In the mean time, those of you looking for love should take a moment to know where your priorities lie. Don’t ruin something potentially good by having sex too soon. Sex is something great and well worth the wait! Yes, someone who wants to be with you will be with you regardless if you have sex early on or not, but, why let your judgment be clouded from seeing them for who they really are and seeing that they really want you for you and not keeping you around for sex. Just wait to have sex and believe me it will be all the more better when it happens … think of all that tension building up … all that rip your clothes off tension just waiting to be released … why on earth would you want to give THAT up??? Single Dating Diva
The way I see it, the problem isn’t that some women wait to have sex. It’s that some women use sex to keep a guy interested.
It’s important that women learn the difference of these two actions.
I was having a discussion with a commenter over at XOJane. The topic was how women could avoid meeting men online who just wanted sex. A couple of women weighed in with their stories of how they often met those very guys. These men were attentive and said they wanted a relationship. Yet after the sexytime was had, the men revealed they weren’t looking for anything serious. There may have been a couple of instances where the guy was after quick sex all along. It’s more likely that the excuse of not wanting anything serious was a lie. In an attempt to be kind, they contradicted their previous statement because they had determined that the woman wasn’t a contender. For future reference, guys, come up with a better lie than this.
Let’s also for a moment consider the importance of context. Did these men say they were looking for a serious relationship upfront or as part of some disclaimer? Or was this revelation part of a bigger or more general discussion? Many women like to say that the man told her he was looking for a relationship. In many cases, the guy was merely agreeing with a statement she made in attempt to go along to get along.
I suggested that these men may have been telling the truth. Maybe they were looking for a relationship. It’s possible that, after having sex with the woman, they decided that the “chemistry” wasn’t there. It could be that these men ended the new relationship not because they got what they wanted, but because they knew they wouldn’t get what they ultimately desired.
I firmly believe that a lot of women like to rationalize these particular scenarios.There’s a great deal of hypothesizing that gets done. The final determination, after much analysis, is that the men were just after a quick lay all along. That’s a much easier pill to swallow than the guy had sex with her and realized the relationship had no long term potential.
Often women are advised to wait a series of dates before having sex in order to flush out the guys just looking for sex. If the guy bails after a couple of dates, he was just in it for the nookie. Problem solved, right? Wrong. The waiting isn’t the problem. It’s the reasons behind the waiting that end up doing a woman in. Men are becoming better versed in identifying the women who choose to get to know someone before getting physical and the ones who use the possibility of sex as bait.That same guy who hung around while the woman decided it was okay to hit the sheets could still dump her out of the blue. There are guys looking for a one and done and guys looking for something casual. The former disappear after the initial hook-up. The latter group lingers. Some for months.
If you feel you have to wait things out just to determine a guy’s character, you’re heading down the wrong path. Honor can not be determined after a handful of dates. If you need to employ a set of tests to figure out if a guy will flake, then that means one thing. It signifies that you don’t trust yourself. It also hints at the possibility that you care far too much about what your female peers think. What’s the point of having a boyfriend if you can’t brag about how whipped he is, amirite?
Whether this fits with many women’s design, a lot of men require a sexual test run before they commit. More and more, women are needing the same trial experience to help determine compatibility. Which brings me back to the quote from the article.
Here’s what I think. I think a lot of women do what they can to scare women from sleeping with men “too soon” because they’ve come to the wrong conclusion as to why a guy Faded. Or because they’ve chosen poorly and ended up being pumped and dumped or blown off too often. If women no longer hold out, then it makes things much more difficult for those who do. It’s a very poorly constructed ruse, ladies. Stop falling for it.
Spoiler alert! You’re going to be pumped and dumped a few times here and there. It happens. If it happens a lot, then your picker is wonky and needs to be re-tuned. Time would be better spent fixing that problem rather than trying to get other women to follow your misguided lead.