Comment: Apologies about the way I speak; I moved to America only a few years ago, and I still speak in the way I was conditioned at British private school in Somerset. Lol.
I would like to know whether you think I was stood up, or whether it’s a misunderstanding, and our argument should be resolved and we should try again. I arranged with a partner I met on a dating page to meet up; we started going through days and she suggested Wednesday, whilst I suggested Sunday of the following weekend to date. On Tuesday afternoon, I suggested we do both days at the equal distance location we had agreed to meet regardless of the day of our date. Specifically (and the wording is important as this is what our argument centers on) I said to her ‘would you like to do both days? We meet on Wednesday and Sunday?’ To which she replied ‘yeah, I would like that x’. I said that I would probably be able to meet at 3pm, and would let her know if impossible; she responded that she might have a doctor’s appointment but was not sure.
Wednesday came, and I got the train to our date place, at the scheduled time. She didn’t arrive. I waited an hour and then left, after which I sent a message saying what had happened, and that I was disappointed. She claims we hadn’t formally arranged the time and place, nor confirmed the actual day of Wednesday for the date and, therefore, whilst she’s sorry (an apology she later rescinded) that I made the journey to the meeting place, I wasn’t stood up because we hadn’t formally confirmed the date.
This annoyed me because she’s the one who suggested wednesday. I made a sarcastic comment about how dating arrangements have never been made formally with any of my exes, and that ‘would you like to meet at…?’ ‘Yes I would like to’ has generally been understood as propositioning and accepting a date. I made a sarcastic comment that in future I will ask for dates in the structure and manner of a formal police statement, complete with bold typing and capitals on all days, places, and people that are going.
My exact wording was: Next time I ask someone out, I will be sure to structure the message like a full on formal statement to law enforcement so everything’s spelt out nice and clear and in bold when it comes to time and places. I think I’ll be very popular with that! Thank you for helping me realise how to arrange things.
I then broke up with her in anger.
We carried on arguing (we were typing on Skype now) and when I cooled down a bit I offered to consider other days; she was unsure whether to accept but eventually agreed with my idea that it would be adviseable to speak when we have both calmed down (after all, in our heated state, I had broken up with her 3 times, asked her out once, and she has rejected me seven times- don’t ask how seven rejections happened to one reasking, nothing the pair of us do makes sense).
In all honesty, I can’t say for certain whether she received my message when I was approaching the place saying that I was headed there (she’s claiming she didn’t read it until my angry message hours later when I was heading home). However, I still feel stood up and despite the fact that she initially appeared sympathetic, she quickly turned it round to her being the victim, and complaining that we hadn’t formally agreed anything.
I’m angry because I wasted my time and money on a date which didn’t happen, and I feel stood up. I half only want us to repair things so that I can do the same to her on Sunday. I know that’s immature, and I probably wouldn’t do that anyway, though the thought crossed my mind and was the driving force with regards to going full circle from having dumped her to suddenly asking that we work things out.
I would be willing to try again if other people feel that it was a misunderstanding. I had initially appeared hesitant about Wednesday, which could be taken as justifying her assuming there was no date. However, we’d spoken since that and before I was stood up, and she had seemed to understand what was happening.
I’m sorry that this is long and confusing; I’m still confused and torn between anger and hurt and confusion and bewilderment and a desire to mend things, perhaps a little paradoxically, at the same time.
This is why you always confirm a date the morning of the date.
I’m thinking she, like I’m sure most of the reading audience here, was confused by the way you made plans. Most people don’t set up two dates at once. It’s not clear to me if you two had met before or not. I’m guessing you have. I think this might be a good time for you to walk away. It’s hard to come back after a disagreement like the one it sounds like you and she had.
She’s probably a bit freaked at your reaction. Which, in my opinion, seems a bit extreme. You’re running through a ton of emotions over something that sounds like an innocent mix-up. If I were dealing with someone who got this worked up over something, I would definitely reconsider dating them and worry that they might have some issues. Next time, confirm plans that were made the day of the date in order to avoid confusion.