Why Do We Find Men With Accents So Sexy?

January 23rd, 2014

Am I Shallow?, Meeting Women, NEW!

Name: Gguyaccent
Comment: Hi,
I am a “young professional” guy living in Boston for 3 years. I moved here from Ireland with my job.

At first I guess I thought I had struck gold, I merely had to order a beer at the bar when someone would overhear my accent and want to introduce themselves. It seemed easy to meet women and get dates…. but the novelty quickly wore off. As a female friend recently commented when I told her this story.. “I guess the accent is your version of the female ‘My eyes are up here!'”. Women seem to be very keen on meeting a foreign guy, an being Irish in Boston helps I guess. But I soon found myself slightly turned off when the ONLY thing they seemed interested in was asking me to “Say something Irish…” but never interested in me, my interests, my careers, my likes, my dislikes, or anything else at all…

I’m at a point where I don’t want to be “the Irish guy”. Women seem to see me as a short-term option or a hookup, but never seem to actually consider dating me. I know that sounds cynical, and I hate sounding that way but it does sometimes feel that way.

Over the past 2 years, I’ve had short relationships which last a few weeks to maybe a month or two.
A lot of girls seem to want to hookup quickly, then vanish or make their excuses.
One girl, as it turned out, used me as her one last fling before marriage (Note: I had no idea she was engaged and I cut it off the second I found out).
The last girl I dated was for about a month, she seemed very into me, said all the right things, it felt like it might go somewhere and she was open to it. But as soon as we slept together she disappeared off the face of the earth. As ridiculous as it sounds, I felt used. We went through the whole normal dating phase for weeks, I didn’t want to rush it and it seemed like it was working this time… but the result was once again the same.

I’m just very confused. Meeting or getting dates is not an issue. Forming a relationship seems almost impossible. I don’t know if being foreign means that how I talk or act is not what women might consider longterm or if they think I’m going to up and leave or what it is really…

Any opinions out there?
Age: 28
City: Boston
State: MA


As someone with an accent fetish, I can only speak from my experience. Yes, some women will want to get with you just for the accent. It’s something different. The accent conjures up images of James Bond and Benedict Cumberbatch. Accents can compensate for a lot. Unfortunately for those with the accents, the thrill doesn’t last for long. Eventually the intrigue wears off.

It sounds like you’re meeting women who aren’t genuinely interested in or attracted to you beyond the accent. So, going forward, you should probably avoid dating any female who gushes or makes a big deal of your accent.  Consider it a red flag. You should also probably make a concerted effort to meet women who are a bit more worldly. I will be the first to admit that my attraction to accents is due to my own lack of sophistication. If I went to Columbia or worked in finance or a more upscale industry, I’d probably come in contact with men from England, Ireland, Australia, etc regularly. When you lead a rather sheltered life and surround yourself with people who look and talk just like you, you’re more likely to notice that thing that stands out or feels different, especially if it’s associated with something or someone considered glamorous. Especially especially if all you know of that culture or country comes from TV and movies.  I was embarrassed that I had to ask who Guy Fawkes was while I was watching the new season of BBC’s Sherlock. Just by asking about the history behind Guy Fawkes Day showed how narrow my world view is.

It sounds like you need to network in circles where being from another country isn’t considered so exotic. Boston, because it has so many excellent schools and universities, has a number of inhabitants from other parts of the world. I would go to Meetup.com and try to join some of the International and Ex-Pat groups.

Your age might be a factor, too. If you’re going after women in their early twenties, then that might also be contributing to why these women are so flakey. So maybe try to meet women a few years older than you. Not only have they been around longer and have probably already encountered their fair share of Liam Neesons sound-alikes, but they’re more likely to know what they want.

Also consider that, well, you might need to polish up your social and sexual skills. If the sex was satisfying, I don’t see why these women wouldn’t come back for more. Harsh, I know, but a real possibility. You’ll need to do some inventory. If women frequently bail right after sex, then the sex might be the issue.

Finally, what’s your visa status? I have to be honest and say that unless someone had a green card, I’d be hesitant to get involved with them unless they were here on a work visa. I wouldn’t want to get attached only to find out their visa wasn’t being renewed or that they had to go back home and re-apply. That could take several months.  That’s something you may wish to be upfront about, even in your dating profile if you have one. Unfortunately, there are some people who actively try to date American citizens in the hopes they can get married and they can gain citizenship.


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23 Responses to “Why Do We Find Men With Accents So Sexy?”

  1. Howard Says:

    I hope you know that most of the guys on this blog are not going to feel sorry for you. After all you are getting easy entry, and have the nerve to complain about it. Some guys will probably call you an attention whore. Let me try to be a little understanding and give you some good advice as an older guy.

    As human beings, we are all full of “you know what”. We all have some type of fetish, at least some little thing that the opposite sex has, that gets us captivated. For some guys its tits or ass or innocent look or long legs or waif-like look or pretty or anything we hone in on. For the ladies it’s height or muscles or swag or accent or pretty-boy look or athletic ability or good dancer or nice ass or money or dangerous or anything on a long list.

    What you have to realize is that these things provide a very good introduction, no more. People don’t stay in that mode. It’s just something that gets us started. Be a little more forgiving of these seemingly shallow reasons, because we do tend to come back to some reality and are in fact still substantial, in spite of our fetish or predilection.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

  2. Chris Says:

    As Moxie said, what accents we are drawn to only depends on where we grew up. As a European male living in NYC, I happen to think that girls with southern accents are incredibly sexy, but that’s probably just because it’s so far removed from anything I grew up with.

    She’s also right about the second part: If the girls always flee, there must be another issue, unrelated to his accent. If he’d be the most interesting person on the planet or incredibly good in bed or a good combination of both, the girls wouldn’t run off – no matter what age.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

  3. CoolDude Says:

    Doesn’t sound like he’s bragging, otherwise he wouldn’t be writing into a dating blog and would just be lapping it up. I think, more than anything, this points out that women do the “pump and dump” almost as much (or maybe more?) as men and this is hardly ever pointed out because it doesn’t make for page-view clicks and/or interesting trend pieces in the NY Times.

    I’m sure it’ll just take some trials and tribulations for this guy but he’s 28, has an accent and in a big city so I’m sure he’ll be fine. Also, one other fun antidote I like to point out about “women who love accents.” Many women love British accents, however they love the RIGHT kind of British accent. Not the Gallagher brothers from Oasis-type dirty Manchester accent.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 5

    • JulesP Says:

      What’s wrong with a good Manc. accent?! I hail from North Manc. born and bred… The fact that you don’t like Oasis or the Gallagher bros. is your personal choice (maybe you just don’t like the fact that Noel’s every second word is “fuck”, which is fine).

      OP.. I live in Israel and have lived here since age 21.. I make my accent work for me as in it’s my visiting card :-)

      Do agree though with certain comments that if the women you are meeting are disappearing after one month/sex then it’s something else that’s the issue here.

      Your accent is only your visiting card, after that – like anything else you may want to achieve, you have to work at it.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 4

  4. Goldie Says:

    OP, to put it nicely… your letter resonates with me greatly. To put it not as nicely – cry me a river. I moved here from Eastern Europe when I was 29. I am now 46. I’ve taken some accent reduction classes, but I will never lose it completely. It will be with me till the day I die. And I live in the Midwest, not in a worldly place like Boston.

    Yup, having been single, dating, or in medium-length relationships, since 2010, I can relate to all of your experience and then some. I’ve had people assume that I’m less intelligent than they are, just because I have an accent and they don’t. I recently had a first date with a guy who tried to start a discussion with me about different brands of vodka as they taste compared to each other. I hadn’t tasted the stuff in decades. When I told him that, three times in a row no less, he still wouldn’t drop the subject.

    And I have many, many people see me as an exotic and approach me like I am an item on their bucket list… number 38, bang a Russian chick. Or, worse, expect me to be the stereotypical submissive Eastern European woman that they’ve seen in the movies, mail-order bride dating-site profiles, or wherever it is they get this drivel from. I had a guy tell me that he loves Eastern European women, because, quote, “they didn’t have much growing up, so they’re grateful for the little things that American women take for granted”. Um, no dude, I don’t want to have to thank you on my knees for whatever little things you throw at me. That’s a ridiculous expectation to have.

    It is hard. I feel your pain. No one likes being objectified. I am a unique person with a unique past and interests – I am not my country of origin. Same with you.

    Only piece of advice I have for you is, I’ve had better luck in the academic circles, compared to everyone else. In the two years I was with a college prof, neither he, nor anyone in his social circle, had ever thought it was weird that I was not born American, or had an accent. Hell, most of them are immigrants and have accents themselves, or are married to someone that is, and does. A lot of them (not all) did, however, look down on me because I was not a professor or didn’t have a PhD, but them’s the tradeoffs. Choose your preference.

    I have also had better luck with dating men who have first-generation immigrant parents, or who (for reasons I cannot figure out) have relocated to our area from either coast. Both these groups of people take me seriously, and see me as an equal, which, I assume, is what you’re after.

    Have to add, one thing that made me fall in love with NYC on my recent visits there, is that everybody in that city is from somewhere else, everybody has an accent, everybody is at least bilingual and no one thinks much of it. So, move to NYC maybe?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 1

    • Damien Says:

      “…number 38, bang a Russian chick…”

      I think banging a foreign chick or dude is on most people’s list, especially when they are traveling. I remember a guy I knew in college. He hung out at a nearby hostel to try to get laid with the foreign students. He boasted way too much. I don’t most of his stories were made up, but I’m sure a few of them were true. When in your twenties, pump and dump with foreigners is a part of the experience.

      As to why its going nowhere with the OP, dude, you are in Boston surrounded by foreign students. The letter definitely sounds like a boring beta male. Up your presence and your game.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 2

  5. Nicole Says:

    “or if they think I’m going to up and leave…”

    I do think this might be a factor in why women aren’t sticking around. Yes, lots of girls in their 20s are “flaky” – or just too busy with school and starting their careers to prioritize a relationship. But others, especially as they get closer to 30, are looking for something that will lead to marriage and/or kids. And a lot of them might wonder if you’ll be heading back to Ireland soon.

    You’ve been in Boston for a few years, but is this “home” now? Are you planning to stay in the US permanently? If you are, I would make sure you make this clear to any woman you’d like to have a long term relationship with. You’ll probably have much better luck with women you meet through work or friends, because they’ll see that you have a life in Boston and aren’t about to bail.

    (And if you are planning on going back to Ireland, you will unfortunately have to accept that many women aren’t interested in starting something that has an expiration date, or that might require them to move far away from their jobs and families at some point.)

    Also, I totally agree that gushing over your accent is a red flag, if you’re looking for more than a few dates. Either ignore those girls, or just have fun without getting your hopes up for anything serious ;)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

    • Howard Says:

      I wanted to avoid touching in on this residency thing that Moxie mentioned, but it seemed to have gotten wings. We have seen the green card movie and heard the stories, so this whole thing seem to have grown a life where many Americans feel so privileged in their citizenship that anyone from anywhere else seeking a romantic relationship in the United states is viewed with some suspicion.

      Well I have news for everyone, That’s what people do no matter where they go. Americans go to Germany; they try to meet a German man or woman, especially if said American is going to be there for more than a couple of weeks. Even when American men go to the worst hell-holes on this planet, they are trying to hookup with the local women.

      I think it’s offensive that this line of reasoning has even come up in this thread. It’s pure and simple, viewing someone with suspicion, simply because of national origin.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 12

      • Nicole Says:

        I agree with you, Howard, but there’s a big difference between assuming every non-citizen wants to marry you for a green card, and being hesitant about starting a relationship with someone who might have to (or want to!) return to living overseas at some point.

        Personally, I’d feel the same hesitation about getting involved with an American man who regularly lived overseas for work, or even a man who was working in my city for a year or two but planned to return home to New York afterwards. It’s not suspicion of his motives, it’s just not wanting to get attached and then have to choose between the guy and the life you’ve built.

        The OP mentioned in his follow-up that he does plan on staying in Boston (or the US at least) so I think this is less of an issue than some of us had assumed. I think it’s still important, though, that he mentions he’s building his life here, and isn’t just “here for my job” in the sense of a one or two year gig.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  6. C Says:

    I agree with Howard. An accent is your foot in the door and is generally a good thing. Think of it like a degree from a name school. Having a degree from Harvard may or may not get you the job, it certainly wont keep you the job, but it will likely get you an interview.

    I agree with Moxie, the age group is flighty. A friend who dates early to mid 20s girls mentioned that he was surprised that they easily hookup but seem confused about how to go about building a relationship.

    I also agree that the citizenship question can be a turn off. As a naturalized citizen, I had relatives try to introduce me to a “gorgeous athlete who needs citizenship” or “a gorgeous divorced doctor who needs citizenship”. I refused to meet them. I do, however, know a few folks that ended up in wonderful marriages while looking for citizenship.

    I am not sure if the issue is the sex. I know many women that put up with terrible sex because they were so into the guy.

    It might be online dating and dating in the metropolitan area. Online dating and a plethera of options tends to breed short attention spans. I think if you tried to date in the suburbs, you would have a different experience.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

  7. Ben Iyyar Says:

    As a man I can hardly explain why women find a foreign accent appealing, I assume some accents are rather exotic and thus intriguing to women. It also seems that while the accent opens the door, the character of the man, or the lack of character, or the sexual ability or lack of, probably determines the length of the relationship. But I agree more with TWYS’s suggestion that the question of citizenship is almost certainly a deal breaker.
    Personally I was raised by European parents and while I have almost no accent any more, I never found that my accent improved my chances. My sons have found that their Middle East accented English can be attractive or not so much, depending on the woman. On the other hand, I have felt more attracted to at least some women who have an accent, whether it is from the American South, New York, Eastern Europe, or the Middle East, I truly feel there is something mysterious to me about these women.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3

  8. HammersAndNails Says:

    I’m absolutely certain your problem is not your accent. A week or five isn’t a short relationship, it’s a long one night stand. If women are disappearing on you after sex and inside two months, you are giving them a reason to run for the hills.

    It’s something you are doing or not doing. Something very common on the girl checklist is always coming up short. Figure out what it is and fix it.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1

  9. G Says:

    Hi all, OP here again, just following up.
    Firstly, thank you Moxie and to all commenters for your ideas and opinions. Just wanted to follow up and discuss some comments.

    @Howard, I understand where you are coming from. In fact I get the same reaction from most of my friends. “You get girls easily and you are COMPLAINING?” That’s why it’s so difficult to ask about. Guys don’t get it. On the surface, it sounds great, sure, but I’m not a college kid looking to party and hookup with girls anymore. I’d like to think I have my act together and would consider dating the right person. Yet, to someone who might struggle to get dates, they can’t comprehend where I’m coming from… which makes it even harder to find the right advice.

    So, on the sex thing… that’s a topic for a whole other day. I don’t think I’m clueless in that department. But everyone has different tastes. But it could be the case with some girls, who knows? It’s not ALWAYS right after sex, that was one example, but in general, yes, its more of a quick fling or short dating even without sex. It feels like its cool to say “I met this Irish guy” but not really something a lot of girls consider as a longterm thing. In the beginning I’ve been described as, different, exciting, romantic, not like other guys, but after a while I’m told we are “just too different”. To me, the differences are what I love or I would go home. I couldn’t ever expect to find someone with a similar background, or childhood or interests to me, but I just find that part exciting… not everyone else does though.

    On my status. I’m not an American citizen, I haven’t been here long enough. But yes, I am fully legal and consider this home, and am not looking to leave. I have found myself having to clarify that easily. Even when dealing with a bank or renting an apartment, there is always that awkward moment until I clarify my legality. The problem is… besides being up front about it. What else can I do? To me, I sort of love that I can meet someone from somewhere else and see and learn from them, but to others, it seems outside their reality to actually be serious with someone different or with different background. I don’t really know how you can convince someone otherwise if they are not open to it… and it feels like a lot are not open to it.
    Even the thought of marrying someone for a status sounds so shady, I’d be too embarrassed to even consider such a thing, I feel it’s something I need to EARN for myself here. But again, how do I convince someone of such when it’s like the elephant in the room, of course it’s something that SOME people might do.

    I’ve definitely begun using it as a filter. If someone seems ONLY interested in my “Irishness” or wants to hookup quickly. It’s a bad sign. I often hear “Oh, I’ve never been with an Irish guy before”… it’s occasions like those, I feel like I will just be another notch on the bedpost and it turns me off. I know they will disappear right after… which is another point of contention. Where I’m from even if it is a brief relationship, it’s just the norm to at least be up front and say you don’t see things working out… not just disappear. But in a bigger city it seems to be easier to just ignore the person in the likelihood you will not run into them again soon, unlike my hometown. But that’s a different topic in itself.

    In terms of my life. I’m not trying to brag at all here. But I am a working professional, I am very lucky to have a good career that I love. I am lucky to have all the necessities in live, car, my own apt, no serious money worries, etc., good friends, fit and healthy. So on the face of it, I’m not the greatest guy on earth by any means, but I have my act together.

    I tend to date women around my own age, at least within 2-3 years. While the idea of dating more mature women well above my age is an option, I just don’t feel like I’d realistically settle down with someone with a huge age gap. In terms of younger women, I know their lifestyle is just different, esp if they are college age and in most cases it’s probably better not to get involved.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

    • LostSailor Says:

      It feels like its cool to say “I met this Irish guy”

      Meeting an Irish guy in Boston is a “cool” thing? Boston must have changed a lot since I used to hang there years ago.

      But the dirty little secret about Boston is that despite all the world-class institutions and universities, Boston is really a very provincial city. Non-transient locals can be very insular, and while you and your accent might be considered exotic, most native or near-native Bostonians aren’t really interested in the exotic long-term. (And I fully realize I might get flamed for this, but, hell, it’s true.)

      My advice would be to try to date women who have lived outside of Boston, especially women who have traveled abroad. Their experiential horizons will be broader and they’ll be less likely to negatively judge your “foreignness” for a longer-term relationship.

      And, not to judge, but make sure you satisfy them in bed. Actually, that goes for all men…

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 1

      • G Says:

        Hmmm… well, I didn’t want to get into this in my original post because I felt it would lead the conversation in a much different direction. But since the topic of sex… or how bad I must be at it, keeps coming up, well…

        It’s a tough topic. Everyone has different tastes and preferences so what’s good for one might not be for another. But overall, I’ve never had any complaints, in fact some girls who were not into anything longterm did in fact come back for more and were quite complimentary of me in that area, but I mistakenly took their want to return for more sex as actual interest in moving the relationship forward… thus they eventually did disappear.

        But every situation is different. I’m talking about over 2 years of dating here. I could write for days of all my stories, some I slept with quickly, some not so quickly, some not at all. If it really was ONLY about bad sex, I’d have to be REALLY bad to turn so many girls away in that time span of dating.

        I’ll try to be humble in saying, sure, maybe some girls could have that reason, some probably do. But I don’t feel like ALL girls had that reason and that alone. Infact sex is what made some of them stick around longer than they might otherwise have.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

        • LostSailor Says:

          G, that last line was more of a throw-away line. While everyone could be better at it (who doesn’t want to be better at it–don’t answer that), I don’t think the quality of sex is the problem.

          One point may be that 28 is a weird age. You’re seemingly wanting a more settled, long-term relationship but women even a couple of years younger aren’t necessarily there yet. I was actually where you are when I was 29. I grew tired of short relationships or ONSs and pretty much made a conscious decision to stop. Stop easy sex, generally stop looking. And I met my then-future-wife about 6 months after that. As I’ve related here before, we had one date and were married 2 years later.

          The point is, it may not be the accent, it may not be the sex, it just may be that your target market isn’t really ready to settle down yet.

          Hang in there…

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

    • J Says:

      Try being a cute, educated black girl lol I often date outside my race but every so often I come across a guy who wants me to be his token piece of ass. Fortunately they tend to be very obvious and are easy to dodge. You need to find someone who treats you like a person. I’m still looking for one but don’t assume the idiots represent the majority.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

    • Grizzly Says:

      How would you rate yourself as far as confidence/being alpha? You’re using the word “lucky” to describe having a good career, a car, no money worries, being fit, etc. These are all things that chicks like. But, think to yourself–did that good career just fall from the sky, or did you work hard and take it?

      You also use the phrase “not the greatest guy on Earth,” which doesn’t really project a sense of confidence and achievement. Since you seem to have everything chicks look for, plus the extra advantage of an exotic accent, the solution might be as simple as altering your body language (i.e., head up and shoulders back, don’t slouch) and lifting weights a couple times a week. You might also try shaving your head instead of combing (seriously), especially if (like me) you’re going bald. That screams confidence and macho to a lot of chicks.

      Also, how do you deal with feminine bitching and whining? If you refuse to put up with it, the chicks will stick around because they prefer strong men. Think of it in terms of evolutionary human instinct–if you can’t stand up to a snippety woman, how will you react when the barbarians attack?

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 2

  10. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    Wait. Irish people are allowed in Boston now? Damn Kennedy’s screwed it up for us Brahmins.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  11. LostSailor Says:

    While I can’t speak for what women find “so sexy,” I agree with Moxie and the commenters that generally women find foreign accents exotic. It’s different from the guys they’re used to, and different and exotic is exciting.

    And Moxie is absolutely right that the more worldly and sophisticated a woman is, the less likely she’ll be swayed by just an accent. Of course, worldly and sophisticated women may present other challenges, but that’s another topic.

    One of my best friends from college and my 20s was an Englishman, born in Scotland, raised in Australia and recently moved to the U.S. One of the few men I can say had the traits of a natural Alpha. When I met him as a freshman, his accent had become more American than Australian, but whenever he turned on that Australian accent, he would have women flocking to him, much to the amusement of his several girlfriends (several times more than one). I am not ashamed to say that I benefited from being his close friend. It didn’t hurt that he was otherwise very charismatic. The downside is that he’s since then had a successful career but a string of short failed marriages and broken relationships. But, then, that’s the way he played it.

    As for the Irish, I know quite a few Irish guys here in NYC (and G, seriously, you might want to consider a move if you can move the job) and most of them have been successful in getting long-term relationships and marriages. Most of them have been bartenders or bar-owners, but one guy married a hot doctor and has been married for year with three kids. Another met another Irish girl here–oddly the guy with the doctor introduced the last two, all from Cork–and they’ve been married for several years with two kids. Another Irish guy I know–not from Cork–has been in a long-term relationship. All of them started in their late-20s or very early 30s, so perhaps all hope is not lost.

    As for guys and accents, all I can say is that when I meet a woman with an accent, I make the assumption (usually correct) that she’s a little more low-key, a little more worldly, and since I’ve done a bit of foreign travel, perhaps a bit more compatible. For me, an accent is not necessarily more “sexy” but definitely more encouraging…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  12. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    It may be just a rumor but I’ve heard that there’s a WHOLE country filled with people who have Irish accents. You should check it out. I’ll bet you’d fit in better and the ladies would probably treat you just like everyone else.

    I guess it’s obvious but there is no such thing as a person with an accent. We ALL have accents. It just depends where we are at a given time. So, when you say, “I find accents sexy,” what you really mean is:

    “I find sexy guys who are in a place that is not the place where they are from.”

    Wow, that’s hot, no? Sorry if I killed the mood, girls.

    But, yeah, as a person with an “accent” too (American “accent” for me) I share your difficult burden of having to chase women off with a stick. Let’s commiserate. Group hug.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 14

  13. msM. Says:

    Hi I have been trying to put a finger on this, since I am also foreign, with little to no accent. I am Brazilian so a lot of men have a “fetish” for that, and I can ALWAYS tell these from the rest and I have NO interest in men like that. Men that are interested in these nationality/accent fetishes see me as an object and as a result have little to offer in terms of conversation, context and content. They often make obvious blunders or say stupid things.

    I would ask the OP the same thing, since I think it’s very easy to spot that. The minute I get the “exotic” vibe I turn off. So I wonder why he sticks around if he finds it so offensive to begin with. My guess, and this, from reading his post a few times, is that the interest he states the women aren’t showing him is exactly the interest he isn’t showing *them*.

    It is no secret that most women a geared towards relationships and very few of us go out of our way to avoid it, unless it is something glaring and obvious. My guess and this is a wild guess, is that the OP might have a narcissistic streak where he expects the women to be interested in “his career” or whatever else *he* got going. But he is not showing interest in theirs.

    I have not read anything specific about the women who have faded, as in personality characteristics or anything at all, so I am getting something very blank and quite numerical. I dated a narcissistic man very briefly this past summer. I was over the moon to correspond with him on OKC…he was VERY handsome on his pics and by the time I met him, and kissed him, I understood why he was still single and never married at 40, despite success and looks. He was cold, and a terrible kisser, meaning he had no inkling of how he came across and that is actually quite creepy to women.

    I am not saying the OP is like that necessarily, but I wonder if there isn’t something specific for him to latch onto so he can find women with *something* they might have in common other than initial attraction. Sports? Books? Find some place where people with whom you have common interests gather and you *will* find someone. You just have to actually be interested in what the person does and what they are passionate about, otherwise its’ all you you you. No one wants to date a monologue.

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  14. fuzzilla Says:

    I’ve never seen “Sherlock” & I think Benedict Cumberbatch is scrawny and weird looking. I saw a little clip of him on the Jimmy Kimmel show and I was like, “Well, that is a *fabulous* voice, I’ll grant you.” Not just accented, but deep and confident. He might be a good poster child for how carrying yourself well can really amp up your attractiveness (I might be a minority opinion, though).

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