Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): ThatGirl
Comment: I met a guy online. We communicated quite a bit via text and phone calls for a few days before we met in person. First meeting went great and we had a very strong instant connection! He lives 70 miles from me so we made plans for me to go to his house and then out on our 2nd date. We had a really great time together that ended up with amazing sex and I spent the night at his house. After that, communication was minimal. I’d get 1 to 2 word texts daily but didn’t get a phone call from him for 5 days. When I mentioned the lack of communication he said he’d been traveling for work (which he’d told me he was going to be) and that he doesn’t have a lot of time to chat when he’s on business trips. As soon as he returned from out of town we made plans for me to go spend the weekend at his house, which I did. Again, amazing connection…amazing sex….we’re both obviously into each other and he made numerous comments referencing the possibility of a future together. And then the 1 and 2 word texts start again. No calls for about 3 days. Again, I mentioned it, but not in a needy way, just that I’m really glad to hear from him and that I’d been looking forward to talking to him. He told me to relax, he’s not a huge communicator and that I should not turn it into something negative by trying to read into it. He said our focus should be on how/if we can turn this into a long term thing for us and not whether or not he called today.
Here’s my thinking….if a guy is into you, he calls. If he’s just kind of playing around, he’ll leave a small trail of bread crumbs (1-2 word texts) just in case he decides to go back down that road sometime. I’ll admit I’m puzzled by the references of a future because he didn’t even bring any of that up until after we slept together…wasn’t like he was saying it to get in my pants!
There’s a part of me that thinks I’ve been so burned in the past that I don’t even know when someone might really like me. There’s another part of me that thinks if he was truly into me then I wouldn’t be waiting around for the phone to ring… any ideas?
First meeting went great and we had a very strong instant connection!
Again, amazing connection…amazing sex….we’re both obviously into each other
Oh? And how do you know that? You’re not in his head, therefore you have no idea what he’s thinking or feeling. You’re just projecting your thoughts and feelings on to him. When people start making assumptions like this, that is the first sign of trouble to come. You can not be certain of what another person is truly thinking or feeling at any given moment.
He told me to relax, he’s not a huge communicator
Orly? Because he certainly seemed like a huge communicator before he slept with you. It was only after he slept with you did he suddenly decide he wasn’t big on the whole “talking in between times we have sex” thing. The guy got on the phone with you multiple times before you met. Yet, after he gets into your pants, he’s suddenly not big on communicating. Okay. Sure.
He told me to relax, he’s not a huge communicator and that I should not turn it into something negative by trying to read into it.
Everything about this statement makes me stabby. Yes, don’t read into the fact that his behavior did a one hundred and eighty degree shift after he ejaculated, you crazy, silly, emotional woman.
I’ll admit I’m puzzled by the references of a future because he didn’t even bring any of that up until after we slept together…wasn’t like he was saying it to get in my pants!
He was saying it to continue to get into your pants. Conversations about “the future” after 2 or 3 dates are an immediate warning sign that something is off. Nobody is that sure of anything at that point. While 70 miles between you two isn’t exactly huge, it is far enough that you have to wonder why either one of you are making the effort rather than choosing someone who lives closer. Dallas is a big city. Surely you can find someone who is more geographically convenient.
There’s another part of me that thinks if he was truly into me then I wouldn’t be waiting around for the phone to ring… any ideas?
Well, to be fair, few people actually talk on the phone anymore. Nowadays everybody is keeping in touch electronically – texting, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Unless something is really pressing, I don’t need to talk to them on the phone. I can get caught up on what’s going on in my friend’s lives by looking at their Facebook page. So, the not calling thing isn’t the red flag you think it is. Again, I will stress why chatting so much before you meet someone isn’t the best idea as it builds false expectations. Sure, a guy will call you before you meet because he knows that’s a hoop many guys need to jump in order to meet you. But after that? Nah. Most guys – most people, really – just aren’t big on talking on the phone. Texting is the best you’re going to get at this point.
He said our focus should be on how/if we can turn this into a long term thing for us and not whether or not he called today.
Pay close attention to that statement, because he’s telling you something very important. He’s planting a seed. Now, after talking of the future, he’s expressing some doubts. Huh. Who saw that coming?
I assure you the topic of distance will be raised in the near future, like when he tells you things aren’t working. Which is funny, because you’ve always lived 70 miles apart. That’s not anything new. If he didn’t think the long distance thing could work, then why did he even bother to meet you in the first place?
One or two word texts are just rude. Period. If he can’t manage to string together a couple of sentences, that should tell you where you fall on his priority list. That said, you expecting him to be a Chatty Cathy and hop on the phone with you to gab away this early in the game is also unreasonable. You have that expectation because you’ve built this…whatever this is…up in your head, what with the crazy awesome connection and all. It seems to me, judging by his actions, he’s not feeling the intense chemistry and connection that you are.
He’s offering you bare minimum effort at this point. It’s up to you if you want to decide to take it.