Comment: I’ve been dating a guy for 7 weeks. It’s moved incredibly slowly. We saw each other once a week, a week night, for the first 5 weeks. He would walk me home, kiss me goodbye. Complete gentleman. To the point I thought there was no chemistry! Then on our 5th date he said he was thinking of going away for the weekend, would go by himself, but if I wanted to come, no expectations, he’d be a complete gentleman. I decided to bite the bullet and go.
We actually had an amazing weekend, discovered we had a lot in common, and there was chemistry. But we didn’t sleep together – discussed it on the 2nd night and agreed we didn’t want to the first time drunk (it was about 2am at this point!), so would wait a bit.
This was two weeks ago. I presumed the weekend away would progress things, since it went so well. We’ve only seen each other twice, briefly, since we got back. Last time we went out, he talked about having me over to his place. But when I suggested we get together on the weekend, he said he would be upstate hiking on the Saturday, and might be too tired from his trip on Sunday……and I haven’t heard from him since!!
Now before we went away, communication was very sporadic. He would get in touch to arrange a date, but we would never chit chat in between, and I might not hear from him for 5 days. I know he’s really busy, he runs 3 businesses, and he also likes his alone time. He also said he has not really dated since his relationship ended a year ago.
But I’m left wondering if I will even hear from him again. I’m pretty sure if I text him, he’ll reply. But since he shot my weekend suggestion down, I dont want to chase. But it’s now been 5 days!
I feel like he is either dating someone else and keeping me on the sideline (I have no idea if he went away by himself or with a friend or a girl…), or really just isn’t ready for anything…or just a bit dating inept?
We are in our 30s, it shouldn’t be this hard?? What do I do??
City: New York
Or….he went away with you for a weekend after dating you for seven weeks and you didn’t have sex with him. I’m going to wager that that’s why you haven’t heard from him. This is a busy guy. He runs three businesses? Yes, he’s probably pretty busy. I run one and my time is limited as it is.You say that you know he’s busy, but obviously you don’t truly grasp how busy he probably is.
He needs to cut the fat from his schedule. You got cut. He doesn’t have the bandwidth for this. You’re a woman in your mid-thirties. You had seven dates with this guy. You were in a room with a bed in it and you still didn’t sleep with him. The alcohol had nothing to do with it. That was an excuse that you came up with and that he agreed to because he had to. If you had wanted to sleep with him, you’d have been sure not to drink too much. This is why he has faded. He was no longer going to invest the time into the relationship. Maybe he is dating someone else. Maybe he’s not “ready.” (Hint: That’s not really a thing.) None of those things matter and are just justifications to pin this on him. Sorry. You are equally responsible. You’re an adult. You don’t go away with a guy you’ve been dating for seven weeks and not have sex with them. So, you either aren’t into him or not into sex. Neither bode well for him. Hence his disappearance.
I’m guessing that you didn’t sleep with him because you weren’t sure if he could fit you into his life. I get that. But if that’s the case, you should have had that conversation before you went away or while you were away. You can’t be passive in situations like this. Passivity does not get you what you want. Passivity is for people who want everything to happen to and for them. That’s not how a mature adult thinks.
This relationship was progressing slowly. The trip was a step forward. He likely walked away from that thinking he took two steps back. If, in those two dates since you got back, you still didn’t sleep with him I can say with 99% certainty that it was because of the lack of sex.