off with you, or something’s off with your current partner.

    I’m not saying nobody will ever compare to the past, but I’m saying when a person is ready AND is with the right partner, perfect ceases to be the benchmark, and “good enough” becomes really, truly good enough. And sure, your ex might’ve been better in the sack, or more fun to talk politics with, or dug your favorite band more than the current one does, or whatever….but so what? You’re happy with this person. They’re good enough, in the sense that they are good enough to make you genuinely happy, rather than pining for perfection.

    So, yeah, something’s off. Either it’s Lourdes not being able to be satisfied with anything less than perfection, or her relationship with the current BF isn’t as idyllic as she’s described.

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    • Greg Figueroa Says:

      Read her responses in the comments. Everything is great and she doesn’t care about the FWB ex. She gets mad and defensive if you don’t pat her on the back or tell her wow. . .12 TIMES!

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  14. Greg Figueroa Says:

    My favorite part is that the OP still has to question, even though, she ends up enjoying it. I could understand if the sex was terrible, but she enjoys it. If she touches herself, she can add another 3 times right there.

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  15. VJ Says:

    New Rule: If you’re Over 30 YO, and you’re still going on about the size of a guy’s equipment? You’re NOT ready to be married. In the unknowable future, sometimes that thing will work as intended, sometimes not. But if you’re Fixated on the Size And what it does to you? And you’re more interested in the ‘Big O’ and ‘how many He can give me in a night’? You’re just not really ready for a truly committed mutually satisfying LTR leading to marriage. Period. End of story. You’ve got some growing up to do. Lots of it, most likely. Have as many affairs/relationships/BFs/FWB whatevers to pass the time and fulfill your deepest desires. It’ll be fun for awhile yet. When the interest dries up, (and that cliff’s approaching fast, believe it nor not), then reconcile yourself to the fact that you had ‘some great ones’ ‘back in the day’. And smile sweetly at your cats/pets/figurine collection that will be your substitute children. That’s all there is, there a’nit no more. Think about it. It’s a question that almost answers itself as others have noted. You’re either a sometimes toy for some big dicked wandering wonder, or you’re a wife and possibly mother to some perfectly ordinary but ‘merely’ reasonably satisfying man who happens to love just you.

    I know it seems very strange and unusual to put it in those frank terms, but strangely enough ‘good men’ can not be graded solely by penis size, nor by erotic endurance or performance, sadly enough. They come in all sizes and shapes, and the ones that happen to actually love you may be wanting in some dimensions. You take your chances with all the qualities you see and they bring to the table as a mate and partner. There’s no ‘perfect 10′ waiting just for your approval to throw down and declare his undying love for you, no matter what.

    There’s no man who’d wait around for anyone who’d mock his performance/size/shape despite his love either. Believe it or not. ‘VJ’

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    • POV Says:

      Maybe (borrowing from Curb Your Enthusiasm) he doesn’t have a small penis, maybe she has a huge vagina.

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