I was asked to bring the Open Thread/Coffee Talk Feature back, so here it is.
This is the thread where you talk about your problems and your dating exploits. You can vent or humblebrag to your heart’s content.
WE GOT AN OFFER FOR THE CONDO AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S BEING SOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If all goes according to plan, which is hilarious given how not according to plan everything has gone thus far, we’ll pass papers on January 2nd. Of course, this means my sister will be looking for a new home, and will probably have a hard time with that given that her credit is bad. One sister is fronting the first, last, and security and moving fees and will be paid back when the sale goes through. I can’t co-sign because I live in a rent stabilized apartment and could lose my lease. Not sure who will co-sign, if anyone.
Here’s something else that might encourage some talk:
A while back I had met a man online. He was 40, British, and lived in Manhattan. Jackpot, right?
Well, we were messaging for a couple days and set up a date. But the morning of the date I noticed that he had updated his profile. Where it originally said “Doesn’t have kids” in the Offspring section, it now read, “Doesn’t have kids, but might wants them.” He also answered more questions, one of them being whether or not he was on the site to meet someone with whom he could have children. He selected Yes as his answer.
I now had a decision to make. Did I want to meet this guy and feel him out? Or did I want to call it a wash and not bother?
I emailed him and said I noticed he had changed his profile a bit, noting the adjustments he made about wanting children.
“Are you looking to meet someone who might want children?” I asked.
“Well” he said. “I’d like to keep that option open.”
I cancelled the date.
On my profile I filled in the Offspring field under My Basic Details and said that I didn’t have kids and I didn’t want any. So I was a little concerned about this guy’s motives. I’m upfront about not wanting children, but do say in my profile that I’m open to dating men with kids. Let’s face it. I’m 45. I have to be more flexible. The problem with being honest about not wanting kids is that, to a divorced Dad, that might be a red flag. A single parent is going to want to date someone who appears open to embracing and accepting their children. Being direct about your disinterest in wanting kids might be a deterrent to single Dads.
So where does that leave women and men who don’t want kids? I’m talking people who have decided, definitely, that children are not on the menu and are not an option for them. It drastically pares down their dating pool, no?
Personally, I draw the line at dating people with young children under 16. It’s just too difficult. They’re schedules are crazy, the rarely have weekends free, etc. But how honest should someone be in their profile about what their limitations are without looking rigid? This is an especially tricky thing for women, as women are perceived as cold or detached if they don’t want children. To be fair, I kinda am cold and detached..BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT! Thoughts?
OK. Enjoy, kids. This is perfect if you’re a new reader and want to delurk and say hello. You can also ask your own dating questions. Treat yo’ self!
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