You Don’t Get To Tell Me If I’m Sexy Or Not

As predicted, yesterday’s post got a ton of interesting comments. One of the points raised was the idea of misrepresentaion, hendricks_corsetespecially as it has to do with online dating.

Lexy Says:

What kills me is how many guys who claim to be fitness & health nuts are on the chunky/fat side! It’s like you can’t be that size & a fitness nut! I work with a guy whose a health & fitness buff – but he’s in great shape & has an awesome body! Which he works hard at keeping so I get that he wants to date women similar to him. But these Chunks claiming to be fitness guru’s need to stop!

Ugh. You sound like a slice of heaven. Did it ever occur to you that they select “fit” or “athletic” to come up in more searches? If they’re posting full body shots that are unobstructed, who cares what descriptor they choose? Who even pays attention to that anymore? And maybe people feel compelled to share how healthy they are because people like you relegate them to loserville because they don’t look a certain way?  You poor dear. I hope you managed to walk away from your date with a “chunkie” unscathed. Not everybody can shed those final twenty pounds, love. Some people are just predisposed to be a certain build. There’s only so much we can do in terms of weight loss. My hormone levels are high and they contribute to my shape. So, if I carry an extra twenty pounds because of that, but work out regularly and eat well and have great lung capacity, a typically strong immune system, and can maintain a fat burning target heart rate for 30-40 minutes then I’m not fit because you say so? Okay. Grab a smoothie and take a seat.

A Guy Says:

Well since you want to hate on my shorter brothers I’ll give it a shot.

6’2″ 185 10% bodyfat, 6/10 looks, balding (shaved head), sub 6 figure man. So at 5’7″ you are only 11 lbs. lighter and a whopping 7 inches shorter. I understand frame size very well since I am naturally a very slender framed guy myself, but in a year and a half managed to go from a skinny 145 to 185 lbs of muscle, I’m what is known as a hard gainer . I know very well what it takes to be a fit person. In fitness 80% of your results come from the kitchen, the rest is in the gym. Working out doesn’t mean squat if you drink 1000 calories a day in unnecessary liquids or shove cupcakes in your mouth after your workout. Most women need between 1200 to 1800 calories a day max.

Being back in the dating game recently I see women like this all the time online. It always gets a chuckle out of me when I see a women post fit, average, athletic, or “curvy” when they are anything but. Fat is fat, stop sugar coating it. I purposely screen for fatties. Don’t want a woman who might give me a hernia if I decide I want to pick you up. Faulty advertisement is a red flag right out of the gate.

But, I like stuff with sugar coating. ‘Cause, see, I’m fat. Fatties love sugar coating, amirite??? The faulty advertising complaint is as old as fire. Hate to break it to you, but if you’re being so badly duped that you’re showing up to a date and your date looks significantly heavier or older, then you’re a victim of your own shallowness, naivete, and stupidity. If you can’t tell an old photo or haven’t become hip to the tricks that people use to present a more flattering appearance, that’s on you. Photo shop. It’s a thing. And if you are so offended at the idea of a push up bra or make-up or whatever, stay the fuck home. Really? You think everybody look exactly like that when their clothes and make-up come off? You’re adorable. If men and women posted what they actually look like in the morning, I’m pretty sure nobody would get laid. Especially women because we’re expected to hide our “flaws” just so we can meet your approval. Get bent. Nobody wants to date that gym-obsessed fanatic who goes around quoting their BMI. I dated someone two summers ago who always had to have salads. “Let’s get pasta” I’d say. No, no, no. He could make us salads! Much healthier. I’m Sicilian. We eat and we savor every moment of what we consume. Making a meal is akin to painting a portrait for us. It’s an art. I refuse to be one of those people who freaks out because I gained 5 pounds or who manically trains for marathons because I’m actually running away from my fear of gaining weight. Give me meatballs or give me death.

Avery_t Says:

I googled size 10. I was shown Leonia Lewis (sp? ) and Chsritina Hendricks. I would not sleep with either. Both have very pretty faces, but their bodies turn me off. So, I DID look. If you had made a bet with me, you would have lost. That’s all I’m saying.

I was VERY attracted to Emily Blunt in The Adjustment Bureau. She plays a dancer and trained for it.

 

Avery here has admitted that he’s 5’7″ and in his forties in many of his comments. Yet, mysteriously, his OKCupid profile has at times stated that he’s 39 and 5’9″. His preferences are also symptomatic of the deeper problem. Um, you know most of these women are photo shopped and stretched and altered in order to look a certain size, right? That many of them look nothing like what we see on screen or in magazines? You’re being sold an image. If you were to live with them and see them every day you would learn that they, like many of us, wear spanx and push up bras and need various underclothing to smooth out lines and bumps. And PS? Spanx do not make a woman look smaller than she is. That’s another lie we’ve been sold in order to move a product. Spanx do not, for the most part, create a waist where there is none. It does not mask a bigger stomach or rolls. If anything, Spanx makes a lot of that stuff more pronounced because of how they’re made. People like Avery base their ideal on celebrities because being a celebrity comes with status. Dating someone with the body of a famous actress or who looks like a popular actor falsely convinces people that they have achieved a level of social proof otherwise unattainable by most. It’s not even all about attraction. That’s the kicker. We want people who are above average in looks or wealth because it helps us feel better than other people. Why don’t a lot of women want to date short men? Why, because the short guy isn’t somebody they can show off to their friends or use in conversation to one up somebody. No, it’s not because they like to wear heels. Sorry. Same goes for men who only date women of a certain weight or body type. God forbid they show up to a party with a fattie, right? RIGHT? I mean, if they can’t show her off, what’s the point? Again, it’s not even about attraction. It’s about gaining value and status amongst peers.

lexy Says:

Kim Kardashian is like 5’2 and she wears very clingy clothes. If she’s not a size 2 max she’s a size 4. And as her sister Khloe always says being next to Kim and Kourtney who are petite does make her look big. When she’s next to Kendall or Kylie she looks fine. Rob Kardashian on the other hand is fat…though at least he owns it.

Kim Kardashian is no where near a size 2/4. Like, not even close. I don’t know what size she is, nor do I care. Having her picture all over the media has been a blessing and a curse for women. I love that we’re bombarded with photos of Kardashian because it assists in changing what is considered “beautiful.” I wish some of the women’s ezines would get off her dick and recognize that, while she might be overexposed, she’s contributing to the bigger picture of body acceptance.The downside is that people in her camp insist upon falsely stating what her size is so that she doesn’t get shit on for not fitting an ideal. Christina Hendricks, too, is helping adjust our point of reference for what is considered sexy. First off, most people know that they pad her for Mad Men, right? There was actually a time not too long ago when women with Joan Hollaway’s body were the ideal. Wrap your brain around that, guys.

Lisa Says:

So the pic in the black dress was at size 14? And the below-the-waist pic is at size 10? Seems like Moxie would look fine at a size 10 bc she didn’t look terrible at a 14. I know i’m overstepping here but I think moxie just needs a fun, more contemporary hairstyle. The one she has isn’t doing her any favors IMO (but she is still an attractive woman). That is really sad and strange that age-appropriate men wouldn’t appreciate her looks. (I wonder if she is meeting ethnic men or just WASPs or what?)

I just…whatever. Some people don’t get it and never will. I put myself out there so I have to take part of the responsibility for Lisa’s comment. The comments on my dress size don’t bother me. It’s the idea that Lisa, and people like her, think it’s appropriate to offer unsolicited criticisms of someone’s looks. She even states that she knows she’s over stepping, but for whatever reason just can’t restrain herself. She HAS to share her opinion because, good God, what would happen if she didn’t? The world HAS to hear what she thinks!

I was on my afternoon walk a few weeks ago and came across a photo shoot for Ralph Lauren. The model was posed next to an expensive car wearing a perfectly tailored to her body suit. I didn’t even notice the car. All I could look at was her. There were two women next to me watching the shoot as well. When I commented on how the model pulled the focus from the car because of how well she wore the suit, one of the women said, “I know. We hate her, right?” I ignored that comment and said I thought the model looked amazing and continued on my way. I walked away thinking about how comfortable she was saying something like that to me, a stranger. It shouldn’t be like that. And, look, I’m certainly no angel when it comes to stuff like that. I have that uglier side, too. I am not above it, though I am much more aware of how talking like that contributes to the bigger problem and do what I can not to do it.

John Says:

For all the people who cant decide if a woman is in shape or not , here is a quick way to tell:

If you can’t see her collarbones, she is not in shape.

Oh. Well if a thread on Reddit says so, then….

Jessica Says:

Woman posts photos of her body and expresses confidence in it.
Men come in to take her down a peg.
Women offer unsolicited advice about how she could improve her looks.

Just another day on the internet I guess.

Exactly.

 

 

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83 Responses to “You Don’t Get To Tell Me If I’m Sexy Or Not”

  1. Rachel Says:

    It’s so annoying how so many men try to compare the prejudices that short men suffer as compared to women who don’t meet societal standards in regards to their bodies. A 5’7″ man does not have to deal with the same amount of scrutiny and dissection as a woman who isn’t conventionally slender.

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    • HammersAndNails Says:

      Because outright dismissal is so much better. I’m 6’3, but I’m sticking up for the short guys here. Some ladies are every bit as vicious with shorter guys as some guys are with heavier girls. If you want to quibble about the details, sure, there are differences in the way this is expressed, but I think its “so annoying” how you think it’s any less hurtful.

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      • POV Says:

        ^^^This
        As evinced by Moxie’s retort “can someone over 5′ 7″ respond?” Because it doesn’t matter what short men think, you see.

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        • ATWYSingle Says:

          The height crack was referring to how, inevitably, whenever the discussion of women and weight comes up, some dude has to run in and bitch about how “that’s like women who won’t go out with short guys.” In general, I can’t stand when people have to in some way turn around and make a post about them because god forbid anybody forget that they’re persecuted, too. And, yes, I wanted to hear from somebody who didn’t already have an axe to grind about the issue. Many shorter men aren’t going to be able to be objective and will have biases, and that invalidates their argument. So sorry.

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          • Matt Says:

            As a six-foot tall man, here’s my $0.02. Short men are very, very limited in what they can do to overcome it. The same isn’t necessarily true for those who have weight issues. They can diet, exercise, consult their doctor, etc. It might not necessarily be easy, but they have options.

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      • BTownGirl Says:

        Oh Hammers, so true! I’m just over 5’1″ and I used to work with a woman who was around my height and, come hell or high water, she was NOT going out with anyone under 6′ and now was she shy about sharing it. Head scratcher, right there. One day, a male coworker was having a conversation with another dude in the office near our desks and it came up that he found one of our clients super attractive. He said, “I love tall girls. Just love ‘em. Legs for days!” After they left, my fellow-shorty coworker was all, “THAT IS SO RUDE! Doesn’t he know that we can HEAR HIM?!” Shame on me, but I laughed in her face.

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        • Joey Giraud Says:

          I’m 6’5″, so what is the deal with really short girls being so obsessed about unusually tall guys?

          And I feel for short bros, it can’t be easy.

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      • mindstar Says:

        Especially when you consider that a woman can diet and exercise to loose weight while there’s damn all a man can do to get taller.

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        • D. Says:

          Gene Simmons’ boots and Elton John’s shoes c. 1975 both beg to differ.

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          • mindstar Says:

            True but once the platform shoes come off the woman will legitimately be complaining about bait and switch.

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            • D. Says:

              Eh, if they’re as obvious and outrageous as the two examples I cited, I doubt she’ll have much of a case.

              I suppose all of this is mostly beside the point, though…

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        • LostSailor Says:

          Well, there’s always leg lengthening surgery.

          Of course you have to travel to Russia, it takes something like 6 months, is very painful and expensive, and isn’t covered by insurance, but, hey, it’s an option.

          But, somehow, I think that anyone who would go to such great lengths to gain 3″ probably has more important issues to grapple with…

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      • Howard Says:

        I agree 100%. Women are indeed vicious about this height thing, and I am 6 ft. I always bypassed the female profiles, where they devoted too much space to the height thing. People do need to keep some things to themselves. There is such a thing as politically correct speech.

        One just can’t win at the game of saying whatever comes to one’s prejudiced brain, if one is trying to attract good people. In some ways we are all a little prejudiced. Self-awareness demands that we own those prejudices, and keep them to ourselves. A good example is Donald Sterling. This man did infinitely more horrible things to his tenants, but gets is trouble for diarrhea of the mouth.

        Let’s get to this deception thing on profiles. No gender has the high ground. On this one, there is truly equal opportunity participation. If one feels the need to do it, to enjoy greater online responses, ok, but one has to be ready to deal with the results. People will tell you that you were deceptive. And even if they don’t tell you, they will be thinking it on some level. Some people will see past your issue and be captivated by your personality. For some people your issue, is not an issue to them, because they like heavier people or don’t worry about height.

        However, what always baffles me about people who indulge in deception, is the righteous indignation they have, when they are busted. It’s like people are not supposed to call a spade a spade. It’s like they want us all to go along with their mind-twist. And if we don’t, we have to be made into villains. Making us into villains, allows them to feel like victims.

        What’s even more baffling, is some women’s aversion to guys who like them because they like heavier women. They use the word fetish to describe these guys and make them seem like the worst out there. In many cases these guys like women like that, simply because the women in their lives, like their mom or sisters, are just heavier women.

        The second issue, I have on this deception thing, is hypocrisy. The very people with deception in their profiles, hate other people pulling the same on them. We have overweight men or women demanding trim and in-shape women or men. Of course, the 5 ft 3 inch woman demanding a guy over 6 ft, comes off cock-eyed. We have a long list of such things, such as, the homemaker or unemployed woman demanding a professional man.

        The one thing that I will say, is that men seem to be getting the message regarding what to put in their profiles. Their failures have forced them to take nonsense out of their profiles. Unfortunately, because of men wanting sex, many women have not gotten the message. They keep putting crap in their profiles. Guys look past it because they are on the hunt for sex. These women fool themselves into thinking that their profiles are actually appropriate, because of the seeming attention they still get. Of course after they have been used for sex, we hear a great hue and cry.

        Of course there are some guys who have not gotten the message. One end result is that they spend, and are not rewarded in their eyes, and of course become frustrated.

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        • Betty Says:

          “What’s even more baffling, is some women’s aversion to guys who like them because they like heavier women. They use the word fetish to describe these guys and make them seem like the worst out there.”

          As a fat girl, I happily date exclusively people who like fat girls. I don’t want to date, or fuck, any person who ONLY likes me because I’m fat, or who would have a problem if my weight fluctuates because my fat is the most important part of me. That’s what women are talking about when they are discussing being fetishized and not wanting that–no one wants to be valued for one part of them, and it borders on creepy because of how much it has *nothing* to do with my actual sexiness, my personality, or anything that has to do with me at all. It’s about their desire; not my actual desirability.

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          • Howard Says:

            If a guy is surrounded all his life by women who are heavier and that’s what he sees as attractive, women that look like the women he has loved his whole life, how the heck is that a fetish? The key, as ever, is whether he foams at the mouth, and obsesses, and vocally carries on.

            If he just quietly goes after women that look like his mom, he is no more abnormal that the woman who quietly goes after taller guys or the men who quietly go after waif-like models.

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        • Eliza Says:

          Howard–You know I usually agree with much of what you post. But one thing I must emphasize…and what you write at the beginning of your post–didn’t get to read – because it was so long…but anyhoo…”Who’s being vicious”? Why are women vicious – when all they are pursuing is what is visually appealing to them. By nature, a woman on whatever subconscious level is drawn to a man she can literally look up to–he doesn’t have to be Jack and the Beantalk tall….but even the petite gals who are say – 5’3-5’5, like a man that is 5’9+ we do….don’t fault us for it. Just as there are men who will gravitate to thin women…and overall–a person who is well-proportioned (man or woman) seems to have appeal to either gender. It is what it is. Dating is a very “superficial” dynamic in the beginning. And online–you can be WHOMEVER you want to be. Great at word play? Go all out–and be a rennaisance man and market yourself to no end. At the end of the day, when ultimately you get face to face–the truth lies therein. Deception is deception–whether you are on the receiving end or unknowingly or deliberately do it – out of desperation or delusion. And I also know a friend–she’s so nice, and she is only 5’0 and wants tall–and for her-tall is 5’10! Is that absurd in a way–yes, but it’s her preference and perhaps her limitation to a large degree.

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          • Howard Says:

            Let me explain what vicious is, foaming at the mouth over something, rather than being polite about it. Look at the flip side. No woman likes a guy who obsesses about big breasts quite vocally. It’s a turn off. If he likes big breasts, he just needs to keep that under wraps and go after women with big breasts, and not carry on about it.

            However, in spite of that reality, women feel they should vocally carry on about the height thing. Well I have news for them. Doing that makes you just as unattractive as the guy over-vocalizing about big breasts.

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      • NASHWC Says:

        Same here, H&N. I’m 6-2 and never fully understood the uphill battle of near-instant rejection guys under, say 5-10, suffer until I paid more attention to women’s actions coupled with the almost-constant “must be over 6 ft” requirement denoted on dating profiles. One of my longest, most dearest friends is only 5-5 and he always struggled getting attention from women until he met a lovely (and beautiful) S American woman (she’s an inch taller than him), married her and brought her back to the states. I hadn’t seen him in a while but then caught up with him in Vegas a few months ago. They have a boy now, another in the oven and he is the happiest I’ve ever seen him.

        I say all this because it grates my nerves when I see these same shallow women shame men for being just as selective (in a different way). But keep in mind that men select by a metric that 95%+ of women CAN do something about. All I read here is that “its hard” or “you should value what’s inside”. Pure hypocrisy. A lot of days I absolutely HATE going to the gym (writing this now real quick before I head out to put in my time on the weights). Back then,I started lifting because I noticed that’s what women like. Now I do it because I like what I see in the mirror. Now I do it for me. Win-win.

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        • Greg Figueroa Says:

          IDK. Too many short guys are crying about height. Tall guys will have more options, like, good looking guys, but is it that bad that I can interest 2-3 women at time and the tall good looking guy gets 12-15 women interested? People underestimate how many people we can actually handle at a time. After awhile I focus on one or two girls and see what happens.

          I’m 5’7″ and my best friend is 6’4″ and better looking than me. He recently did Okcupid and got a ton messages. He pick out the girls he liked and went on dates. I get less messages than him and went on dates. We both recognize the effort and time it takes to get to know different women and date them. The only difference his responses afford him is more options, but he won’t take up the majority of those options, the same way I don’t take on the majority of my options.

          I guess I’ve been socialized watching my Brother who is 5’3″ and my friends who are my same size doing well with women. If a girl doesn’t like Latinos, guess what? I keep it moving, same thing with women who want tall guys only.

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          • Avery_t Says:

            The only difference his responses afford him is more options, but he won’t take up the majority of those options, the same way I don’t take on the majority of my options.”

            Here you’re just talking about quantity. But it’s also about quality.

            Imagine a woman you think is very attractive. Now, imagine a woman you think is unattractive. That’s the difference in quality I’m talking about.

            Most of the women I saw on okcupid whom I found attractive stated they wanted a tall guy. many of these women were 5′ 1 to 5’3″ (they are short women). But they have the lean body type I like.

            My point is that I wpuld happily trade 20 women I do not find attractive for 1 woman I DO find attractive. For me, quantity is irrelevant.

            My problem with okcupid was NOT that women did not reply to me. It”s that almost every time I saw a photo, thought “damn she’s pretty,’ and then clicked and read her profile, she said “I prefer tall guys.” At first, it felt like a prank. Every time I clicked on a main photo I liked, I read that preference. I may have been clicking out of my league, but that’s not my point.

            You imply that women are interchangeable. Your 6′ 4″ friend gets more women, but since women are interchangeable, it doesn’t matter. I do NOT think women are interchangeable. I think Rhianna is a LOT hotter than Adele. Not interchangeable.

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      • A Guy Says:

        Seconded, which is the same reason I responded. She wanted to smugly call out anyone over 5’7″. Be careful what you wish for.

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        • ATWYSingle Says:

          6’2″ 185 10% bodyfat, 6/10 looks, balding (shaved head), sub 6 figure man

          You responded because you’re one of “those” guys who likes to take women down a peg. You’re not defending your “brothers.” You’re a guy who makes a modest five figure income who has been shot down by women, so you take any and all opportunities you can to point out how shallow/fat/ugly/old/whathaveyou.

          So what’s your type, tall dark handsome 6 figure man?

          First of all, making six figures is hardly difficult for most people who live in NYC and surrounding areas. Even us fatties can pretty effortlessly attract one of them. It’s certainly easy for anybody with even a modest education level to earn that much. You have no idea the men I date, yet you’ve decided I’m like “all those other bitches” that didn’t want you.

          You’ve got a chip on your shoulder because you couldn’t compete, and you blamed it all on the womenz, when actually it was because you were shooting wildly out of your league and didn’t bring to the table what those women felt was important. And because of that experience, you’ve lumped us alllllll together. And because you spend inordinate amounts of time in the gym, you’re that person who quotes his BMI and suddenly has a medical degree or one in nutrition and knows allll about how the human body works simply because you drank some protein shakes and got yourself buff for the ladies. I mean, that’s why you did it, isn’t it? Because you hoped women would like you more? Or to fit an ideal of what being masculine was about? Oh, wait. You did it for yourself. Sure. Okay.

          The overreaching problem that you and me and all the short dudes complaining all share is that we all went after people who didn’t want us. But instead of just accepting yourself as is and deciding to focus on a different group of people, you and the short dudes complaining made it about how flawed everybody else is while at the same time trying to make yourself into some those people wanted.

          I don’t begrudge any guy who thinks I’m too “big” for him. We like what we like. I don’t think it means he’s shallow. I just focused my efforts elsewhere.

          Your go to comment about men’s height is a low blow.
          I didn’t even start the argument. The whole argument started because one guy felt the need to tell me that I didn’t get to call myself fit. Because, like, that’s his place. The funny thing is, that post was posted a year ago, and I’ve posted a number of full body shots since then and nobody said a word about it. It wasn’t until I listed my actual weight that people started offering their opinions.

          You want to hang around here, feel free. But don’t think you’re enlightening anybody with your wisdom and radical honesty.

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          • A Guy Says:

            Wow, where to begin, I really had such a chuckle reading this. Get your popcorn ready ladies and gents, it’s going to get good. Well lets just take this one step at a time.

            Let’s start with me and my “gym rat” obsessions.

            “And because you spend inordinate amounts of time in the gym, you’re that person who quotes his BMI and suddenly has a medical degree or one in nutrition and knows allll about how the human body works simply because you drank some protein shakes and got yourself buff for the ladies. I mean, that’s why you did it, isn’t it? Because you hoped women would like you more? Or to fit an ideal of what being masculine was about? Oh, wait. You did it for yourself. Sure. Okay.”

            First, I never quoted BMI, not once, and will be the first to admit it is a mostly useless tool for calculating health since it doesn’t take frame size into consideration. I spend an hour and a half 3 days a week in the gym, like I said results come in the kitchen. Yep started getting buff for those womenzzz that wouldn’t accept me, OR I could have spent 12 years of my life (with a degree) building useless things like you know, roads, bridges, buildings, worthless stuff like that herniating 4 disks in my back in the process, two in my neck, two it my lower back. I decided to get healthy and stronger because I didn’t want to live my life out of a pain pill bottle like neurologists wanted me to. I took my life into my own hands and chose a different path. Yes the side effect is I put on some muscle, but to impress women couldn’t be further from the truth for why I started. I did it for me.

            “It’s certainly easy for anybody with even a modest education level to earn that much.”

            So after my measly career getting my hands dirty, and ya know, building worthless infrastructure in this country while rehabbing a screwed up back I had to start back school again at 30. Four years later I have one of those so easy to obtain BSc STEM degrees, Geology to be specific, making a worthless 70k, which is 50% above the national median, my first year out of school. I know, chump change, I’m not worthy of love. What ever was I thinking. Woe is me. Guess I should have majored in Womens’s Studies.

            “You’ve got a chip on your shoulder because you couldn’t compete, and you blamed it all on the womenz, when actually it was because you were shooting wildly out of your league and didn’t bring to the table what those women felt was important.”

            Yep, right on the money as usual OR I could have spent the last two years single because my fiance’ of 4 years was killed in a car accident coming home from work one day. The love of my life was taken from me in an instant. I haven’t been with a woman since. A wonderful woman who did love me for me, and one I will always cherish. No I didn’t get right back in the dating scene very soon after because I wanted to make sure I was completely emotionally healed before I decided to bring another woman in my life. I didn’t want to bring emotional baggage with me into a new relationship where I was still comparing her to my fiance, it wouldn’t have been fair to the woman, they deserve a fair chance that up until now wasn’t able to give. Silly me. I guess I should have just “manned up”. You know, got right back on the horse and started banging bar rats such as yourself. Or I could have taken the emotionally healthy approach and accepted the situation, came to terms with it, and in due time, moved on. Introspection is a wonderful thing sometimes, you should try it.

            So there’s me, psychoanalyze that one Dr. Freud. My very first comment on this website gets used in a follow up post, not sure how to feel about that. Something struck a cord though or you would have just blown me off like so many trolls that I am sure have come and gone, but you didn’t. I took a hard look in the mirror some ten years ago not liking the man who was staring back at me like so many of us did as we were lost in our youth. At 34 I am proud of the man I see every day in the mirror, can you honestly say that about yourself? Because some of your writing sure doesn’t reflect it.

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            • ATWYSingle Says:

              Don’t know too many guys who prefer 5’10” 105 lb walking skeletons. Cloths designed by gay men who’s runway models more resemble little boys than women, makes sense.

              You’re proud of yourself because you’re a homophobic bigot who likes to call women fatties?

              Well then. I stand corrected. Like I said, hang around if you wish, but spare us all your brutal truths about life.

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              • A Guy Says:

                “You’re proud of yourself because you’re a homophobic bigot who likes to call women fatties?”

                The proud part of my comment didn’t have anything to do with what I physically see in the mirror, I was happy with that as a skinny dude. I’m talking about what I see on the inside, the man I’ve become, acknowledging my strengths, and accepting my flaws. No anger, no bitterness, no fear, no resentments, nothing, but being at peace. IMO, that is true happiness.

                For what its worth an old friend who worked as a hair stylist in the modeling industry told me that, and GASP, he’s gay, shocking I know. Got any other assumptions about me or are you fresh out of mud?

                Honestly I feel sorry for you if that’s all you took from my comment above.

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                • ATWYSingle Says:

                  The minute you started in with the fattie stuff and implied gay men are all pedophiles, proving your ignorance and rather simple take on things, you lost all credibility. With me, at least. There are some other people here who will engage you because they desire your attention and approval. I’m just not one of them.

                  For the third and final time, stick around and comment. Just don’t fool yourself into think you’re somehow adding to the conversation in some valuable way. There are some highly intelligent, highly educated people who comment here (when certain people aren’t cluttering comments with their nonsense.) I assure you, your verbose self-importance will be no match for them.

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                  • A Guy Says:

                    Fattie isn’t gender specific, but ok. I’m never going to be a part of the feminist mantra championing fat acceptance. The U.S. is now the fattest industrialized country on earth, not exactly a gold star to be proud of. Estimated costs of obesity related illness expected to be over 120 billion this year, that’s BILLION with a B, in 1 year. That’s insane. Who pays for it? Everyone, including the 1/3 of the population who isn’t overweight or obese. As has been widely published in the medical community, it has become an epidemic, a self inflicted one at that. Sorry no fat pity from this guy, I could care less if I’m being politically correct. It’s a serious problem that needs to be addressed.

                    “implied gay men are all pedophiles, proving your ignorance and rather simple take on things”

                    Umm, no I did not. My original comment:
                    “Don’t know too many guys who prefer 5’10″ 105 lb walking skeletons. Cloths designed by gay men who’s runway models more resemble little boys than women, makes sense.”

                    Walking sticks with no curves, as in not feminine looking, gay men like other men, the overly thin models resemble boys more than women, as in not the straight man ideal. Was it really that hard to string together?

                    “There are some highly intelligent, highly educated people who comment here (when certain people aren’t cluttering comments with their nonsense.)”

                    Woe is me again, whatever will I do with my unimpressive bachelors degree. I should just swear off women altogether since I don’t have a MSc or PhD. What are your credentials again?

                    I was wrong, plenty o’ mud left.

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                    • ATWYSingle Says:

                      I’m not an advocate of the Healthy At Any Size movement, either. But I do believe in basic human decency and the idea that people should be able to love their bodies without being told they’re wrong for doing so because their body doesn’t fit the straight white male ideal. I guess all the men who aren’t white or American who find heavier/curvier women attractive don’t count because, like, they’re not white, right? The amount of internalized bigotry you function under is staggering.
                      For some reason, the internet has given people the impression that basic human decency is not important.

                      I’m also not thrilled by stupid blather like “walking sticks with no curves that are not feminine looking.” Because, like, our bodies are what define our femininity, and men get to decide what femininity should encapsulate. I’m equally annoyed by woman who play the “gentleman” card and try to assert that money is somehow tied to a man’s masculinity.

                      You can try to defend your comments about gay men and women, but it’s pretty clear how you think, even if you aren’t self-actualized enough to realize it.

                      PhD, Masters, Associates..degrees mean nothing if you maintain simplistic views, and you possess simplistic opinions and have a very narrow world view. Which is unfortunate, because you just perpetuate the stereotype that blue-collar workers are just ignorant simpleton rubes.

                      You’ve gotten the attention and acknowledgement you crave, dude. You’ve told your sob stories to give you depth. We’ve all heard you. You can respond and get the last word so you feel you’ve won.

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    • mgm531 Says:

      @ myself — as a 5’7″ male I could care less if you’re not interested in dating me. It don’t really matter to me. Your loss not mine.

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  2. myself Says:

    I have a new policy and/or outlook that I’ve adopted as I’ve gotten older…..You don’t like what you’re looking at…Look the fuck away. I am what I am, and I don’t go about my life to please anyone but myself….make or female. My partner’s ex refers to me as “the fat pig” when she decides to go on an email tirade….And as he tells her on a regular basis….”she might be overweight….but that can always change when she wants it to…you’ll always be a bitch because deep down you’re unhappy”.

    People who feel the need to bring down others are pretty unhappy people. Period.

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    • LostSailor Says:

      This is essentially my comment as well. Don’t think I’m tall enough? Fine by me. Don’t think I’m “fit” enough? You’re welcome to keep walking. I don’t want to date those women anyway.

      It’s like when someone flings the accusation “you just can handle a strong, independent woman!!” Well, uh, I can but why the hell would I want to have to “handle” someone in a relationship? Sounds like a lot of work to me.

      And, of course, your friend’s remark is the same sentiment as the quote usually attributed to Winston Churchill when he encountered a rude aristocratic woman. “Sir, you’re drunk!” says she. “I may be drunk, but you, madam, are ugly,” says Churchill, “The difference is tomorrow I shall be sober…”

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      • Joey Giraud Says:

        “Sounds like a lot of work to me”

        All my exes continually lectured me about how a relationship was “hard work” and I needed to “work harder” to make it work, which I took to mean “make her happy with me” as I was happy enough with her.

        I want my next relationship to be more like a vacation in some way I can’t even imagine yet.

        Because just sex isn’t enough anymore to justify all that work.

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  3. Lisa Says:

    Im curious as to what types of comments Moxie was hoping to get by posting the “Some Men will Never Date Me bc of My Body and I’m OK w That” thread and embedded pictures. She will ridicule LWs (and other posters), curse at thetm, accuse them of lying, tell them they are hitting over their weight, they are probably not attractive, are whiny, are delusional, lack self awareness, etc. But when she is the focus of the comments, they all must read…how?

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    • ATWYSingle Says:

      As I said, I don’t take issue with people calling me “fat.” I posted photos of myself and that’s just the nature of writing on the internet. People will offer their opinion. They can decide I’m fat just as I can decide I’m fit. It’s all subjective. I love my body and know my audience and date those guys. I would never in a million years put stock in 90% of what is said in the comments on this site. That includes the White Knightery comments that came in yesterday that I wouldn’t even publish. When I want feedback, I post a protected post and only those people I know get access. But for the most part, I decide what works for me. LW’s write in to me and ask for advice. They’re asking for feedback. I wasn’t asking for feedback.

      You took it a step further and offered unsolicited advice about how you believed I could make myself more attractive. For starters, nobody gives a shit about you or your opinion, least of all me. Secondly, you even said that you knew you were crossing a line but you did it anyway. You’re just a passive aggressive person who pretends to care or be nice. We’ve all figured out now that you’re just that person who needs to give their two cents on everything because it gives you a sense of purpose and superiority. Maybe it’s your close personal relationship with Jesus or the fact that you claim to have once been a model that makes you think your insights are so valuable. I’m not sure.

      You’re competitive and insecure and threatened by other women, and you hang around a dating blog talking nonsense to feel better about yourself and to get attention. You insist on popping a squat in every single thread blathering on and on, despite the fact that you have a brief failed marriage and two failed engagements on your record. But for some reason, you think the fact that you were able to get those guys somehow elevates you to sage status. When in reality, all those three things say is how utterly clueless you are.

      You speak with an unwarranted amount of hubris despite the fact all signs point to you being as befuddled and misguided as everybody else. THAT is why I have developed a dislike for you, and I imagine why other people are now vocalizing their dislike of you.

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      • Lisa Says:

        Why are you so hostile?

        And wow, IDK whether to feel scared that you are memorizing all this info about me or what :o/

        Ok, so on your essays, we are to respond only, “yes, I agree” or stand mute. Oh OK…

        You can say what you want about my history but this is for sure: I know how to attract men and they always fall in love with me. I am never miserable, I am never alone (unless I choose to be)and I don’t have to resort to tricks and deception to land a date. However, I realize I’m far from perfect and don’t have all the answers…hence my interest in studying up on this and other topics of interest.

        It’s absolutely false that I am threatened by other women and I am a nice person. Really! But it takes one to know one. Yes, there’s a smidge of asshole in there but I’m mostly nice and trying to be helpful :o)

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        • ATWYSingle Says:

          Again, I refuse to indulge your passive aggressive nonsense. People who say things like, “Why are you so hostile” are trying to get other people to think their opposition is being hostile or trying to put them on the defensive. Equally transparent is the, “Omigod ur so obsessed with me I must be wicked important” comment. Both statements demonstrate your need to feel significant. That’s your life source. If you’re not getting attention, you’re not happy. You’re so in need of it that you live on this blog all day every day. That’s how desperately you need to be acknowledged.

          You can say what you want about my history but this is for sure: I know how to attract men and they always fall in love with me.

          That’s important to you because you need male approval. You don’t care if you love them back or if they’re deceptive as you say your ex-husband was. As long as they exist in your life and you get to use them as evidence of your alleged value, that’s all that matters. You need those guys to feel okay about yourself. I don’t need that.

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          • Lisa Says:

            Yes, but basically all I said was that you are an attractive woman who would probably look better w/ a different hairstyle. Maybe that was outta pocket, maybe it wasn’t. Whatever. But that was all it took to set you off into a crazy rant that i’m passive aggressive and mean and insecure and a jerk and clueless and nonsensical and you don’t give a shit about my opinion, etc. That seems a bit much. Yes, of course I am trying to get you to think you are being hostile; that’s what I said. LOL

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          • Lisa Says:

            Wrong again. I have a totally full life w/o men. I have two wonderful children, two masters degrees, i own my own business, I have extended family, I have friends, and yes, I have a relationship w/ God. But I’m a sociable person and I prefer to have a companion than not have one. I don’t think that’s any different than you in that regard. (And I will say, some of what i’ve picked up from this site has helped me and contributed, in some way or another, to the happiness I’m experiencing in my current relationship.)

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        • AnnieNonymous Says:

          I’m probably going to regret even engaging with you, but it’s pointless to pull out the argument of “You’re creepy for having a decent memory and remembering the information that I willingly shared about myself. On your site, on the bandwidth that you pay for.” I HOPE she has some sense of the community on this site.

          On that note, she also has access to the analytics of her own site. Don’t claim that your IP isn’t tuned into her site as often as it really is, because that’s a really easy lie for Moxie to call out – she knows exactly how often we’re all here.

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      • POV Says:

        You “know your audience” but post a self-pitying post about guys who won’t consider you because of your body. Why do you care? They aren’t part of your audience, right?

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        • John Says:

          POV just won this argument.

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        • ATWYSingle Says:

          There was nothing self-pitying about the post. I’ve talked and written about those scenarios dozens of times. That was an old post that I re-published because I didn’t have time to write a new one. It was originally posted on xoJane a year ago.

          I wasn’t feeling bad for myself at all. Quite the opposite. The point of the post was how my experience changed when I stopped living for the approval of people who shouldn’t matter to me.

          And then of course men had to come in because god forbid a woman show that she doesn’t need their approval and they had to make it about them. Sorry, but you whiners trying to compare the onslaught of judgment, criticism and rejection that women experience for not fitting a body image ideal to the way “short” guys get treated seriously need to climb down off your crosses.

          When you guys are repeatedly faced with with constant criticism and critiques about your worth and value as it relates to your height the way women are, you can get back to me. You guys have made the height issue out to be so much more pervasive and prevalent than it actually is that it’s fucking ridiculous. The bottom line is that you don’t want the women who actually want you. You’re a victim of your own prejudices. That was my original problem, and I remedied it.

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          • mindstar Says:

            There’s some Twitter feed called HeightismReport which is filled with cruel remarks about short men. While it is not as prevalent as cruel remarks about women’s weight it certainly exists.

            If you accept that a woman’s self-esteem/self-worth would be damaged by a lifetime of cruel remarks about her weight why is it so difficult to also accept that a man would be similarly damaged by a lifetime of cruel remarks about his weight?

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            • mindstar Says:

              Sorry should read “…by a lifetime of cruel remarks about his height?”

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            • C Says:

              Yes, theres no point in competing for who is more hurt by what. Personal attacks criticising our physical appearance is hurtful. Period. I’m having flashbacks from 3rd grade.

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              • Eliza Says:

                Geez…cry me a river. Stop playing the victim…so unappealing. Who cares which gender is more subjected to this level of judgment. As another post said…”if you don’t like what you see–look the fuck away”. Problem solved.
                Next! lol. If you go through life all bruised up and crying like some little girl about how the other gender has ostracized you – you are not going to solve a thing. If you are a man and 5’7 or if you are a woman and have a large build…that’s it–you work with what you have.

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                • C Says:

                  I’m not sure exactly what you mean.

                  Sure, having thin skin is going to make your trip through life difficult. But I dont have a weight problem (I’m a woman btw). I just find it offensive to see someone with an unpopular point of view being ganged up on and picked on 3rd grade style regardless whether they are being called “fat” or “short” or anything else.

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            • Eliza Says:

              MStar: Stop whining again – boohoo about the height issues with men. ANY man or woman will agree – that women in today’s society and in history – have been the gender put under the microscope to “look a certain way”. That’s just how it’s been. And it doesn’t stop with weight. There is a lot of pressure on women to look youthful, radiant, in shape, daily upkeep, put together, etc etc. We all know that. We all have our shortcomings–some of which we can’t control either. So please stop all the whining already. Whining is not going to change matters.

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              • Joey Giraud Says:

                that women in today’s society and in history – have been the gender put under the microscope to “look a certain way”.

                Total disagreement. A load of feminist victimization and whining.

                But I’m sure it’s true that women *feel* more pressure to conform.

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        • Yvonne Says:

          You make it sound as if she is seeking THEM out, but she was writing about men who have expressed some interest in her. I guess that make them, at least to some degree, part of her audience. Otherwise, they would have just ignored her completely.

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          • Lisa Says:

            We don’t know who initiated the first contact or who asked whom on the date?

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      • DrivingMeNutes Says:

        Wait. I want to hear more about this personal relationship with Jesus. Did she make him produce STD documentation before they had sex? Or ANY documentation for that matter? Perhaps she just takes his Word for it. You know, on Faith.

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  4. The D-man Says:

    Photo shop. It’s a thing.

    Seriously? People do that with dating pics? I mean, I get that you might want to crop something out, but do people alter their appearance? I haven’t knowingly encountered this.

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    • Matt Says:

      Well, you know, Moxie has gone on record multiple times that lying is a totally awesome thing to do and you should absolutely do it on your profile.

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      • LostSailor Says:

        To be fair, Moxie has never advocated lying with photos, quite the opposite. Shaving a couple of years off one’s age, maybe, but I believe Moxie has always advocated recent pics with at least one full-body shot.

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    • Noquay Says:

      Yep, happens all the time. Hiding both height and weight. The wonders of Photoshop and related programs.

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    • bbdawg Says:

      Did you read about the “most popular woman on Okcupid”. Her photos were fantastic and she is a make-up artist (another layer of “illusion”) but I know photoshop and the pictures do look photoshopped, they are flawless, and almost monochromatic, a bit like fashion photos. It’s not about altering one’s appearance, it’s about enhacing what works best.

      I take photos that flatter my figure (erm, show off boobs discreetly) and also add many face photos on different angles, but I disagree on the “truth” thing. For women, having the best possible photos (not the most “accurate” photos) is be the best policy. Best photos will attract more messages. Yeah some might feel “duped” but it’s the same thing as expecting models and actresses to look like that in real life. We present ourselves as best as we can.

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      • Nicole Says:

        So I had to google and see the most popular girl on OKC for myself – and found this:

        “At a dark, candlelit West Village bar, James Hawver, a 29-year-old real-estate agent and New York’s most popular straight guy … The whole profile is self-aware, right down to his height, which he lists as five-foot-nine, though he’s an inch shorter. “They say most guys add two inches,” he says, quoting OKCupid’s statistics blog, OKTrends. ”

        http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/02/okcupid-most-desired-people-in-new-york.html

        I don’t know what it means that the most popular straight guy is both well under 6′ AND lying about his height, but I thought I’d share.

        (And if I could do makeup like that girl, and had that cleavage, I’d absolutely have posted photos showing it all off. But I can’t and I don’t, so my pics were mostly candid shots of me with a dog licking my face. I think it works for her because those photos reflect her real style, she doesn’t come across as trying too hard or pretending to be someone she’s not.)

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        • ATWYSingle Says:

          She wrote an article for xoJane
          http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/lauren-urasek-most-popular-woman-on-okcupid

          Her makeup is gorgeous. I think she started writing beauty tutorials for xoVain. She checked off the casual sex box on her profile, too, which I think was smart. That totally gave her a spike in views and messaging.

          I don’t know what it means that the most popular straight guy is both well under 6′ AND lying about his height, but I thought I’d share.

          I think it means that the whole “women won’t date anyone under 6 feet” schtick is mostly exaggerated. As is the “I see women put in their profile all the time that they don’t want to be contacted by a guy under X Height”

          Orly? I’ve NEVER seen that in an OKCupid profile, and I’ve looked at HUNDREDS of them. On Match they can select a preference, but again I’ve never seen a disclaimer written in a profile warning guys under a certain height not to contact them. I believe that the bias exists, I just don’t think it’s as far-reaching and prevalent as these men claim. Yeah, if you’re 5’6″ or less, you’re probably going to have a bit of a harder time, but there are so many women out there who don’t care about that. They just don’t want them. They go for the women who prefer taller guys to prove something to themselves, just like women who carry some extra weight sometimes go for the in-demand Alpha dudes. They’re both intent upon proving people wrong.

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          • A Guy Says:

            Thumbs up, think you nailed it. I agree 100% other than with checking the casual sex box. Going to get even more traffic and emails from guys you don’t want, opening with such classics as “So yo down to phuckk?” and “Ur hot, lets bang”. I’m sure woman have enough of that to filter out as it is, or so I’ve been told.

            See we agree on something :), happy times.

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          • Nicole Says:

            Thanks Moxie, I’m going to check out some of her stuff to see if I can learn how to use all those impulse buys from Sephora :)

            Slightly more on – topic… I have to admit, when I first saw her pictures my heart sank. This is what men want, this girl who is the exact opposite of me?!?! And then I realized that yes, obviously lots of men are attracted to her (she’s gorgeous and sounds very interesting) but lots of men also go for my girl-next-door, too chicken to even contemplate a tattoo type. There’s no point in me trying to get the guys who want someone like her… And my boyfriend (and probably most of the guys I’ve dated) would probably never have messaged her. Not going to say the clichéd “there’s someone for everyone”, but there are different preferences out there.

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            • Steve Says:

              she’s not my type at all; I would have never pursued her if/when I was in her age range. All those tattooes,ugh, and she dated some druggie loser. There are probably other reasons in the way she presents herself why she has so many hits other than the casual sex check and not directly related to her attractiveness in a classical sense. She even says she wasn’t considered attractive and didn’t get much attention growing up. Perhaps there is an analogy with the bad boy type appealing to women. This quote pretty much summarized the problem with online dating.

              “I have gone on first dates where at the end of the night I’m unsure if I would go on a second. Maybe I would choose to go on a second date if I didn’t have new offers every day. That person could be the love of my life if I let the relationship develop further, but I don’t necessarily have a reason to go on a second date if I’m not blown away by the first.”

              After all those messages and dates, it still sounds as if she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

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              • C Says:

                “After all those messages and dates, it still sounds as if she doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

                Well, thats just the general problem with online dating: water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink. Its just all too easy to get lots of dates with men who you quickly discover that you dont want to date or who dont want to date you and the wider the net you cast, the more go-nowhere dates you get.

                While no woman is every man’s cup of tea, I can totally see why she is popular. She has beautiful features, comes across as a witty non-conformist, and is oozing with sensuality.

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          • Chester Says:

            The most popular girl on internet…ok I’m 2 days late on this…She got the most messages because:
            1. She checked casual sex
            2. She is 23 open to meeting men up to 40.
            3. She has so many easy topics you can start convo with like tatoos, she gets specific about her intersts like movies, etc.

            By just doing the first two (check casual sex and increase to meeting men 17 years older than you) will increase your popularity significantly.
            She’s nice looking but there are more beautiful women, better pics, more confident women, etc. out there. These are just red herrings.

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  5. The D-man Says:

    Oh and this post reminded me of Marc Maron on today’s Fresh Air. He has a funny bit about his mom being a functional anorexic and how it affected his own body image growing up (he was chubby as a child).

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    • Avery_t Says:

      When I worked with Marc at the Coffee Connection in 1988, he was average weight for a guy and ate whatever food he could get for free from the cafe. He turned me on to Don Delillo and ‘Sticky Fingers’. Very funny guy. But morose and bitter. Had a cute girlfriend, at the time.

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  6. Sarah Says:

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘SPANX ARE A LIE?’

    How am I supposed to Catfish Avery now?

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  7. Karen Says:

    My thoughts are always if a person is so willing to give their input on physical appearance better be ready for some feedback regarding their own appearance. No one is flawless. Its fine to like what you like but no one cares until you start projecting that onto someone else and making it very personal.

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  8. AnnieNonymous Says:

    A lot of those comments don’t even jive. Leona Lewis is a UK 10, or a US 6. That’s thin in any context. And any man claiming that he’d kick Christina Hendricks out of bed for being a US 10 is a liar.

    The real problem is that people can’t have the thought of “That perfectly fine and regular human being isn’t my physical and sexual preference” without also thinking “I wish she would change her body to meet my preferences because I’m too impatient and lazy to look for someone who already looks that way.” And I’m sorry, but this is a line of thinking that only reaches these levels when you’re dealing primarily with online dating and are sifting through the thousands of photos available to you. In the real world, when you’re also presenting your real body to the people around you, you just can’t act like these are normal things to say about other people. You don’t have to ask them out, but stop acting like most people aren’t utterly average, and stop being appalled when you meet average-looking people, as if you’re fucking surprised.

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    • Noquay Says:

      Very true Annie; if you don’t like someone’s looks, don’t date them. You meet someone from on line and you are not attracted, for whatever reason, no second date. It’s that simple. No need for drama, self justification, ranting about it to the world.

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    • Avery_t Says:

      But that’s rarely how it happens.

      Last year, I was having dinner alone at the bar at The Dutch in SoHo. I don’t like The Dutch, but Balthazar and Raoul’s were full (no room at their bars to eat). Anyhow, while I was eating my uninspired entree alone, a woman who is not my type sat down next to me and started to talk to me. She was heavier than I prefer. She may have been hitting on me. She may have seen my wrist watch and assumed I could (and would) buy her a drink. I can’t be sure. I was polite but distant. I answered he questions, but never asked her anything about herself (she did volunteer that she worked at Lion’s Gate Films). I didn’t ask her name. I focused on my food. She asked me if I liked my food. I replied that it was only mediocre. She said, “you know, you’re a snob.” It was an aggressive accusation. I think it was in regard to my indifference to her as mcuh as it was in regard to my indifference to my food.

      It’s true that I could have been warmer to her. I wasn’t cold. I just wasn’t inviting or flirtatious. I never flirt with women I have no intention of sleeping with. That may be wrong. Maybe I should flirt with everybody.

      I am 5′ 7″ and have maybe an 8 face. I’m not Jon Hamm. So, women tend to get pissy when I don’t respond. I guess I’m attractive enough to approach, but not tall enough to have high standards, if that makes sense. My point is that I am always diplomatic and polite when I deflect a woman’s interest, but women tend to get angry, like they thought they were doing me a favor by being interested in me despite my height.

      My point is that i never ever commented on her body or her appearance. I just deflected her interest and talk unflirtatiously about restaurants, and she was STILL angry that I didn’t respond positively to her. When she said “you’re a snob” it was in a definite rebuke. It was disdainful and angry.

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  9. ThatFatBish Says:

    The women and height thing has never made any sense to me. I’m 5 ft tall. EVERYBODY is taller than me. Height is not a requirement for me. Just be taller than me. I’m more focused on character and common interests.

    As for the women and fat thing, my ex-husband decided he didn’t want to be married anymore because I was fat and he wasn’t attracted to me. Thing is I was fat when I met him. I have struggled with disordered eating most of my life and will likely have this issue for most of my life. I don’t bait and switch online because I want to spend my time with men who are turned on by my body type. And yet, despite several full body pics, I still end up with dudes who seemed shocked that I’m not 5 ft 100 lbs. when they meet me.

    Anyway like the earlier poster said, if I am not pleasing to your eye, look the fuck away.

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  10. Janey Says:

    Delurking again…

    I like this post! I was discussing this with my husband only last night while watching Beyonce’s Beauty Hurts video on MTV.

    It’s no wonder women walk around with body issues all the time. We are _never_ going to be good enough. If you’re skinny, you’re too thin, if you have a curvier figure you’re too fat. We get it from men and we get it from women. The men feel free to pass judgement ‘cos we’re “not their type” and the women hate that which they don’t have – thinness, curviness, bone structure, straight nose, yadda yadda. And it all goes around in vicious circle.

    Fit = healthy, good recovery times post exercise, that kind of thing. If you work out regularly you’re probably a whole lot fitter than someone who never exercises – body shape doesn’t enter into it. End of story.

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  11. Avery_t Says:

    ATWYS,

    I list as 42. Not 39. Im 44. I do list as 5’9″, but am 5’7″.

    I like this status or no status:

    http://www.google.com/imgres?imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com%2F75254144.html%3Fpage%253D7&tbnid=RVrEvXAG4ogSaM:&docid=_F30wWRm4yeO3M&h=700&w=500

    If you can’t see it, google “Noomi Rapace abs.”

    I think women who don’t believe that men prefer athletic body types simply have no idea what athletic bodies are like. Many of my ex’s are like this. Small breasts. Great abs.

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