Comment: What does it mean when an ex gets back in touch with you but doesn’t express interest in rekindling your old relationship?
A few weeks ago, my ex-boyfriend reached out to me with a text message to say hi and ask how I was doing. We broke up over 2 years ago (he broke up with me) and have had no contact since then. As a aside, there was nothing particularly crazy about our breakup (no cheating, etc.) – we just weren’t getting along that well.
He asked me through the text message if I would meet up with him, and I agreed – I was pretty curious as to what he had to say and/or what he wanted after all this time. We met at a restaurant for dinner, and made some small talk. Then, about 15 minutes into our conversation, he tried to kiss me (we were sitting next to each other in this booth at the restaurant). I (gently) pushed him away and asked what the deal was. He then admitted to me that one week ago, he broke up with his girlfriend of the past year. He then told me that he still thought about me a lot, and that he constantly fantasized about me. He asked me if I fantasized about him, and I told him no (which is the truth – I haven’t even thought about him in any sense in a very long time). I asked him what happened with his previous relationship, and he said they weren’t right for each other and fought constantly, and that she was pressuring him to marry her (they are both 33). He then launched into this long discussion about how he realizes now that “relationships don’t work” and that he’s “incapable of a relationship”. I just listened to him and tried to be supportive. We parted ways a few hours later and he asked if he could stay in touch with me. I say sure, why not, and off he went.
Over the past three weeks, he has been texting me non-stop yet has not expressed no interest in meeting me again. I have been (usually) replying. We’ve had some interesting conversations (which reminded me of why I liked him so much in the first place). He’s asked me if I’m dating anyone, and I said I’ve been “dating” a few guys but nothing exclusive. He asked me if I was going out with one of them for Valentines Day, and I said yes. He’s volunteered to me some information about his dating, and it is making me progressively more and more uncomfortable – which I unfortunately know is because thanks to this new contact, I’m starting to like him all over again. He’s told me about some terrible dates he’s had, but then also about some great ones, including one girl that he’s really excited about. I asked him why he was bothering if he felt so strongly that “relationships don’t work” and he said he didn’t know, that he couldn’t explain himself.
So, what gives? Do I just cut off contact again with this guy? Tell him how I feel? Is there any point given he’s told me point blank that he doesn’t want a relationship and just got out of one? Why is he maintaining contact with me in the first place? Why is he telling me about these other girls he’s gone out with?
If I do want him back, should I not have told him (even though it is the truth) that I was seeing a few other guys?
City: New York
He’s going back to you because there’s already a level of intimacy there. He doesn’t have it in him to create that with someone else. He’s not up to that right now. That’s why he’s returning to you. He doesn’t have to do all the work he normally would have to perform with someone new in order to establish a connection of relationship.
Honestly? This sounds like typical rebound behavior. I wouldn’t read too much into it. Especially since he appears to be all kinds of twisted about what he wants. I would distance myself from him before you get too caught up in all of this. Even if he did try to reignite something with you, he’ll probably flake out a few weeks or months into it because he doesn’t know what he wants. He can’t explain himself because his thoughts are far too jumbled for him to be able to do so.