I was discussing the topic of merging households and finances with a friend the other night. I was asked if I would move in with someone who freelances versus works full time. I said that I would date someone, either casually or seriously, who worked for themselves or freelanced, but that I would be very hesitant to live with someone in that position. I explained that I would need to have a solid understanding of how they managed their finances. I wouldn’t necessarily need a credit report, but I would have to have a feel for how responsible they are with their money. If their jobs were inconsistent in some way I would not, however, marry that person. No way, no how. Too dicey and ripe with possible conflict. I would never enter into a legally binding contract with someone who does not have a steady income or whose career was too unsteady or inconsistent. I would possibly date them, but I’d be really turned off their money problems interfered with out relationship.
I also added that it’s important to me that, if they did freelance, that they hustled. Meaning that they were always looking for that next gig while the first one was still going and weren’t content to just get by. I don’t ever see myself with someone who was happy to be complacent. Few people understand my refusal to date guys with roommates. That’s fine. Living on your own is my definition of maturity and financial stability. Down vote away, kids.
Money has become a re-occurring theme in my life over the past year. As has the importance of being with someone who understood that they are not entitled to any money I earn or generate based on my business or work. That doesn’t mean I would not share or contribute or be generous. It means that, oh, let’s say I moved in with someone or got married and merged accounts with someone….I would be sure to have one account with my name on it only and that they would not have access to it in any way, nor would they be put on my credit cards. Between the issue with what my step-mother did to the staggering level of duplicity and greed I’m witnessing as I watch my father’s probate situation unfold, I have become hyper sensitive to the idea of a man having any access to my money. I have a problem with the idea that my partner would be entitled to anything I earn. Naive. Stubborn. Foolish. I know. But this new found financial stability that I have earned over the past couple of years by paying off my credit report and now having no debt in junction with being blessed with a generous gift from my father has made me never, ever, ever want to return to the time when I was just a financial trainwreck. And I’ll be damned if I take on someone else’s debt. I’ve spent the morning on conference calls with lawyers and my family trying to explain the ins and outs of what falls under my father’s estate and what we are responsible for and the importance of signing paperwork that gifts all properties to us. It just reminded me of how I grew up kind of always expecting that any debt I had would be paid by my Dad and my utter lack of understanding of how it all worked.
All of this had made financial stability and drive and work ethic that much more important to me.