Another BIG Reason You Shouldn’t Send Messages On a Dating Site

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Newgirlontheblockonlinedating5fg
Comment: Dear ATWYS,
I have never used online dating because in my mind it was something that would just happen on its own. Realizing that this isn’t exactly a reality I am looking into online dating, but have no idea which site is right for me. I just want a safe, reliable site that is not just a hook up site. I am 25 and I realize that it is common to get guys still stuck in frat life and that’s not want I want either. I am looking for a relationship and am wondering if there is a specific site recommended for my age & interests.
Thanks!
Age: 25
City: Boston
State: MA

 

Contrary to what you’ve probably heard, all of the major dating sites are safe and reliable (to some extent) and not just hook-up sites. Every dating site you will look in to will have it’s share of people who are just looking for attention or sex or free meals or to scam people. There is no way to avoid that. The online dating medium is such that it makes trying to dupe people extremely easy. People are able to pose as anybody they like and can weave their tales and reel people in at their leisure.  As for the frat boy types you mentioned, again, no site can screen for douchebros. There’s no such thing as a douchebro/scammer/hook up free dating site. These sites  and apps get the reputation for being scammy or filled with people just looking to hook-up from people who have fallen prey to such people due to their own naivete or shallow nature.  I have yet to hear a story from someone who has been “catfished” or who met someone online that was married or what not who wasn’t batting way, way, WAY out of their league. You know who never gets cat fished? Conventionally attractive and socially adept people, that’s who. As long as you’re aware of what type of person typically finds you attractive, you should be fine. It’s the people who have a distorted perception of their attractiveness that frequently manage to be tricked by the people just looking to get a free meal or get laid.

The perfect digital dating cocktail is to use one paid site, one free site, and one app – Match, OkCupid, and Tinder. These are the most commonly used sites and apps. You need to go where the people are. To be honest, I think you could ditch Match entirely and still fare pretty well. I am not a fan of the pay to communicate sites. That business model is set up to encourage people to create profiles for free, but it restricts people from communicating unless they pay a membership. Many users create  a profile and then very quickly abandon it. At this point, I don’t really believe that the paid sites offer higher quality users. If people felt that way, then Tinder and OKCupid wouldn’t be as popular. I honestly feel like people aren’t really paying for anything other than the ability to send messages. There are no special perks for paying for your subscription. Plus, when you use sites like that, you have no idea who has paid and can therefore respond to you and who can’t. It’s an extra level of wasted time. But…since Match.com does host a healthy number of active members, you should sign up for it and pay for a membership. I just would avoid sending out many if any messages on Match. Everybody on OKCupid can exchange messages, so there isn’t the same concern. Still, I’d avoid sending messages there, too and only contact those who have viewed your profile or winked/rated/Quickmatched you.

I’ve explained several times why I think sending out cold call messages ( aka messages to people who haven’t demonstrated some kind of interest first like viewing your profile or winking/rating) on a dating site is utterly futile for both men and women. But there’s one reason I haven’t shared, and it’s a big one.  Ready?

When I ask my clients what their online dating experience has been like, every single one of them say the same thing: I send out a ton of messages and get no responses and I receive a ton of messages from people I would never date. I don’t have to tell people that about 95% of the messages you’re going to get are from people you don’t find attractive. Why? Because these people are sending out a ton of cold call messages to singles who have no interest in them.  Now,  if you’re deeming the majority of the people who contact you undesirable and not replying to them, then it stands to reason that the people you’re messaging find you undesirable, too. Which brings me to the other reason why Cold Call Messaging is a bad idea.

If you’re sending out a number of messages every week, it’s because you have to. The people you like aren’t finding you attractive in some way. And the people you’re messaging know it.

If you’re contacting people who have never so much as even viewed your profile, it’s probably because they are not looking for people like you, saw your profile and weren’t interested, or because they’re getting a healthy number of emails and don’t have to make the first move. Yes, they might be viewing your profile anonymously.  But even in those cases most savvy people know to make sure someone they like can see that they visited their profile. If you don’t know to do that, now you do. People are not just going to pass a profile by and do nothing if they find the person attractive. They will either favorite them or rate them or view multiple times. Or they might even message you.  Might being the operative word. They will make their presence known to you somehow. Trust me.

The people blasting out messages are either undesirable in some way or they are on a mission. The desperados,  scammers, fratbros,  gold diggers, and the hook up artists? They’re the ones mass emailing people every week.

Don’t be them.

 

 

 

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35 Responses to “Another BIG Reason You Shouldn’t Send Messages On a Dating Site”

  1. Donnie K Says:

    “Still, I’d avoid sending messages there, too and only contact those who have viewed your profile or winked/rated/Quickmatched you.”

    Here we go again.

    For a single, 25-year-old woman this is sound advice. For a man, even a decent looking man this is questionable. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. My experience is that the response rate is higher from women who’ve viewed/winked/rated/Quickmatched my profile. If I were crunching the numbers, I’d say 1 in 7 or 8 vs. 1-15 to 30 on cold calls. Herein lies the problem:

    “When I ask my clients what their online dating experience has been like, every single one of them say the same thing: I send out a ton of messages and get no responses and I receive a ton of messages from people I would never date. I don’t have to tell people that about 95% of the messages you’re going to get are from people you don’t find attractive. Why? Because these people are sending out a ton of cold call messages to singles who have no interest in them. “

    This may hold true for women. Men, do not get a ton of, or winks/quickmatch/likes. Even the views, especially on OKcupid are sporadic. Messages? When I was on match, I’ll admit I received the occasional message – by message I mean something besides “Hi!.” Winks were far more common. OKcupid’s like system used to be more reliable but has gotten progressively worse in the past six-months. Messages? A man waiting for messages on OKcupid could be waiting a long, long time before receiving any, let alone from a woman he’s attracted to.

    What’s also been pointed out is that some women don’t look at their “viewed me” list because it’s filled with guys 20-years out of their range and other weirdo’s and creeps. Not to mention there are different awareness and experience levels between online daters as well. It seems that the “don’t send messages unless the other person shows interest” advice has some validity for men and should be used as a strategy – it is not a steadfast rule. It’s far too reactive.

    Besides, during periods of limited or no views, what are men supposed to do?… sit back and hope someone views/likes/messages – I’m sorry but being passive nevers works for a man – especially when it comes to dating.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 2

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    • ATWYSingle Says:

      Men, do not get a ton of, or winks/quickmatch/likes. Even the views, especially on OKcupid are sporadic.

      Then your primary photo is bad or you’re not very attractive. That’s it. The only male clients of mine who have ever said they don’t get many messages at all all had really, really bad primary photos or had profiles full of red flags.

      If your primary photo is decent and you’re average to reasonably attractive and you’re updating your profile every couple of days, you’re getting a modest amount of profile views. If you’re not updating it, then it has fallen so down in the searches that people aren’t even seeing it.

      Besides, during periods of limited or no views, what are men supposed to do?… sit back and hope someone views/likes/messages

      No, they should update or tweak their profile, add and then immediately re-add a photo or do something to make their profile come up higher in the searches. Then they should view profiles and make sure the people they like can see that they’ve viewed them.

      If nobody is messaging you, there’s a reason, and it’s not because women aren’t sending messages.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 16 Thumb down 34

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      • Matt Says:

        “If your primary photo is decent and you’re average to reasonably attractive and you’re updating your profile every couple of days, you’re getting a modest amount of profile views.”

        Except that recent studies show that women tend to rate men lower on the looks scale, with the average being between 1 and 2 on a scale of 1-5, with only 1 in 6 guys being rated as “above average”. (Granted, these stats come from the admitted liars at OkCupid themselves, so grain of salt).

        So, either the vast majority of guys on okcupid are mediocre looks wise at best, or there’s another problem.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 6

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      • Donnie K Says:

        “Then your primary photo is bad or you’re not very attractive. That’s it. The only male clients of mine who have ever said they don’t get many messages at all all had really, really bad primary photos or had profiles full of red flags.”

        Talk about a cheap shot.

        Truth – you have NO IDEA what my primary photo looks like, how attractive I am, or what my profile is like. NONE (I wish I could make these CAPS bigger.)

        With a response like this, you come across as someone incapable of admitting they are wrong – I’ve noticed a lot of experts carry this air or arrogance around sometime s so it’s not just you.

        BTW: Expert is a compliment. Arrogance- is not.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 23 Thumb down 3

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        • ATWYSingle Says:

          It’s not a cheap shot. It’s an observation based on experience. Weirdly enough, most of my my male clients in their twenties and early thirties never seem to complain about not getting any messages. Their only complaint is that they get messages from women they aren’t interested in, which is everybody’s experience.

          The only complaining I hear from men about how they don’t get any attention on dating sites all seems to occur on the internet.

          Connection? I think so.

          Whether you realize it or not, the mere fact that you haunt the comments of a dating advice site to perpetually complain tells me quite a bit about you. And having viewed literally thousands of dating profiles I can say with a great deal of confidence that a large majority of online dating users make some startling poor choices when it comes to choosing photos and writing a profile. In fact, it’s rare for me to come across a profile that has great photos and that is red flag free.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 13 Thumb down 16

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          • Donnie K Says:

            “Whether you realize it or not, the mere fact that you haunt the comments of a dating advice site to perpetually complain tells me quite a bit about you.”

            When in doubt, change the subject or make it personal. This is not the first time I’ve seen this happen here.

            Sorry, but this is also not the first time myself and others have called BS on your “don’t send messages” argument. Maybe because there’s some serious flaws with it.

            Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 30 Thumb down 3

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            • Joey Giraud Says:

              When in doubt? I don’t see any doubt from Moxie. You just don’t like her advice.

              I can see why you don’t get responses. Hell, I’ve already wasted too many keystrokes on you.

              Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 24

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          • HammersAndNails Says:

            You just hear what you want to hear now. I don’t complain about getting messages from people I’m not interested in because I don’t care. Any man who gets worked up about that is petty for worrying about things that don’t matter or insecure for worrying that it does matter imho. People are always going to reach online.

            Fine. I do get emails from people for whom I consider myself wildly unattainable, does that make my experience as a man who dates online and has to send many emails if I want to date hot women valid now?

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 3

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      • Donnie K Says:

        “No, they should update or tweak their profile, add and then immediately re-add a photo or do something to make their profile come up higher in the searches. Then they should view profiles and make sure the people they like can see that they’ve viewed them.”

        Been there. Done that.

        Since I’m not in the business of winning pissing contests I’ll give you the gist of how things have gone down:

        I joined OKcupid in December. My first month was brutal. Not surprising considering that December is arguably the worst dating month.

        Once January rolled around, things picked up. From January until about July, I followed your advice too a tee and had no problem getting dates- I was averaging 1-2 a week.

        Sometime around August, things slowed down. The views became less and dare I say worse (not just looks but profiles we know to avoid). No dates between mid August and the end of September. This of course led to less dates. Very little changed in my profile. Had dates with six women between October and Thanksgiving- 2 viewed me. One emailed me cold. Two…get a load of this…were cold emails! Who knew?

        Sorry but but HammerAndNails is right, way off the deep end on this one….

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2

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        • bbdawg Says:

          Donnie K. just so we can have a better idea, how old are you, how old are the women you contact, and where are you located?

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

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          • Donnie K Says:

            I wasn’t going to reply for fear of being accused of hijacking a thread but I’m 44, only email women within my age-bracket, live in Jersey City. Why do you ask?

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

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            • ATWYSingle Says:

              Now I know there’s something off with your photos or profile. 44 in a major market and nobody views or messages you?

              Nope.

              You are prime age bracket – one where women are far more proactive to the point of being aggressive – and *nobody* is showing interest?

              Something is wrong with your profile.

              Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 19

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              • Donnie K Says:

                What I said before. I saw a major dip in views sometime around August. My profile didn’t really change much either. The biggest tell:

                My head-shot has remained the same since I opened the profile. My birthday is in November and I didn’t suddenly become less attractive.

                Going back to my original email, the advice has some validity for men and should be used as a strategy – it is not a steadfast rule.

                Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 1

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              • HammersAndNails Says:

                “Nobody is showing interest”

                Unless he, you know, emails them. Then they go out on dates with him.

                Must be a shitty profile.

                Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

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            • DrivingMeNutes Says:

              As a general strategy, I don’t send “cold call” emails. Doing absolutely nothing but emailing women who viewed me was an extremely successful strategy for me until I turned 38-39. Literally, on my birthdays each year, the numbers and quality of women who viewed me decreased, to the point where it is became like 1-2 every time I logged on if I did nothing.

              What I do now is openly view women I’m interested in. Sometimes this induces them to view me back (or even email) and then I will initiate conversation.

              Donnie, you are definitely NOT in the prime market of men. You’re a little too old and you live outside of the major city. So, you must do SOMETHING, I agree. You can’t sit on your ass. But doing SOMETHING doesn’t mean doing things that don’t work. I mostly agree with Moxie that cold calling doesn’t work.

              It’s not a numbers game for me, and never really was. I don’t need to date 5 times a week. And, now, I’m old. Just a few good quality leads every few weeks is fine with me.

              Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

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      • Fyodor Says:

        I wonder sometimes if your advice is too heavily geared towards people in their late 30s in guy-friendly places like New York.

        Dating in other cities requires that guys put out a lot more unreciprocated effort and acceptance of a much lower response rate than on the east coast (I say this as someone who has lived in both silicon valley and the east coast).

        Similarly, a guy in his 20s has to put himself out there a lot more.

        It’s not just that women are pickier when they have a lot of options (though that is there too). The degree to which the median woman is willing to meet men halfway is largely a function of market conditions. In places where women have a lot of options they tend to wait for the guys to come to them.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 24 Thumb down 0

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        • mgm531 Says:

          Thank you for this! As the real estate mantra goes it’s all about Location, Location, Location. In places like NYC were the ratio of women to men is much higher the notion that any man that doesn’t have a lot of ‘options’ means there is something inherently wrong with them just doesn’t apply to other regions, such as the west coast. Living in San Diego — sorry ‘Mandiego’ — I can atest that it’s much more difficult to have a lot of ‘options’ for men regardless of the age bracket they are targeting. A good, well written profile with a good set of photos certainly helps matters, but in many cases it means little if the supply of men far out weighs the demand for women, which is very much the case in the west coast.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

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          • bbdawg Says:

            It’s hard to speculate what the issue is. Although I will say, the fact that he is in New Jersey is a major downer, as he is geographically undesirable to women in Manhattan and Brooklyn, and there are tons of women in Brooklyn and Manhattan. I am in Manhattan and I refuse to meet anyone who lives in New Jersey, no matter how close they might be. (Jersey City is 15 mins away I think). I don’t think I am alone in this.

            The notion that there are more men than women in NYC is statistically true, but technically flawed because among these men not all are seen as desirable by women in New York. Plus does that statistic account for gay men? I don’t know.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

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            • ATWYSingle Says:

              as he is geographically undesirable to women in Manhattan and Brooklyn,

              You’re doing that thing where you speak for all women. Could you please stop that?

              Not every guy dreams of dating a woman from Manhattan. There are, like, other women out there. And Jersey City isn’t the haul that, say, Weehawken is. I totally get the resistance to dating outside of Manhattan and Brooklyn, but women in his age bracket *have* to widen their net a bit and so his location isn’t the hurdle that it would be for a woman who is 30 years old.

              I do searches for men 5 to 10 miles from my location and Jersey City guys come up in it all the time.

              Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

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              • Hobo Says:

                This is inaccurate. The location is a hurdle. Not all, but many in this age bracket just do not want to bother. Should they bother? Well, of course, if they wish to widen the net. But unfortunately there is a prevalent snobbishness. As in, you live across the Hudson? No thanks.

                Then there are those who do not want to pay a toll, taking the Path, etc. It’s irrelevant whether this is the “wrong” mentality but rather that this exists. There are men and women in Hoboken who will not even bother if the potential date lives downtown versus uptown! I would not blame the profile, at all.

                Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

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          • Fyodor Says:

            It was seven degrees out yesterday. I don’t feel bad about your dating woes.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

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        • PrairieDog Says:

          Whenever I hear someone told. “Well, if you’re not getting messages/replies, it has to be because you’re not attractive enough”, I think that the real message is “Online dating should work for everyone if only they would do it the right way/my way”. Online dating sites depend on click traffic, and I have no doubt at least some of them employ people to work social media to boost their traffic.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

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      • James Wu Says:

        Your advice does not apply to minority men. You can be a minority man – black, middle eastern, Asian, or Indian – and not receive an email/replies for months. The passive style you promote will not work for this type of man. Its not one fits all. Its very low likelihood that a person, such as myself, we receive cold emails or views. Your advice is very much through the white normative gaze. Specifically a white female normative gaze. It does not apply to minority men.

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  2. HammersAndNails Says:

    Moxie, you are so far off the deep end on this one I can’t even….

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 30 Thumb down 4

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  3. Nicole Says:

    First of all, a 25 year old woman on 3 dating sites isn’t going to have time to worry about whether or not to message anyone first. She’ll be so busy trying to read all her messages that she won’t have time to eat or sleep.

    “If you’re sending out a number of messages every week, it’s because you have to. The people you like aren’t finding you attractive in some way. And the people you’re messaging know it.”

    I agree that sending out hundreds of messages is largely a waste of time, but I don’t see how it makes someone look unattractive. It’s not like the people you message have any idea how many other messages you sent out this week. As long as it’s a normal, well-written paragraph with a reference to something in the recipient’s profile, as opposed to an obvious cut and paste job, it’s not going to look desperate.

    “If you’re contacting people who have never so much as even viewed your profile, it’s probably because they are not looking for people like you, saw your profile and weren’t interested, or because they’re getting a healthy number of emails and don’t have to make the first move.”

    True. And a pretty large percentage of women fall into that third category. So what’s the harm in messaging them and being one more email in their healthy inbox? It might be a waste of time, but you won’t know unless you try.

    If you get frustrated and burnt out sending messages and getting silence in return, send fewer messages. If you find writing initial messages to be difficult or boring, then don’t bother writing very many and only contact people who have indicated interest. But if you want to send out hundreds or thousands of messages because you have that kind of time and why the hell not, I don’t see why it’s that bad of a thing to do.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 28 Thumb down 5

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  4. bbdawg Says:

    The OP will not have to get to the stage of sending messages to anyone assuming she is not unattractive. She will be flooded with messages, she lives in a big city. The best thing to do – and this is the toughest – is to develop a thick skin when receiving lewd messages and messages from men who are clearly not into relationships, or are not what you want.

    I’d say you have to state that you are looking for relationship only and state what kind of person you are looking for, etc… . That way, while you will NOT stop receiving messages from unwanted folks (that’s about 75-80% of all messages), you’d at least not have to second guess. Create filters (on OkC), this decreases the amount of messages you get from older men, “hi hello” dudes and men who live far away.

    At 25, you can afford to be picky. Take advantage of that. Sample all you want, go on lots of dates, until you find someone who fits what you seek. It’s easy to find interested men, but it’s much harder to find men who are interested in you and not just in the possibility of easy sex.

    The toughest thing to learn online is to be really direct and state your boundaries, something that does not come naturally to many of us women. Delete AND block. State what you seek, stick to it, you’ll find someone.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 0

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    • Mark Says:

      This strikes me as a good approach for the LW. Good and concise.

      @ 25 you will probably garner your fair share of attention, many of whom you may find appealing. Be cautious not not overly so, and like bbdawg noted – know and respect your boundaries. It makes life simpler for everyone.

      Remember, you want to enjoy the process. So if you are on the up and up with both potential candidates and yourself, the chances of finding who/what you are looking for are dramatically higher.

      AS to the specifics about each site, some of the particulars you will simply have to tailor to your specific comfort level through trial and error.

      Best of luck and hope all goes well.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

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    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      “State what you seek, stick to it, you’ll find someone.”

      I don’t agree with this at all.

      I DO agree that all people should never accept less than what they want, provided those wants and expectations are reasonable. Most people, especially the younger set, have difficulty with this because their fairy tale expectations are way beyond reality. They haven’t had life experience yet, and may not even know themselves very well.

      Robotically “stating what you seek,” in an online profile is a mostly horrible strategy, for several reasons:

      First, what people seek is mostly basic stuff that everyone else seeks – probably doesn’t need to be stated and, if you do, it makes you appear socially clueless if not self-absorbed. Saying you want a relationship, for example, is trite, common and basically meaningless and will be justifiably ignored.

      Second, there is a time and place for announcing your expectations and desires. To the extent your wants are not common, trite and meaningless, that’s actually fairly personal information about you that should not be offered to strangers on the Internet. And, if you do offer that information to strangers, you are actually devaluing its importance to you. Once you get to know someone, of course it is then okay to talk about your wants and needs, and dump someone who doesn’t meet them. Online profile is not the time or place for that.

      Third, most people are ham-handed about expressing their desires anyway. You see a lot of people demanding certain physical traits or other shallow characteristics in others (e.g., bonus points if you have red hair, pleas be tall!). Not only does it make you appear superficial to all strangers on the Internet but it could be counterproductive to finding a meaningful relationship. Mostly you come across looking tough and rigid.

      My advice, instead, would be to be very thoughtful and careful about the information you share with strangers on the Internet. Make your profile as attractive as possible including offering a sense of openness and warmth (even if it’s not true.) Then, simply don’t respond to anyone who doesn’t superficially meet your needs and wants.

      by definition, it will take longer to get to know someone before you figure out whether you are on the same page on some of the more important, non-superficial things, but that’s how it should be. There aren’t really shortcuts.

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  5. Timothy Horrigan Says:

    This is a pretty obvious observation, but at some point someone has to make the first move. If you’re a 25-year-old straight woman, you can rest assured that plenty of men will be making plenty of first moves. It shouldn’t be that hard to figure out who’s a scammer, and who’s just a guy.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

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  6. AC Says:

    The OP is young enough that she should have no problem finding her inbox clogged with messages. Here’s what she needs to be prepared for:

    She will get messages from men 15-20 years older.
    She will get messages from guys asking if she’s DTF.
    She will get messages that just say “hi.”
    She will get messages longer than The Getteysburg Address.
    She will get messages from guys living hundreds of miles away.

    Sandwhiched in between this riff-raff will be messages from men she might actually want to date. It seems to me this don’t message people who don’t show interest philosophy is a knee-jerk reaction to the fact that its impossible to keep all the idiots and assholes in check. It doesn’t necessarily solve the problem of online dating burnout, but instead seeks to punish the honest guys.

    Then again, isn’t this how the world works?

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  7. Emma Says:

    For someone who is supposedly an expert at dating you know NOTHING about online dating algos. The sites don’t want you to meet anyone. The people that come up in your search…guess what, you don’t come up in their searches. While this isn’t an absolute, it’s certainly common place. So telling someone to never email anyone isn’t going to help them meet someone that they might like. If you are comfortable sitting back and waiting for someone to choose you because you have zero self esteem, fine, but why spew this terrible advice to the masses? I honestly feel really badly for anyone that comes to you looking for advice. I’ve been reading you on and off for more than 10 years now and your dating life hasn’t improved at all. Had I listened to your advice I might still be single too. But, I didn’t. I saw a guy that was cute, I liked what he wrote, and I messaged him. We’ve been together for 2 years now and in 4 months we’re getting married.

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    • Snowflake Says:

      Right, sure you have been reading for 10 years.. anyhoo..

      Congrats on your upcoming wedding, before you sit on your royal throne and brag about bagging a manz… how about you wait til you have been married for 10, 15 maybe 20 years and have had to weather kid(s), married life, in-laws, monotony, illness, jobloss, death etc before you come here and be all holier than thou that you are better than the rest of us…

      Thanks for stopping by doll.. just sayin’ the ring means eff all in the grand scheme…

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      • KK Says:

        Hmm. I think if you’ve been dating someone for a year, get engaged, then you need to wait until you’ve been married for 5 years before you can go on, and on about “snagging a man.”

        But. Some people live with someone for years and years before marriage. Or they’re in a same-sex relationship in a place where marriage isn’t a possibility. Or they don’t want to get married.

        I think the key thing is – how long have you been in a happy relationship with someone?

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  8. ATWYSingle Says:

    The people that come up in your search…guess what, you don’t come up in their searches.

    I have never heard this. I’m intrigued. How do you know this? Are there any articles I could read about it?

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  9. Kyra Says:

    As a 24 year old in Alberta, I’ve stopped sending messages. I found that while I did tend to get a response, I could never tell if they were actually interested or just responding to be polite. The dates were fine, but nothing of calibre.

    I got a much better experience when I sorted through the emails that came in instead.

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