Comment: So I have been dating a guy for nearly 5 months now. Things are starting to get serious. Met his mom, spend time with his kids, etc…. I havent seen him in 4 days and I missed him. He told me he will be with kids this weekend, but I can see him whenever. So I thought i would surprise him. I went got some cheesecakes from cheesecake factory got dressed and went to his house to surprise him at 10 pm for a bit since i wouldnt be able to see him for a few days. I didnt call or give him heads up because i he told me earlier “you know where I will be”. When he opens door. He smiles very surprised and says “no call, no show, unannounced”. It ruined everything . I felt so awkward and told him i should leave because i felt as if he is bothered by my surprise. He said “it would have been nice to know, i wouldnt do it”. My sweet surprise backfired and i felt like shit. He apparently thought i came to see if he was in fact with kids. Which was not the case. I just missed him and wanted to spend some short time. Now he feels bad so he says. And i still feel upset as i didnt feel welcome. Am I wrong for doing that??
This is one of those situations where you’re never going to understand it until you’re in it. That’s why it’s hard to date people with kids when you don’t have any. There really are a whole new set of guidelines that come with dating as a single parent.
I think that the problem was that you dropped by unannounced at 10pm when his kids were there. Yes, you’ve met them, but you don’t really know what he has told them about your relationship. In general, I’m not sure most people like to have people drop by without any warning. It is, you know, a bit rude.
You feel embarrassed for what you did, and that’s understandable. I think maybe the two of you were taken off guard by the other and then things kind of spiraled.
Now, let’s address the fact that he suggested (at least you implied that he suggested) that you were checking up on him. I’m going to wager that, despite your claims to the contrary, you were. Most experienced adults know that swinging by your mate’s apartment unannounced is fraught with landmines. Especially if you know they have guests, like their children. I’m not sure I believe it was that you missed him as much as you didn’t like that you had to take a back seat to his kids that motivated you to go over to this place. What I do know is that most people wouldn’t do that because they’ve done it and learned from that mistake. But that’s why experience is so important. That’s the stuff that helps you grow.
So, now you know not to do that again. Apologize for it, and say that you misunderstood what he said, and just never bring it up or do it again.