Comment: Hi Moxie,
So, I’ve been chatting with this guy on OKC. After a few exchanges, I suggested we meet up sometime for a drink/coffee. He agreed and then his profile disappeared the next day. No problem, it happens. All part of online dating, I get it.
Then a couple days later I see his profile is back up, so I send a quick message just to say hey and ask if he’s still up for meeting. He just replied…3 days later and said yes. He apologized for the delayed reply and said he’d been really sick the last few days. Not sure I buy that, I figure I’m a 2nd choice or last resort date. I pay for an OKC membership, so I saw that he read my message within a day of me sending it.
I’ve heard you say it shouldn’t take longer than 24 hours to reply. Would you give this guy the benefit of the doubt and still meet him?
It’s totally possible that he was sick and decided to take his profile down. What bothers me is that he a) took the profile down without shooting you a message to provide some kind of contact info and b) took 2 days to respond to your message. It sounds like you casually suggested that you and he meet up offline and he casually agreed. It doesn’t sound like you made any kind of concrete plans. That, too, would concern me.
You can go out with him and give him a chance, but I would invest absolutely nothing in the date. His actions communicate to me that he’s flaky and not terribly serious about meeting someone. If you had to follow up with him after he re-activated his profile, that should really tell you his level of interest. He didn’t seem at all concerned about the possibility that taking down his profile might send a conflicting message or make him look disinterested.
I adamantly stand by my 24hr Rule. There’s no excuse these days for anybody to take longer than 12-24 hrs to respond to a message. The longer they wait to respond is indicative of their level of interest and availability.
I went out with someone a while back. Great date, everything went well, walked me to the cab, kissed good night. I sent the thank you note the following day saying I hoped to see him again soon. I don’t hear a peep from him. Then, three weeks later, he replies saying he was taken out of the country and was really sorry that it took so long to respond. Then he asked me out again. I said Yes, but in the back of my mind I was so annoyed/suspicious that it made me anticipate the second date less. Which sucks. I like going in to every second, third, etc date with a growing level of anticipation and momentum. I also prefer that there be no red flags just in case I want to sleep with him. Taking three weeks to reply? Yeah, I won’t be sleeping with you on the second date no matter how badly I want to. You’ve given me a tangible reason to be cautious and I will heed that caution. You do it to yourselves sometimes, guys.
Teri, I’m sure this guy will meet up with you, especially if you contacted him as soon as he brings his profile back up on the site. Now he knows that you’re more than moderately interested in him and possibly don’t have many options. If he’s the type of guy who will go out with anyone just for the possibility of getting laid, you just made yourself very vulnerable. So keep your wits about you, enjoy the date, but don’t get too attached.