How Can He Find Women Who Want To Have Sex By The 2nd Date?

Name: Jeffno_sex
Comment: Moxie, the way you write about men almost brings a tear to my eye.  It’s rare, and quite sexy, to see a women who just gets it about men, and in a non-derogatory manner.

I have recently discovered that I no longer wish to play the waiting game for sex with women.  In the past, I gladly did this with women hoping for the best, but it rarely turned out good.  I used to willingly play along happily going on drinks/dinner dates and trying to prove my sincerity to a woman.  And I typically ended up with a big credit card bill and women who were lukewarm about sex.  However, by that time I was emotionally invested and reluctant to stop seeing them.  I finally realized, and proudly admitted, that sexual compatibility is of huge importance to me and I want to find out as quickly as possible before wasting my time.  I also finally discovered that some women don’t mind having sex quickly, and, gasp, she doesn’t make a big production out of it while making me jump through hoops while she takes her time deciding.  And the best surprise of all is that some of these quick to bed women are high quality relationship material.  Basically, I’m willing to go out on one date, perhaps two dates tops before sex happens.  How can I filter out the slow movers as quick as possible on initial meeting so I can just cut the talking short and not waste anyone’s time?  For example, I’ve never had good luck with women who ask me how long ago was my last relationship.  By the way, I only meet women in real life, no online dating.
Age: 48
City: New York
State: NY

There’s an aggressive and entitled feel to this letter that I don’t like. Troll post, maybe?

Look, I understand the need you and many men have to ensure that you’re not being used or that you’re going to end up in a sexless relationship. I get it. But to weed out all the “slow movers” seems like a poorly thought out plan. While there are many women who don’t have a problem with first/second date sex, there are many that do. It’s just not what they do. That doesn’t mean they’re using you or frigid. They just prefer to wait until they get to know someone.  To rule them out would be to cut your options in half.  Much like I say to men who whine about having to pay $60 tabs on dates, there are just some things you have to suck up if you want to successfully date someone. This is one of those things. Sometimes you’re going to have to go out with someone a handful of times before she’s willing to have sex with you. Womp womp. So sorry. You want to blow off every woman who doesn’t have sex by date two? Good luck with that.

I can write every day trying to encourage women to become more trusting and comfortable where sex is concerned. Unfortunately I don’t think that would make a dent in the number of women who prefer to hold off on having sex until a number of dates have been achieved. We are many years away from all sexual taboos and rules regarding sex no longer exist. Have fun putting together your sexless imaginary revolution.

I’ll admit it. If I were to come across a guy’s profile that says he doesn’t have sex on the first date, I would pass him by. He’s either pandering and saying what he thinks will get him more dates (which is disingenuous)  or he has some issues surrounding female sexuality. No bueno. Not for me. It’s not his decision to hold off on sex that deters me. It’s the fact that he feels the need to state that preference in some way that bothers me. It’s a warning . So I guess one thing you might want to avoid is pursuing women who express their concerns or discomfort with sex and the right time to have it. If the goal is to have sex on a consistent basis, you’re going to have to be willing to put in the time. If you’re not willing to do that, then you may wish to stay home.




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66 Responses to “How Can He Find Women Who Want To Have Sex By The 2nd Date?”

  1. Roxy Says:

    You said yourself that you ” finally discovered that some women don’t mind having sex quickly, and, gasp, she doesn’t make a big production out of it while making [you] jump through hoops while she takes her time deciding. And the best surprise of all is that some of these quick to bed women are high quality relationship material. ”

    Stick with those women!

    Problem solved.

    • Greg Figueroa Says:

      He doesn’t want to go through the process of dating slower-moving women to find quick sex. Ultimately, he’s going to turn a lot of women off if he makes this into a big deal.

    • julie Says:

      I think he is saying he wants to know before the 1st date so he can just not bother.

      Easy. Best way to guarantee 1st date sex is to “date” a prostitute.

      In all seriousness, if the guy wants 1st date sex than the woman who is compatible with him also wants 1st date sex. Its your party dude. Do whatever feels right to you. Yes, you are limiting your pool probably by a lot but thats ok. You limit your pool by refusing to date people of a certain weight, ethnicity, class, eye color, etc…

      As for how to know which women are “those” women that you want to date and which arent, well not likely you will. From my experience, more aggressive women might be that way such as highly accomplished professionals (but not necessarily). Women who are rebelling against a religious upbringing might be more likely to bang faster (but not necessarily). Women in a highly competitive environment with a skewed male-to-female ratio with high numbers of women to fewer men might be (but not necessarily). And dont think flirtatious women are more likely….those women are just better at “playing the game”.

      Good luck.

      • mindstar Says:

        Add in women who are very recently divorced after a long term marriage. They MIGHT be more inclined to want to proceed to sex quickly.Similarly single mothers who don’t have a lot of opportunity to date because of childcare issues. They MAY be more willing since they have fewer dates.

        • Eliza Says:

          Oh–let’s not forget women who are desperate…so they will just latch on – and have sex with a man – hoping that will keep him around! lol. And yes, let’s not rule out the prostitutes. And by that I mean, if it’s Date 1 – and you spend enough–they will “pay” you back – by spreading their legs., They are also referred to as dinner whores. What a great bunch of ladies you have to pick and choose from …. the cream of the crop! lol. Desperation, and women who have very little self-esteem are the OP’s best bet. Just be sure to put a glove on it. Because with women who are cool with having sex with YOU on date one is usually doing the same with every other guy approaching her. Ewwww! Can we say S-T-D???! lol

          • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

            Ugh. You again.

            Eliza, there isn’t anybody here who doesn’t read between the lines of your gibberish and hear the rants of a woman with little success with men. Of course you think his options mostly involve “whores.” You’re in your 40’s and alone and feel like you have to take drastic measures to deter men from dating all those multitudes of women that are getting in the way of your happiness. Just shut up. You’re an ignorant fool who spent her life shooting for guys out of her league and now your left alone in that apartment you yammer about in Manhattan, alone.

            • monica Says:

              I don’t know Eliza, yet it’s downright rude to “put her on blast” just because she expresses a viewpoint that may not be popular with many of your followers. I know you “represent” for the “bad girls”, but that wasn’t cool (and I thought you’d changed…become more calm and optimistic and less confrontational and abrasive. Obviously, I was mistaken).

              As far as the OP is concerned, I doubt that he is really looking for a “relationship”. If he were, he could have it with one of the quality, sex-positive women that he’s been with. Also, it’s a generational thing. Many women over 40 are more conventional when it comes to dating which is why it’s hard to find women willing to have 1st or 2nd date sex. Try the women who are only looking to “hook up”. If you are a sexy older man, you should have no problem developing something casual with a “hook up”. Also, don’t be cheap. That’s a definite turn off for most people. “If you treat a woman like a lady, she will treat you like a man.”

              • LostSailor Says:

                Sorry, Monica, but I have to agree with Moxie here. Unless I’m mistaken, Eliza is constantly ragging on men who want physical intimacy early on and castigating women who do the same as loose whores who are walking STD incubators. She’s constantly urging men to just hit up prostitutes and not have the temerity of wanting such intimacy with “good” women like her. I think Moxie’s take is entirely accurate.

              • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

                I know you “represent” for the “bad girls”, but that wasn’t cool (and I thought you’d changed…become more calm and optimistic and less confrontational and abrasive. Obviously, I was mistaken).

                I don’t take kindly to women calling other women STD riddled whores because they choose to have sex, whenever and for whatever reason they choose. And you shouldn’t be either. But clearly, you take no issue with it because, more than likely, you agree with her. Line drawn. Be on notice. I won’t tolerate that kind of talk here.

                • monica Says:

                  No, I definitely do not agree that just because someone is sexually liberated means that he or she is infected with STDs. In fact, I would believe that people who have more sex are more conscious of protecting themselves from STDs.

                • Eliza Says:

                  MOXIE needs to learn how to read and decipher things. I NEVER wrote “women or men” who have sex on date 1 or 2 – have STDS. Learn to read.
                  What I did state – is: If a person is going to have sex on date 1 or 2, “put a glove on it”–because it is more likely that those people are engaging in sexual encounters with others…if they date often.

                  A 10 year old child would understand such a concept.

              • Julie Says:

                I agree with Monica on this one. We all come from different experiences and (generally) have a valid basis (whatever they may be) for our beliefs rooted in our backgrounds. Its just more productive to work toward considerate understanding and respectful sharing than mud slinging.

                Plus, as an old Russian proverb goes,”When you argue with a crazy, onlookers may not be able to tell who the crazy is.” ;-) Just kidding. In all honesty, I dont think Eliza’s point of view is all that rare or unusual.

            • Eliza Says:

              Ugh…you again. Nasty nasty attitude…which may be why YOU are alone!

              Are you the presumptuous one. Why can’t you respect other people’s opinions. And curtail your nasty attitude towards people’s viewpoints. If a person is going to have sex with various people, it’s only healthy and advisable to “protect oneself”. AND if a man OR woman is one to sleep with a guy on a 1st or 2nd date, it’s quite likely – that she or he does it quite often with others….increasing their risk to getting an STD – IF they are not careful. It’s merely common sense. No need to blast me for expressing my viewpoint.

              Secondly, how do you know my life, and my priorities, and my social situation. I happen to very content with someone in a monogymous long-term relationship. Where on this blog – is it mandatory to ONLY comment if you are single.

              Moxie…you are a sad case…very abrasive, and yet, an angr fatty with a rather protruding oversized forehead. Very presumptuous, and come across like the igornant fool. And YES, if all a man wants is immediate SEX on date 1, why bother to go through all the motions of conversation, banter, etc…just pay for it. Don’t “Date” if the end result is merely the objective, and not anything else. It shouldn’t be the “be all and end all” of a date. Never said everyone man should be selective.

          • Mj Says:

            Not all women who feel sexually turned on by a man and want to have sex when they want to have sex are desperate whores. Guess what? If a man is going to dump you, he will do it if you have sex on the first date or the 10th date. Personally I don’t jump into bed with every guy, but if I’m really feeling it, I will have sex early on (32 yo female) I also don’t use sex as a weapon and i dont ever expect that I’ll manipulate a man into staying with me by having sex with him(which I have a feeling women like you do that) sex is enjoyable and people are allowed to enjoy it, male or female without being called whores

          • Jess Says:

            You know that Dane Cook joke where he says there’s always someone at the DMV who will give out your information for steak dinner and a charm blowpop? And how it’s kinda funny because it’s hyperbole.


            This is hyperbole but it’s not funny. (Sidebar: I didn’t look at the user handle until I saw Moxie’s response. I literally thought it was written by a man suffering with a major madonna/whore complex.)

            When someone criticizes someone else of their same gender and sexual orientation about how he/she chooses to express her/his sexuality–criticize being the operative word here–the issue is with the person running his/her mouth. It shouldn’t matter to you or affect your happiness.

            The author’s response was ballsy and surprising, but I respect it. If you throw a party, invite a bunch of people, and find one of your invitees is making other people uncomfortable and ruining their experience, you pull them aside or kick the out. Your house, your friends, your rules.

            • Jess Says:

              Fail. Revised:

              This is hyperbole but it’s not funny.

            • Jess Says:

              let’s not rule out the prostitutes. And by that I mean, if it’s Date 1 – and you spend enough–they will “pay” you back – by spreading their legs.

              Good lord, i hope that goes through. Sorry to comment spam.

    • Selena Says:

      “And the best surprise of all is that some of these quick to bed women are high quality relationship material. ”

      So why isn’t he in a relationship with any of them?

      Maybe HE himself isn’t high quality relationship material and they bail after bedding him?

      Sounds more like he’s looking for quantity rather than *quality* .

      • Eliza Says:

        probably because he isn’t much of “quality” himself. You only get what you are looking to give. Quick sex, and very little connection in any other level. Most quality women, who have self worth are not going to be desperate enough to get sexual by date 2, with a man they want to “get to know”.
        Actually, some “married” women may–but that’s for sheer physical gratification. So its pretty much a one night stand.

        • Selena Says:

          Oh blah, blah, blah Eliza. He sounds like a 48 yr. old dude trying to get laid asap to me. If he were successful in this he wouldn’t be writing to a dating advice column for tips.

          Some people view sex as part of getting to know someone. Some see it as something to do after getting to know someone. Some don’t care – they just want sex period. Who cares? Everyone can do what feels comfortable for themselves-whenever.

  2. yb Says:

    you better make sure to be super hot if you want first or second date sex! fit, well dressed and hygenic!

  3. yb Says:

    And at 48 – that means super hot and fit! Height/ weight proportionate would barely be the minimum.

  4. E Says:

    Why don’t you just find “casual encounter” women online to fulfill the need you have while you date long-term potentials who want to wait longer.

    • hammersandnails Says:

      “Casual encounters” for straight guys is like playing the lotto. Sure people win it every day, but the odds are so against you, calling it a foolish investment is just being realistic.

    • HammersAndNails Says:

      Women who find a man extremely attractive and have a healthy drive and attitude toward sex don’t wait all that long to have sex. Why would I want a long term girlfriend for whom those three things aren’t true?

      • julie Says:

        Your definition of “healthy drive and attitude” is immediate sex? So your way is right and any deviation from that is “unhealthy”?

        Umh…interesting point of view.

        • Pedro Says:

          He didn’t say, “immediate”, he said they “don’t wait all that long”.

          • Julie Says:

            Same thing.
            First, the topic in question here is 1st (or maximum 2nd date sex).

            Secondly, No one thinks they are “waiting all that long”.

            Reminds me of a joke. “The definition of a ‘pervert’ is someone who will go further than you will.”

            Theres nothing wrong with having sex on the 1st date. Hell, theres nothing wrong with sex before the first date. One of my best friends uses Grinder and hooks up with men in clubs and bath houses. He loves it and theres nothing wrong with that either. On the flip side of that, my Pakistani cousins NEVER actually dated their spouses instead picking their spouse from pictures and phone calls (sometimes a single chaperoned encounter is also involved) and they are VERY happy together.

            Where in the spectrum do we draw the line between “healthy” and “unhealthy”? Apparently, its anything after the 2nd date but not before the 1st date. Give me a break!

      • Selena Says:

        What’s your definition of “all that long” though? Within hours? Days? A couple weeks?

        • mindstar Says:

          I think it’s an individual preference. For some men (the OP for example) more than two dates is too long. For some women less than two months is not long enough. Neither group thinks they’re “waiting all that long” however members of the other group may feel otherwise. As a general rule however men want it as soon as possible while this is less of an issue for women.

          At present society seems to have agreed that sex by the third date is “acceptable”, By this I mean that the man will generally not be judged to be either a chump (very important for a man) or an aggressive sex fiend for waiting that long. Similarly a woman will not be judged either a slut (very important for a woman) or a sexual prude for waiting that long. As always your individual milage may vary.

    • Greg Figueroa Says:

      OP, finds more thrilling to have sex with girls he’s dating. And like Hammer says it is a crap-shoot.

  5. VJ Says:

    Q: “How Can He Find Women Who Want To Have Sex By The 2nd Date?”

    A: Hire them first, obviously.

    This has been very short answer theatre, YMMV of course.

    Cheers, ‘VJ’

  6. meh Says:

    “And the best surprise of all is that some of these quick to bed women are high quality relationship material.

    then why aren’t you in a relationship with one of them & having sex every day?

    • Raving Lunatic Says:

      Probably because they expect high quality relationship material, too.

      OP doesn’t sound sincere at all to me about his desire for a relationship, he just wants to rack up easy scores to brag about.

  7. coffeestop Says:

    So why doesn’t the LW just tell women that is his expectation especially since he says he only meets women in real life not online. The women who are into that and feel comfortable will appreciate his openness and so will the women who don’t feel comfortable getting involved sexually by date number two. I don’t see the problem. I am in the “does not feel comfortable group” but I certainly wouldn’t be insulted or irritated to hear this on date number one as long as the person telling me was not then feeling victimized because he did not hear the desired answer.

    • hammersandnails Says:

      This post is wildly out of touch with reality. The women who will have sex with you can and certainly will be offended by such ‘openness’.

      • coffeestop Says:

        I don’t see why. The LW has a vaguely transactional approach to his expectations in relationship so why not just be transparent? He doesn’t want to waste time with women who are lukewarm about sex and does not want to waste money when he is not getting the desired response. I have heard far more offensive things on a date than “I want to have sex by date number two”. However, I speak for myself only and perhaps my definition of offensive is also simply my own.

        • Julie Says:

          Heres why, its the equivalent of a woman saying to a man on the first date:
          “I’m looking to get married. If you are just interested in a casual relationship, we probably shouldnt be wasting each others time.”

          Even if the guy IS looking for the same thing, how many guys out there wouldnt be turned off by such open honesty?

          Most of us are dating because we are looking for a sexual long term partner so pointing out either the expectations around sex or the expectations around “long term” is generally seen as oppressive.

        • fuzzilla Says:

          I think the idea would have to be “sold” and phrased very carefully. Say, “I think it’s almost impossible to gauge compatibility without intimacy…,” plan the date near your apartment, make a move, et cetera. If you get shot down, you get shot down, but you’re less likely to offend people. Maybe the subtlety cancels out the transparency, but it seems like a more effective strategy to get what you want.

          Thinking it’s all a waste if you don’t get laid by date #2 is kind of like a woman saying, “Well, how will I know he’s a keeper unless I know he can handle my emotional ‘stuff'” and then dumping all over him about your parents’ divorce or best friend’s suicide or whatever. Yes, you do want this in a long term relationship, but it’s absurd to bust it out on the first or second date and judge him based on how he responds so early in the game.

          • K Says:

            I agree. I had a guy I met IRL text me before our date (not flirtation really on our many texts back and forth prior) that he didn’t necessarily expect first date sex (written in a much more crude manner), but he’d want to know that I’d enjoy that and be open to it. Needless to say I didn’t respond, because I generally need to know someone over the course of several dates before I’m really even in the mood to go there. Maybe some other woman would have been game? I think what he should have done was test the waters. Be really flirty in person and on on texts, escalate, late night texts, and invite a girl over. I think the girls who may have wanted first date sex would have liked that move better than the outright request. I was just glad I didn’t waste my time meeting up with someone so different from me and that awkward. The text sounded like he was selling me soap or something. “I’d hope that you would also enjoy the experience.” Also he wasn’t hot enough to pull it off, he may have needed to date down more.

          • LostSailor Says:

            Wow, fuzz. A comment that I actually agree with completely. What was today’s weather report for Hell…?

  8. Steve Says:

    Maybe the original poster should compromise on the number of dates he is willing to have sex. For example, if he is finding it to take days or weeks (if at all) to find a fast mover, he could have simply had sex on day 3 or day 4 with one of the medium movers. Would save a lot of time. I’m thinking the original poster is in reality getting little, if any sex period.

    • julie Says:

      Sounds like its not just about getting sex, but rather the need to avoid building emotional intimacy with someone he ultimately will feel is not sexually compatible in 3 or 4 or 10 dates. I could be mistaken. Almost sounds he either wants to know up front if its “a go” or not. Nothing wrong with that. I know at least 3 girls who routinely have or have had 1st or 2nd date sex and all are very attractive.

  9. Hard ache Says:

    To me this is the exact same equivalence as the women who will NOT date a guy unless he is also looking for a commitment. Good luck to them too since they’ve sliced their options by 50% also.

    Funny how the conversation is so dominated by the claims that one side is right while the other “rubs me up the wrong way”. Life would be so much better if we just accepted people for what they needed in their lives instead of judging them for it. All types don’t have to fit into my criteria and that’s ok.

  10. Lisa Says:

    Here is my take on all this, it isn’t about when to have sex, it’s about what your expectations are and what you want from one another and then the rest will just happen naturally. There shouldn’t be a time limit but after a few dates if you don’t get the feeling that she’s into you enough to eventually sleep with you, then chances are she isn’t and wont be. I don’t date because I want to hook up for one night, I date because I’m looking for the right guy for me. I love sex but for me to have great sex there needs to be a strong attraction and feelings involved, granted when I was younger I had my share of one night stands but I usually wasn’t satisfied and just ended up feeling more frustrated afterwards. I usually know right away when I want a sexual relationship with someone but I’m careful because I get emotionally attached so I may go slow to see if he is on the same page as me. I certainly don’t make a man wait just so he can buy me a few dinners, I feel they enjoy my company as I enjoy theirs. If your only looking for a woman that will sleep with you by the second date then chances are she can sense that and that can be a turn off. I once dated a man for a month and told him I was sorry that he might need to wait a while more till I was sure, he responded with “Its ok your worth the wait” that was all I needed to hear and we were in bed 2 minutes later….

  11. D. Says:

    Question: How can you ensure sex by date 1 or 2?

    Answer: You can’t. What now, Kemosabe?

    There may be things you can do to increase the likelihood of it (e.g., present the most physically attractive version of yourself possible, be charming and attractive in your personality, etc.), but there’s no way to guarantee it, really. I suppose dating women where it will be far less likely that they’ll expect anything serious to come of it would help, but I’m not sure who that’d be for a 48-year-old guy in terms of any broad demographic. A significant age difference might help, but will early 20-somethings actually date a near-50 guy? My guess is no.

    Maybe the better approach then is to stop caring whether you do or don’t get laid, stop viewing dating as some mercenary transaction, and go out and have a nice evening. I find when I’m relaxed and just enjoying myself, I do a hell of a lot better than when I have a goal (be it relationship or sex) in mind.

    I also agree with the posters who’ve pointed out that you may have to spend multiple months and dates going out with women who will turn down the 2-date-minimum standard (or who won’t fit it), whereas if you wait until 3-4, you’ll be getting laid a lot more often. Assuming you just want to treat it as a numbers game, that is.

  12. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    This isn’t an issue of healthy or unhealthy, or right or wrong. The OP seems to prefer the company of a woman who either has a very casual attitude about sex generally or is so sexually attracted to him that she can’t help herself. That’s a valid preference. And, I agree with it. I certainly wouldn’t reject a woman solely because she didn’t sleep with me by date No 2, but prefer the women who do, all else equal.

    • K Says:

      I’m curious on the all else equal. In your experience have the 2nd date sex women, been above average, average or below average compared to the ladies you overall get dates with?

      • hammersandnails Says:

        Above. I dislike fussy worry prone people and like adventurous spontaneous people. I’ll go three dates, maybe four if she’s very very hot or three was a very good reason for no sex by date three, but after that it’s either you are not what I’m looking for our you are just not that into me, and I don’t really care which.

        • K Says:

          Fair enough. To each its own. I generally take more than 3-4 dates. Probably more on the fussy side then:). Luckily there are people willing to work with that:). If I’m not into someone I decide pretty quickly. If I’m still dating someone it means I want to sleep with them, just letting the attraction and comfort build for me.

          • hammersandnails Says:

            You seem very cool and reasonable, I like you. Please don’t take this the wrong way…

            Women throw this out there so casually it always surprises me. I don’t want to be a guy in the generally category. I want to be exceptional. when you push a guy off till date five, you might as well just come out and say “I’m not exceptionally attracted to you, but maybe you will do”. Thanks but no thanks

  13. K Says:


    I just said generally because maybe there was an exception. In my current mind frame and recent years that hasn’t been the case. So even if he was exceptional it would take me a little amount of time for me to get to know him (usually about a month not much longer). I don’t “push” anyone off. He can not ask me out again if it’s outside his time frame. I also am not one of those women who gets too excited at first anyhow. More of a slow burn. The fact that I’m dating someone past date 1 or 2 means I think they ARE exceptional because I’m still dating them. I don’t often accept 2nd and 3rd dates.

    Don’t worry I’m not offended. If I lose a man who needs things to move faster, I’m okay with taking that risk.

  14. Jim Says:

    Are you blind, Moxie? This dude is making a play for YOU, assessing YOUR interest. My guess is that he’s a reader of your old column of reminiscences about sexual escapades with men named for TV characters. His age is in the right neighborhood, and after reading your true confessions he’s probably operating on the assumption that you play as fast as the ladies he’s looking for. Think about it: First, he blows smoke up your jumper by telling you how sexy it is that you “get” men. Then he bemoans the time-wasting he has endure when all he really wants is for 2 mature and consenting adults to be able to jump in the sack if their mature and consenting hearts desire. Sound familiar? Then there’s the emotional attachment he confesses (I thought men didn’t get “attached”). Who does this remind us of? Call him Mr. Moxie.

  15. Jeff Says:

    OP here, I didn’t intend to reply, but some of the comments are amazingly good.

    Moxie: I’m a little disappointed in your assessment. Aggressive, yes. I’m a man and I need to be or I would date once every 5 years. Entitled? Not at all. I’m actually concerned with not wasting the woman’s time as well as mine. You should see the looks on some women’s faces when we’ve spent all night having a good conversation, flirting, and some light kissing, and then I politely ask her to go home with me. Then she politely tells me she doesn’t do that. They are obviously disappointed and we both wasted our time.

    Raving Lunatic, meh: I actually don’t want a serious relationship now. I made the comment about some women being high quality because I see how many people, both men and women, negatively judge the fast moving women. I wanted to emphasize my respect for them and to say I don’t believe in the societal stereotypes. If I did want a serious relationship, I would have no problem doing it with a woman who slept with me a few hours after meeting me.

    DrivingMeNutes, hammersandnails: Thumbs up.

    Steve: Since adopting this strategy, I’ve had more sex with a larger number of women in the past year than in the previous 25. But we can always improve our efficiency, time is precious.

    Jim: Nope, not interested in Moxie at all, but I think her confidence and attitude is sexy. Also, she has been picked on regarding her physical attributes in a way that I think was needlessly cruel. I wanted to pay her a well deserved compliment.

    • Selena Says:

      You should see the looks on some women’s faces when we’ve spent all night having a good conversation, flirting, and some light kissing, and then I politely ask her to go home with me. Then she politely tells me she doesn’t do that. They are obviously disappointed and we both wasted our time.

      Seems quite efficient to me. The only thing more efficient would be to tell women prior to date 1 or 2 you hoped the evening would end at your place. Efficient but less effective I would imagine.

      • Selena Says:

        And since you DON’T want a relationship, only a hookup, why don’t you use the hookup/casual encounter sites? Wouldn’t that be most expedient? Certainly less of a waste of time for you and the women who don’t want to go home you with on date 1.

        • hammersandnails Says:

          Because there are, practically speaking, no women on those sites.

          • Selena Says:

            So what does that indicate hammer?

            • hammersandnails Says:

              That even women who want casual sex are not comfortable admitting they want casual sex, and that I’m sure there are enough men acting horribly on those sites to scare off the women who are?

              • Selena Says:

                Or there are more women who want a lover who will stick around compared to those who fancy a one night hookup?

  16. Eliza Says:

    Why doesn’t the OP just go to the “casual encounters” section of CraigsList – tons of prospects there. Sure, they charge…but it’s a sure thing. Either way you have to pay, with a date or by hiring a prostitute.
    I guess some guys want sex – without the price of a prostitute. They want sex – for cheap…like a drink or a coffee date. Good luck finding a woman that desperate.

    • LostSailor Says:

      Not sure why you want to consider men who like sex, even early on in a dating relationship, are essentially criminals who want to get it without violating the law. Your advocacy of prostitution fairly screams “I’ve got issues.”

      I guess some guys want sex – without the price of a prostitute.

      Women who like sex aren’t desperate. Or prostitutes. After all this time, we get it: you sell yourself high, if at all, or have been burned one too many times for selling too low. That you view relationships and sex as fundamentally a transaction says volumes…

    • POV Says:

      Better watch out Eliza that you don’t price yourself out of the market. Your expensive dates with a “generous” man that you demand for the hint of sex aren’t a good investment. Now I wouldn’t ever frequent a prostitute, but a couple hundred dollars for sure thing sex with a tight early 20’s woman beats the hell out of games with a not-so-tight early 40’s woman.

      Or maybe a man will skip dating women who see sex as some sort of “reward” for jumping through ridiculous (and undisclosed) hoops and only date woman who have a healthy attitude towards sex (which may or may not include early sex).

    • POV Says:

      and just for the sake of curiosity, what do you charge? 3 drinks? Wine? Dinner? 2 Mendy’s? If you just order soup does it count as a whole meal?

  17. LostSailor Says:

    I can certainly understand Jeff’s experience here. A long string of dating women multiple times, with no indication that sex is on the table (or “lukewarm” to sex). His decision to change his standard and his pattern of behavior is entirely rational, not “entitled.”

    I’ve said before that most men will wait for sex as long as there is escalation of physical intimacy–whether it’s light kissing to more passionate making out, etc.–that demonstrates that the relationship is moving toward getting frisky.

    I think having a hard second-date deadline is a bit limiting, every woman is going to have a different comfort level. I agree that for most men, sex is a necessary component for determining long-term viability. But Jeff isn’t really looking for long-term viability. So I also agree with other commeters who have said that there is no way to “filter out the slow movers” on an initial meeting other than making a move. If it works, it works; if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Move on. Of course Jeff hasn’t had luck with women who ask about is “last relationship.” That’s their filtering mechanism to find out if he’s just a player, which, of course, he is or at least wants to be.

    I don’t buy that he’s concerned about wasting the time of quality women whom he respects as defying social stereotypes. He wants to get laid by attractive women; nothing inherently wrong with that–Eliza aside–but asking here about how to become more “efficient” is, I think, barking up the wrong tree.

    It sounds like Jeff, at 48, is making up for lost time. But there’s no magic bullet. Sorry, dude, you just got to grind it out…

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