Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Lizzzzzzzzz
Comment: I’ve been dating this really great guy for about 2 months, and we’ve been on about 7 or 8 dates total with plans for many more in the future. Our dates go great. The only thing is, he pays for all of our dates. I know, I know – I’m going to get made fun of for bringing this up and complaining, but at this point should I still let him? Don’t get me wrong, every time the check shows up at dinner or drinks or brunch I offer to pay or split it, but he always tells me it’s fine and pays. And so far we’ve split any expensive activities (he pays for himself and I pay for myself, like the one date we went to a museum).
I guess my question is, is he sick of paying? Is there a point in a relationship when a guy gets sick of paying for everything? If a guy didn’t want to, would he let me pay for half, or just suck it up bitterly? Should I keep offering, or am I just going to get to the point where I offend him for asking every time? Cause I’m happy to stop asking and let him pay, I just don’t want to come off as a freeloader, because I really like spending time with him.
Here’s what makes this scenario so tricky: many if not most men believe that a woman offering to pay for anything at this stage of the game is a test. Accept that offer, and he’s labeled cheap or just in it for sex or not a gentleman or whatever. That’s why most men continue to fork over money for dates. They know that allowing a woman to pay her share will be held against them.
You should not be offering to split it. You should be picking up that leather bill fold and sticking your credit card or cash inside of it, no conversation necessary. This is why I always side-eye women who leap to assure everybody that they try to pay their way. Like, duh…of course he’s not going to accept the gesture. That’s why you don’t sit there waiting for that awkward pause to play out until he grabs the bill. You grab it.
Is there a point in a relationship when a guy gets sick of paying for everything?
Yes. It’s called The First Date. Nobody wants to spend their money on another person all the time. Nobody. Even people who really, really, ridiculously like you aren’t thrilled at the concept of paying your share of a meal or movie ticket. It’s the principle of the matter. I can assure you that guy has things he’d rather spend his money on than you. Which isn’t to say he doesn’t like you or that he resents you. I’m sure he does care for you, which is why he keeps paying. The myth that men “like” spending their money on women was started by some try hard man or woman who wanted to impress people. It’s not real.
Cause I’m happy to stop asking and let him pay,
You don’t say.
You need to stop asking and just do it. Trust me, very few men believe a woman when she says she wants to pay for something. The bottom line is that if you truly wanted to pay, you’d find a way to do it. And he knows that.