Comment: I have been dating a girl for the last month and it’s gotten physical a few times now, but it’s somewhat unsatisfying. I’m a decent sized fellow, if you get my drift, but she still seems rather…loose. She isn’t having any problems with how the pieces fit, but I am. Is there a polite way to tell a girl you’ve recently started sleeping with that she needs to do kegels? I’d like to keep seeing her but sex is an important part of the relationship. It needs to be good for me to stay and right now it’s definitely below average. Or should I just move on?
This question reminds me of the comments we got on a post about oral sex. Some guys were insisting that that they looooved going down on women…as long as she had recently showered and shaved and was all “clean.” Those guys truly believe that they are all down with going down, but they’re not. Saying that a woman has to be recently showered and “fresh” in order to orally pleasure her reveals way more about a guy than he realizes. To a guy like that, the vagina is dirty and smelly and gross or they feel inadequate in some way and are just looking for an excuse not to perform oral sex because they fear they won’t be able to satisfy their partner.
If we only ever went down on someone if they were neatly groomed and “clean” we’d almost never go down on someone. Reasonable and experienced people know this. Mature folks are well aware of everything that occurs in that region and understands all the possibilities of what could pop up in terms of what we smell and taste. But guess what? We do it any way because either we love it or we know our partner loves it or both. Yep, might have to deal with a stray hair between your teeth or chaffing or could catch a whiff of something a little musky. It happens sometimes. But we work through it. If you’re into it and you care about your partner, an initial slight stench or change in taste doesn’t deter you. It’s the human body, not a field of roses.
Same goes for the idea that a woman isn’t “tight” enough. Orly? Are you packing a rolling pin? The problem isn’t her perceived “looseness.” Well, that’s not true. The problem is her perceived looseness. But it’s the figurative “looseness.” Get my drift, wink wink nudge nudge? Otter fears his partner has “been around” since her vagina doesn’t possess some sort of Kung Fu Grip. Because that’s a totally reasonable expectation to have of an adult woman who has had a healthy, normal, active sex life, right? I mean, it’s our job to keep our pelvic floor nice and tight so we can please our man, amirite ladeez? We have to make sure we can accommodate all of their girth..because that’s a given, right? That every man we ever sleep with will be well endowed and we’re never, ever, ever disappointed?
Oh, wait, it’s not? You mean, sex isn’t like what we’ve seen in porn? Well, that’s disappointing.
Look. The problem isn’t your partner’s vaginal muscles. The problem is your insecurity and fear that she’s had more experience than you and that you might not be able to satisfy her. That’s it. Just by submitting this question you’re revealing your own inexperience. Date someone for any extended period of time and have a regular sex life and guess what? It won’t feel the same as it did in the beginning. Science, bitch. You’d know that if you dated anybody for longer than a month or two. But since you actually think this “problem” is a problem and want to suggest to your lady friend that she do kegel exercises, I’m going to guess that your relationships don’t last very long.
Oh, hey, want kids? Yeah? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but there’s a real chance that the mother of your children might experience some changes “down there.” Oh, you thought her vagina would stay exactly the same or think that it’s okay if that’s what causes her vagina to be less tight? You. Are. PRECIOUS.
How about you just be grateful for the fact that you managed to find someone willing to sleep with you and quit yer’ bitching?
Take it away, Lafayette.