Comment: My question is this…
1. I am 32, single and have been divorced for two years now. After my divorce, I had no other option, but to return home and live with my parents. I have tried Craigslist, and pretty much any dating sites that are out there. I only started this recently.
2. So, How do I ask a girl out? Also, how do I approach the subject of me still living with my parents to the girl that I am asking out?
3. I am tired of being single, I want to find my equal… Meaning that I want that glint back in the corner of my eye. I want to be happy again. Please, if I am doing something wrong, then tell me. I would rather know now, then later. Also, if you have any tips for me, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!
I’m not going to lie. Living with your parents is going to make things difficult for you. While it’s understandable that, after a divorce, things might not be great for you financially, someone who has never married or possibly even lived with anybody might not understand why. So my first suggestion is to focus on dating divorced women. They will have a basic understanding of your situation.
Obviously, living on your own would help your situation significantly. Can you get a roommate? You don’t mention much about your situation other than you’re divorced. Do you have children? Are you working? If you can’t afford to live on your own, how do you expect to be able to afford the costs that come with dating? It makes sense that you’d like to start getting back out there, but you have to be realistic about what you’re up against. Dating can be expensive. Especially if you’re dating online. You’re going to have to compensate for living with your parents by not skimping on dates. That doesn’t mean you have to go all out, but $20 coffee dates just aren’t going to cut it. I would also move to a paid site. Your situation kind of requires that you demonstrate that you are willing to pay and are not bordering on the poverty level. You don’t want to be on CL or Plenty of Fish. Try OK Cupid and Match. Your photos need to make you look like you have your life together. You need to look happy, neat and polished. There can be no traces of sad sackery in your profile text. The best approach is to maximize your positive attributes and spin your story. Telling women you moved back home after divorce because you had no other options is Sadster 101. A better explanation Is that you moved home to save money. You don’t have to say for what. Showing financial responsibility and that you have a financial plan for the future will work to your benefit. These women you barely know don’t need to know your whole back story.
I’m torn between advising you to be upfront about your situation in your profile and waiting until you are exchanging messages to reveal your living situation. I would definitely reveal it before you meet. Personally, it would annoy me to find out on a date that the guy had roommates or lives with parents. That’s one of the few “probing” questions I ask when exchanging messages with someone. I start off by asking in what part of the city they live and then ask if they live alone. I don’t date men with roommates. We’ve covered this. It’s a lifestyle choice that many people have. If you’re situation involves you living in a completely separate extension of the house, then that’s more workable.But if you’re living in your old bedroom, you’re going to have trouble. Sorry, but you are.That’s why it’s important to come up with a story that is (mostly) true that highlights your positive traits.
When you do get to a point where you’re ready to ask someone out, the main thing to remember is that confidence and assertiveness is key. Don’t drag your feet and don’t hesitate. What most women want, I think, is a guy with a plan. Figure out where you’d like to take them once you’ve chatted a bit. Find a place that works with your budget. Have your schedule organized so you can suggest a couple of different nights. Don’t be vague or wishy washy. Exchange a few messages and then suggest that you and she meet up. Easy peasy.
Your real priority here should be getting back on your feet. Maybe you should wait to date until you’re in a better financial position? Dating can be brutal on someone’s self-esteem. You already sound somewhat emotionally beaten down. Maybe put dating on the shelf a bit until you feel more settled?