How Long Will A Man Wait For A Woman To Have Sex?

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): kathyLesbian woman

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Comment: So here’s my situation.

I’ve 25 and never had a long term relationship. I lost my virginity with a ons (it was fun safe and a realisation that ons/fwb isn’t for me). I

I then continued to go on dates ever since. (These men tend to fade away after its clear that I’m probably not going to have sex with them).

Recently I met a guy (last month) who I click with better than any other guy I’ve ‘dated’. We text back and forth constantly. We’ve met up twice. Both times I’ve been tipsy and so when he’s asked if I wanted to go back to his place I’ve very clumsily explained that I don’t have sex with guys so soon into meeting them. And both times he’s seemed to respect/accept this. We’re scheduled to meet up again this week and my friends have basically said that the 3rd date is the time to show some sign that I’m also attracted to him in a sexual way (else he to falls away like the other guys)

I guess my question to you is, is there truly a number of dates a guy expects to last to until he gets something to keep him interested? And then what on earth is that something? We kiss and are affectionate. I do really like him though and am afraid that he too will eventually lose interest in me. When I had sex it was fun but I never really like the idea of having sex with someone just so they stay around. But I am very interested in seeing if he and I can go somewhere. Do I just bite the sex bullet.

Rereading this I realise that ultimately it is up to me but I just need some external advice.
Age: 25
City: London
State: London

 

First, I have to ask why you’re okay losing your virginity to a one night stand, but not okay with having sex with a man who shows actual interest in dating you. That logic doesn’t compute.

How long a man will wait for sex depends on his level of interest and his options. That differs from man to man. There is no set number of dates a man will wait. If he’s genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait for a reasonable amount of time. What that is? I don’t know. But if he senses that you’re playing some kind of game with why you’re waiting to have sex, then he’s going to bail. Especially if he’s in demand.

The first thing you need to do is stop telling men that you don’t want to go home with them because you don’t have sex that quickly. First, that’s a lie, as you do have sex that quickly. You’ve done it. Second, unless he explicitly asks you if you want to go back to his place to hump, your response puts him on the defensive. Now he has to do the, “No, No! I just want to talk!” dance because you’ve all but accused him of just wanting to get into your pants.  All you have to do is say no. There’s no need to rattle off reasons why not. It’s your body. You get to decide. It’s the women who do offer a string of excuses that get flagged as an immature game player.

By rejecting a man’s offer to go home with him by telling him you prefer not to move that fast or don’t wish to have sex yet, you’re testing him. You know it. I know it. And the guy definitely knows it. You want to see just how long he’ll wait and whether or not he’ll pressure you. You want to see how he reacts.  Guys are hip to these tests, which is why many of the savvier ones play along for a little while. But if they tests and games continue, they fade. They don’t appreciate being jerked around, which is essentially what you’re doing.

The fact that you refer to sex as “biting the bullet” suggests that you see sex as a chore. If that’s the case, then you’re better off finding a man who doesn’t prioritize sex. If that’s the case, then keep doing what you’re doing. It will weed out the guys for whom sexual compatibility is a must. But if you’re hoping to meet someone who matches your sexual appetite, then you need to re-examine why you make guys that you sincerely like wait. It can’t be because you prefer to get to know them better. If that ONS situation where you had sex for the first time was as fun and enjoyable as you say, then apparently you don’t need to get to know guys better to enjoy sex. (And that’s okay.) That’s why your reasoning makes no sense to me. Either that first time experience wasn’t that good or you’re using sex to test a guy’s character.

 

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36 Responses to “How Long Will A Man Wait For A Woman To Have Sex?”

  1. Shadowcat Says:

    There are few men for whom sex isn’t a priority. Also I’m dubious that her first time was as carefree as she claims, I think theres more to that story than shes telling, and I’m not so sure she enjoyed the experience and wants to repeat it, perhaps the person bailed on her so she’s forced to justify it by calling it a NSA, IDK, I’ve made those justifications to myself when I was younger, but anyway…

    I think you can be a person who enjoys sex without being a person that enjoys casual sex, although the opposite has often been stated on this blog. By biting the sex bullet, I think she means to have sex with someone she isn’t ready to sleep with and that she’s not going to enjoy or get any pleasure out of. Unwanted sex doesn’t feel good, mentally or physically, but she’s willing to do it if she “has to” to keep a man, so she’s asking at what point is the sex mandatory. She wants a definite number, date three? Date five? Date 10?

    Neg away, but I think it’s a question a lot of women, particularly very young ones want an answer to, and the answer usually is that there is no hard and fast rule. Fortunately, this all gets easier when you get older ( though I don’t wish dating in your forties as a woman on anyone) but I’m sorry, younger men often still have a lot of Madonna/ whore complex left in them, so you will be judged sometimes.

    At the end of the day, don’t do anything that’s going to make you feel uncomfortable or bad about yourself. Also, I’m curious OP why you waited so long, 25 is considered pretty old to lose your virginity these days, we’re you formerly religious?

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    • J Says:

      I agree with a lot of what you said. I’ve been in her shoes. I’m guilty of having sex when I wasn’t ready because I felt like I had to in order to keep them interested. Those were some of my worst sexual experiences. That being said, I’ve never done a one night stand nor would I. I don’t look at sex as a compatibility test. Sex, for me, comes after compatibility has already been established. Everyone has their own view on sex and dating. You just need to find someone whose views align with your own.

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      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        “Sex, for me, comes after compatibility has already been established.”

        Half of all US divorces cite “disagreements about sex” as the primary cause. IOW, statistically, sex is THE MOST important element in compatibility and long-term relationship success, and that means it’s something you need to establish early on, rather than something you can just assume will sort itself out if everything else is okay.

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        • Shadowcat Says:

          I’ve heard that said many, many times CR, and I DO understand where you are coming from, but the success my adult sexual experiences depend almost entirely upon my attitude about my partner and the circumstances. (though admittedly I’ve had usually open adventurous partners, so maybe I’ve been fortunate…) If I’m ambivalent (or if my attitude toward the relationship is heading South) neither one of us is going to have a great time.

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  2. Nicole Says:

    “you need to re-examine why you make guys that you sincerely like wait. It can’t be because you prefer to get to know them better. If that ONS situation where you had sex for the first time was as fun and enjoyable as you say, then apparently you don’t need to get to know guys better to enjoy sex. (And that’s okay.) That’s why your reasoning makes no sense to me. Either that first time experience wasn’t that good or you’re using sex to test a guy’s character.”

    Have to disagree with Moxie’s analysis here. The OP said her experience was “fun, safe, and a realisation that ons/fwb isn’t for me”. Sounds like she enjoyed the sex part but didn’t like the way she felt afterwards. Or maybe it was pretty good, an ok way to rip off the virginity bandaid, but she felt like it would have been much better with someone she knew and cared about.

    Whatever her reasons, her attitude toward casual sex sounds a lot like mine – tried it, it was physically enjoyable, but it’s not what I want right now. Deciding she wants to implement different boundaries on who she sleeps with doesn’t mean the OP is either lying about her experiences or testing guys. She’s just looking for something different this time around.

    But I do agree that the OP needs to think about why she’s waiting for sex.

    If it’s because she’s afraid people will think she’s slutty, she needs to let go of that. Some people will think you’re a slut for having sex before marriage, others will think you’re a prude for not doing it on every first date, the only opinion that matters is your own.

    If she’s waiting because she doesn’t want to have sex with these guys yet, that’s another story. In that situation, I’d say be honest – and I agree with Moxie, “not ready yet” is the only explanation you need to give.

    The vast majority of guys really do care that women enjoy having sex with them, and are willing to wait a little bit if that’s going to make the difference between awkward nervous sex and hot enthusiastic sex. I think a lot of guys fade when sex isn’t forthcoming because they assume the woman doesn’t enjoy sex and/or uses it as a reward for good behavior – and neither of those suggest that sex with her will be frequent and fun.

    So I’d say wait until you’re comfortable and accept that yes, some guys will fade if your time to get comfortable is longer than the other women they’ve dated. Having sex sooner won’t necessarily make guys stick around for the long haul, so some guys will date you for a while and then disappear no matter when you sleep with them.

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  3. Yvonne Says:

    Not everyone is sexually confident right off the bat. Certainly many women – and even some men – want to get to know the other person a little bit before sex. It does sound like the OP’s first sexual experience was a case of “biting the sex bullet” in order to lose her virginity. I can see the casual aspect of it being unappealing if one would prefer a serious relationship. It may also be that there are other issues holding her back (self-confidence, religion, lack of desire), but she hasn’t specifically mentioned anything else.

    On the other hand, the only way to gain confidence with sex is to have sex. But you don’t have to jump into bed right away. Start off slowly. Move from kissing to making out and so on. Let this new guy know that you like him and find him attractive, but need to move more slowly. I think he’ll be accepting, as long as he knows that things are moving forward physically.

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  4. HammersAndNails Says:

    Your god awful attitude in regards to sex is one of the reasons why men don’t stick around when women play this game. What kind of stupid man would want a girlfriend that doesn’t even like sex?

    My typical rule is 3 dates max. 4 for special circumstances. never five.

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    • Matt Says:

      “What kind of stupid man would want a girlfriend that doesn’t even like sex?” A guy who also might not like sex that much? This may come as a bit of a shock, but not every guy cares deeply about sex.

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  5. Old Guy Says:

    I think women constantly underestimate the importance of contributing financially to the date(even 1st date). If I get any feeling she wants to take it slow while I continue paying for everything, I cringe. However, if she splits the tab with me and shows me she’s got some skin in the game, I’m very willing to keep at it a little longer than usual, if I like her. Unfortunately, women rarely offer to contribute early on, and this entitlement mentality forces me to put sex at a priority so I don’t become the free entertainment provider.

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  6. D. Says:

    While there’s no set number that applies to every guy, “industry standard” is about 3 dates. It doesn’t have to lead to sex at the end of date 3, but there ought to be some kind of indication that there’s at least a desire to have sex.

    Let me put it another way. I don’t know that every guy is worried about being “scammed” by “dinner whores” or whatever (basically, women who feign interest to get free meals). Likewise, I don’t know how many guys would chalk it up to a woman being flaky, wishy-washy, or prudish, rather than intentionally gaming them. But the bottom line is pretty simple.

    The way most guys interpret a lack of sex is as a lack of interest. Doesn’t matter who or how that lack of interest is manifesting. At the end of the day, that’s all it means and that’s all it needs to mean for a guy to say “Screw this. I’m wasting my time.”

    Adult relationships include sex. Even guys who are looking to settle down with one woman know that the difference between “Just friends” and anything approaching romantic interest is physical intimacy. And that includes sex. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that, for all but the most religious or asexual men, you can’t actually have an adult relationship without sex.

    The thing is, a lot of men have had the experience of pursuing a woman who holds off on sex only to have them eventually fade or tell them “I’m sorry, I’m just not interested.” Once that’s happened a few times, most guys will be on the lookout for signs that she’s really just not that interested in them. At least early on, sex is a pretty good indicator that there’s at least a degree of real interest. Will it go farther than that? Who knows, but at least you know she’s not on the fence about you (most of the time anyway). Certainly, men know that the obverse is true: if she’s not sleeping with you, she’s not really interested in you.

    The longer a woman holds off on sex, the higher the likelihood that a man will interpret that as lack of interest and decide he’s wasting his time. Some men will wait for quite a while if there are other demonstrations of interest (if she’s initiating dates, if she’s otherwise physical with him, if she picks up the tab now and then, etc.), but sooner or later, the issue will reach a breaking point, and at that point, no sex will tell the guy that she’s not interested in him enough to sleep with him. Once a guy reaches that point, he’s probably moving on.

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  7. Crotch Rocket Says:

    “is there truly a number of dates a guy expects to last to until he gets something to keep him interested?”

    While the “Three Date Rule” is commonly cited, some guys are willing to wait longer than others, and a particular guy will wait longer for certain women than for others. And no, despite what women’s magazines/romcoms tell you, waiting longer does not “prove” the man is interested in anything more–nor does lack of waiting “prove” that he wasn’t.

    “And then what on earth is that something?”

    Again, it depends. Most guys will consider physical escalation on each date, though you still can’t drag it out forever. It’s fine if you set boundaries, though don’t be surprised if he checks to see if they have moved as things heat up–and they often do.

    “When I had sex it was fun but I never really like the idea of having sex with someone just so they stay around. But I am very interested in seeing if he and I can go somewhere.”

    That’s a shitty reason to have sex–with anyone. However, you need to recognize that sex is part of an adult relationship, so if you don’t _want_ to have sex with him, there is nowhere for any future relationship _to_ go–and you need to quit wasting both your time and his.

    OTOH, if you _do_ want to have sex, just not yet, then make that much clear–and consider that there’s a wide array of fun things that you can do together besides intercourse.

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  8. Matt Says:

    ” First, that’s a lie, as you do have sex that quickly. You’ve done it.” I’ve eaten mushrooms before, that doesn’t mean I eat mushrooms all the time. As the OP notes, she did that once and decided she wasn’t really comfortable with that. Moxie’s comment, while not slut-shaming per se, certainly appears to be within walking distance of that neighborhood.

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  9. Kyra Says:

    Just because she’s had a one night stand before doesn’t mean that she’s actually comfortable with having sex that quickly. She did say she realized after that experience that casual sex isn’t for her.

    So maybe give her a bit of a break, because people’s priorities do change.

    Now onto the actual question of how long should you wait: Wait until you feel comfortable. His side of the equation doesn’t matter in this sense. If you want to get naked with him then do so, even if you think hell disappear the next day.

    If you aren’t ready then wait, but don’t wait because you think it’ll make him stick around. Be genuine with yourself about your reasons.

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  10. Ben Iyyar Says:

    Alas, most men do not have to “wait” for sex, if a particular woman is hard to get sexually. I and I am willing to bet, most men, will just go find another woman. This is true even though a lady may be attractive in terms of education, employment, looks, and background. For me her reluctance or simply unwillingness to become intimate is for me a sign of serious incompatibility. This was even when I really felt a connection with the lady. So the question of how long will a man wait? For me, if within even the first or second date I felt that my mild sexual overtures were being ignored, rejected, or worse,seen as inappropriate by my partner, at the end of the date, I would gently let her know that I no longer wished to continue seeing her. For me, if a woman makes it plain that sex with me is going to be a challenge, it just means that she does not find me worth seeing.

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    • Kyra Says:

      Quick question, if a woman is in initiating intimacy but not sex, is it still considered a deal breaker?

      I’m one of those women that isn’t comfortable getting naked with someone until I feel a connection with them, but if I’m interested I’ll show it in other ways, like hand-holding, kissing, etc.

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      • HammersAndNails Says:

        Hand holding? Seriously? You actually need someone to tell you that hand holding does not count for anything?

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      • D. Says:

        It really depends on the guy, what he wants, and how you are communicating your interest. There’s no single, definitive answer here.

        For some guys, some genuine display of affection/interest will buy you enough time to build that connection. For other guys, they may appreciate that you’re interested, but figure you’re on different pages about attitudes re: sex. And for still other guys, hand holding might actually be more intimate (in that it’s something reserved for people about whom you have genuine affection) than actual sex (which can be done with someone you just find physically attractive), and may be baffled as to why you’ll do one but not the other.

        Basically, here’s my advice. Figure out what your boundaries are and stick with that, but take a good hard look at your boundaries and ask yourself a few questions.

        1. Are my boundaries getting in the way of my happiness, and therefore becoming counter-productive?

        2. What’s driving my establishment of this boundary? What am I trying to protect against, specifically?

        3. Am I willing to pass up opportunities at a relationship to maintain my boundaries?

        I’m not saying any of this in the sense of “Get with it. Drop your boundaries and your panties already!” Rather, I’m saying that you should choose whatever you want to do, but make sure you’re really comfortable with all the consequences of that choice. Wanting to wait for a “connection” (which is kinda vague — what kind of connection? How long does it take for that to develop?) before sex will foreclose certain options for you. Not every guy will stick around if you haven’t established a “connection” by date 2-3, ya know? Others will bail by date 5. Very few will stick around past that, because they’ll assume if there’s no connection at that point, there’s not gonna be.

        If you’re comfortable with all of that, then do your thing. If you aren’t, or if you are concerned that your desire to establish a connection before sex is counter productive and is actually keeping you from establishing such a connection, then start looking at why you’re doing what you’re doing beyond just “Well, I just want to feel comfortable.” Dig deeper, figure out why you’d be uncomfortable prior to this connection. That sort of thing.

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        • Kyra Says:

          Connection really varies with each guy, which is why it’s so vague and I’m not sure how to define it. I’ve had sex on the second date before and sometimes not until a month or two in.

          I don’t know how to define comfortable or connection beyond that I can’t enjoy myself if I’m nervous or stuck in my head.

          I haven’t had any issues with guys fading because of sex; I just ask because I’ve had girls like me ask me this question before, and I didn’t have a definitive answer to give them.

          Just hoping to get other’s viewpoints on this. So thank you for your very patient answer. :)

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    • J Says:

      You really want to have sex with a woman who is sound it because you made her feel like she HAS to? That will be a shitty experience for both of you. Guarantee she lays there like a corpse and you don’t call her again anyway.

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  11. Julie Says:

    In the last month, he has only scheduled two dates, she was drunk at both and they text constantly? Sounds like he is far less invested in her then she is in him.

    In general, best to have sex when it feels right to you and not worry about a guys expectations. As shadowcat mentioned, some guys (especially the younger ones) have a whore-madona complex. The only way to win is to do what feels right and makes you happy.

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  12. CoolDude Says:

    WAY too much thought being put into this. 3-4 date rule applies most of the time unless you’re an extremely special snowflake (and most people aren’t). Also, if you’re unsure about having sex, how about planning a date that doesn’t involve booze but shows you still like the guy? I get that sleeping with someone is a bigger deal to some than others but, as has been discussed MANY times, no one’s company (without sex) is just THAT awesome to pay for night after night.

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    • Nicole Says:

      I think this is actually good advice… At least the part about finding other things to do on dates besides drinks.

      If I wasn’t ready to sleep with a guy but I wanted to keep seeing him, I usually suggested a date that was a) my treat and b) not the kind of date that could be expected to lead to sex. Picnic lunch in the park, hike, bike ride, etc. if a guy had hit the point of being frustrated with not getting laid, he could just turn down the invite, and that was the end of it. For me that was a lot less awkward than doing the whole “do you want to go somewhere” dance at the end of the night when I knew the answer was no.

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      • Sylvie Says:

        I think this is really good advice.
        Like that you’ll also weed out the guys who are just in it for the sex – they’re far less likely to agree to a picnic in the park :P

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  13. Ishtar Says:

    This is part of the reason why I always split the bill on dates, at least the first few. Even though I am somebody who tends to have sex on the 2nd or 3rd date I don’t want the pressure of having to ‘put out’ just because some dude paid for drinks or a meal, especially if it turns out that I don’t feel attracted to him or there is some kind of incompatibility.

    (The other half is that splitting the bill is really common in many parts of Europe, where I live.)

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    • Shadowcat Says:

      I agree, and if I found myself outside of a relationship and dating again, I would just like to pay for myself, and not bother with all of these expectations…. I will say that I’ve gotten VERY bad reactions sometimes to paying my own way, so it’s confusing.

      Ishtar, I am curious as to where in Europe you are from, and how old you are, because I’ve gotten the worst reactions to that sort of thing in Europe, particularly in Spain and in Italy as well… It might be an age thing, or specific to the people I was with, IDK.

      One thing I noticed there is that they seem much more open and free sexually than here… I would love to hear your opinion on that.

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      • Ishtar Says:

        Shadowcat, I’m in Northern Europe. I’m also in my late twenties. I never really thought about the splitting the bill thing until I met people from the States. It was just what we did. To be honest to me it seems off that women can espouse equality on the one hand but then still expect men to pay. Particularly if they’re both at the same income level (e.g. both broke uni students or both earning similar amounts of money).

        I can’t speak for Southern Europe. I know a lot of USians have a tendency to speak of ‘Europe’ as though it is homogenous but there is a huge difference between North and South and East and West. I won’t go into why but it’s there and the South is definitely much more traditional. My impression is that Italy is most traditional of the ‘big three’ of France, Spain and Italy.

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      • Ishtar Says:

        Sexually it depends a lot I think. Actually ‘dating’ culture does not exist as much where I am which makes taking advice from USians a bit complicated. Everything is more…loosey-goosey here? IDK. Not ritualized the way it is in the US. The ‘traditional’ Northern European way of starting a relationship is I think having a drunken snog and finding yourself together in bed the next morning, LOL.

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      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        “I will say that I’ve gotten VERY bad reactions sometimes to paying my own way, so it’s confusing.”

        Be aware that many men take a woman wanting to split the check as a sign of her not being interested. And some men get angry because they see paying as creating an obligation by the woman to provide a (sexual) return on his investment. And some men will be offended that you’re rejecting their chivalry.

        Assuming you’re interested in another date, my suggestion is to let him pay for the first but then insist on treating for the second; the net effect is the same but it shows interest and investment on your part in a way splitting each date doesn’t.

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        • Shadowcat Says:

          CR, I think you are absolutely right about that…

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        • Solar Says:

          I would like to comment. I am a 29 year old male from Toronto

          From a mans perspective. I feel women need to be aware of a few things. Most men are not players, and have very few options to pursue frequent one night stands and casual encounters. A lot of men have been taken advantage of by dates (I’m sure women have too, but im focusing on a mans perspective here )

          I have dated many “meal whores” who likely date men for free coffee and drinks. I’ve had two former girlfriends tell me that they have done this as a “hobby” because it provides free food and entertainment and makes them feel valuable. Most men have been in a situation where they make all the plans. Initiate all contact. And pay for all dates, just to realize she was never interested in the first place.

          Another thing I should point out. For women. Sex is basically free. Even unattractive women could have sex almost whenever they wanted. Regardless of whether they do, that ability is always there. Men need to work for it. Persue women and create those opportunities. Men VALUE sex differently then women. And just like getting free food and dates, makes men feel valuable. And some men Perdue one night stands and casual sex as a “hobby”.

          However men on dates are often looking for “relationships”. Those relationships are hard to define. When men are on dates, they are often not trying to persue “the one” but just a person they like. A mans mind works like this.

          He sees a girl, and within 5 seconds says, I wiuld like to have sex with that girl. His next thought is. I would like to get to know that girl. To get to know her better I want to go out with her. I would like to find out that we like each other and have common interests. After that I would like to know her better physically. Once I like her, not love her, but like her, I would like to have sex with her, as most guys actually don’t just want to have intercourse right away with someone they want to get to know better. If we are compatible sexually, and have common interests and like each other. This could become love, and a long term committed relationship which is something most men do want. If men only bought gifts and dinners for the purpose of having sex. There would be no dates. Only prostitution.

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  14. Sylvie Says:

    Reading through the comments, I see some people citing the ‘Three Date Rule’, but I think that if a guy likes you, and if you’re not playing games for the sake of testing him, then there isn’t a maximum number of dates you can go on before you lose his interest. Of course, you have to ask yourself why you want to wait. If it’s a game, he’ll see through it – likewise if it’s a test. But if you just want to wait until you know him better, there’s nothing wrong with that. Sex isn’t just about pleasure – it’s about intimacy, and it’s totally okay not to want sex without it.
    Above all, do NOT have sex with someone just because you think you ought to. My boyfriend and I dated for six months before we had sex. Not because I was a virgin or because I am religious or because I was testing him, but because I just didn’t feel ready. (I was 21 by the way, in case you were thinking this was a middle school fling.)
    If you really like a guy and you start to feel like he’s wondering why you’re not sleeping with him, you can always explain yourself to him. Be honest, and if he walks away, then that’s not someone who is a good match for you anyway.

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    • D. Says:

      Reading through the comments, I see some people citing the ‘Three Date Rule’, but I think that if a guy likes you, and if you’re not playing games for the sake of testing him, then there isn’t a maximum number of dates you can go on before you lose his interest.

      Certainly, you can cite to individual examples here or there of men who will wait exceptionally long times before having sex. But the “Three Date Rule” is a “Rule” because it’s at about 3 dates that a man starts to think a woman simply isn’t interested in him if she isn’t sleeping with him. That timeframe can be extended for some (not all) men, but it can’t be extended indefinitely. In general, I’d say 3 dates is a safe bet. Much past 5 dates, and the man is very, very likely to lose interest because he’ll think the woman isn’t interested.

      Six months is an atypically long time for a man to wait. I also wouldn’t necessarily expect that to hold true later in life. By the time a guy is in his late 20s or so, he’s far less likely to wait that long. By that point, most men have gone through the experience of chasing after a woman who — they come to realize — was just never really that into them, and so are a lot less likely to assume that “If I just hang in there long enough…”

      Don’t get me wrong, though. You found someone that it worked with, and that’s great. I’m just saying that it’s pretty uncommon for that to be the case, and that it’s far less likely later in life. And that there’s definitely an upper limit for probably about 98% of the men. That limit’s not all the same for each man, but it does exist.

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      • Sylvie Says:

        I absolutely agree that six months is VERY long! Just wanted to show that it isn’t unheard of. I can also imagine that as men (people in general) get older they will be less likely to wait if they anticipate that this means that a person isn’t interested.
        My point is: in cases like these, it pays to be honest with each other about our intentions. It’s not very sexy but it saves a lot of confusion and grief! And of course: never have sex just because you think you should.

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  15. Kathy Says:

    :) replying very late. But to answer a few things I guess…

    When I had the ONS I’d never had sex before was 21 and travelling through Australia. I met a guy, who I thought was cute and just decided it was the right time. Talking about it after I realised that even though I liked the sex, I didn’t really like the fact that I knew next to nothing about the guy. But I don’t think I would have ever learnt that if I didn’t have that experience.

    I’m not really looking to test him. I’m just not ready yet. But reading through some of these responses have me wondering why we always meet at night, why is there always alcohol involved? I mean again after this last date he’s scheduled for us to meet at his home but now I’m wondering if that’s to save money. He pays for everything, even after I offer and insist on going half.

    I don’t know how to read him but I will just say if it comes up that I’m just not ready. And if I never see him again, well then I never see him again.

    It’s been really interesting reading through all the comments though. Given me a different perspective.

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  16. Shadowcat Says:

    Kathy, if you are apprehensive about having sex with this man, DO NOT go on a date at his apartment. This is a MISTAKE. This is your third date, the theoretical “get lucky” date, and you are going to his house? Most adults consider a home date, particularly an evening home date consent to sex. He is going to expect you to fuck him. And I DON”T blame him, I don’t think it’s an unreasonable assumption. Condoms and candles have already been purchased, newly laundered sheets, and he’s going to have his “good” boxers on…

    If you are meeting him there, to be on your way somewhere else, and by that, I mean you are going skiiing for the day and his place is closer to the venue, and there are a group of friends waiting for you, AND it’s paid for in advance, the bus leaves at 8am and you get there at 7:45, maybe… But if this is him cooking you dinner, or you are going to watch the finale of “Walking dead” (or some other thing you bonded over on your first date) Or he wants you to come up to look at his “etchings” (a reference that I’m sure you’re too young to get) or any other romantically inclined evening, you are going to have to come up with a game plan for how you’re going to deflect his advances,and I mean a good one, because he’ll probably expect at least a BJ.

    Of course, it might be fine. I’ve done a million things that were “exceptions to the rule” and everything turned out great! But don’t bet on it. There were times throughout my life when I’ve done ridiculously stupid things and slipped by on luck, and was the “exception that proves the rule” but you can’t rely on that. By that I mean STUPID stuff, stuff that if I posted it on this blog, people would neg me for lying stupid, stuff that I wouldn’t want to explain to a jury in a date-rape case stupid, and it got over until one day it didn’t, and I was a LOT older than you and fucking knew better.

    Wow, I went on a rant… Well, anyway, I don’t know why this struck a chord in me, I hope you see this and think about it…

    And if you decide you’re actually ready, and want to go for it…
    Well have fun, Cheers! (as VJ used to say)

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