Comment: How can you attract more of the men you’re interested in? I dont date a lot, mostly because its very rare for me to meet a guy Im attracted to (both physically and with a compatible personality). I find there is a disconnect between the type of men who show interest in me and the men Im attracted to. Is this a case of ‘getting what you deserve’? Am I doomed to only attract men Im not interested in, and my only choice will be to settle for one of them or remain single forever? Can I possibly change my style or the vibe I give off to somehow better reflect my interests and personality that I have in common with the men I am interested in?
I find there is a disconnect between the type of men who show interest in me and the men Im attracted to. Is this a case of ‘getting what you deserve’?
It’s more about identifying your audience and understanding who your “competition” is.
Over the years I have come to accept that there are men I will never be able to pull for anything substantive. Those guys have far too many options, and I just don’t bring enough to the table to be considered a contender. That has led me to take second looks at other guys. I’ve had to re-adjust my type. That’s life. If you’re “never” able to get the guys you want, then you’re shooting out of your league. Plain and simple. There’s no easy way to say that. Either that or there are a few critical personality flaws that are turning men off.
You have to start with getting an accurate assessment of your looks. Ask friends whose opinion your trust and who will be honest with you. Buckle up, because that could get uncomfortable and you might hear things that sting.
The next thing you have to do is determine what kind of first impression you make. Go back and contact guys you’ve dated or met and get their feedback. This is all being done in the name of science! Remember that. There is a big difference between what women find attractive and what men find attractive. Just because all your girlfriends tell you how beautiful you are doesn’t mean men will agree. Doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful, either. You need balanced feedback.
Finally, go through your mental Roldex and to some inventory. Which men have stuck around and which men have shown no interest? Forget about the guys you’ve hooked up with once that you never saw again. They will throw off your average pull. Got an image? Okay. Work from there.
I know you’re thinking that this sounds like a lot of work, but if you truly want to attract a certain type of guy, you have to know what you bring to the table and what you can feasibly pull. Not knowing this is why so many people struggle to meet someone with whom they click. If you’re expressing interest or hoping to be approached for a certain caliber of guy and it’s not happening, you have to recalibrate a bit. You just do.
Once you get the all clear sign and figure out your audience, it becomes about finding the type of men you like and meeting them. If you prefer a specific type of guy, you have to get in front of them. That means contacting them on dating sites or attending events that will draw men you believe are more your type. I can assure you that a woman who knows how to approach and initiate conversation with a man stands out. So learn how to do that effectively. That will score you points.
If you can withstand the feedback from other people, I assure you that you will benefit from it. It might involve some effort and grit, but eventually it will pay off. Even if just leads to you embracing your audience. Doing that is going to set you apart from so many single men and women.