Question: My GF and I recently ended a 1 year Yo-Yo relationship. We had great chemistry and enjoyed lots of fun activities together (gym, golf, football) but due to her “baggage” we broke up. It was like I had an angel on one side saying, “She is a great girl and you are lucky she is in your life,” on the other side the devil was saying “Run.. she is only separated, has 2 young children, a crazy ex-husband and major financial issues.”
I have been divorced for over 8 years and had she not had all of this baggage she may have been the “one.” Did I make the right decision?
I can’t tell you whether or not you made the right decision. I don’t know you.
To be honest, your reasons for ending things sound kind of superficial to me. Some of that “baggage” is fixable. The separation can and likely will lead to a divorce. Her finances can turn around. I’m not quite sure what you – a 51 year old divorced man – think you’re entitled to at this point. Like, do you really think you’re going to find a woman who is completely free of issues or challenges? Dude, most of the women you’re dating at this stage of the game are probably divorced with kids and have a temperamental ex. That’s just reality.
Baggage at your age is a given, not a possibility.
It sound to me like like you’re suffering from icandobetteritis. This is a common disease that afflicts thousands upon thousands of men and women each year. The signs are: flakiness, unreasonable expectations, inability to focus, and a scratch you can never quite itch.
Maybe I just have dramatically low expectations or maybe I just know from personal experience that life isn’t a walk in the park, but I wouldn’t consider what you listed as reasons for ending the relationship to be all that insurmountable. Her finances can be fixed with proper attention. Her divorce will eventually be finalized. Things with her ex will probably always be rocky but even that will likely be tempered by the divorce. Yeah, things might be rough now, but they’ll probably improve as time goes on.
However, if you’re the kind of person that bails at the first sign of, you know, problems then definitely stay single. You should absolutely look for that woman who will golf and workout with you and who will watch football with you because those things are totally signs of long term compatibility, amirite? You don’t want a partner, you want a carbon copy of yourself . You want a woman who won’t nag you about watching football every Sunday and who is super fit and who just LOVES trotting around a golf course with you. Basically, you want a girlfriend who doesn’t expect you to compromise or actually work at sustaining the relationship. God forbid you have to take time away from the Steelers game to hear about the latest issue with her ex or have to cancel your day on the course because her child is sick.
Dude, do everybody a favor and stay single.