Head Isn’t All About Him

My wonderful friend Betty introduced me to some articles this past week that led me to this one.quotesass7

I love my boyfriend. And I love giving him blow jobs. What I do not love is the taste of spunk. No matter whose splooge it is, it tastes like a cross between sour juice, bitters, mold, and a dirty sock. Even Bobby Flay couldn’t make this milky concoction taste good. I’ve hypothesized women who say it taste good are either a) lying or b) have taste buds damaged by years of smoking. But I don’t smoke and like Abe Lincoln, I cannot tell a lie. I love a nice pearl necklace, but the taste of semen makes me gag.Maybe it’s nature’s way of saying put that sperm in your vagina, but I couldn’t care less. I am dedicated to being a good girlfriend. I wanted to enjoy his man chowder. I wanted to relish it with the same fervor I do a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s Heath Bar Crunch. Intrepid scientist that I am, I wanted to know how to make it taste better.

First of all, it’s called semen. It’s not man chowder, splooge, spunk or man juice. It’s semen. Cum I’ll accept. But none of the ridiculous Samantha Jones-inspired nicknames for ejaculate. Kthnxbai.

Secondly, it’s not a freakin’ contest. If you don’t like to swallow, don’t swallow. That’s your choice. But just because you do swallow doesn’t make you “better.” Some women dig it. Some don’t. Some women love giving oral. Some are meh about it. It doesn’t make you a “better girlfriend” if you loooove it. And if it does, then you’re with the wrong guy. All things considered, a great blow job it nice, but something tells me if everything else was working well and there is sexual compatibility in other areas, swallowing his “man chowder” (I can’t even type that without eye rolling) isn’t all that important. Liking sex is not rare. It’s sex. It’s enjoyable and pleasurable and feels good. Enjoying it certainly doesn’t elevate your status in any way.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to please your partner. In fact, it’s encouraged. Wanting to learn new tips and tricks isn’t necessarily about wanting to be more valuable to a man.  But it never should delve into that unseemly place known as competition and coercion which is what this podcast seems to be advocating. (“Don’t be one of those women who gets dumped for not giving enough head” was my favorite quote. Yeesh.)

I was talking with a close friend of mine, Ellen, and she told me a startling statistic…

She said that something like 44% of relationships end because the woman didn’t give her man enough head.

If a relationship ended because of the lack of oral sex, then that probably means the relationship wasn’t that stable in the first place. The lack of oral sex (or good oral sex) was the outlier, not the root cause. Want women to give you head more often? Stop thinking it’s all about you. That goes for men and women equally. Don’t always assume that those acts are strictly about getting you off, because they’re not.The thing that annoyed me most about that podcast was that it was all about pleasing the guy and made no mention of how fellatio can be pleasurable and empowering for women. (“Give him head in the morning and make him breakfast. That’s the ultimate King Day.”)

I also hated the fact that so much importance was placed on how to give an a-MAH-zing blow job. I happen to think that most guys are just happy to get head and that they’re not lying there like an Olympic judge rating the performance. Framing a discussion like this in a way where the objective is to “please a man” is going to cause many a woman to shut down. And PS? If the only way you can get someone to go down on you is to make them feel insecure, you’ve got bigger issues.

Back to the issue at hand, which is this idea that enjoying sex somehow makes you unique, especially if you’re a woman.  I see this in my writing niche all the time. Some people love to call themselves “sex writers” because they think it affords them some level of cache. There are sex writers like Jamye Waxman, Reid Milhalko Yolanda Shoshana, and Rachel Kramer Bussel who live and breathe the topic of human sexuality and have  a passion for educating people on the subject, and there are others who like to call themselves sex writers in order to discuss their sexual escapades. Those are two very different groups.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve totally done this and still do it. Only when I did it before, it was because I felt I needed to use it to get men to like me more. I used it thinking it made me more valuable and attractive than other women because I didn’t feel I would measure up otherwise. And here’s the thing, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using sex as a lure.  You just can’t do the bait and switch or be shocked when some people make assumptions based on an admission like this. You also can’t fool yourself into believing that all the attention you do get from it is genuine. Most importantly, our respective proclivities and prowess should never be used to make other people feel inadequate just so we can feel better about ourselves. I feel many conversations about sex often devolves into a pissing match over who gives the best head or who gets laid the most. It’s important to remember that all of this is relative. What’s great for some might not be for others, and frequency isn’t always a sign of compatibility or skill.







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42 Responses to “Head Isn’t All About Him”

  1. Michelle Says:

    It’s semen it’s not meant to be swallowed. This is one of the unfortunate ways women have let themselves get infected by porn contrived sexual practices that have encouraged men to think they’re entitled to it and women to think they’re required to fulfill. It’s repulsive and any woman is a disgrace for letting a man make her think she’s less than for not enjoying the taste of cum or enjoying facials for that matter. If she’s turned on by it all on her own then great, but none of those things should be looked at as a given during sex. Would a guy be ok with you sitting on and smearing his face with a bloody period vagina just for the sake of seeing it there? It’s a different kind of facial see?
    Also, I thought chicks figured this out early in their sexual careers but getting dirty for a guy doesn’t necessarily make you worth shit to him. He’ll happily enjoy whatever filth you let him do with you and then happily fade on you at his whim because sex alone is not where it’s at. Are there really grown women giving advice that a certain kind of sex is how you keep a man?

    • Howard Says:

      Michelle, you are quite dramatic with your poor analogies. Comparing bloody period to semen is beyond a stretch. Semen is comparable to female ejaculate. And I would be the first to agree with you that female squirt does not smell or taste well. While female juices from stimulation smell and taste fine, I have no idea why squirt smells and tastes that way.

      Now I am going to assume that there must be some women who like semen and men who like female squirt. I am not going to call them liars or psycho-analyze them. They have their thing and I have my thing. I believe in letting those of other tastes, enjoy those tastes.

      And I am more than a little tired of people who get on these blogs and take some high ground and try to make everyone else of a different taste or persuasion, to be liars, stupid or something lesser. The word for it, is intolerance.

      • Michelle Says:

        If you can read into my poor analogies then why couldn’t you read my plain and clear sentence that says that if certain things are a natural preference and turn on for a woman then so be it. And yes, I was comparing blood to semen, but I was not comparing the act of trying to make a girl swallow to the act of a woman face sitting while on her period; THAT is what I was comparing to facials, which is something in general solely for a guys entertainment and for the purpose of seeing a woman degraded and looking like a clown. So you’re wrong that my period analogy was off. If a woman wants to smush bloody genitals on your face just because she gets off on the idea of seeing it there and making you submit to the act then she’s giving you a facial dummy.

        • C Says:

          I’m not sure that anyone “expects” oral although its very common. What is expected is to be judged on how sexually compatible, fun and “good” you are.

          I agree that sex isnt “the relationship” but it is a very important part of the relationship that when neglected has eroded many relationships and marriages.

          Perhaps its never happened to you, and honestly I hope it never does happen to you, but I once left a 1.5 year relationship with a very sweet man because we were totally sexually incompatible (among other issues). Its not the particular sex act or even frequency, its the feeling that someone is constantly rejecting you and leaving you feeling bad and embarrassed for wanting to be intimate with them.

          As for “porn contrived sexual practices”, many of us women both enjoy watching porn and are greatful for the education it provided us. Most of us arent born great lovers and we arent all that incredibly creative so having a refernce from professional sex workers is something of a gift.

          I agree that no one should feel pressured into doing anything they dont enjoy, but its actually very rare to hear of anyone feeling “pressured” into sex acts outside of teenagers and abusive relationships.

    • LostSailor Says:

      No, Michelle, your comparison equating semen to menstrual discharge is completely off. Yeah, we get it, you don’t like oral. That’s fine. Well, maybe not “fine” given the words you use to describe your antipathy: fellatio is a porn infection and contrived, it’s “repulsive” and disgraceful and “dirty”, it’s “filth.”

      I must assume you find receiving it just as abhorrent as giving it. I’m going to also assume you’re not down for anal, either…

      • Michelle Says:

        You’re reading into what I wrote like you’re a dumb chick or something, I never insinuated that oral was gross or wrong. Facials however ,are absolutely porn contrived and many men these days feel entitled to it. I won’t elaborate any further for people who are so repulsed by menstruation touching anywhere inappropriate on the body but think it perfectly desirable and normal to swallow semen or have it blasted up your nostrils and in your eyelids. Your distaste speaks for itself.

        • LostSailor Says:

          Whoa! The projection! It is strong with this one!

          Never insinuated that oral was gross or wrong? Sorry, honey, but the language you used indicates a severe aversion to oral. You can try to backtrack all you want to support your quaint notion that “semen is not meant to be swallowed” and comparing it to menstrual blood (which, bizarrely, you think is fine to smear on someone’s face). First, I never expressed an opinion one way or the other about menstrual blood, other than saying your analogy was false.

          But more important, people have been swallowing semen loads for thousands of years. Your personal opinion and aversion to semen is not the universal fact that you state, in fact, it’s not even common.

          Hey, you don’t like oral (or only carefully sanitized oral), you don’t like semen, you don’t like swallowing, you don’t like facials, but you do like to get kinky with Aunt Flo. (You didn’t your preference for anal, but I’m still gonna go with a no on that one.) Whatever floats your boat, sweetheart.

          Just don’t try to tell anyone else what to do or what to like…

          • Lisa Says:

            But the entire thread is just a matter of what floats your boat. Like who cares?? The OP enjoys giving head and considers it (the act and her purported highly-skilled ability to perform it) an important part of her relationship. Good for her. Good for any of us who agree. Or who disagree. There is no right or wrong here. It’s just whatever you and the person you are with like.

          • Michelle Says:

            You projected all that on me and are accusing ME of projecting? It’s humorous. Jizz gulping as a universally EXPECTED NORM for thousands of years? Really? What do you have to back that up with besides fantasy and crossing your fingers in hope I’m like one of the girls you’ve probably used that line on to get her to think she’s SUPPOSED to swallow your dick snot. THAT’s the issue I take with it. Not that it’s a practice in general, but that men take it as an entitlement and women let themselves fall for it. It’s not an entitlement, it’s a gift. If a woman wants to do it for you fantastic. She doesn’t OWE it to you and no man has a right to think less of a woman because she doesn’t like to swallow semen.
            And again for the last time. Blood is not the same substance as semen, but a woman wanting to sit on your face while she’s menstruating just because she enjoys the idea of seeing blood smeared there and seeing you look like a werewolf who’s just turned back to human is no different what so ever from a man who NEEDS to see his cum dripping from your eyes and nose and face for no other reason that he likes the visual.

          • Michelle Says:

            And it IS gross, which is ultimately what the appeal is for most people if you’re honest with yourself. If it weren’t that filthy it wouldn’t turn people on, but evolution would have saw fit to put a uterus on your face (or in your intestines for that matter) if that was the most practical place for semen to go.

            • Selena Says:

              I guess I’m a ‘vanilla’ woman in that I prefer genital fluids to stay in genital areas. I arrived at that preference through experimentation otherwise. CONSENSUAL experimentation as it was.

              I have the feeling here that your vehemence on this topic may because you have felt COERCED into alternative genital fluid placement. Am I right? If this is so, I think you might be better off examining the influence of coercion in your past and the characteristics of your previous partners.

              Most men look/have looked at porn. Most do not insist their lovers swallow their semen or give receive ‘facials’ red or white. Most men want to give their partners pleasure and will avoid practices the person they care about finds distasteful. If this has not been your experience, you have been choosing the wrong men. Look for other common denominators in personality. Specifically control issues.

            • C Says:

              Wow! Please get some therapy. Lost Sailor is correct. You are projecting your extreme oversion on all women.

              Nobody is coercing anyone into anything. As the title of the post says, “Head Isn’t All About Him”. If it becomes all about him, especially if it becomes all about him enjoying humiliating you, well thats a sick individual and you need to leave him immediately.

          • LostSailor Says:

            Geez, Michelle, calm down, you’re going to give yourself a stroke.

            What do you have to back that up with besides fantasy and crossing your fingers in hope I’m like one of the girls you’ve probably used that line on to get her to think she’s SUPPOSED to swallow your dick snot.

            Shall we start with the Kama Sutra before moving on to ancient Egyptian papyri and hieroglyphic carvings or brothel menus from ancient Rome, or the many tribal cultures where the swallowing of semen is ritualized? There’s also the record of erotic poetry in more recent historical times. Recent science has shown that not only does semen have nutritional properties, it may also have an anti-depressant effect in women.

            And for the record, I’ve never had to use a line of any kind on any woman to urge her to swallow. Which brings us to:

            THAT’s the issue I take with it. Not that it’s a practice in general, but that men take it as an entitlement and women let themselves fall for it. It’s not an entitlement

            So, you don’t take issue that many women swallow and perhaps like it, except that they’re apparently somehow duped into it with cunning lines by entitled men? Aside from the double-think in that, let’s back up a moment. No one here ever suggested in any way that men are entitled to women swallowing semen during oral sex. That’s simply a strawman created out of your own fevered imagination, or perhaps repeated experience, in which case you might want to consider having oral sex with a better class of man.

            no man has a right to think less of a woman because she doesn’t like to swallow semen.

            No one here ever said a man has such a right or that a woman who doesn’t swallow is somehow deficient. That, too, is in your fevered imagination. But I’m beginning to think you might want to seek counseling for what is increasingly seeming like past trauma.

            I’ll ignore your ongoing fetish for menstrual blood.

            We get it. You don’t like the Ickky. Because it’s Ickky. And Gross. And Filthy. Ickky, Ickky, Ickky semen. Fine. Then don’t swallow it. No one here ever asked you to. Or said that you should. We all–except you–understand that it’s a personal choice. But by the same token, there’s no reason for you to condemn men and women who don’t think it’s Ickky, who have opinions and practices other than yours, and hysterically insisting that your personal opinions and preferences are universal fact doesn’t make it so.

            We get it. You apparently feel that the vagina (a uterus on the face would be the wrong organ) is the only appropriate place for the Ickky. Though I’m frankly surprised you’d let this gross, filthy, horrible stuff anywhere near you…

            • Michelle Says:

              How repetitive do I have to get with you moron? I don care who enjoys semen, I care when a woman is insulted for not enjoying it or feels like she HAS to service a man that way. Don’t make a straw man out of my defense of women and warp my opinions into that icky icky baby talk.

            • Michelle Says:

              You’re clearly a misogynists who leaps at the opportunity to suggest a woman is out of control or crazy for having a strong opinion. You see what I just did there? You see how it works?

              • ATWYSingle Says:

                I think he may be suggesting that you’re out of control because, from your first comment, you’ve come off unnecessarily angry and volatile, and it’s just continued to spiral every time you write a comment.

                • Michelle Says:

                  Moxie, all my comments have been in response to the insult and rudeness people have expressed at my opinions, which speaks to their sensitivity on the issue. Very few commenters had the maturity and skill to counter my points without insult.

        • Tinker Says:

          Men are insisting on cumming in your nostrils and eyelids? No sweetie, that’s not the ‘norm’ and if that’s what people are trying to get you to do it ( partially) explains why you sound so gottdamned miserable. Just meet different men.

          • ATWYSingle Says:

            Well this turned ugly fast.

          • Michelle Says:

            You sound like you have the reading comprehension of desk lamp. Where did I suggest that was the norm in my sex life?

            • Nicole Says:

              Michelle, I think a lot of folks are reacting to comments like this one…

              “Facials however ,are absolutely porn contrived and many men these days feel entitled to it.”

              I’ll admit I haven’t that many partners, so my data set may be insufficient, but I have never had a guy bring up facials. Ever. Even guys I know watched a ton of porn. Nor has anyone said a word about swallowing during oral until they knew it was something I was fine with.

              You’re making statements about men, and what they expect… Well, most of us realize you’re not accurately describing our reality, so we can only assume you’re basing this on your personal experience.

              And yes, some commenters are baiting you. If you want them to stop, you need to quit reacting. Although I’m kind of enjoying the show.

            • Tinker Says:

              You suggested that an average facial = cum in nostrils and eyelids. If you don’t know what’s wrong with that, I can’t help you. ( not that I’d want to, the train wreck that are your comments is an amusing read of the ‘wow people like her really do exist’ variety).

  2. BTownGirl Says:

    “I happen to think that most guys are just happy to get head and that they’re not lying there like an Olympic judge rating the performance.”

    Not only did this make me laugh, it’s true. It’s sex, people, and it’s supposed to be fun! I don’t think you can really enjoy yourself if you’re treating it like an audition for something or as a way to try to set yourself apart from other women. I also don’t think any man worth his salt wants you to feel like you have to “perform”. In my experience, you know what’s one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, turn-on for men? Being able to tell he’s driving you nuts. No Cirque De Soleil-caliber moves required!

  3. NASHWC Says:

    I really liked the quote “Give him head in the morning and make him breakfast. That’s the ultimate King Day.” .. Personally, I regard oral sex as the most intimate, giving sexual act one can do for another. And for the record, I absolutely LOVE giving to my women and LOVE the taste of her juice on my tongue as she’s screaming. I really, really get off on it. And I also adore when she offers her talents for me. It’s a personal gift, you see. :)

    Sounds like the OP has the right attitude (“I am dedicated to be a good girlfriend”) and I hope her BF sees the value in this. Myself, I appreciate that my GF expresses the same kind of attitude (and the same zest for this most giving act). I think all smart men pick up on this when they experience it from their woman, and then have the natural inclination to reciprocate in kind. Situations like these are a real win-win.

  4. Tinker Says:

    I couldn’t disagree more with ‘most guys are just happy to get head’. Are you just happy to get someone to go down on you? I’m not. What he does while he’s down there matters, as well as his enthusiasm for it. I don’t believe that’s any different for guys. Not everyone likes the same things but the quality of the sex, oral and otherwise, absolutely is a factor in a relationship for me and men I’ve known.
    And giving oral is pleasurable to me, but I don’t feel ‘empowered’ with a dick In my mouth- could someone elaborate on that? ( serious inquiry, that’s not a snarky set-up question)

    • ATWYSingle Says:

      While I don’t think guys would be thrilled if a woman dragged her teeth across his penis or was obviously less than enthusiastic, the idea that she needs to be deep throating and performing all kinds of stunts to keep the guy happy is a little out there. Like, how long do we expect people to stay down there?

      And giving oral is pleasurable to me, but I don’t feel ‘empowered’ with a dick In my mouth- could someone elaborate on that?

      You have the guy’s penis and balls in your mouth and hands. That’s a really vulnerable position for a man to be in given how sensitive those areas are and all the nerve endings in that area. One wrong move and that guy is in for a world of hurt.

      I also think a lot has to do with the dynamic between the two people. If the guy is constantly directing her head and doing stuff to make her feel like she has no say in how things play out, then that’s a problem. If she’s confident in what she’s doing, the guy has little say in it because he’s too aroused to do anything. He’s kind of powerless.

      • Tinker Says:

        Thanks Moxie, I see what you mean

      • NASHWC Says:

        Yep, if more women realized the inherent power in the ability to render a good BJ, a lot of relationship issues might dissolve away .. :)

      • Howard Says:

        The power of vulnerability is the glue to many relationships. I often tell women that if a man is not willing to be vulnerable with you, then you don’t have anything of substance. Oral sex and the interplay of giving and accepting vulnerability both ways can be very powerful in cementing relationships.

        I mentioned squirting in my piece above, and was hoping someone would pick up on that. I really don’t what percent of women do. Internet research suggests a number from 6% to 60%. This wide range was absolutely absurd to me. What was even more absurd was the real lack of study and comprehension about this process. I met a woman who squirted after having slept with over fifteen women who didn’t. Then, I was quite shocked and dismayed about my ignorance of this. I am much more aware these days.

        In fact, I find vulnerability and trust play a great part in whether or not a woman who squirts, is willing to squirt with you. The amount of squirt can be quite copius, ranging from half a cup to as much as two cups in one instant. That is a lot of fluid. It generally does not taste the greatest or smell the greatest, unlike female fluids from stimulation or regular orgasm, which I tend to like very much. I would be very interested in knowing what percent of women squirt, and any comments from women aware of this experience.

    • Nicole Says:

      Tinker, I completely agree – I would much rather never get oral again than know my partner was doing it just to be a “good boyfriend” and hating it the whole time. A huge part of good sex – all parts of it – is knowing the person you’re with is enjoying your body. I admit I couldn’t make it through the linked article, but I can’t imagine the authors boyfriend feels very good hearing her talk about how gross his body tastes. Dirty socks? Really?

      (And I am so sick of the anyone-who-says-differently-is-lying articles. I get nauseous from just the smell of olives, but I get that some people think they’re delicious. Is it that hard to believe some women are fine with the way men taste?)

      As for the “empowered” idea… For me, it’s the feeling of being in control of his pleasure and orgasm. Being able to do that for someone is empowering. I agree with Moxie that it depends on the dynamic, a guy holding your head or telling you what to do, while fun in it’s own way ;), isn’t necessarily empowering.

      • BTownGirl Says:

        Well said, Nicole! I certainly wouldn’t want a dude to do it for me while thinking, “Yick, what a trial. At least I’m a great boyfriend and Mad Men is on soon.” That would just be…depressing, no?!

        Btw, I hate olives too. I don’t understand them or want them anywhere near my person.

      • Jess Says:

        Agree, Nicole! I imagine most guys can probably tell if you’re enjoying what you’re doing or not. If you don’t like it, don’t do it.

        And not all guys taste the same. I’ve been in a situation where one guy’s “taste” was stronger than what I’d experienced before. So no one can say all guys taste bad or the same.

  5. Damien Says:

    It goes both ways. I’ve noticed more than a few women state in their online dating profiles that they like receiving oral.

    When I’ve actually dated these women, they came across as rather selfish.

    When I did have sex with a few such women and others, they certainly liked receiving oral, but they were not into giving any head. It’s not going both ways.

    • HammersAndNails Says:

      Umm… What dating sites are you on?

      • C Says:

        Umh yeah, is this adult friend finder dot com?

      • Damien Says:

        I connected with these women on a site called LavaLife and another one that was affiliated with Nerve Personals. I am no longer on there, and I am not endorsing these sites, as I found few singles on there that were interested in LTRs. Most seemed to gravitate there for lack of finding a fit elsewhere, which tells you a lot.

        The particular demographics, if you want to call it that, of the women I met who said they liked receiving oral were in their mid 30s to early 40s, either divorced and not looking for anything complicated, or long term single and living their independence. They were teachers, film directors (and no, C-whatever-your-name-is, not porn directors), ad/marketing agency types, etc. The common thread being working in fields where they are expressing their own creative talents, type-A personalities: certainly assertive in expressing what they want, but less able to connect on a deeper level emotionally.

  6. HammersAndNails Says:

    |It doesn’t make you a “better girlfriend” if you loooove it.

    Sure it does. Oral sex is very intimate and that kind of acceptance is meaningful. It also happens to feel fantastic.

    I actually wonder if you really even meant that because it seems so illogical.

  7. sitnbull Says:

    Nope, don’t care for it. I like to receive. But I never ask a girl to service me because I will not do it in return. Don’t like the taste, smell or location. next to the poop shoot. I’m in my fifties and have tried five different women. different Ages, states looks n nationalities. some were ok, some were like a sewer. None were good.

  8. LostSailor Says:

    Moxie comments above: If she’s confident in what she’s doing, the guy has little say in it because he’s too aroused to do anything. He’s kind of powerless.

    Well, to say he’s powerless is a bit of an exaggeration But if she’s enjoying what she’s doing and is good at it–not necessarily the same thing–he doesn’t have to do anything.

    By my experience is that even when a woman in enthusiastic, I’ve only been with a very few women who were really good at fellatio. That said, there’s only been one woman I’ve been with who refused any kind of oral, giving or receiving; she was enthusiastic in everything else, so it didn’t really matter, but it was still there.

    The ex wasn’t really into giving and kind of doled it out as a special treat and consequently wasn’t really very good at it. She was, however, quite happy to receive oral on a regular basis, like, every time. Which always bothered me a bit. I don’t think it’s that relationships end because she’s not giving enough head, but there may be a reciprocity issue. If you want to receive, then you also need to want to give.

    But, to address the initial article Moxie posted and commented on: Some people like the taste of semen some people don’t. The focus of the article was, in usually lax Internet advice-column terms, that diet can change the taste. The thing is, it can’t be just a one-off, but a permanent change of diet. (I’m disappointed they didn’t test whiskey, which I’ve heard enhances the taste and is my preferred method.) It’s not just about swallowing, as the article and Moxie talked about; if you don’t like the taste, swallow or spit is irrelevant, it all still hits the taste-buds. That’s just something that both partners have to deal with. Most guys prefer the swallow, but are okay with the spit (thought the dash to the bathroom for the Listerine kind of takes a little something away from the experience) but finishing by hand is kind of a let-down.

    But the bottom line is, if you don’t like doing it, don’t do it. Whether that’s swallowing, spitting, or not doing it at all because it’s “filthy,” go with what you’re comfortable with and deal with the consequences. I know some people don’t like the idea that there are consequences, but there always are; you will be judged for your choices–we all make judgments in daily life and in relationships. Own your choices.

    As for oral in general, I love all aspects. Ladies should feel free to give me a call; I have it on good authority I taste Grrrrreat!

  9. Avery_t Says:

    How come nobody mentions 69? I love 69. It’s my favorite. But I’ve almost never seen it in porn. It’s the best.

    63 is good too. That’s when the man is standing and the woman is seated on the edge of a bed or sofa. If the man is not too tall (!), he can reach down and pinch the woman’s nipples or even (if he is very flexible) reach between her spread legs and touch her. That way, he stays in loving contact with her body while she is pleasuring him.

    Anyway, that type of reciprocity during head may create a nicer climate for the act. I’ve always gotten a very positive response.

  10. Sarah Says:

    Can we talk about the logistics of spitting? I mean, is a towel rude, or nah? Because there’s something about the towel that feels wrong. Should I invest in some sort of monogrammed sterling spittoon, or perhaps some sort of cockbib (really a thing, by the way)?

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