Leave These Things Out Of Your Tinder Bio & Dating Profile

tinderp

Here’s a list of statements, disclaimers and requests that will likely make someone click the back browser when viewing your profile.

1. Bad Primary Photos – Never before has it been crucial that people choose a flattering clear photo of themselves. Now that Tinder is all the rage, users get into the habit of swiping left or right very quickly. If your photo is blurry, grainy, too dark, includes multiple people, is a stock image, etc you are all but guaranteeing someone will swipe left. Since many dating sites are adding a Tinder-like feature, the swipe-left-without-even-thinking-about-it mentality has carried over to traditional dating sites and their accompanying apps. If your photo has even a hint of douchebaggery or requires even a modicum of effort to view, you’re cooked.

2. I Have a Job, Please Have One Too - Hmm. Somebody has been burnt by a few gold diggers. Either that or they are terribly impressed with their 150K a year job. What makes this obnoxious is that, if the woman was hot enough, she could be living with her parents and unemployed and he’d still meet her. Statements like this only matter if you actually stick to them.

3. I Like My Ladies Petite/I Like Taller Guys - Let me offer an example as to why comments like this will send someone running. Let’s imagine a woman said in her profile that she likes her men well endowed. Now, she might mean she likes a guy whose penis is bigger than 5 inches. Or she might mean she likes a penis 8+ inches.  If I’m your average guy, and I’m average length, I’m going to fear I’m not big enough. See my point? Statements like this are usually very subjective and actually make people insecure. Explicit statements like these make a user took extraordinarily shallow and picky.

4. Apparently A Lot of People Around Here Lie About.… – Know what I hear in this sentence? I hear, “I’ve talked to a ton of people and that’s what they’ve told me.” I assume that you have had many dates. I. Don’t. Want. To. Know. It. Taking some sort of superior position by pointing out the flaws in others just makes you look insecure.

5. Please Don’t Email Me If… - Listen, Bossy Pants. All you’re doing by telling people what to do or not do is increasing the chances that they’ll do it. You’re waving a red flag. You’re showing your annoyance and frustration, too. In the “You Should Message Me If” section of any profile, users should invite anybody who liked their profile to message them. Don’t write a laundry list of criteria and don’t type out disclaimers.

6. I’m Picky - And you’re also alone. Do the math. That replies often/selectively/very selectively thing on Ok Cupid actually works against people more than for them. Replies often, to me, screams, “I’ll go out with ANYBODY!!” or “I’ll meet anybody if it could get me laid.” If you’re one of those “replies very selectively” people, you’re all but scaring people off. People should ignore that little bit of info because in most cases it implies something that might not be accurate. We all know that the number of emails we get from people that don’t interest us is far more than those who do and vicey versey. Most people, especially the ones who get a ton of messages, will probably be listed as replies very selectively only because 90% of their messages are worthless.

7. I Visit/Am Temporarily Living/Am Here For Two Months – Yeah. Sorry. You’re looking to get laid.

8. LOL/SMH/FML - My friend B. and I had an enjoyable conversation last night about these anagrams. LOL makes you sound 14. SMH (Shake My Head)  makes you sound condescending. FML (F*ck My Life) makes you sound suicidal or depressed.

9. Winks Are For Girls/Please Don’t Wink/I Don’t Reply to Winks - Jeebus Christmas. They’re contacting you. Take what you can get. Online dating is a tiresome and time consuming process. Don’t be so difficult.

10. I’m Crazy/Sarcastic/Intense/Sassy..But In a Good Way! – No such thing. When writing a profile, you need to be up to speed on which words have negative connotations.

11. I Act/Look Younger Than I Am - Ugh. These people are The Worst. Right there I know one thing – this person is uncomfortable with their age.On top of that, they’re probably unwilling to date anyone close to their age. Nope. Next.

12. I’m Financially Stable – Leave your financial situation and status out of your profile. Statements like this INVITE people looking for a free meal. And, really, do you want a cookie for not being a fuck up?

13. I’m Looking For Someone Kind, Loyal & Honest - As opposed to mean, shady & dishonest? You only have so much time to engage viewers of your profile. Do not waste any space saying anything that is assumed or a given.

14. If I Don’t Reply To You It’s Not Because I’m Rude, It’s Because… – Oh. I get it. You just get soooooo many emails that it’s hard too keep up, eh? You might not be rude, but you end up looking self-important.

15. Quotes of Any Kind - We don’t want to read what some dead guy said 100 years ago. We want to read what you say, now, in present. It also makes the person look like they’re trying too hard.

16. I Don’t Like/Am Not Comfortable Talking About Myself – It’s understandable that people don’t wish to be perceived as arrogant or impressed with themselves. HOWEVER…this is a dating profile. You wouldn’t think twice about humblebragging in a resume or on an interview. I will repeat again: you do not have the time to say irrelevant and innocuous things. Nobody cares! You have to get right to it and start discussing your personality, interests, lifestyle, and values. Those are the things that people use to determine possible compatibility.

17. I’m Just Looking To Meet Some Cool People - Translation: not looking for anything serious. This person does not want to be locked in to anything and isn’t really looking to date as much as he looking to meet people he can hang out with from time to time.

18. Over Use of Gerunds - “Working, playing, living life on my terms.” Just write a normal sentence like a normal person. We get it. You’re different. You’re eccentric.

19. Who I’m Looking For – Many people make the mistake of utilizing their About Me/In My Own Words/Bios to discuss their idea of their perfect match. Don’t. Do. That. In fact, completely avoid describing your ideal match all together. Instead, use the space allotted to promote YOURSELF. Let other people decide if you and they might be a fit. If you sell yourself appropriately enough and highlight aspects of your personality and lifestyle, you will naturally draw people to you that you want to meet. Your profile is an advertisement for you to sell yourself. Nothing will turn someone off faster than a profile that dictates all the things someone expects from a relationship and a partner that at the same time mentions nothing as to what the user brings to the table.

20. Sob Stories - Dear God in Heaven, do not scare people off with whatever traumatic event led you to create a profile.

21. No Give and Take - If you are going to use your profile to write out a list of your relationship demands, you damn well better be able to demonstrate that you give as good as you get. Being rich isn’t enough. Being young isn’t enough. Being hot isn’t enough. I mean, for some people, it is. But those are the folks that, for the most part, you don’t want to meet.

 

 

Thoughts?

Sometimes the love of your life is the love of your life. (R)

@ATWYSingle

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50 Responses to “Leave These Things Out Of Your Tinder Bio & Dating Profile”

  1. Jeff Smith Says:

    Thank you Moxie!!!! Finally….
    Too bad those who need to read this won’t.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 2

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  2. Cooldude Says:

    Left out a few on my greatest hits list:

    “Don’t message me if you’re a creep!” As if creeps have a high level of self awareness. “Blast, I was going to talk to but I guess I can’t since she’s not creep-friendly. :(”

    “Not looking for a hookup!” You don’t say! Next think you’ll tell me that you’re also not looking for someone who lies a lot.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 0

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  3. Lisa Says:

    Not sure if you guys have run into this but I always disliked it when guys included prose/fiction-writing in the narrative space.
    “SuperCoolBrownMike is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound so he throws off his leather duster and reaches his arm out to you so you won’t fall into enemy hands. But you’re too busy checking your checking you phone and miss him. Now your paths won’t ever cross again in this lifetime and you are destined to dating losers. Unless…you tell me how you would access my time travel machine and get us back on track for our first date. Go.”

    (It’s cute I guess. But it’s asking a bit much, esp after a long day, if you’re just checking it at work, etc.)

    I always hated it when men said in their profile: “I don’t believe in treating on a first date; if you’re looking for a free ride, you need to pass me by. Been there, done that.”

    Hated it when the profile reads exactly like this: “I enjoy the park, I enjoy good food, I enjoy a woman who knows how to take care of her man, I enjoy listening to just chillin.” The end.

    Hated gratuitous references to oral sex in the profile, e.g., “yes, I have a tongue and I know how to use it; hope you are similarly skilled.”

    (Plz don’t tell me I’m the only one who ran into stuff like that. LOL)

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 23 Thumb down 0

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    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      “I always hated it when men said in their profile: ‘I don’t believe in treating on a first date; if you’re looking for a free ride, you need to pass me by. Been there, done that.'”

      I can’t imagine why any man would do this. But, it is the male equivalent of women who write “No Hookups!” And, is perceived by people exactly the same way. Why do you need to announce that you don’t want to be treated badly. It doesn’t project “high standards and self respect!,” it projects social cluelessness and time wasting.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 1

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    • Jeff Smith Says:

      “I don’t believe in treating on a first date;”
      I have never said that, but several dates have insisted on it, which to me was a little hurtful, in that do you really think the I would expect something because I paid for dinner. On the other hand, I suppose if they have had bad experiences, it makes sense.
      I not going to take you to Dennys on the first date, but I am not going to take you to Ruth’s Chris either.
      They are saying it because there are those out there looking for a good dinner. I take mention of “fine dining” as code for “you better take me to a nice place” (Really? who doesn’t like a good meal).
      I do agree it’s not necessary.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 2

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      • Lisa Says:

        Yeah, it’s odd to me that so many women really feel that a man is going to somehow insist upon sex if he pays for the meal. He might want sex, but how is he going to force you to have sex? Presumably, you both drove/traveled to the date separately and you will both leave separately as well. Do they think these men will rape them right in the restaurant parking lot? Meet in public until you feel comfortable with him and feel you are both on the same page about when to become physical, etc. I have gone out w/ a lot of men from dating sites over the years and no man has ever tried to force me to have sex w/ him or even pressured me verbally (after paying or the date). Rarely had we even kissed on the mouth after the date.

        I’m honestly not trying to minimize incidence of rape in our society…or women’s general fear of it. It definitely is a huge problem (that frankly scares the shit out of me). But I don’t see the risk increasing very much if a woman allows a man to pay for a date that he initiated and wants to pay for.

        Or maybe it’s not actual rape that women worry about in this case…maybe it’s just being nagged and pestered for sex after the date. IDK. But I think a man who is that tacky and desperate would do that, regardless to who pays for what.

        Everyone has to eat, exactly. And even if we didn’t hit it off, if I enjoyed his company, I would be happy to keep in touch as friends and would gladly treat him to other meals in the future, as time permits.

        Some women will even balk at letting the guy pay for a drink or a cup of coffee, if he offers. I just don’t get it.

        But I am not knocking women for offering to pay for their share. It’s a personal decision, and can be context-dependent.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

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    • Shadowcat Says:

      PLEASE tell me that those examples have no absolutely NO basis in reality, and you made you made them up as a goof….

      Please?

      Unfortunately I think you are deadly serious, and probably cut and pasted those from actual profiles…. :(

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

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  4. SS Says:

    I hate:

    “I love to laugh”

    “I like to go out but also stay in and have a glass of wine on the couch”

    “Not looking for a mother to my children, they already have one”

    And it never ceases to amaze me how many overweight balding 50somethings *insist* on skinny and petite 20somethings. Yuck.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 0

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    • mxf Says:

      Oh man, I’m pretty sure every human who has ever darkened the door of a dating profile has said something about loving to go out, unless they’re staying in, which is what they also love. It’s the “black tie or sweats” phenomenon.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

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  5. Laure Says:

    This is funny. :-) Here a few off the most stupid/silly stuff I’ve read:

    In the “about me”-section: “For you to find out…”

    “I have a great sense of humor”

    “I’m a loser, just like anybody else”. I’m sorry but I really can’t relate to that kind of mindset

    “Personality type INFJ” or ISTJ or whatever

    And indeed, “Looking younger than my age” is ridiculous. We all do, don’t we? :-)

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 1

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    • ATWYSingle Says:

      The INFJ/ISJT stuff drives me BANANAS. We get it, you’re super intellectual but your also real social when you’re not being introverted. Christ.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 2

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      • RedNeckGeekGurl Says:

        Meyers Briggs – or as I like to call it – corporate horoscope sign …. As in “i am a ISFU – so you need to interact with me this way”

        personally – ANY indication of original thinking gets a second look from me. Then again in small market – aging hippie demographic so YMMV. Even smile at subtle single entendre … And don’t faint at not so subtle if it is original.

        Still kinda pumped at finding a use for my horse manure bounty – sell shit on internet to scorned lovers! What a concept ….

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

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        • Jeff Smith Says:

          Yes, well I am part of the “aging hippie demographic” and finding anything with even a glimmer of intelligence seems impossible.
          Any hints where I might look – not that I am looking for you in particular, but where might I meet someone like that.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

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          • RedNeckGeekGurl Says:

            ‘Glimmer of intelligence’ – yeah, the Holy Grail of dating …. Where to look? One of the reasons I discovered ATWYS – trying to figure that out! Add ‘with an edge’, and it becomes positively SETI …

            Online you can actually READ profiles and get that usually (have gone on 1st dates and really wanted to ask to meet the guy who wrote their profile when the IRL does not match ‘on paper’). IRL? Clueless! Live in a smaller city and work in IT (not known for guys with social skills!) Last IT guy I met, told me a woman he met online waxed poetic about her love for Game of Thrones … He watched an episode (undoubtably interrupting his gaming – at his age! Really!) and was ‘stunned’ at the sexual content…. Asked me what she meant by that …. Duh, dude – she was looking to get laid, and from your reaction, she STILL is!

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

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      • Shadowcat Says:

        Okay… I guess I’m behind the times (I just found out what “Netflix and Chill meant a week ago) but what is : INFJ/ISJT ????

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3

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        • ATWYSingle Says:

          Please just Google it.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1

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          • Shadowcat Says:

            Oh Lord, just Googled it… No wonder you didn’t want to explain, I get it now, its an involved “thing” why are people doing this? apparently this is from a Jungian personality assessment…. Has dating gotten that complicated?

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

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      • Jesse Says:

        Right or wrong, there’s people for which that stuff matters quite a bit. One could say it has a culling effect on responses, others might say it’s both an opener and a focusing tool for identifying a higher chance of compatibility..

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 5

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      • Lucy Says:

        I’m ‘INFJ’. I don’t think I’d mention Myers-Briggs on a dating profile. It seems a little self-indulgent. I get the idea of finding someone similar to you in terms of lifestyles and personalities though.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

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  6. mxf Says:

    Haha. My top things to love to hate in a profile:

    – Filling out the “what I’m doing with my life” section with: living it. A lot of guys feel like this is a good response to that header.

    – Any variation on the exasperated NO DRAMAZ disclaimers.

    – People who award points: “My favourite movie is The Godfather, and extra points if you know who was originally supposed to direct it” or “points for being a redhead with green eyes.” That one really gets me for some reason, like the person is a prize to be won if I could just get enough box tops or something.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 29 Thumb down 0

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    • Devon Says:

      My reaction to the profiles of point awarders is to feel like I am back in high school. I hate school, so obviously such profiles don’t go over well with me.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

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  7. uesider Says:

    “I love to travel” really no shit you’re so unique in New York City.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 2

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    • Laure Says:

      Haha, indeed. I used to write “I love to travel but don’t like people who can’t stop bragging about it”.
      Nowadays I don’t mention travel anymore. Because it’s so cliché.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 1

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  8. Bree Says:

    This could just be a San Francisco thing, but I’ve noticed a lot of guys trying to intellectualize their quest for casual sex and label themselves as some kind of kinky/sapiosexual/polyamorous douchebag philosopher. They tend to have loooong, self-absorbed, insufferable profiles.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 22 Thumb down 1

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    • ATWYSingle Says:

      Christ. The poly guys who talk about how poly they are and their philosophy behind why they are poly are such asshats. I matched with one guy on Tinder who mentioned he was poly in his bio – which I’m fine with – and the FIRST thing he said to me in his email was, “So you’re okay with me being poly?” Uh, it’s right there in your bio, dude. If i wasn’t I wouldn’t have swiped left.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

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      • Yvonne Says:

        Simple code for, “You’re okay with me banging you and whomever else I can, right?’

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

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    • bbdawg Says:

      OMG I soooo agree on this. So well put. I literally didn’t know this “poly” thing existed until I joined dating websites. It used to be called “just wanna sleep around”. Or the “Dom” dudes. All variations on the similar trope of being the dude looking for random hook-ups and putting a spin on it as if what he has to offer is actually rare, special or hard to find.

      And there are the dudes that after you matched them just say “I want to be upfront and say that I do have a girlfriend and I am not looking to change that”.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

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      • Lucy Says:

        I’m not into poly. Sure each to their own but I would like to meet a man with run-of-the-mill sexual preferences. I instantly ‘hide’ any profile which mentions polyamory or a strange fetishes. OKCupid seems to attract a lot of fetishists.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

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  9. Sandra Says:

    I have noticed now that in the “details” section of an OKC profile that the “profession” bar has been eliminated, not by the user, but OKC no longer has it anymore. Now, unless the user states their profession in their profile somewhere, you have to ask. I detest this.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 3

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  10. coffeestop Says:

    Another favorite and I imagine it is annoying for both sexes,when people go on at length about how important their children are. I just assume if you have children that they are a number one priority, why does somebody have to tell me that. Dudes who say they are cently widowed or just out of a relationship. Who is that stupid? I don’t want to date somebody who just lost their partner last month, nor do I want to date somebody who just got divorced yesterday.

    I love all the men who have sexual user names and then act butthurt over a lack of reply or people who put weird things like “enjoys giving sensual massages” in their profile, that is just gross.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 0

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    • Jeff Smith Says:

      Thank you for that – yes the women go on and on about how important their children and family are. They post pictures of all their kids.
      It’s just not relative – and then I wonder, are you looking for a new father for your kids, because that’s not going to happen.
      I am not child averse (I have my own), but if I have to be accepted by you and the rest of the Clampetts, it’s not for me.
      Also whats with liking “animals” ? Which ones? Does that include insects and maggots? I like a good steak, so I guess I do like animals.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 4

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  11. bbdawg Says:

    THIS is so true…
    “I love all the men who have sexual user names and then act butthurt over a lack of reply or people who put weird things like “enjoys giving sensual massages” in their profile, that is just gross.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

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  12. AV Says:

    One thing I see a lot is something along the lines of:

    “I am a passionate and vocal supporter of . I strive to raise awareness of in all of my daily interactions.”

    Somebody who writes something like this just strikes me as being an arrogant no-fun blowhard. When I meet up with a woman I want to have a good time, not be subject to a lecture by a cable news talking head.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

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  13. AV Says:

    Somehow that didn’t come across correctly in the comment system. It should have said:

    “I am a passionate and vocal supporter of POLITICAL CAUSE DU JUOR. I strive to raise awareness of POLITICAL CAUSE DU JUOR in all of my daily interactions.”

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 1

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    • Lucy Says:

      I always avoid men who seem too ardently political. Even if I agree a little with their sentiments, I just think it’d be an utter bore to date. Don’t get me wrong. I like intelligent men with opinions. I just don’t want it to form a huge part of their lifestyle.

      I use Plenty of Fish and my least favourite thing to read is “Looking for my partner in crime”…eurghh it just grates me big time because I see it EVERYWHERE.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

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  14. Dark Sarcasm Says:

    “I can’t believe I’m doing this…”

    “I usually wouldn’t do online dating, but figured, why not?”

    “My friends made me do this…”

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

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  15. Eliza Says:

    The worst has to be:

    “I’m new to online dating!” Geebuz Christmas (Funeeee!)! lol
    People..the jig is up…99.9% of us have been on line. At some time or other. And there is no longer some stigma to having done so.

    No need to explain yourself, or mention–you have never “done this before”. Because – YOU HAVE. Own it.

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    • Lucy Says:

      It’s like when profiles say ” we can lie about how we met”. To be honest, I’d not be ashamed of saying I’d met someone online. I really don’t care where I meet my match.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

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  16. Speed Says:

    My favorite hits:
    1. I need someone who can travel at the drop of a hat
    2. Looking for my Mr. Big/ Jon Hamm/Dr. McDreamy/Denzel Washington/Idris Elba/etc.
    3. I get bored easily, so you need to…
    4. Friends first” or “Friends first, and maybe more
    5. Bonus points for being into (X obscure hobby)
    6. My friends put me up to this
    7. Catch me if you can!
    8. DO NOT contact me if you are X, Y, Z
    9. YOU MUST be A, B, C
    10. No married guys, creeps, liars, or players!
    11. I am PASSIONATE about (Earth First, Tea Party, Comedic Improv, etc.)

    I could go on nearly forever. As many commenters have said previously, I think this stems from people believing that dating apps/sites are for custom-ordering an exact person you want, who will moreover act and treat you in the exact way that you expect or prefer. At the same time, you, as the “buyer/shopper,” are fully accepted for your own flaws without having to compromise or change in the least.
    That sounds like a fantasy because it is a fantasy—the one the dating industry is selling. In the Match.com TV commercials, for instance, a few guys and gals are interviewed, giving exact specs on who they want (attractive, sophisticated, educated, good communicator, etc.). Shazaam! A minute later, they are picking out a person on Match.com who meets those exact specs.

    Anyway, though, this is the game. Good advice from Moxie here on how to play it well.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 3

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    • RedNeckGeekGurl Says:

      “people believing that dating apps/sites are for custom-ordering an exact person you want, who will moreover act and treat you in the exact way that you expect or prefer. At the same time, you, as the “buyer/shopper,” are fully accepted for your own flaws without having to compromise or change in the least.”

      This! Have even seen a few joking profile references to custom ordering their very own petite redhead (insert fantasy type here)!

      Given the shopping cart mentality – why are there no options for doing reviews of the merchandise? Damn – even HomeDepot has that for freaking light bulbs! And like other merchandise reviews, there would be tons of bad reviews for the light bulb not screwing itself … so to speak.

      Perhaps just a few check boxes? Like – ‘truth in advertising’, ‘Hot Level’, ‘Drama level’, IQ? Seriously, reading most people’s expectations (on blogs and profiles!), and lack of interest in spending any time getting to know a real person – why not? Too many approach this like they are shopping for furniture and are very picky about the fabric. In the case on online dating shopping – the furniture also has a say … and expects their own idea of a great butt to sit on them.

      And – sorry, but #11 is a deal breaker for me! PASSIONATE about something, anything in their real life is essential. Otherwise, the world is full of people who ‘live life to the fullest – watching NCIS’ or waiting for their next relationship to appear in their cart and cater to their every need – because, after all, their requirements are right there.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 4

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  17. Yvonne Says:

    I’m not on Tinder, but I am on OKC. I don’t think my pet peeves have been mentioned. One is men who have only one photo. I’ve found those types are often hiding something or aren’t very serious about meeting anyone. The other is people who have multiple typos or bad grammar in their profiles. I’d like to meet someone who cares about the process enough to proofread their profile, as well as someone who is intelligent enough to write something that makes them sound smart and interesting. Both of these examples show a lack of thought or sincere interest in meeting someone.

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    • Sandra Says:

      Yeah, I see many a profile where the writer states ” I don`t know what to say, if you want to know more about me, just ask.” In essence, making someone else do all the work of having to ask questions that should be answered in the about me or details section.

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      • Kyra Says:

        Exactly. He may be the cutest guy on the planet, but I truly have no interest in initating a conversation with someone who isn’t able to write at least a few lines about themself; to me it reads as lazy and an inability to be introspective.

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  18. Missy Says:

    so often I see someone attractive with a well-written profile and they even have enough pictures but their pictures are just… No.
    Ithe weird thing to me is how many profiles have these: baseball cap in every pic, not a single pic with a smile, posed with car/boat/motorcycle, with other people who look enough the same that I can’t tell which one in supposed to be looking at, holding a giant beer, surrounded by beautiful women (often in bikinis). That one, I really wonder what the thinking is.
    And nothing says “emotionally unavailable” like a rock-climbing pic! It’s like, this is me: alone, unreachable, clinging to cold hard rock. I get that its a full-body picture…and I guess it makes sense if you only want to date rock climbers or something. But I see it all the time.
    The other thing that annoys me is that “the first thing people notice about me” section on OKC, when they write “how would I onow?” Or “you tell me”. I guess I’m not really surprised if men just don’t get as many comments about their appearance/demeanor/whatever as women do so maybe they really don’t know… But, I don’t know, ask somebody? Or just don’t answer that part; that’s an option.

    The other one is “you should message me if…. Oh who are we kidding, we all know women don’t send messages!” (irritates me every time, because yes, we do). As well as the etiquette lecture about how if the profile writer sends a message the least we can do is write back.

    Being so opinionated about the pic makes me feel a bit like *i’ve* now got the shopping cart attitude and just rejecting people out of hand for stupid reasons… But I think its really that those pix send the message that they can’t be bothered to make an effort, that they’re not thinking about the audience or about making themselves appealing. Most people wouldn’t wear grungy clothes on a first date but so many people seem to take less care with the pictures, which are the real first impression for online dating.

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  19. Missy Says:

    Wow, didn’t realize I was writing a novel! Embarrassed!

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  20. jay Says:

    Been a while since I’ve been on a dating website, but I disagree with the objection to people stating their deal-breakers. If a woman says, say, that she doesn’t like balding men, than as a balding man, there’s no point in my pursuing her. I’d just be wasting both of our time. Sure, she could leave this off so she doesn’t sound too picky or exclusive or whatever. But what does that gain? So now I try to chase her and she ignores me or brushes me off. Or worse, she doesn’t want to shoot me down immediately, so she strings me along for a while.

    Of course a long list of preferences would eventually shut out so many candidates that you may have no one left. If you only want a man in his 20’s who makes a million dollars a year and is over six feet and has red hair and whose hobbies are kick-boxing and flower-arranging, your search may be long.

    And sure, a vague statement could be a problem. Like, “I’m looking for a thin man.” What is “thin”? Under 150 pounds? 120? 90? Maybe you’d be happy with someone of slightly below average weight but he misunderstands and rules himself out. But still, the guy who weights 300 pounds knows you’re not interested and doesn’t bother.

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  21. Devon Says:

    1. “If your photo has even a hint of douchebaggery or requires even a modicum of effort to view, you’re cooked.”

    I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who do not realize this.

    I was once reading a topic on the message board of dating site where people were discussing profile photos, and a man bragged about how he doesn’t even crop his photos because he thinks not cropping them makes them more authentic.

    Making each person who views your profile do work that you should do once is bound to get poor results.

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  22. Devon Says:

    Another peeve of mine is profiles that say “So-and-so types of people to the front of the line!” If you already have a line, then why are you here?

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  23. Dark Sarcasm Says:

    You know what I’m finding hilarious lately? The profile picture…of ANOTHER picture! Hahaha! Are you kidding me? I quit. I’ll talk up women on the T. That might be more successful.

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