Avoid These #OKCupid & #Tinder Idiots #atwys

The pickings on OKCupid leave a lot to be desired. A lot. We all know this. But there is a certain sub-section of users of Confused woman with laptopthat site that you should avoid at all costs. Below, I’m listing out some red flags and WTFuckery that you should keep in mind next time you’re tempted to send them a message or a reply.

 

They have one photo and describe themselves as “God fearing.” – These are fake profiles created by scammers.

They have only one photo, and they’re atypically attractive for a dating site, and tell you they’ve just moved to your city from LA. – These, too, are fake profiles. I’ve said this before, but dating sites don’t typically attract the ridiculously good looking. Those folks have no problem meeting people offline.

They post a primary photo that is completely misleading. – We’ve all seen them. You click on the thumbnail because their profile photo appeals to you. Then you go through the rest of their pics and, well, the person is almost unrecognizable. You shouldn’t have to trick someone into reading your profile.

Their primary photo is of them with another person of the same sex. – Sorry, but in the age of Tinder where everybody has an itchy swipe finger, you’re cutting your chances of being swiped right if there are two people in that photo. Especially if that person is unfortunate looking. Fewer and fewer people are even stopping to take a look through your photos to see which one is you. And God forbid you’re the unfortunate looking one. Nobody likes being disappointed like that. Either that person is a complete idiot and doesn’t realize how these apps work or they’re trying to pull the bait and switch. Time wasters. Nope.

Their primary photo is taken in the front seat of their car - I don’t know who started this trend, but they need to be put down. First, why are you taking photos of yourself while driving? Second, do you not have any other photos better than this?

Their primary photo is of them and a child. – Nope. Foolish.

The people who list out their requirements for contact. – Oddly enough, I see this most often from people who are on and off a site consistently for a long period of time. They get frustrated because nobody is indulging them, so they quit. Then they come back and start in with the same nonsense all over again hoping for a different result. Hint: The problem isn’t the dating site or your lack of viable options.

People who post photos that are completely unflattering. – No, I don’t mean photos that don’t favor them physically. I’m talking about pictures where the users looks distasteful, boorish, or insane. Oh, you gave the finger to the person taking the picture? You must be a bad boy/girl!

People who post photos of themselves smoking. – Listen, I don’t have a problem dating an occasional smoker. But if one of your photos is of you with  a lit cigarette in your hand, then I’ll give you a pass strictly because you’re clearly trying to get people to reject you. My days of wanting to date a rebel ended about 15 years ago. Those people are too much work.

People who post photos of themselves with considerably younger people that aren’t their relatives. - Photos like this say, “I might be XX age, but I totally fit in with a younger crowd so don’t let my age get in the way.” We get it. You’re youthful. Equally questionable are people who swear that peers tell them all the time that they look ten years younger than they actually are. They’re uncomfortable with their age and probably won’t date anyone close to it.

People who write in their About Me summary that “they’ll get back to this” but never do. – Everybody else has to do it and they manage just fine. Writing about yourself in a way that is complimentary and interesting shouldn’t be the Herculean task many people think it is. If it is, then that’s a pretty good sign that they’re boring or not invested in the process.

People who use up their About Me summary to tell you their philosophies on life, love, or online dating. – Sorry, but nobody cares about you enough to read through a bunch of pretentious garbage just because you think you’re a special snowflake. Get to the point. The About Me Summary is where you, you know, tell people about yourself and why they would want to date you. It’s not a soapbox or open mic night.

People who are explicit in their potential mate’s physical appearance. – She must be petite. He must be this tall. These folks have a very specific idea in their head about what they’re looking for, and if you don’t match up, they’re not interested. Their ideals are rarely ever based on real men or women. They want to date a fictional character. Which brings me to..

People who use fictional characters or celebrities to describe their “type.” – As we all know, celebrities aren’t really like you and me. And fictional characters are just that: fictional. Basing your love life on a movie or book or something you saw on the pages of US magazine says that your expectations aren’t based in reality.

People who tell you they don’t email anybody, so you’ll have to contact them. – These people don’t want to do the work or take the risks. They can’t be bothered. If they don’t want to take the effort to write a message, imagine what they’ll be like to date.

People who select an income of 500K+. – Only a fool or a scammer would do this. The same way many men are suspicious of women who say they’re open to casual sex in their profile, women should be suspicious of men who use their income or trust fund or other assets to attract attention.

People who tell you they’re going to be taking their profile down. – This is a marketing strategy that only works if you’re selling an actual product. It’s meant to create urgency, but on an online dating site this ploy falls flat. Instead of making them look in demand, it makes them look like damaged goods or too busy to date.

People whose profile text don’t match the photo. – I addressed this above, but it’s an important one to repeat. If the photo is of someone who appears to be well put together and professional, and the text sounds like it was written by a prison inmate, be cautious.

 

Did I miss any?

 

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42 Responses to “Avoid These #OKCupid & #Tinder Idiots #atwys”

  1. Kyra Says:

    Oh my god, the misleading photos, they’re awful. I got a message from guy who I thought was attractive, so I went to his profile to decide if I should reply, but the rest of his 5 other photos were of a completely different guy!

    It was like, did you get that much plastic surgery done in the time between photos?

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 2

  2. yb Says:

    This: “The post a primary photo that is completely misleading. You shouldn’t have to trick someone into reading your profile.”

    That’s why I would add to the list a person who’s profile says 39 but admits in the text that their real age is 42. I hate being tricked. If my search parameters are being disrespected, I am hitting “next!”

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 43 Thumb down 7

  3. C Says:

    Guys with a profile picture of themselves with a date. Or worse yet, a middle aged guy with an arm around two drunk women at a bar. He obviously doesnt need to hear from me because he is so busy dating so many women he cant even find any pictures of himself without a woman in it.

    “People who tell you they don’t email anybody, so you’ll have to contact them. ”
    Its tacky to say so, but I’ve known a couple of guys who sent out tons of messages and got few if any replies so they kept their profiles up but stopped initiating contact. Both are now in relationships with women who initiated contact with them. I wouldnt be too down on a guy who has essentially given up after sending out 100-200 messages and being ignored.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 8

    • Donnie K Says:

      No disrespect to your friends, but how is it possible for a man with a decent profile to send out 100 to 200 messages and get few if any replies? One in 20 fine, even one in 50. Again, I’m just curious how that happens?

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 6

      • C Says:

        One guy I think had a terrible main picture. He was holding a drink in a dark bar looking kind of menacing. Beyond that, I’m not sure. I thought he was a very attractive and articulate single dad in his late 30s. Maybe Pheonix is not a great place for his demographic. Last time we spoke, he said he had met someone online and it was pretty serious so it all worked out.

        The other one was an outgoing professional Jewish guy in his mid-50s who lived in a suburb of NYC. I think the problem with that friend was that he was aiming very young (i.e. 10-20 years his junior). He did get some dates but few and far between and only one woman was very interested in him. The rest were pretty lukewarm. After he lowered his age demands to something more reasonable, his current girlfriend initiated contact and last I heard they were talking marriage.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

        • AC Says:

          If your friend living in the NYC suburbs was using okcupid, that could also explain it. For every one woman living I’m NJ, there’s 25-50 living in the city. Most of those jersey girls live in Hoboken and Jersey City. Based on location alone, the deck was stacked against him.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

      • NASHWC Says:

        you would have to ask the ladies who all swiped left. This is very, very possible … and a reminder that women have NO IDEA what it’s like online. My response rate was something like 1 reply for every 20-30 messages. A little context here: my friends (who know the level of ladies I pull) didn’t understand why I decided to go online. I’m 49, 6-2, athletic, (relatively) handsome, successful … and almost totally ignored online. I’m living proof that what women my age SAY they want in a man is nothing near what they actually RESPOND to.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 4

        • C Says:

          Online can be pretty bizarre. I’m sure its something about your profile. My late 30’s friend who was having so much trouble online during that 6 month period that left him so jaded said he regularly went bar hopping with friends and met plenty of women that way. Go figure.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

          • NASHWC Says:

            Actually, yeah it was. I had managed to get two ladies (friends of my sister; one 41, the other 51) to look it over and they both said that the pics and bio are fine but that overall my profile projected someone who is ‘high energy’, ‘on the go’, etc and that most women would feel a little intimidated by me (and all guys hear is women saying men are intimidated by THEM! .. LOL) or worry that they couldn’t keep up. That was an eye-opener! Doesn’t change anything but at least it let me know that I was able to accurately communicate who I really am. Guess my kind of personality is better discovered in person .. :)

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 3

            • Noquay Says:

              Dude, please move to my town. I get told that I am”too high energy”, “do too much in life”, you’re sooo right, IRL is the only way to go for us.

              Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

        • mindstar Says:

          I read a passage in an online blog that went something like:

          “It doesn’t matter what women like, don’t like, or say they like and don’t like; the only thing That matters is what women respond to.”

          As always actions speak louder than words.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

    • Fyodor Says:

      There’s a difference between employing a strategy and explicitly stating it in your profile (per your friend that didn’t message). There is signalling involved in the latter.

      Many men won’t date very overweight women and many women won’t date short men. Stating it explicitly in your profile signals a certain contempt for others that speaks poorly of your social skills and character.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

    • ATWYSingle Says:

      He obviously doesnt need to hear from me because he is so busy dating so many women he cant even find any pictures of himself without a woman in it.

      He doesn’t need to hear from you because you’re married. A newlywed, even. Yet weirdly enough you participate in these discussions and talk like you’re not.

      Sorry. I honestly do not understand why you comment here so frequently, especially when you haven’t even been married a few months. That’s odd.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 8

      • C Says:

        Ha. I’m just speaking from past experiences. I’m on here because its a fun blog and if I dont distract myself in other ways, I’ll fixate on fertility research and drive myself nuts…and being on a painfully dull project at work isnt helping.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2

  4. bbdawg Says:

    I wish we could hear from one of the married /shirtless or “open relationship” dudes. I mean hello. Does that ever work? I find those profiles actually amusing in some way but seriously.

    Oh and about month ago when my OkC profile was active I was visited by none other than the celeb-loving commenter Avery! His profile now stated “NO ASIANS please !!!” and the declaration that women must “have bikini photos on their profile to prove they are actually fit”.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 33 Thumb down 1

    • BTownGirl Says:

      How, oh how, I ask you did you resist Avery’s lunatic charms?!

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 0

      • bbdawg Says:

        lol. Avery was the guy who thought women didn’t write back to him simply because he isn’t over 6 feet.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

        • BTownGirl Says:

          Bless his heart!

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

        • Joey Giraud Says:

          “But there is a certain sub-section of users”

          I’ve been spelunking in Craigslist, probably because you don’t have to sign up and I’m not ready to dive in yet. Maybe it’s like training wheels for online dating.

          Anyway, you would be hard pressed to find a CL listing that doesn’t have these issues. OKCupid must be heaven in comparison.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  5. Dark Sarcasm Says:

    “Did I miss anything?”

    Any variation of:
    I can’t believe I’m doing online dating…
    My friend convinced me to do this…
    It worked for my friend/coworker/mailman
    I won’t post a picture for professional reasons
    I’m back!
    This is what happens when you drink too much wine…
    No psychos, cheaters, liars….

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 41 Thumb down 0

    • BTownGirl Says:

      “My friend convinced me to do this…”

      Oh yes…a thousand times yes. One of my girlfriends did JDate (and eventually met her husband there!) and we used to love to side-eye those dudes. It reeks of either, “I am wary of this because I am SO SPECIAL and people THIS SPECIAL have to be so careful about lowering themselves to participate in online dating shenanigans! In fact, a friend had to convince me to share my SPECIAL SELF with YOU PEOPLE.” or “I am embarrassed about being on a dating site and so I am going to front like my friends have nothing better to do than get together Intervention-styles and coax me out of my little bashful shell.”

      I mean, really, does that get anyone hot?

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 1

      • C Says:

        “The only reason I created this profile was to humor my pushy, overbearing friends. I’ll go out with you online losers, but rest assured you are benieth me.”

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

      • Eliza Says:

        Exactly. It’s complete and utter horseshit, when ANY man or woman spews that “I am completely new to this online dating thing”. Bullshit–you are NOT. You have been trolling these sites for years. Nothing to turn red over. Online dating has been around for more than 20+ years…have these virgins been living under a rock?! Own up to your own decisions…if you are STILL being that governed by others, friends or family–you need to grow a spine and stand on your own two feet and decide what is best for you. You are online–because you want to be there. The age swap is ALSO annoying. No–you don’t look 10 years younger. Don’t tell me how old you look, let’s just meet–and I’ll be the judge of that. Don’t care how old your mother thinks you look. In her eyes–you are still 5 years old! LOL.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 2

        • UES Says:

          “I look 10 years younger”

          Ok great, so if she’s 40 then I will be comparing her to 30 year old women. Not hard to see how she’s going to fare in that comparison.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

          • AC Says:

            These are the 40 year-old women looking for a relationship with guys 25-42…because they “look” 30.

            Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 1

          • Joey Giraud Says:

            “I look ten years younger then I am” really means they look better then someone they know who’s ten years younger then they are.

            I know a 40 year old guy who looks 60 ( hard living, ) and I look better then *that*, soooo

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

            • bbdawg Says:

              Any time I see that on a profile, I read “I am entitled to a much younger partner”. There is no reason to mention how young you *look* unless that is the currency you value.

              I have read a couple of male profiles (40/50+) that said “I like younger women” point blank and I actually respected that more than someone who says,”I look younger than my age”, or “people are always surprised to hear how old I am”.

              Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

    • The D-man Says:

      I’m going to slightly disagree with this. When someone writes something like this, it doesn’t indicate that they are a potential bad relationship, it just indicates they don’t have a lot of experience in the online dating realm. When looking for a LTR, I don’t care how experienced she is with online dating. The lack of experience might actually be a good thing because they’re less jaded.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 3

  6. Yvonne Says:

    I’ve also noticed a lot more scam profiles than ever before. Really, you’re gorgeous and have a graduate degree, but can’t construct a sentence that isn’t riddled with typos?

    How about the guy who gives you his phone number in the first message and wants you to text him so you can meet right away?

    THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE THEIR PROFILE IN ALL CAPS.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 27 Thumb down 1

  7. bbdawg Says:

    There was one guy, attractive face, seems normal and interesting and at the very bottom of the profile he says: “by the way I just had a baby with a friend of mine…”

    classic Okcupid.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

    • BostonRobin Says:

      Yes, any profile that puts the standard dealbreakers at the end, or buried in the middle.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  8. Hard ache Says:

    The people who demand that you write them nice long opening emails, but who clearly have “replies selectively” on their profile! :-)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

    • BostonRobin Says:

      That’s because everyone sends them one word messages just to piss them off. Or is that just me? :P

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

      • bbdawg Says:

        Okcupid now has a paid feature where you can filter “short messages” onto a junk folder. I have never paid for OkC but yes “hi/how are you/u r pretty” seems to be at least 50-70% of the messages.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  9. NASHWC Says:

    I had to read this list a few times over to re-confirm that practically single every woman’s profile I visited had one or more of these ‘dis-qualifiers’. Most had two or more. Some .. oh god. They were overachievers!! Hell, I was guilty of the bad photo’ a few times and briefly had a ‘requirements for communicating’ condition, but since fixed those. Didn’t change anything for me. It was still a constant challenge to find at least 5 women (just five!!) to email every month so my subscription would continue. Sometimes, I’d just pick someone and send a generic stupid email just to meet the quota. Yeah, online dating really does suck. IRL seems to be the only way to go.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 1

  10. Fyodor Says:

    I think that this article conflates a lot of things that are merely annoying or bad strategy with things that are problematic. Taking pictures in your car, posting unflattering pictures, or mouthing off about your pretentious dating philosophy may not be good strategy, but I think that there are good people that are just bad at profile writing.

    I would add as an additional dealbreaker, that back in my single days, women who said that most men were “intimidated” by them were automatically blocked. If your primary reaction to someone disliking you is to assume that they simply cannot appreciate your greatness, you are not a good dating prospect.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

  11. Carlotta Says:

    I’m uncomfortable with individuals who specify racial preferences for dating. Sometimes I’ll come across a decent profile, but that fact will ruin it for me. I wish it weren’t so common. Does anyone else struggle with this?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1

    • Noquay Says:

      As a triracial chick, deal with this all the time. Why don’t they just put up a sign that says “Whites Only”?

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 2

  12. Noquay Says:

    I LOVE this Moxie. A veritable compendium of why I no longer do the on line thing. A few more:
    1. Profiles beautifully written, photo of a dignified looking man. Write to them and the reply reads as though written by a third grader or maybe, as Moxie says, a convict
    2. Selfies taken in the bathroom mirror. Really? Like you have no one to take a picture of you? We don’t wanna see your toilet.
    3. Maybe this is a rural thing but the dead animal/dead fish shots gotta go.
    4. Shots with the car/pickup truck. I am not looking to date your vehicle.
    5. Demands that I drive to where you are for a first meeting. I understand, gas is expensive, if you’re not at least meeting me half way, that tells me you’re not really serious.
    6. All and sundry whining about an ex in a profile.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  13. AC Says:

    I agree with most of thr advice here but think the bit on dating philosophy veers into anslysis paralysis. Just my opinion.

    Something else I’m noticing more profiles than ever aren’t filled out. I’m blaming Tinder for this.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

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