The last time i was dating online was two years ago. I have decided to start dating again, and I am not really sure what to do. I am 29 and would like to meet someone I could marry – well, we want to marry each other. OKCupid worked really well for me last time, but at the same time, I know the online dating world has really changed. I know a few people who met their boyfriends on Tinder, so I know it’s a possibility. I just wonder if it’s still the case that Tinder skews much younger, and if guys are using to look for relationships, as well as hookups. I heard that most decent guys have migrated to Tinder from OKCupid, and wondered if that was true.
Also, are paid sites worth anything anymore?
I have to say that I don’t think the paid sites are worth it anymore. It used to be that the paid sites meant that the people who joined were more serious and thus considered less likely to flake. That’s not really then case anymore. The flaking is a by-product of the online dating process as a whole, largely due in part to the explosion of dating apps. If someone is on Match, they’re probably on Tinder (or Bumble, or Coffee Meets Bagel, or whatever and whatnot.) I don’t think anybody strictly utilizes traditional online dating as a means to meet. They use traditional online dating as well as an app or three.
As I mentioned last week, I think OKCupid is now the new Plenty of Fish. It’s where people who don’t have luck with the apps go because the fleshed out profile gives them an edge. (That’s a kind way of saying they’re boring and unattractive.) The bottom line is that unless you are considered reasonable conventionally attractive, apps just aren’t going to work well for you.
Tinder is the new OKCupid.I don’t know what the hell happened in just a few months, but the quality of the men on Tinder has dipped to an alarming degree. But then, I’m searching for men over 40, and that might have something to do with it. Real talk: a lot of people – men and women – don’t take good care of themselves. It’s a dog eat dog world on these apps; if you aren’t making a concerted effort to look good, you’re going to get left behind. I have no problem with a head of grey hair or wrinkles or even bags – aging happens to all of us – but I’m not down with men who look slovenly and unhealthy. If the best a guy can do is slap some pic of them up there where they’re wearing some unflattering sweatshirt and a hat and look like they haven’t slept in a week, then I’m not going to bother. It’s amazing to me what some men and women think they can get away with and how some of them don’t even try to look half-way decent. If that first pic is obstructed in any way or is not flattering, I won’t even bother swiping through to see the rest. People who don’t understand how people think or how these apps work are their own worst enemy.
I don’t agree that Tinder skews much younger, as I always have new matches available, and I’m 47 looking for men 42-57. If you’re a woman under 35, Tinder should not be a problem in terms of possible matches. Where it does become a chore is where EVERY online dating app and platform becomes a chore: the flake factor. In one week I’ve received 3 matches from Bumble. I’ve contacted all 3. No response. People aren’t discerning in their swipes. They’re just swiping right or left based on that initial photo and little else. It’s only after a match is made are they taking a closer look.
The other problem is, as we just saw the other day, women under 30 and men over 35 are inundated with possible options and often become greedy. At any given time the person you’re dating is likely dating at least 1 or 2 other people. That phenomenon is making people more apprehensive about making any long-term decisions.
I do think Tinder has become more “hook-up” minded, but then, I think that’s the direction dating has gone as well. People just aren’t committing very quickly if at all.
My suggestion is to sign up for every popular platform, make informed swipes/choices, and follow up with every person with whom you match. Don’t sit around and wait for them to contact you. That’s where so many people screw up. They hang back and wait to see if their match will reach out first. Buh bye, match! They’re already on to the next person. I’m tempted to say to avoid OKCupid all together, but there are still a few decent people on there that are making a concerted effort.
The problem isn’t the platform themselves. The problem is how users have been conditioned because of the platforms. You’ll probably encounter the same flakes and idiots offline as you do online. People are just flakier now because of all the options and because of how easy it is to connect with people. There’s literally no window of opportunity anymore. Either respond immediately or you’ll be left in the dust. Now that all anybody needs is a photo and a Facebook page, people aren’t really willing to invest more of an effort into putting their best foot forward. Profile text is a nice add-on, but it doesn’t really improve your chances of getting dates. Hell, most people don’t even write a 100 word bio anymore. That’s how little people have to go on these days, and they’re growing accustomed to that change. Have a great – not good, great – primary photo, write a witty bio that includes where you live specifically, what you do, your height, and some interests, and you’re golden.
In other news:
I’m starting 150 mg of Wellbutrin XL tomorrow. I’m weirdly excited about this new phase. I really liked the psychiatrist/MD that I met with and felt very comfortable with her. Out of all the doctors I interviewed with, she felt like the best fit because she takes a very conservative approach to medication.
Before I met with her, I did my research about dysthymia and Wellbutrin, so I was pleased when the doctor and I seemed to be on the same page about what medication might be the best fit. I’m a little nervous about the possible side-effects, though. And I’m definitely concerned that taking the Wellbutrin might interfere with my writing. But…I guess I’m just going to have to suck it up and see if it works.