If I have one gripe about writing in the dating niche, it’s that there’s rarely ever new ground covered. It’s the same thing over and over again. And the most frustrating part is that nothing ever seems to change. Certain topics gets discussed month after month after month and there isn’t an ounce of progress. Six months later, people are still debating the finer points of these tedious arguments or dispensing the same advice shared by everybody else. Few people in this space are original or innovative.
Even more annoying are these people who write about dating-relating topics who have literally ZERO experience with the very topic on which they are speaking. I took part in a Hangout yesterday about dating and technology and the explosion of various apps. Out of the seven people on the panel, only ONE of them had actually used any of the apps being discussed.
You are OWNING this Hangout @mandystadt you’re the only person who has used the majority of apps discussed and did research
— ATWYSingle (@ATWYSingle) April 17, 2014
And this, in a nutshell, is one of the major problems with most dating advice. The people giving it have little to no actual experience with the mediums and methods being deconstructed. They either don’t use these platforms “because they don’t need to” (translation: I’m better than you losers) or they’ve been in a relationship since before apps even became a thing. Or they have an agenda. I’ll say this: nobody gives dating advice because they just want people to be happy. Sorry, nobody is that altruistic. If they’re not getting paid for it, they either are trying to level the playing field for themselves or have a burning desire for attention or bragging rights. Those are the only reasons why anybody would devote themselves to disseminating dating information on a regular basis without getting paid for it.
All of that said, there are certain pearls of wisdom that get a lot of play in this space. Every single one of these topics needs to be put down for good.
Discussing “your number” - Sharing your number of sexual partners is not, nor has it every really been, a thing. We’ve been led to believe that it is because people won’t shut the fuck up about it. It’s a trick question used to discern something else. But the joke is on the person asking because unless they are a human lie detector, they won’t have a clue if they’re being told the truth.
Who pays on a first date? – If people would stop regurgitating the same biased information over and over, we might actually get to a point some day where it come naturally for people to, like, pay for the food they ate and the drinks they drank without being offended. The fake reach would no longer exist. Know why the man paying is a social expectation? Because people keep repeating this fact over and over. Wouldn’t it just be easier if everybody went into a date and treated it like any other social meet up with a friend? You don’t sit there and let your friend pay the check. You kick in your share.
Profile photos are, like, super important – No shit?
The three date rule - This is another one of those things that exists solely because people won’t let it die. Have sex when you want. The end. If someone does or doesn’t want to wait a certain number of dates, they aren’t for you. Move it along.
The differences between being single and being in a relationship – Ever notice how these are NEVER written by anybody who has been with their partner for longer than, like, a year?
Anything to do with sex - I love me a mature and insightful discussion about sexuality. I loathe bull sessions where each person participating knows less than the next or purports to be oh so naughty when they clearly aren’t. I can’t stand when sex is used to be provocative or to get attention, because 90% of the time, there isn’t an ounce of depth to the discussion. It becomes a pissing contest over who has sex more and subversive slut shaming. “Oh, I only do that if I’m comfortable with someone or in a LT relationship.” Translation: you don’t do it.
Step in to the power that being able to arouse another person provides. Be unapologetic in your sluttiness. #SexLoveChat
— ATWYSingle (@ATWYSingle) April 17, 2014
Any advice that involves the sentence “well, when I met my boyfriend/girlfriend” – That’s your cue that the “advice” being shared is really just a humblebrag or written for the benefit of the significant other. Just because something happened to work for someone that one time doesn’t make it a thing.