Comment: Hi, I am a 33 year old engineer from New York. In July of this year I met a very beautiful 37 year old woman named Christine at a social event in Manhattan. Christine owns a small studio CO-OP apartment in Manhattan and makes less than $75K/year in salary. Christine explained to me that her dating history consisted of a first husband, whom she admitted she married primarily to get away from her father, followed by a five year relationship with a very successful contractor. She also told me that her dating history with the contractor was very tumultuous and had been interspersed with her dating other older, wealthy men primarily in the fields of medicine and finance. Men have given Christine imported German cars, she has lived in penthouse apartments in NYC, been afforded private drivers, never taken the subways when she’s going out in the evening, and been treated to some of the finest dining in NYC on a regular basis. I make a respectable salary of $90K, however, I am definitely not in the same league as her previous boyfriends. In less than 4 weeks of dating, which just about consisted of me staying at her place 5-6 days out of the week, she told me that she couldn’t date me any more because she wasn’t prepared to give up the lifestyle she was accustomed to. This precipitated from the fact that she was unhappy having to contribute to meals (we shared the cost of meals about 50/50-one usually one night I’d pay, the next night she’d pay) and the fact that she was unhappy that we weren’t going out enough for dinner and drinks(we went out about 2-3 nights/week). Then she surprised me by asking me to pack up my belongings and leave. Since that night we haven’t spoken. I am at a loss as to what really went wrong. She told me often that she had more of a connection with me than any other guy she had dated. She also told me that our sex was the best she’s ever had, and that I was the most handsome person she has ever dated. Additionally, it appeared to me that the fun things we did other than going out to bars was not enough for her. We took many walks with her dog and worked out together quite frequently. In the end it seems like none of that satisfied her. Is this normal? How much money should I feel obligated to pay per week to date a woman in a city like NYC? How many times a week does a woman want to be taken out? Should I tell the person I’m dating in advance about my budget for drinks and food so as not to disappoint her? Do you have any other advice for me that could help in this department other than finding a second job? Thank you.
City: New York
In July of this year I met a very beautiful 37 year old woman named Christine at a social event in Manhattan.
Just so I’m clear….it’s okay for you to date someone based on something shallow like their looks, but it’s not okay for someone to date someone for their money?
She told me often that she had more of a connection with me than any other guy she had dated. She also told me that our sex was the best she’s ever had, and that I was the most handsome person she has ever dated.
Yes. She lied to you to get what she wanted. File that one under Derp. She has been able to get the attention of very wealthy men. Why? Because she’s beautiful and probably knows exactly how to make these men feel attractive and desirable. God bless her. You just didn’t pass the test. That doesn’t make you a bad person or undesirable. It just means that you shot out of your league. You want the Christines of Manhattan? You’re gonna have to pay for it. Womp womp. That’s life.
No, you shouldn’t alert someone to the fact that you can only afford to pay so much for dates. That’s like telling someone you haven’t had sex in a year. You’re revealing a perceived, by many people, weakness. I’m not sure how you know her salary range or why you know so much about her relationship history. I can only assume she was giving you a heads up as to what she expected. Going forward, you should always take admissions like that as a red flag. None of those things she admitted are especially endearing or attractive, which just tells me she wasn’t with you for the companionship or affection. She was with you because she wanted a certain experience. She wasn’t trying to impress you. Quite the opposite. She was waving her dirty laundry from the start. In a sense, she was warning you. Of course she’s going to shower you with compliments. That’s how she gets and keeps those men. She knows exactly how to play it. Right or wrong, she gets what she wants. She doesn’t hold a gun to any of those men’s heads and force them to buy things for her, nor does it sound like she’s leading them on in some way. She’s beautiful, she looks good on their arm and she strokes their ego. Win fucking win for both.
My suggestion to you is to aim a bit lower and look a little deeper. You’re clearly miffed at how anybody could lead a life like that, yet you’re really just as shallow. At least she’s honest about it.