Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): marzkd
Comment: A male classmate from my college 4 years ago that I barely talked to, contacted me on Facebook recently and asked me how I was. During the conversation, he sent me a picture of him wearing a suit and explained that he was working right now. He then asked for mine and ask what I was doing. I sent him a selfie and told him I was just on my way to lunch. He said “wow” and he continued talking to me for 2 days and decided to meet up the next day. I said I was busy and he asked for my number. I said that I would prefer to contact through Facebook first. He was cool with it and told me to let him know whether I would want to grab coffee the following day. I said that I wasn’t sure if I had any plans and told him maybe next time. He replied “cool :)”. I would like to catch up with this person but I have doubts. I do not really know what his intentions are since he seems to be rushing things. I feel bad for rejecting him twice. What should I do?
I’m not sure how this guy is rushing things. He chatted with you for two days and then asked you to meet for a drink. What’s wrong with that? This is how fast things move now. Actually, they move much faster. People are no longer willing to message back and forth for a few days.
Something about this guy is obviously tripping your wires, and I don’t think it’s got anything to do with the pace at which he is moving. I think what has you giving him the side-eye is that eh randomly contacted you out of the blue when you barely knew him in college then asked you for a photo of yourself. I’m guessing he did that either to get a full body shot of you or to get a recent photo of you. Clearly this guy is just hitting up random women he went to school with thinking that because he and they share the same alma mater he’ll seem less creepy. Now, if that’s why you don’t want to meet him, I’m behind you 100%. But if you’re hesitating because he’s not spending several days getting to know you via Facebook, then I’m going to say you need to get a bit of a grip.
I had this conversation with a profile review client yesterday and now I’ll have it with you: if you require that someone jump through a number of hoops before you’ll even consider meeting them, stop dating. I will repeat this for the bajillionth time: Tinder has changed the game. The days of not posting pics to a profile or not giving out your phone number or needing days worth of emails to agree to a date are gone. Finito. On the surface, there’s nothing wrong with this guy’s approach. What makes it suspect is how he appeared out of the blue to chat you up and asked you for a picture of yourself. He sent you a picture of himself so you would reply with one in kind. Anybody hesitant about communicating off a site or app makes my Spidey Senses tingle. That sort of thing screams too much work, and usually I bail from the conversation. What’s the difference between Facebook and email? Texting I can understand…but email?
People just are not affording folks the benefit of the doubt anymore. Either you’re in or you’re out. The slightest hint of extra steps is going to result in you being ghosted, unmatched, or blocked. That includes refusing to talk off site, upgrading dates, persisting with rapid fire questions like it’s an interview, etc.
I know Facebook Flirting is a thing with you crazy kids, but I can honestly say that when I get those random messages from guys I barely know or don’t know at all I immediately delete and block them. There’s just something about it that rubs me the wrong way.
The doubts your feeling is your inside voice telling you this guy is disingenuous. I wouldn’t bother with him.