Question: I am a 55 year old woman dating a never married 62 year old man. We met on match four years ago and have been dating ever since. He has a grown son. I have two children in college.
Since we began dating, I have learned that this “divorced” man has never been married. His few past girlfriends have turned into a string of 25 girlfriends in the past twenty years alone!! He proposed marriage to me and since that time has not inched towards getting married.
I think I was duped. Dating at my age is very challenging. While he is a nice man and we get on well, he seems to have this relationship pigeon holed to be a glorified dating scenario and nothing more. We do not live together and have a very specified dating schedule – one that he set up.
Okay, so it sounds like you’ve figured out that this relationship is a dead end. The only thing left to do is get out of it. You don’t live together, which means you probably don’t have any shared property or finances. You don’t have kids together. So…leave. Yes, it means you’ll be back in the dating pool at 55, but which would you rather be doing: hanging out with a man who has no intention of committing to you or swiping left and right on Tinder?
You shouldn’t ever stay in a relationship because you think dating would be too much of a challenge. That’s not a valid reason to maintain the facade. It doesn’t even sound like he makes you all that happy. You just seem to be going along with this charade because it’s better than being alone.
You’re clearly compromising quite a bit just to be in a relationship. Don’t do that. You’re going to look back at this time in your life and have regrets, and you don’t want that. So what if you’re alone? Why is that a bad thing? Just because you’re not 25 doesn’t mean you’ll never find anyone again. I encounter men in their 50’s and 60’s on dating apps all. the. time. They’re out there. Go find one of them. Or don’t. Just don’t stay in an unfulfilling situation just because you fear being alone. There’s freedom in that alone-ness. If you’re thinking this guy will take care of you or provide some sort of security, stop that. He won’t. Know how I know that? Because he hasn’t as of yet. He’s still living on his own. He proposed marriage without even living together before or after? Oh, honey. No. It’s a ruse to keep you in line.
Don’t be another woman who lets a man have his cake and eat it, too. A lot of men rely on that fear of dying alone that’s been ingrained in us to get us to do what they want. Show this guy that he can’t do that. And stop being afraid. You’re going to be okay. I promise. You still have so much living to do. Do not waste that precious time on a man who refuses to give you what he knows you want. Because he does know. Big deal. He offered to marry you “someday.” That means nothing without actions to back it up.