Question: I was reading an article from a so called dating expert titled, ‘Are you chasing him and don’t even know it?’ She wrote in her article that if the woman initiates any kind of contact with a guy, as in asking him how he feels, inviting him to come over, then that woman is chasing him. I have a guy friend, who I’m interested in, but have never opened up to about how I feel. He’ll initiate contact with me once in a while, like texting me to keep in touch or inviting me to lunch. Sometimes, I will initiate contact, too. Don’t you think that if the guy always initiates things, that he’s going to wonder if you’re even interested in him? Does chasing only apply to people dating ? Am I chasing my guy friend if I’m the one always inviting him or texting him? Some men are shy or lack confidence and don’t really go after the woman they’re really interested in, or is that just wishful thinking from me? And lastly, what is so wrong with the woman being a little more aggressive than the man?
I think that if you have to rationalize your decision to pursue someone that is a clear sign that you are, in fact, chasing them.
You shouldn’t have to convince yourself that it’s okay to make the first move. If you do, take that as a warning sign that things aren’t going to go smoothly.
I am not an advocate of women asking men out. I think women put themselves in very precarious positions by doing so. Why? Because I believe that men are only as interested as their options at the time. I believe most men are less discerning when it comes to dates and sex. Relationships not so much, but certainly when it comes to dates and sex. So what ends up happening is that many women assume that if a guy accepts an invitation that he’s interested and attracted to her. He might be, but I think for most men that attraction is multi-level. There’s the level of attraction required to go on a date, a level to have sex, and a level to commit, with the latter being the highest level. Meaning, a man is far more particular when choosing a life partner than choosing a sex partner. For many (not all!) women, I think, there’s just one level. That’s why many women are always asking men they meet online what they do for a living. They won’t even meet them for a drink without ensuring he’s financially stable. Guys? Guys don’t give a shit until things get to a point where they’re investing more than the woman.
Am I chasing my guy friend if I’m the one always inviting him or texting him?
Yes. Absolutely you are chasing him if you always have to initiate, especially if he’s your friend. Women need to stop with the, “But maybe he’s shy” excuse. That’s not a thing. And if that is the case, I can assure you that you do not want to be with that guy. I know men like that and they always end up with domineering and spoiled women who walk all over them. The only women attracted to weak men are insecure women. Any man who can’t ask a woman out is weak. Period.
And lastly, what is so wrong with the woman being a little more aggressive than the man?
There’s nothing wrong with a woman being more assertive. Nothing. But if a woman is prone to being more assertive, then she needs to be with a man who is not threatened or intimidated by that. A guy who can’t even work up the courage to ask a woman out is going to hightail it away from a woman who asserts herself in a relationship. The whole reason I place grit at the top of my must have list because I am a god damn handful. Anybody who chooses to be with me has to have a steel back bone.
If you drop enough bait in the water, he should bite. If he doesn’t, he’s not interested. There’s your answer.