Comment: Hi there,
I recently turned 38 and am thinking about getting back on Match. I’m considering listing my age as 35 on my profile to give myself more of chance to be noticed when guys do a search. But I would disclose my real age in the About Me section and explain the discrepancy. I’ve seen some guys do this with their profiles so that’s where I got the idea.
I have always been honest in my online dating profiles so am worried this might be a bad thing. Even though I look great for my age (I know, everyone says this, right?) and have great, recent and clear profile pictures to use, I just want to give myself more visibility online.
What do you think? Jules
I see nothing wrong with fudging your age or height or even your body type in your dating profile. As long as photos are recent and accurate and you don’t go crazy with manipulating these statistics, I think you’re fine. I tell people who are fuller figures (within reason) or heavier set to select Average as their body type. Average is subjective, just like Curvy is subjective. Fit doesn’t have to mean thin. Fit means healthy. Again, that’s subjective. People only gripe about all the horrible, terrible lies people tell in their profile to justify either a) why that person rejected them or b) why weren’t attracted to that person. They’re trying to avoid appearing shallow. If they’re attracted to that person, the lies don’t matter.
All of the blustering you hear about this topic is self-righteous bravado. People who get caught up in this kind of minutiae are only exposing their lack of dating experience and inordinate expectations. Attraction trumps dishonesty the majority of the time. Most mature and reasonable adults know that massaging the truth in this particular situation is not a sign of possible nefarious behavior down the road. Like everything else in life, there is a curve of acceptable white lies to tell when dating online.
I said in a post a few weeks ago that one of the reasons why you don’t hear me griping and complaining about all my bad/disappointing dates is that I have low expectations. I assume that people manipulate the truth a bit. I’m okay with that. There’s nothing wrong with overselling yourself just a bit in order to get the interview. It’s when you cross over into complete and total misrepresentation that this becomes a problem. I had a client recently tell me that he wanted to include his “philanthropic arts organization” in his profile. Turns out it was a Meetup group. We debated back and forth as to why I felt he shouldn’t mention this particular aspect of his life in his ad. My stance was that “philanthropic arts organization” conjured up certain images. That phrase makes it sound like he has investors and a board and, you know, MONEY. A lot of it. When a woman finds out that his arts organization was actually a Meetup group that met in the back of some dive bar, she would think he was shady and possibly crazy. No matter how good looking someone might be, those kinds of untruths will bite you in the ass. Lies like that are usually outliers of malicious deception and delusion.
So, sure, shave a couple years off your age and mention that fact in your profile just so you can say you were upfront. If they didn’t read your whole profile and miss that point and act all wounded, that’s on them. If they cry foul and talk about how deceived they feel, breathe a sigh of relief. You dodged a bullet.