Comment: I met a guy online recently and he seemed really in to me, texting everyday, we skyped a few times because he lives out of state. I went to a concert one night and he said it sounded fun and he wished he was here, i sent him a couple of pics of me and my friends at the concert and we text a little while i was there. He didnt call or text the next day so i assumed he thought i was coming on too strong so i thanked him for the great two weeks and was planning on ending it. he text me and we started to communicate again, i told him i hadnt been out on a date or with a man in a couple of years and wasnt too up to date with the whole dating scene. he said well we definitley have a connection so we can take it day by day we text a little after that but things seem forced and he hasnt called or text in a couple of days? did i blow it by acting anxious or gave too much info too fast. I just feel confused because he was the one coming on so strong and then as soon as i reciprocated he bounced.
I’ve addressed the out of state suitor issue several times so I’m not going to do a retread of that. In a nutshell, people from out of state or out of the country that contact you are scammers, people with no/low options likely due to a personality or aesthetic limitation, or just looking for phone/skype sex or attention. It doesn’t surprise me to hear that you’re out of touch with the current dating landscape, as those are exactly the types of people that end up being targets. If you mention anything alluding to your lack of experience or naivete in your profile, remove it.
There was nothing to blow here. He never had any intention of taking things beyond texting and phone calls. You were his imaginary girlfriend. Someone to talk to. You possibly could have been someone to scam. But you probably were never seriously considered girlfriend material. That’s got little to do with you. That has to do with him and what his real motivations were.
Now that we cleared that up, let’s talk about your admission to him that you hadn’t been on a date in two years. Don’t do that. Ever. That goes for men and women equally. Do not ever say anything that even hints at your inability to attract someone. If someone asks you when your last relationship or sexual experience was, and it was several months or years ago, then lie. Lie your god damn face off. Be vague. You don’t have to create a whole back story. Just say something simple and nondescript. People who ask such questions reveal their own inexperience. Trust me, nobody wants to hear the truth. They don’t want to know that you haven’t had sex in God knows how long, because the very next question will be, “Why?” Yes, why? That’s the mood and momentum killer. Why has nobody wanted to have sex with you? Why have you not been able to have sex? What is wrong with you? That’s what they will be wondering.
The funny thing is, no matter how a man or woman answers that question, they’re pretty much screwed. Say you broke up with someone a few months ago and you’ll be deemed a liability. Say you haven’t dated much in over a year and you’ll be perceived as some kind of social leper. No matter how you slice it, you’ll be opening up a can of worms.
If you’re asked questions about a break up, that is not an invitation to divulge the true reasons why you split with your spouse or moved out of that condo you bought with your Boo. Taken at face value, it closely resembles a genuine inquiry. In most cases it’s a test to see if you a) bad mouth your Ex b) foolishly admit to causing the break up or c) are really over it and ready to date.
On those first few dates, you want to keep your answers and revelations to things that don’t leave much room for interpretation. Just by asking personal questions about your past, those people are letting you know of their own social inadequacies. Give those people the slightest thing to chew on and they will find a reason to reject you.
For all the moralizers out there who clutch their pearls at the idea of lying, this is for you.