Sorry, But Your Boyfriend Is a Douche

desperatewo

 

Coital cephalalgia

That’s fancy talk for sex headache. I’ve been experiencing them off and on for a few years now, but got hit with one the other morning that has stuck around. If you’ve ever had one, then you know that at the moment of climax it feels like you’re being stabbed in the back of your skull with an ice pick.  (Yes, I know this is over-sharey. High five for me getting laid and all that. Obviously, these headaches tend to ruin the moment. He thought I was just experiencing a mind blowing orgasm. I guess in some weird way, I was,as my brain truly did feel like it was about to explode.  )

The pain disappeared within an hour, but the after effects of this one are lingering longer than they normally do.  I tried to do yoga yesterday and the minute I went into downward dog I got dizzy. Later, I attempted to go for a walk and felt light headed. The mornings are worse, because the muscles in my neck are super tight from sleeping for eight hours. So,  when I try to lift my head, the throbbing momentarily returns. I’ve been popping Motrin like Tic Tacs, which probably is contributing to the light headedness.

I’ve had issues with my neck for decades, having been hit by a car in college. I’m sure some of this is related to that injury. In any case, I’m using whatever windows of time where I’m not in pain to focus on the book. Hence why the first two posts this week have been re-posts. Please do me a favor and don’t suggest I go to a doctor. I know. I KNOW. I’ve been Googling these pesky headaches for the past three days and keep reading about aneurysms and tumors, so I’m already sufficiently freaked out. According to the information I’ve found, sex headaches are harmless. I’m just going to take it easy and wait for things to return to normal.

All that said, here’s a super fun article from xoJane that I thought you’d like to discuss.

I had the total opposite reaction to this story that everybody else had. While all the other commenters were swooning over this guy, all I could think was how much of a douche he was for telling the author he burned the close to 200 post it love notes she wrote for him. (Personally, I think he trashed the notes minutes after she gave them to him and never even packed them.)  Jesus. Just lie. Say you unpacked your back pack one night and forgot them. You don’t tell someone you burned a present they made/bought for you. His excuse of needing them for kindling in order to stay warm made my eyes roll into the back of my head. Really? REALLY? You’re in the fucking woods with a bunch of other people and all you can find to help you make a fire is the post it notes your girlfriend wrote?

What made me really side eye him was when he insisted to her that he told her about burning the notes in a previous conversation. She claims she didn’t remember because she had been drinking. Now, given how irrational this girl sounds, I’m having a hard time believing that she wouldn’t have flipped her wig  the first time he mentioned what he did, especially if she was drunk. She swears that he’s right and that he did tell her, which just creeps me out more, because you just know this guy is lying his face off and she’s so blind to his bullshit she believes whatever he says.

Then there’s the missive she wrote in the comments defending herself and this guy:

- HOW could someone SO awesome (him), stay with someone SO horrible (me), right? Well, the story above was one small occurrence from his time on the trail (which, again, we laughed at) and throughout his hike, I was his #1 supporter. I helped tremendously with his fundraiser, which raised money for Wounded Warriors and Ovarian Cancer Research. I couldn’t be more proud of him and how hard he worked. We’ve been through a LOT together in the last couple years (not including this silly little incident) and we couldn’t be happier today! If you’d like, read my story on Elite Daily called, “7 Things I Know About Love After My Boyfriend Hiked The Appalachian Trail.” (Don’t worry, he loved that piece too.)

- Am I “infatuated” with my boyfriend? Obviously, have you seen him? He’s pretty hot.

Yikes. This is a classic tale of the woman who can not believe she lucked out and got a guy who looks like her boyfriend. The way she fawns all over him and how she has tied her whole persona to him makes me cringe. Worse is that this dude is probably more than happy to have some cloying fool drooling all over him publicly and writing articles about how awesome he is. I have said several times now that any guy who is a-okay with some woman braying about how awesome he is on the internet is a douche rag.

Oh, Molly. You in danger, girl.

 

Thoughts?

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27 Responses to “Sorry, But Your Boyfriend Is a Douche”

  1. coffeestop Says:

    I get the impression their entire relationship is just her worshipping him and cheering him on. I will be honest and say that I probably would not put post it love notes in my BF’s backpack while he went hiking either.

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  2. SS Says:

    “I needed to shed some weight,” he said, “so we used them to start a fire.”

    BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Ok so I decided to be super servicey and look up the weight of post its (you are totally welcome) and established that the sum total for say 200 notes equalled..

    wait for it…..

    ….0.65 ounces

    Wow – yes that’s some *major* weight. WHAT A *&%$#*$# DOUCHE!

    Anyway, not telling you to go to a doc but have you considered going to a Chiropractor? My life has changed considerably since I started going – worth it’s weight (see what I did there?!) in gold! :)

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

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    • chillybeans Says:

      Agree on the chiro, for soft tissue injuries/pain they are the best. Make sure you get a referral, some are a lot better than others. Stay away from the ones who use machines, not nearly as effective as manual manipulation, and the best use a combination of physical therapy/manipulation. Also ice helps a lot.
      Good luck!

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    • Janie Says:

      Honestly, when you’re carrying that pack for that long, an ounce or two here or there makes a HUGE difference. I cringed when she said she was thinking of something to give him to take on the hike. Most people even end up ditching actual necessities!

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      • SS Says:

        I get what you are saying… but half an ounce?

        And only on day 10 of 105?

        Seems like breakneck speed to destroy/jettison a thoughtful handmade gift from someone you love…

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        • Janie Says:

          Oh I totally think he probably never even brought them. And maybe thought the burning them for heat lie would go over better than the truth. A half ounce doesn’t sound like much, but when it’s between and energy bar or some cute post-it’s, you’re going to go with the energy bar.

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          • D. Says:

            Alternatively, maybe he did burn them when he got tired of reaching for that energy bar in his pack, and pulling his arm out, covered in post-it notes. At which point, he said “That’s IT. I’m burning all of these fucking things!”

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      • fuzzilla Says:

        Yeah, true. He did truly need survival specific things more than notes. Her gift was well intentioned but showed she didn’t really “get it” as far as what such a long hike would entail. Tbh, I can’t say I “get it” on a personal experience level, either, but I did rent “Wild.”

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        • Bill Says:

          Lol! I have backpacked many times and can attest that ANYTHING, no matter how well intentioned or light, that adds weight to the pack is not viewed as a “gift”.

          True gifts that would remind him of her every day? A titanium made piece of equipment like a coffee press, or mug, or pot, or even a cat hole trowel (look it up, lol) that SAVES weight, even an ounce, from his backpack.

          And, no, he didn’t wait ten days… those notes started going into the fire the first night.

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          • fuzzilla Says:

            I didn’t really consider the context at first. If you don’t, then it’s like, “OMG, he burned her love notes??!” But if I know jack about hardcore hiking, I’ll defer to those who do. ONE Post-it would have been cute, but a huge bag of them?

            I remember having horseback riding lessons and you’re supposed to tighten this band around the horse’s belly for the saddle to properly fit. I was like, “OMG, I don’t want to hurt the horse,” and then I’d tip over to the side on the ride. So maybe the outdoorsy folk did know WTF they were talking about.

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  3. mamajuju Says:

    I took a quick peek at the pictures of the happy couple….

    The guy is just an average looking white boy.
    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The author or the xojane article
    makes him sound like an Adonis…..

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

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  4. fuzzilla Says:

    A couple months ago my boyfriend came home from the grocery store shaking and shivering really violently and I did the whole WebMD dance of, “Maybe he has pneumonia! Maybe he has this, that, XYZ!” I did offer to take him to the hospital, but he said no, and it turned out to just be the flu.

    As for the xoJane article, I’m with SS. Also, if this incident happened years ago and they’re truly over it, then why bring it up for scrutiny?

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  5. Yvonne Says:

    She is desperate for something to write about.

    Have you tried acupuncture?

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  6. Snowflake Says:

    I want to echo the chiropractor/massage/physio/acupuncture approach everyone has suggested. Give those some thought and someone above said to find one that is recommended by friends who frequent them.

    Yoga helps my lower back (and if I don’t take care the nerve pain can travel down into my thigh/calves) so when that happens I see my chiropractor. Along with yoga that helps eleviate the discomfort.

    As for the XO jane article omg she did what? Ok cute an all when its a teenager but as an adult sorry its a bit much.

    I agree that he prob did not bring it with him and fed the story about the notes for fuel for kindling was a softer blow than yeah I didn’t bring them with me bec (not just the wt) but it took up too much room in my pack – again a few ounces can feel like a few kg after a long hike and by day 10 of 105 your body has still yet to acclimatized to the pain/discomfort/blisters all around suffering..

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    • SS Says:

      I guess I have a lot to learn about hiking :)

      Still though…I’d have thought if he *did* make the effort to bring them, they wouldn’t go quite that quickly.

      What gets my spidey senses tingling was that he confessed only when confronted. So technically he could have burned them on day 1 or 2 for all she knows.

      That being said I agree that it’s a definite possibility that he didn’t bring them in the first place – but that being true… why didn’t he man up and tell her up front “look when you’re hiking you cannot carry any extra weight.”

      The whole thing is just BS.

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  7. Jake Says:

    This is stupid and is the work of an immature girl.Who da hell creates all these sticky notes? WHo has time to bring thme on a hiking trip and then burn them? How is this a story? When will social media be obliterated for the sake of humanity? ANd what will we do with thos egomaniacs that live off of social media?

    Anyway, white guys have it easy with these white girls. It’s like shooting “white” fish in a barrel. This guy can look like a homeless beggar and still have this white girl fawning over him. Who says that white male privilege has been eroded?

    FInally, they look like a douchey couple with the wine glasses.

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  8. KK Says:

    My favorite comment for the whole article was, “I can’t even hate read XOJane anymore.” Because…HA. So very true.

    I read this article yesterday and was quite stunned. First of all, I am not sure him telling her that he burned the notes makes him a jerk. It MIGHT. But, he was on a seriously physically demanding trip and probably wasn’t thinking. It is only subsequent behaviors that would indicate whether the Post-It thing indicated he’s a douche. And the fact that he burned the notes while in the woods? If it was raining, burning the notes would be way easier than trying to find dry wood to burn.

    So I am not sur3e his actions per se make him a jerk. What I find strange is that she is writing about this YEARS after the fact. I do wonder if it is a case of this being a super cute story to tell themselves and their friends but she is under the misapprehension that anyone else could possibly care. The story itself is really really stupid.

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    • ATWYSingle Says:

      First, love you, love your comments, KK.

      I don’t doubt that the trip was physically and mentally draining. It’s the fact that he insisted he told her and she didn’t remember that really rubbed me the wrong way. I have a hard time believing that if he did tell her while she was drinking she wouldn’t remember it. That, to me, came off like typical douchey guy gaslighting. Combine that with her blind hero worship of this guy, and I really get a bad vibe about him.

      But the best part of the comments were the women tearing in to her and calling her a manipulative bitch. Yes, she’s clearly annoying and insecure and immature, but come on.

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      • KK Says:

        I am blushing so hard right now. Thank you.

        You are totally right that the insistence that he DID tell her but she was drunk is really creepy. Because, yes, she seems so entranced with him, or the idea of him, that she would remember if he told her.

        When people start gaslighting each other, that is really scary.

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      One of the XoJane comments said the notes were probably her way of “marking her territory” if he ran into female hikers, which sounds plausible.

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      • ATWYSingle Says:

        The notes had nothing to do with marking her territory. They were about making sure he didn’t forget her. Since it appears that she called and texted him constantly while he was away, my guess is she was deathly afraid this guy was going to forget about her and leave her. Even the way she clings to this douche face in those photos makes me queasy.

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        • SS Says:

          “Even the way she clings to this douche face in those photos makes me queasy.”

          Yes. Did everyone else clock the body language in both photos and what it says about their relationship?

          He’s facing the camera, and she is literally at 90 degrees facing only him.

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  9. mxf Says:

    I think some of it depends on whether you think her gift is sweet or silly. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of middle ground between “oh my god, that is really cloying and annoying and an inconvenience to him all just to insert yourself in his face EVERY SINGLE DAY,” and “oh, that’s really thoughtful and generous and doesn’t weigh anything and should be looked at with daily gratitude.”

    I guess it’s all in the eye of the reader… I thought it was an annoying gesture, frankly, so I didn’t focus too hard on condemning the dude for burning the notes, or for not bothering lying about it. I feel like she was trying to insert herself somewhere she sensed she wasn’t quite welcome, which is sad for her, but also annoying for him if he likes her, loves her, but didn’t want a bag full of crappy notes all about her.

    It’s all lose-lose. If she has to work so hard to get into his big life moments, then find ways to HAHAHA laugh it off when he pushes her back out, it’s doomed anyway. DOOMED, I tell you.

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  10. BTownGirl Says:

    I felt queasy when she said he was SO EXCITED about a Ziploc bag full o’ love notes. Yeah, men just love that sh*t. Mind you, he’s not even that cute and she’s carrying on like he’s Idris F*cking Elba. Honey, love yourself a little more.

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  11. Nia Says:

    Like other commenters, it’s not really the topic of the story itself that got to me (my immediate thought was “so what?” when I saw the title–and IHTM used to be genuinely hard hitting, like “My dad was a murderer” or “I escaped from a cult” type stuff! Now it’s “IHTM: I had some feelz at some point”) but a) the fact that the commenters completely tore her apart with a vigor that I feel is WAY out of proportion (something that is happening more and more on the site and driving me away) and the writer’s reaction to it.
    Here point by point rebuttal shows that this incident, and by extension, her relationship to him is a huge part of her life. Whether or not that’s healthy is between her and her therapist, but I think she’s unintentionally showing a lot of ‘emotional skin’ there.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2

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