Comment: I have recently met a guy online who made it clear on his profile that he was very recently separated and wanted friendship, company and to take things slowly (ok with me). We messaged for a couple of weeks and got on really well so decided to meet up. At his suggestion we went out for a coffee rather than an evening drink. We met in the morning for coffee and had such a good chat, we decided to stay out for lunch. The afternoon was spent over a bottle of wine and a lot of laughs, teasing and swapping stories about everything. The conversation was great and he asked if I would like to go for dinner before heading back home (we had to get the same train back). On the way to dinner he kissed me, which I was quite surprised about because of the ‘taking things slowly bit’ but it was a nice surprise. Dinner was great, he was very complimentary and we got onto the subject of meeting up for a second date. He asked if I would like to meet for dinner a few days later as he was passing my town on the train and we could meet up midweek, I agreed and after I got off the train he text me to say what a great time he’d had and that he couldn’t wait to see me for the second date. The next morning he text to postpone the second date, he said that he feels he should pace himself a bit, which I agree with and think it’s very sensible, but the trouble is I am feeling rejected and confused. If he hadn’t asked for the second date I would be very happy now thinking what a great time we had had, I was perfectly happy to go at his pace and in no way want to be a rebound relationship. I think the real issue is because he arranged and then cancelled that second date I am left wondering if I have found someone who is straight forward and has just realized he needs some time before he gets involved, or whether the truth is I have just been shoved on the back burner while he sees what else is out there? If only he hadn’t arranged that damn second date!!!
he was very recently separated and wanted friendship, company and to take things slowly
This is a very polite way to say he’s looking for casual sex. Just FYI. Anybody who is on a dating site who says they’re interested in making new friends is offering little to nothing and should be avoided unless you’re looking for something no strings.
When a man says he wants to take things slowly, he’s saying that he’s not looking for a relationship. “I want to take things slowly” is usually something uttered by women which is why so many men use this bogus line. They say it because they know most women will a) sympathize for the guy’s situation and b) be impressed that this man isn’t trying to rush women into bed. It’s manipulative.
This guy did everything that someone who actually wanted to move at a moderate pace wouldn’t do. A contradiction like that should tell you something isn’t right. As I’ve always said: the red flags are in the inconsistencies.
This guy was recently separated, yes? It’s safe to assume he was looking for something casual. Mr. Take Things Slow crammed your first date with what felt like 3 dates worth of activity. That kind of marathon date often times leaves women feeling like they’ve spent enough time with a man to sleep with him without worrying about moving too fast.
I mentioned the other day that I’m uneasy with someone planning a second date on the first date. This is why. Not only does it put someone in a potentially awkward situation, but it feels strategic. Scheduling that second date is a great way to make someone believe that there’s this strong mutual connection. Again, this is a great way to convince someone that having sex that same night would not be the worst thing in the world.
This guy is a kid in a candy store right now. He’s been released from prison and now wants to take advantage of his freedom. Plus he’s a bit rusty in the ways of dating. I think this guy got caught up in the moment, maybe was hoping there would be sex at the end of the night, then when that didn’t happen and he got some distance he cooled off.
This is why people who are newly separated are such liabilities. They’re still trying to get their sea legs. They don’t really know what they want other than they don’t want to get serious with anybody.
I am left wondering if I have found someone who is straight forward and has just realized he needs some time before he gets involved, or whether the truth is I have just been shoved on the back burner while he sees what else is out there?
I think it’s both. He knows what he doesn’t want and he’s starkly aware of the options he has. He doesn’t want to get in too deep with anybody because he knows he won’t stick around.
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