Comment: I’ve been dating a guy now for a few months, and a couple of weeks ago the conversation of “where do you see this going” got brought up by him not me. Ultimately we agreed that eventually we wanted this to be exclusive with the whole bf/gf label. 2 weeks ago he went completely MIA, but then returned and hasn’t quite been the same since then. Last night while talking on the phone he asks me if I have ever dated anyone with a child & if it is hard. When I responded yes I had and it is hard why. His response was I’ve been talking to this woman with a kid and I don’t think I could date someone with a kid. First off we are not exclusive so I don’t care if he is dating other people but WHY would he even bring that up to me in conversation? When I asked him that suddenly I had an attitude problem. Do I let this play out, or do I say sh*t or get off the pot tell me what you really want.
I’m going to kick start this post with a broad generalization.
For the most part, guys aren’t really anxious to have the “where is this going” conversation unless they are on the marriage/baby track. That’s the first red flag here. He opened the door to this conversation. The majority of time when men bring this subject up it’s because they’re trying to break up with a woman or slow things down. He’s broaching the topic in a way so that you will be honest. Then he can lower the boom. So, in the future, when a guy asks this question, be wary. If he’s shown no signs of wanting to settle down, he’s probably using that issue as a way to tell you he wants out.
The fact that he asked you about whether or not you’ve ever dated someone with kids further cements my previous thought. He’s bringing it up in hopes of picking a fight. He’s trying to offend you by talking about dating other women. You’ll get upset, and then he’ll use that argument to say he doesn’t think things are working. Which is exactly what he did. He was trying to piss you off so that he can use that reaction against you to justify ending things. That way he can convince himself that he did the right thing. He’ll make it about you and your attitude and your investment in the relationship and get all, “Whoa. Slow down there , Missy!” Things like this are done to create an opportunity, a window. If a guy “innocently” brings up what he’s doing with other women when not with you, leave. First of all, it’s disrespectful. Second of all, it’s passive aggressive. People like this are toxic.
A lot of people use tactics like this encourage a certain dialogue. He’s trying to break up with you. He is telling you what he wants. He’s just not telling you directly