Single Women: This Is Why Guys Keep Flaking On You

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Loveholidaywomanconfused
:
Comment: I’m 27 female and he’s 32.
So I met this guy through dating online and we met once last week, it was much better than my expectation, he’s everything that I look for in a guy .
After the meeting he kept texting me once in a while and said that he wants to see me again and said it was worth it to stop over to see me (he lives an hour drive from where I live and was on the way back from business trip and stop over at my city only to meet me.
The new week started and for 2 days he didn’t text me after our last convo (he didn’t respond when I said good night)
After struggling with my feeling and asked my friends opinion, I finally texted him asking what’s his plan for the weekend cause I accidentally plan to visit a friend who lives close by where he lives (i told him earlier that i planned to visit a friend there) And he said he doesn’t have plan on Saturday but he didn’t seem like excited that I’m coming (or is it just my feeling)
I feel so ashamed , I feel like I should haven’t texted him that cause he would think that I chase him. And I know that guys prefer a challenge not a girl who “gives up” herself.
What should I do to win him over ? He’s really my kinda guy and I’m actually not easy to fall for a guy, he’s just special and I think he knows that he is :(
I’m just feeling insecure to be in love with charming guy who I met online, as many more gorgeous beautiful girls out there who lives closer to him might be also attract him.
Please give me some advice
Thanks
Age: 27
City: Los Angeles
State: California

 

I’m not really sure that winning him over is a possibility. It sounds like he just wasn’t all that interested.

I’m noticing a pattern in many of the letters that have come in lately. Many women seem to struggle with the idea that a guy can express or show interest but not actually be interested. I honestly believe it’s this false belief that leads so many women to be confused and feel frustrated about dating, specifically online dating.

As we saw in the comments of this post, the letter writer struggled with the concepts of attraction and leagues. Commenter DMN explained the philosophy behind “dating out of your league” quite effectively.

Dating “out of your league” means that you are interested in people who, for whatever reason, rightly or wrongly, perceive that you are not their best option. That is all. Completely subjective on their part and no great mystery. The key is to remember that you don’t get to decide your own “league.” They get to decide why they are not interested. You get to decide who you choose to pursue.

I would guess that the majority of dating letters I get like this all involve people shooting out of their league. In fact, I would say that the dating out of your league phenomenon explains the majority of queries like the one above. Why did they flake? They were out of your league. Why did they say they were interested then disappear? They were out of your league.

Somebody’s league is not exclusive to their looks. Each person’s league is also determined by their options. As DMN said, even a supermodel can shoot of their league. Somebody who expresses a great deal of interest before meeting you and then ghosts before you meet or right after likely ghosted because either a) they were not all that interested in the first place or b)they found someone else they liked better. That’s it. It could also be that they met you and didn’t feel any kind of spark, but if that were the case, they wouldn’t be sending messages talking about how they wanted to see you again and how glad they were to have met you.

The other common theme that pops up in these letters that leads me to believe these people are shooting out of their league is that the person who fades is often described as ideal in some way. They’re “special” or “handsome” or “everything I look for.” As all of us who have dated online for any significant amount of time, coming across that unique unicorn is rare. If you find them so special and ideal, it stands to reason that other people do as well. Hence, they have options. A lot of them. Ergo, they’re out of your league, especially if you struggle to meet someone that well suited for you. That’s the biggest sign of all.

As for attraction, it’s important to remember that what men find attractive and what women find attractive differ. It doesn’t matter that you think you’re beautiful or that your girlfriends think your beautiful. You’re not dating your friends, and if you’re straight you’re not dating women. You’re dating men. Therefore, you can’t assume that because your friends tell you how pretty you are that men will feel the same way. Very few people on dating sites comprise that 10% or so of users who are conventionally attractive. By conventionally attractive I mean attractive to the large majority of people. Most of us are just average. That doesn’t mean we’re unattractive. It means that our attractiveness is very subjective. To some people we’re hot, to others we’re not. When I say I’m average looking, I’m not putting myself down. I think I’m beautiful. But compared to the vast majority of women in my age range or younger, I’m average. That doesn’t mean I have low self-esteem. In fact, it means the opposite. I accept my lot and don’t define myself by it. I don’t need to compare myself to other women to feel better about myself. That’s healthy self-esteem.

Nobody likes to hear they’re average looking. But that’s one of the major blindspots of most online daters. They are unable to see themselves objectively. As a result, they message people who would never consider dating them and often have their time wasted by people who entertain them for the moment and drop them as soon as someone “better” comes along. This gross overestimation of our attractiveness is one of the leading cause of the shopping cart mentality involved with online dating. It’s what makes people think they have more options than they actually do. Maybe offline you’re considered more attractive. But as far as online dating goes, your attractiveness is greatly determined by where you fall in terms of attractiveness as compared to everybody else on that site.

Here’s the advice that is specific to women: a guy can take you out and even sleep with you and not be all that attracted to you. Learn it. Live it. Love it. That’s fact. So, if you’re frequently hooking up with hotties you meet online or off and they’re not calling you back, the likely reason is that they were out of your league and not all that attracted to you. As we’ve said time and again, what you can pull for a casual hook-up is NOT necessarily what you can pull for a serious relationship or for dating.

I realize that a lot of what is being said isn’t pleasant and might sting, but this is the stuff people need to accept if they wish to avoid online dating burnout. Not everybody that messages you is actually interested in you. At any given time, we’re are someone’s sloppy seconds or break in case of emergency date.

Being able to identify your audience and accepting it is the best thing you can do if you want to be successful when dating online. How do you determine that? You take an honest look at the types of people you normally attract with minimal effort and little drama involved. Does their interest wane after one or two dates even though they’ve showered you with attention and compliments? They were probably never very attracted to you from the get go. They thought you were a’ight. That’s it. You were good enough for the moment, then somebody they liked more came along.

If you are looking for a relationship, then embracing and accepting your league/audience is crucial. Going for the unicorns and hotties and super good looking or charming people is most likely going to lead to frustration. In fact, I would bet money that all the tedious stories we read about on dating blogs and in dating columns has to do with the writers going for people who possess substanceless qualities like charisma or good looks. That’s why they continuously get bamboozled, used, and frustrated.

So, OP, my advice to you is to keep it moving. I don’t think there’s anything to salvage here. His interest doesn’t match yours, for whatever the reason. That’s all you need to know. It has nothing to do with “chasing” him or texting him. He didn’t lose interest because of that. He likely just never had it.

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25 Responses to “Single Women: This Is Why Guys Keep Flaking On You”

  1. Snowflake Says:

    I agree with all of Moxie’s points, the common thread I also see from the post earlier this week and today’s is that both women got completely invested after ONE date. How and why do they not see that is not healthy?

    I will admit, I have done that, and when I have done that, it comes across to the guy as too much too soon, desperate, needy, qualities that are just not attractive, which is also a reason to fade. I know because I have also faded for those reasons. One date does not equal “happily ever after”.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 30 Thumb down 0

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  2. maria Says:

    There is definitely truth to this. When people hear “out of my league” they automatically assume it means they are ugly but its not, its simply what Moxie said, they didn’t think you were their best option at the time. We have ALL felt it, we have all been on dates with somebody who we just weren’t interested in. whether people are being too choosy (probably, in a lot of cases) and guilty of the shopping cart mentality, it doesn’t really matter. I think its the bottom line. I don’t think a simple misworded text is ever the sole reason you don’t hear back from someone, a person, male or female who is really really interested will put up with a lot of bullshit and bad behavior, we all know that.
    not to say that you can’t wreck it with texts and bad behavior. I personally have scared off guys that were genuinely interested in me with my neediness and lack of confidence in the past. I was given many opportunities and didn’t chill out and they left. understandable.
    I guess it comes from years of dating but I do not allow myself to get swept up in somebody after one or two dates. they are still strangers, you don’t know them. Not to say I don’t find myself attracted and interested in guys after one or two dates, but gone are the days of being obsessed with every little thing a guy says and gone are the days where I think somebody is “perfect” for me after knowing them for a few hours. Also, if I sense somebody being vague or dragging their feet about meeting again, I don’t bother with them anymore and I don’t blame myself for not hearing from them again. They have every right to not be interested just like I have every right to not be interested in a guy.
    Moxies advice sounds harsh but at the end of the day, it really is true. Don’t beat yourself up over a text, and don’t obsess over a guy you met just once! You were fine before you went on a date with him and you’ll be fine after if you never see him again. 9.5 times out of ten first dates won’t work out into anything more than just that.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 1

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    • BostonRobin Says:

      Right, all of this.

      When people get all wound up over a discussion about “league,” it shows where the problem lies: in self-perception. If you keep looking up to these “wonderful” dating prospects, that has to mean that you have put yourself lower.

      That person may not even be all that great. I see some people I was hung up on years later and wonder what I was smoking. Poor self-esteem, most likely. Glad I kicked that habit.

      WHO CARES if someone you thought was great doesn’t return the feeling. Move on. Their loss. They might even have the same dynamic going on with someone else: hung up on an unattainable object, feeling inferior to that person. Therefore, if you’re into them, you must really be lower than low.

      Focus on what you have to offer too, because no matter how wonderful you are, if you don’t have what the other person wants, you won’t get anywhere.

      Reframe the situations like that and you’ll be able to walk away with your dignity intact.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 0

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      • fuzzilla Says:

        **WHO CARES if someone you thought was great doesn’t return the feeling. Move on. Their loss.**

        Accepting the whole “leagues” concept really is putting the power back in your hands, ultimately. (As opposed to constantly pumping your friends for compliments or endlessly analyzing some dude’s text message or what have you).

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

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  3. Yvonne Says:

    I’m not sure that the concept of “leagues” tells the whole story. I’ve had relationships with some very attractive men, and been dissed by average-looking, “beta” guys. I had one boyfriend who was quite average looking, but was extremely witty and charming and always dated women who you might think would be out of his league. Since most women don’t contact men, are we really shooting out of our league if someone contacts us and we end up liking them?

    I’d prefer to think of it as who is into me. That is really all you need to know, right? If a man is truly interested, not only will he follow up without prodding, but his interest will be sustained after the first date or two. You won’t have to chase him down.

    I agree with Snowflake that it’s a bad idea to get too invested in any one person too soon. Relationships take time to build. You can be really attracted, but you cannot be “in love” with someone you just met. And you have absolutely no control over how someone else feels about you. We really don’t have much control over who we are attracted to in the first place.

    I’m also wondering how you can “accidentally” PLAN to visit someone…

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 28 Thumb down 3

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    • maria Says:

      right, but leagues aren’t just about looks.. Moxie put it best when she said leagues are more about a persons options at the time. yes, very attractive people have a lot of options, but that doesn’t mean they can’t fall for someone who others deem not as attractive.

      Staying in your league the way I am understanding it, is about going out with people who WANT to go out with you, who show genuine interest in you, not the guy/gal who you think is so amazing that you just HAVE to have them (this is usually because we think they will be impressive to our friends) even though its clear they are not interested. If you have to chase someone, obsess over their every word after a first or second date, you are shooting out of your league

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

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      • Yvonne Says:

        Oh, I agree! My average-looking ex attracted women due to his charming personality, not his looks. In fact, he’d made a point of developing his wit and confidence because he knew he was not conventionally attractive.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

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  4. Angelina Says:

    It seems like Moxie’s explaination of “league” is the same thing as being interested or not interested. She says:

    “Somebody who expresses a great deal of interest before meeting you and then ghosts before you meet or right after likely ghosted because either a) they were not all that interested in the first place or b)they found someone else they liked better. That’s it. It could also be that they met you and didn’t feel any kind of spark…”

    Why do we need to talk about it with language that implies someone is better than someone else?

    The bottom line is if there’s interest, he’d respond. If not, he’s going to flake. And women do the same thing. It’s not about who is higher up on the social ladder, but mutual chemistry. And chemistry is not a science that can be analyzed, it’s a gut reaction to someone.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 2

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    • D. Says:

      It’s just a term. The point is that there are certain categories of people who are likely to be into you, and others who aren’t. Focus on the people who are likely to dig you. Stop chasing the people who aren’t likely to dig you.

      Either way, though, whether someone is “shooting outside their league” or chasing those unlikely to be into them, the end result is the same: they need to reevaluate how they decide who to go after, and look more for people who are likely to dig them.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1

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    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      “And chemistry is not a science that can be analyzed, it’s a gut reaction to someone.”

      It may not be “science” (hint, it is) but it is definitely math. The odds of being someone’s “best option” decreases the more options that person perceives s/he has, again rightly or wrongly. I accept as an axiom that.a person who has more attractive superficial qualities has more immediate options, than one who has less superficially attractive qualities. A person with great character doesn’t advance into a higher league because no one knows it. It’s unfortunately the superficial traits that matter. Yet another reason not to take this as some grievous insult.

      The sum of all THEIR decisions (not yours) defines the outer contours of your league. Even if the word or the outcome makes you feel bad.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

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  5. Fyodor Says:

    “I feel so ashamed , I feel like I should haven’t texted him that cause he would think that I chase him. And I know that guys prefer a challenge not a girl who “gives up” herself.”

    Men don’t want a challenge, or at least most don’t. If you are interested in someone express interest. You are much more likely to hurt your chances by being a “challenge.”

    I feel that women who say this know that it’s not true and say that to rationalize not opening themselves up for rejection.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

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    • cobi Says:

      I wonder if this is really true? I hear so many mixed messages about playing hard to get. To be perfectly honest, I’m more attracted to a man if he’s a bit of a challenge (I’m a woman). I’m not quite sure why, but he’s a little unavailable, that always seems to peak my interest a little more, (Assuming I’m attracted to him. If I’m not interested at all, it doesn’t help). I wonder if others feel the same way.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 5

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      • Nicole Says:

        Unavailable never peaked my interest. Exactly the opposite. I don’t like guys to be needy or clingy, but I do like them to be very obviously interested. If someone was inconsistent or mysterious, I just got pissed and quit responding to them.

        I used to worry that I was missing out on potential great guys by blowing off anyone who wasn’t immediately calling every day and spending every possible minute with me. But now I’m glad I did that, because I ended up with someone who wanted the same thing.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 0

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  6. D. Says:

    Related advice:

    1. In the early days of dating, sometimes people just…say shit. Talk is cheap. Words are wind. Most of the time when someone is saying “Oh, keep your calendar free four months from now, because I want to take you to [event]” and you’ve only been seeing them for a short while, what they’re really saying is “I’m having a blast right now and I want to keep that feeling going.” All of that can change as soon as they head home for the evening. You cannot put emphasis on people’s words alone. You cannot treat what people say as some legally binding pledge of their troth or whatever. You can only begin to believe what people say…when they’ve proven that they’re trustworthy. And that just takes time and experience with them. It’s not something that can be rushed or avoided.

    2. The “leagues” language confuses people because they instinctively think it’s some hierarchical judgment about them. “Out of your league” is interpreted as “better than you, loser.” Sometimes that’s true, but mostly it’s a misreading of the concept. “Out of your league” — the way it’ used here — means “Not likely to be interested in you.” All of the advice on this site about “Don’t shoot outside your league” basically boils down to the following advice: Know your strengths and play to them. Don’t bang your head against a wall chasing people who aren’t likely to be interested in you.

    3. Most people have experienced disinterest coupled with confidence that you had nothing to lose on a date. Many people have experienced excitement about a date, coupled with “butterflies.” Unfortunately, for most people, that’s all they’ve felt. What they haven’t felt — and what they often are completely unaware of — is a kind of middle state between the two where you’re just relaxed, confident, and really interested in the other person all at once. Romcoms and other aspects of the Romance Industrial Complex try to sell people on the idea that they should feel “butterflies,” but really “butterflies” are nothing more than anxiety coupled with excitement. That anxiety may be caused by general low self confidence, or it may be because you unconsciously recognize that you’re chasing someone unlikely to be interested in you. The thing is, you can feel excitement without the anxiety — strong attraction, without the butterflies. If this seems counter-intuitive, then you’ve probably never experienced what I’m talking about, but when you do, it makes dating a hell of a lot easier and way more fun.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 2

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  7. fuzzilla Says:

    I like to turn the “league” thing on its head a bit and say, “He is not expressing the interest in me that I would like from a date/potential partner, so therefore *I* am not interested.” Okay, that sounds a bit like sour grapes. I wouldn’t go so far as to declare myself “uninterested and therefore out of the league of Mr. Johnny Depp look-alike guy over there” as that sounds a bit delusional.

    Basically, I just look at the situation and ask what’s in it for me. A guy putting in lukewarm and inconsistent effort means there’s not enough in it for me to be worth it. Period.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 2

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  8. bbdawg Says:

    I have met several men in the recent past who have complained of the same thing the OP does, in terms of women. “I can’t get past the first date” or “it’s so hard to meet women”. I kept in touch with one of them and offered to help because he didn’t understand why that was happening.

    I met him and proceed to go through Tinder with him and all the women I suggested he turned down “she’s not showing her body”, etc…in the end he chose the women who were more conventionally attractive who didn’t choose him. (This guy is “interesting” and smart, but he is not particularly good looking, tall or rich, meaning he didn’t have an angle over the conventionally attractive men these women would be picking from). So that tells me everything I needed to know why this person wasn’t getting past first dates.

    If you’re not supermodel material yourself, you can’t expect Mr. James Bond to stick around.

    Although I think ultimately people will get off the dating carrousel if they find someone they have a special connection with, which isn’t always the best “option”. In some ways when you meet someone you really care about “options” will be out of the question, because may meet someone that you would have rejected before because they have some “red flags” you were wary of back when you were picky with the options thing. Liking someone who scores high on the “options” list doesn’t mean you actually like them as people, you are attracted to someone’s status or what they can offer you socially or materially.

    I have been on the OP’s road of being “impressed” with a guy. That’s a sign you DON’T actually like this person, you only like what they represent. You immediately like him because he worked with______ , won ______ award and made ______ money by the age of ____.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1

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  9. Steve from the City Next Door Says:

    You take an honest look at the types of people you normally attract with minimal effort and little drama involved.
    Hopefully that was still in the for women section or else I guess I am in the gay male league.

    Many people think of leagues as levels….e.g. college, am, minor, major, etc…but there are also different sports. If you are a great guard in NBA Basketball that does not mean you a great guard in hockey…I would guess it would be an indicator of being a poor guard in hockey…and baseball doesn’t even have a guard position.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 5

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  10. Julie Says:

    I think the reason so many women bulk at the concept of leagues is because it doesnt imply subjectivity. It implies a concrete dating market value. “You are a 5 and and cant seriously date a 6″. Dating market value certainly does exist, but its much more strict at the fringes and much more fluid and subjective in the broad middle. Its much easier to accept that “you are interested in people who perceive that you are not their best option” than you are chasing people who have higher intrinsic value than you.

    I think the silliest example I’ve experienced of how subjective leagues are in that broad average group is the time I gave a chance to a guy I saw as somewhat benieth me only to catch on that he saw me in exactly the same way and expected I’d be desparate to hookup with him. So who was shooting out of their league?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 1

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    • D. Says:

      Trick question! If neither was ever really interested, then I’d say nobody was actually “shooting” for anything. You were both just killing time with each other.

      The whole thing about “shooting out of your league” implies trying to pursue something with someone who is — for whatever reason — uninterested and unattainable. If neither of you were really interested, then nobody’s shooting for anything.

      You’re right, though, that the terminology get’s people’s shorts in a twist. But if you stop and look behind the concept, it makes perfect sense. What people don’t like to confront, though, is that they can’t have the thing that they think they want. Many people build up this notion of their ideal person and never confront the theory that they might…not get it. Accepting the “leagues” concept is really just accepting that you might not get what you want, and learning to make peace with that. In my experience, that usually leads to a shift in what you look for and actually more ability to find real happiness instead of forever chasing a pipe dream.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

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      • Julie Says:

        I mostly agree with you. I say mostly because I didnt approach it with the intention of killing time. It was 2 dates to determine if there was any potential then I cut him lose. Its entirely possible that he was just killing time…I wouldnt know.

        I agree. Accepting that you are never going to get the charismatic guy who calls you once every 3 weeks is both liberating and gives you the opportunity to focus your energy on situations where you might be successful. It makes sense that some goofy looking accountant is likely to see a lot of rejection if he only pursues Victoria’s Secret models. My only issue with only dating men or women who you percieve as in your league is that we arent all measuring ourselves and each other by the same yard stick. How many times have you seen a couple and thought, “I know why he’s with her, but why is she with him?” But in her eyes, the guy walks on water. Go figure.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

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    • Nicole Says:

      “Dating market value certainly does exist, but its much more strict at the fringes and much more fluid and subjective in the broad middle.”

      That’s a really good way of explaining it. It’s silly to say that leagues don’t exist – we all know they do. Every one of us has gotten a message online from someone who made us secretly think, did they seriously think they had a shot? And on the flip side, I bet most most of us have also been messaged by someone online who was so far out of our league that we figured it must be a scam.

      But that’s the extremes. The supermodels and billionaires, and the toothless 60 year olds who still live in their mom’s basement. Most of us fall in the broad middle you mentioned. And since not everyone cares exactly the same amount about looks, income, height, whatever… It’s difficult to determine leagues with any consistency. As long as you’re not having ridiculous trouble meeting people, interested vs not interested is probably a more useful and less confusing way to think about it.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 1

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  11. Mark Says:

    The tag line is – “This Is Why Guys Keep Flaking On You”.

    The short answer is because he feels he can. He can because just as you find him attractive, I have no doubt that many other ladies also feel that way. Especially given the demographic in which you both fall.

    This seems especially important given that you feel:

    ‘He’s really my kinda guy and I’m actually not easy to fall for a guy, he’s just special and I think he knows that he is :(
    I’m just feeling insecure to be in love with charming guy who I met online, as many more gorgeous beautiful girls out there who lives closer to him might be also attract him.’

    Moxie mentioned the buzzword “League”. Given what you wrote near the end of your letter this seems to dove tail this thought. I may be biased, but in some areas of the country, people are more … well, let’s just say shallow than in other parts. You live in LA. A part of the country where image and appearance counts for a lot. It’s true in a lot of places, but it seems especially pronounced in that neck of the woods.

    You don’t know the guy, so you really can’t say that he is perfect for you. Rather, you are projecting on him your notions of an ideal guy and believe he fits the bill. After an initial meet-and-greet you continued to hold this view. Obviously he felt otherwise. If he didn’t, he would not have been so tepid in his responses to your query.

    Ultimately, you can’t win him over if he is not already so inclined.

    Sorry to be blunt about it, but best to look elsewhere and put him behind you.

    Best of luck in the future.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

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  12. Shadowcat Says:

    Reading this blog is one of the reasons I work so hard on my present relationship. This is so hard (I remember doing it) and it doesn’t look like fun. Especially from the perspective of a 44 year old woman. Just a constant carousel of doubt and rejection. I’ve had long-term relationships with men that I met IRL that I NEVER would have given a chance if I saw them on a dating site… it’s so superficial, and it seems that most of your shot has to do with your looks. If those aren’t up to par, you won’t get the first click. 80 percent of all people will go for the same 20 percent of the applicants, that principle rings true for sales/business, and I think it’s the same in dating, particularly online. But my experience was years ago, I don’t know/understand how adults even meet offline anymore. How do you date “in your league”? How many chances do you give someone you don’t find physically attractive? (without wasting both their time and yours) In our 40’s plus, does anyone still have the girlish charm/boyish good looks that they had in youth?

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      **How many chances do you give someone you don’t find physically attractive?**

      No one’s saying to go for someone you don’t find attractive, just to stop driving yourself crazy fighting for the top 10-20% of people that everyone else wants. Nothing wrong with giving it a shot, but if you can’t accept that the odds aren’t in your favor and if the feedback you get from them is “meh,” don’t read into it things that aren’t there just ‘cuz you’re so gobsmacked they responded at all. Keep your options open ’til you have a good reason not to.

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  13. Audrey Says:

    This is my inherent problem. I have no idea what league I’m in, but apparently I am only attracted to very attractive men, hoping they will be decent, kind, normal human beings (and in LA, so far no luck). I have no idea how to try and be attracted to those I’m not initially attracted to .. help!

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