From my brief time reading Elite Daily I’ve come to learn that the majority of their writers are either beta white knight dudes or unhinged self-absorbed women.
I’m not like most people.
Boom. There’s this guy’s first problem. He thinks he’s soooo different because he doesn’t drink or do drugs. And by different I mean better, based on the sanctimonious attitude and out of wack rationalizations that follow. What’s truly odd is that, in this digital dating age, most sites and apps allow you to either select an option of whether or not you drink or don’t or a lot space for you to state the things about you that people should know. Like, for example, that you don’t drink. The smart thing to do if you’re sober is to select the option that states you do not drink at all. That way you’ll probably only be contacted by people looking for other people that don’t drink. Will you be filtered out of searches? Probably, but at least the searches you do appear in will be of people with whom you are more compatible. I think it’s interesting that this guy never once mentions dating anybody sober. Kind of makes you wonder why, doesn’t it?
Since few people know what it’s like to be a sober person on in the dating scene, I’d like to tell you about how difficult it is and how strange this world can be.
First of all, it’s nearly impossible to find a suitable first date spot.
Every date I’ve asked a woman out on, the first suggestion that comes out of her mouth is, “Yeah, let’s go get some drinks.”
But the problem is, I can’t say yes and then surprise her at the bar with the information that I don’t drink.
That’s borderline creepy.
Forget the borderline, most people would consider that a huge red flag, especially women.
“You mean you want me to drink, and you’re not going to drink?”
I’d come off as pretty date-rapey.
It’s strange because the people who have had a history of alcoholism or drug abuse in their lives or in their families get some kind of badge of honor because of it. People respect those who have recovered from alcoholism or drug abuse way more than they respect those who have never touched the stuff in their lives.
Awww. Poor little guy is all butthurt because he doesn’t get an attaboy for never having touched alcohol or drugs. He thinks his lifetime of abstaining is totally the same thing as getting addicted and getting sober. Newsflash: IT’S NOT THE SAME THING. Those people actually overcame something, something that many people can not overcome. You? You just never tried a beer or smoked pot because you liked clinging to the moral high ground.
So, if you’re a sober person and you want to get that first date, here is a trick I’ve learned to play. When someone suggests getting drinks, say something like, “Oh, getting drinks is so overdone, let’s do something different,” and then I come up with a unique thing to do. You can go bowling, see a comedy show or play mini golf.
Here’s where maybe I’m just old or too rigid but I have zero interest in an activity date for a first date. People who go to such lengths for a first date – especially an online date – reek of try hard.It’s a first date. Let’s determine if we get along and have stuff to talk about and want to touch each other’s private parts before we start golfing together. Activities disrupt the flow of conversation and are distracting. I like to sit and chat and have a couple of drinks and relax. I’m not getting dressed up so I can put on a pair of sweaty bowling shoes just because you can’t sit in a bar for an hour without having a panic attack.
I love how the date is all about his preferences, too. It’s all about his comfort level and not wanting to seem date rapey (whatever that means.) He can’t just order a Coke or a non-alcoholic beer and nurse it for an hour. Nope. Doing that wouldn’t allow him to get sanctimonious. Jesus. Order an O’Dules and shut it up.
Personal injury, financial problems, the injury of others and jail time are just a few of the terrible things that can happen if you just have one crazy night of drinking or doing drugs.
What the fuck is this guy talking about? He’s seen way too many Afterschool Specials. No, one night of throwing back a couple of drinks won’t turn you into a vagrant. That’s all in your head because somebody or something screwed you up as a kid.
I’m extremely supportive of people who are in recovery or are sober due to addiction. However, I probably wouldn’t date someone sober. Why? Because drinking is a lifestyle choice and I enjoy a drink here and there and don’t want to worry that I’m getting tipsy and making my date uncomfortable. I can remember calling a good friend of mine – who was several years in recovery at the time – drunk, and he got very annoyed with me and asked that I never call him after I’d been drinking. I’m not someone who drinks heavily or even that frequently, but when I do, I like to have a few glasses of wine. I don’t want to be with someone who is going to be uneasy being around me when I’m not 100% sober.
I also don’t date vegans. Nothing will make me roll my eyes further back into my head than someone who says, “Can we pick a spot with a vegan menu?” or “I don’t drink. Why don’t we meet for tea?” How about…you just fucking go with it without trotting out all your special snowflakery before we’ve even met? Get a god damn salad. Order a virgin cocktail. I will never, ever, EVER forget the vegan I dated who made me dinner at his place and asked me what I wanted, then proceeded to dismiss my preferences and serve me whatever the fuck he called a meal. Nope. I like meat. You don’t. That’s cool. I just won’t date you. I don’t care what anybody says about how they’re sober or vegan and aren’t judgy about it because most of them are, like the guy who wrote this fart of an article.
All this guy does is talk about how insecure everyody else is because they need alcohol to have fun, but really he’s the one insecure about not drinking. Not the other way around.
Go be unique and different somewhere else.