There Is Such A Thing As Too Much Attention From A Guy

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Ellefacebook-userx-large

Comment: What’s your advice on steering a friendship toward a romance? I’m pretty sure he’s interested, but he doesn’t really “flirt” so I’m not sure. I got to know this guy on a camping trip over Memorial Day weekend through a mutual friend. Our interactions were mostly platonic, but he’s been texting me everyday since the moment we left the campground on 5/25, it’s now 6/12. If he doesn’t text me he finds another way to reach out, either by sending a Snapchat, commenting on my Facebook posts, or my Instagram. If there’s a lull in the text convo, he sends another message. Right now he lives an hour away and is trying to save up to move to my city, so we’ve hardly had a chance to see each other in person. Is he interested in me or is he just really chatty?
Age: 26
City: Los Angeles
State: California


I can’t really say whether he’s interested or not because I don’t have enough information. What I can say is that the constant communication from him seems a little alarming.

Is this guy allergic to the phone or something? If he’s so eager to keep your attention, why isn’t he calling you? Why is he religiously haunting your social media? Why does he have all this free time to be liking and commenting on your posts and to text and Snapchat you? That behavior right there should be enough for you to take a step back, because it simply is not a good sign. Especially the following up a text with a second text when there is a lull in conversation. I’ve had guys persistently email me or DM me on Twitter despite the fact that I haven’t responded to them. That is a huge red flag for me and will make me avoid them completely. Behavior of such kind hints at deeper issues.

The other question I have is why this guy has so much access to you so quickly? I suppose this is a generational thing, but to me connecting on various social media platforms before you really get to know someone seems fraught with possible problems. Somebody that eager to be able to reach me makes the hairs on the back of neck stand up. While you don’t have to keep all your social media locked up, you should be more discerning about who gets an invite into your digital world only because you need time to vet them properly. It just makes a person too vulnerable to the wrong people.

Mind you, I would raise the same concern to him. Someone who randomly adds people they’ve just met to all their social media seems a little attention whorey to me. That’s the best case scenario. The worst is that they lack boundaries and have a cavernous need for attention. Anybody I meet that immediately friends and follows me on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook is automatically relegated to my Side Eye file. It’s just too much, too fast. And if you ever piss those people off? Forget it. They’ll pester you on every platform possible.

I’m very wary of someone who seems attached to their cell and social media. Do they not have other people – ones in real life – they can talk to? Why are they so dependent on electronic communication? Why is he so available and so attentive so quickly? Those are the issues I’d be concerned about with this guy.

My advice is to scrap this guy. Sorry.


Sometimes the love of your life is the love of your life. (R)


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8 Responses to “There Is Such A Thing As Too Much Attention From A Guy”

  1. BostonRobin Says:

    Seconded. I’ve had a few of those, never ended well. I’m all about social media, but I’ve learned to wait before opening that world up to people I’ve just met.

    I call that constant pinging “Woody Woodpecking” because it reminds me of the constant ratatatat of a woodpecker and is almost as annoying, especially after only one date or before any date! This after a few very bad experiences with these people–at this point it’s a huge red flag and I just bail.

  2. Kyra Says:

    I was already cringing before the end of the letter. Does this guy not know the meaning of personal space? I mean, I love conversation as much as the next girl, but enough is enough!

  3. maria Says:

    an hour is really not so far away. is there any way you can meet somewhere in the middle? I am dating someone who lives about 45 minutes away and we make it work. Point being, he isn’t into you enough to try to meet you and make a real relationship work, he’s just bored and obsessed with social media. I don’t find it as alarming as Moxie because this is the way a lot of people do things now, but I just think he is a time waster. moving on is probably a good idea.

  4. D. Says:

    Sounds like he’s mildly interested, but the distance means he’s not putting a ton of effort in. Like, he thinks the OP is cute and/or interesting, but isn’t really going to take many steps to set up a date where he has to drive 2 hrs round trip or you have to meet in the middle.

    As for the rest of it, it sounds generational, to me. No phone, mostly text/snapchat, instant connection on social media, hula hoops, rock and roll…

  5. Lisa Says:

    If he’s interested, he’ll ask you out. Goodness knows, he has many ways to contact you and isn’t shy. He sounds really annoying tho! Showing interest is good but inserting himself so fully into your day suggests self-centeredness to me.

  6. The D-man Says:

    To answer the OP’s question: he’s interested. He’s just afraid of being too direct. Very common among twenty-something men.

    • Mark Says:

      Inclined to agree. Although the distance factor may have something to do with it. Can’t say.

      In any event; LW – if your interested in the guy you might wnt to consider setting something up given that you both are interested in hiking/camping. or at least try to set something up, but let him think it was his idea.

      If he seems interested and takes initiative, then let things go where they may. You’ll know one way or another about his level of interest.

  7. AnnieNonymous Says:

    My first thought is that if you already knew you liked the guy, none of this stuff would bother you. So right away, you’re probably not into this guy anyway, once you separate the fact that it’s always nice to get attention from someone new.

    The confusion comes from this guy just barelyyyyyyyyyyy crossing over the line into stuff that isn’t okay. It’s totally normal to be constantly texting with someone you just met…but you respect that you’re both adults with different lives, and it’s fine to wait 3 hours for an answer. And after a while that’s a lot too! The instagram stuff wouldn’t be weird if you were also “liking” his posts and were reciprocating his advances more in general.

    Another thought: Has he actually made any romantic overtures? If he was already planning on moving to the OP’s city, he might just be trying to line up friends and/or dates for after the move happens.

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