What If FWB Sex Is Better Than Relationship Sex?

February 9th, 2016

Dating Realities, NEW!, Re-Post, Sex

 

Name: Lourdes
Comment: Hi.  I used to live in NY.  I had a short committed relationship with a guy and after we broke up we continued hooking up and the sex got so much better that we continued a fwb relationship for about 6 years;  On and off depending on whether we were in a relationship with others.  But we would always come back to each other because the sex was the best we would ever have.  We just got so comfortable with each other.  Our bodies were like magnets.  I live in Miami now.  my fwb was visiting often but now we both got involved with other people so it stopped.  Which takes me to my situation.  My boyfriend (been with him for 7 months now) is great.  I love him and see a future with him.  And although we have sex regularly I dont enjoy it as much as I did with my fwb.  I mean my bf really tries and I do end up enjoying myself.  But with my fwb it was explosive, out of this world.  I would come 6-12times.  With my boyfriend 1, up to 3 on a good day.  But it does take a lot of effort to get there in part because my boyfriends penis is on the smaller side. Im wondering if any married people out there can tell me if they’ve been in similar situations and if they are happy even though the sex with their partner is not the best they’ve had.
Age: 33
City: Miami
State: Fl

 

I think the first thing you need to do is grow up. Listening to women brag about all the “amazing” sex they have makes me cringe. Hate to break it to you, but committing to someone involves a series of trade-offs. Oh well. You’re not going to be able to have your 6-12 orgasms (*eyeroll*) any more.  You’re just going to have to settle for climaxing two or three times with the man that loves you and actually wants to be with you. In what world is three orgasms in a night not good sex? Seriously?

I had a similar relationship with someone off and on for close to a decade. In the beginning, the sex was fantastic. We did all kinds of experimenting. Swing parties, voyeurism, the works. The sexual attraction was intense. But over time that intensity flickered on and off. Sometimes we would go out and come home and lie in bed and just..talk. If anything, the more we got together, the less intense or sex was. We would still have sex and it was still good. But was it the explosive sex it used to be? Nope. There was a definite “been there, done that” feeling to it sometimes. That’s life.

We get bored with our sexual partners like we get bored with anything else we have regularly, over and over, for an extended period of time. It’s not always going to be handcuffs, facials, and threeways. We continued to see each other because we transcended the initial hot sexual connection and built a trust and consideration for each other. Basically, we just really enjoyed each other. That, in addition to an initial strong sexual compatibility,  is what you should want in a partner. You have to like being with them. You can’t ever feel like you’re enduring them and their “small” penis. At some point, the “explosive” sexual chemistry will wane; you’ll have kids, you’ll get stressed with work, you’ll get older. It isn’t always going to be skyrockets in flight. Eventually, the desire simply won’t be there, and you better hope there’s enough of a connection between the two of you to sustain those (sometimes) long stretches when sex isn’t even on the menu.

You sound like you think you’re doing your boyfriend a favor by allowing him to get you off. Do him a favor and leave him now if you feel you are making some kind of ultimate sacrifice by staying with a man who loves you and treats you well who “only” gets you off once or twice per session.

But it does take a lot of effort to get there in part because my boyfriends penis is on the smaller side.

This is a myth. The G-spot is located maybe 3 inches inside a woman’s vagina. Additionally,  there’s, like, stuff you can do to get yourself off. I know I’m a big ol’ size queen and all, but I can’t stand when women use the “he’s too small” excuse. In fact, I loathe the whole idea that a man is solely responsible for making a woman climax and if he doesn’t he’s inept. There is so much more involved with a woman’s orgasm than a man’s. So. Much. Between the location of the g-spot to proper positioning to whatever may or may not be clouding up our heads and making it impossible to let go, there’s a lot of stuff going on down there that you can not expect every man you’re with to know. Many women don’t climax because they don’t know how to get themselves off in the first place or don’t know how to direct a guy. Stop blaming his endowment and take responsibility for your own pleasure.

 

Thoughts?

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18 Responses to “What If FWB Sex Is Better Than Relationship Sex?”

  1. SS Says:

    1. The law of supply and demand shows that scarcity always breeds desire. Like Moxie said, if you had it regularly I’m about 99.9% sure it wouldn’t provide the bells and whistles you believe it currently does. Research shows that most women are much more unlikely to orgasm with an FWB than in a relationship; I guess you are the exception that proves the rule.

    2. How do you know he’s not thinking “wow she’s a bit loose, definitely not the best sex I’ve ever had” ? Communication is fundamental to a mutually satisfactory long term sex life. I believe that instead of pointing a finger at one’s partner, one should initially (if not always) focus on what they can do to satisfy the other person. An awesome sex life comes when you explore and learn everything your partner likes/dislikes, and share your own. IMO sex is not a selfish act – it’s a giving act. At least if you’re doing it right.

    3. I have to wonder if you are really in love with your boyfriend. There’s “sex” and there’s “making love” – yeesh I hate that term – but in my experience there’s definitely a difference with someone you love. The inherent emotional connection and vulnerability is a (welcome) trade off for 5 minutes fireworks with some rando. If your preference remains the fireworks/rando then perhaps you are either not a) having that emotional connection or b) not *wanting* that emotional connection. Either way it makes me doubt your love for your boyfriend over your fwb.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 2

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  2. fuzzilla Says:

    Sounds like she’s focusing on the one thing lacking in her relationship because she doesn’t really want to be with the guy and/or just doesn’t really want a serious relationship.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1

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  3. Andrew Says:

    So sad…3 climaxes per encounter. Boo hoo.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 2

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  4. KK Says:

    I am not sure the LW is really all that into her bf. Something isnt adding up.

    In regards to the orgasms. Why dont you give them to yourself? If truly the only issue is that he doesnt get you off as much as your fwb, then get yourself off.

    Also. Who actually complains about three orgasms? From a guy who is planning a future with you? I mean, are you actually sure you want to be with this guy, or any relationship?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 2

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    • mxf Says:

      “In regards to the orgasms. Why dont you give them to yourself?”

      I’ll never understand this advice. If someone has never climaxed with a partner, then maybe it makes sense to get some solo knowledge and wisdom, but this woman is basically capable of a herculean number of partner-given orgasms. Why on earth would getting them alone be as fulfilling?

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m hardly defending her tale of triple-climax woe, but come on. She’s asking a fundamental question about whether someone’s forever-person should be their best sexual partner. I hate doing this, but if a guy wrote in expressing worry that the woman he loves isn’t as exciting to him as an ex lover, we’d probably tell him to carefully weigh his priorities, work on making sex better with her, etc, but I doubt we’d suggest he wank his way to happiness with her. It’s missing the point.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1

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      • KK Says:

        If the relationship is good enough that she is capable of contemplating a future with this guy and the only issue is that she isn’t getting off as much with him as her fwb, then why not get herself off during sex? Then maybe she can show this guy what to do as maybe that is the problem.

        To me the problem seems more like she isn’t into the guy enough than anything else.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 2

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  5. Bree Says:

    I believe a dude wrote this bogus letter.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 6

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  6. Nia Says:

    I think one reason sex with a non-committed partner is so good/fun is that there’s little or no everyday duties and frustrations to take the spark away. You don’t see them at their worst: sick, crabby, hungover, with no makeup, etc. You don’t have to spend 30 minutes doing dishes because your partner “can’t concentrate” with a dirty kitchen before gettin’ busy. If you’re FWB, likely you don’t have kids together, so life is pretty breezy.
    Also, with a FWB, the *primary* purpose of the relationship is sex, whereas with a partner, it’s about building a future together.
    Sex is part of the total picture: their character, how they make you feel, your shared values, etc. If it’s not great (and it WILL ebb and flow) you have other things to make up for it: talks, cuddles, fun times, movie night, memories, etc. If sex with your FWB wanes, not much else really replaces it.
    I’m not an anatomy expert, but my general feeling is that the *idea* of a “big” guy is more what women are excited by than the actual sensations—oooh, look what I got! There is too much of a good thing, and honestly, (although of course YMMV) mere size alone is not enough to be the winning factor.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

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  7. Yvonne Says:

    Despite the stellar sex, you two are FWBs for a reason. Are those reasons less compelling than the fact that sex with your boyfriend isn’t as off-the-charts great?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

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  8. BTownGirl Says:

    Maybe it’s just me, but 12 orgasms sounds…uncomfortable. I’m exhausted just thinking about it, you guys.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

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  9. Steve From the City Next Door Says:

    we broke up we continued hooking up and the sex got so much better – Original Letter

    Why did the sex get better? Maybe try a similar change with the current BF.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

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    • Bill Says:

      I think Steve has the nugget of wisdom, here:

      “we broke up we continued hooking up and the sex got so much better”

      So, during the relationship with FWB-guy, the sex was “meh”. During her relationship with mr-forever-guy, the sex is “meh”.

      So, I think at least part of the problem is that when SHE is in a relationship, she is more reserved about sex and doesn’t let herself “go wild” like she does during casual sex.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

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  10. D. Says:

    Is this a resubmission? I could swear I’ve read this or a very similar story before. FWB, out of Miami, delusional woman… This all sounds very familiar…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

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  11. ATWYSingle Says:

    Yes, that’s why it’s tagged as a re-post

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

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  12. Nicole Says:

    I totally understand you: a well endowed man is so much better in bed than a guy with a small one. You could stay with your boyfriend and settle for meh sex, or break up with him in the hopes of finding a better mate. It’s your choice.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

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