Bad Breath? BO? Bat In The Cave? TELL THEM

stink

 

Name: Liz

:
Question: I started dating this guy I met through Tinder for about 2 months now. It’s very rare for me to have chemistry with someone, and I have to say, I have intense chemistry with this guy. I can’t even tell you why. He’s kinda boring, fairly quiet, and awkward. But I’m really drawn to him.

Here’s the problem, aside from the fact that he gets moody and irritable (esp. in the mornings), he has really bad breath, and  boogers hanging out of his nose. I don’t know why, but I just don’t have the audacity to tell him. I feel that it would really embarrass and hurt him.

Although the bad breath is occasional, it’s still bad breath. And the bat in the cave, it’s almost always there whenever I’m with him. He’s really into his appearance and always looks pulled together, and he’s almost 30, so I don’t understand why he can’t look a few seconds in the mirror to pull out the bat, or use mouthwash.

I always thought that bad breath was a dealbreaker for me, but it just seems like there’s really no dealbreakers when you connect with someone at a deeper level.

Am I settling or desperate if I continue to see this guy? I’ve offered him gum for his breath, but the gum masks the odor slightly.

We haven’t gotten intimate yet, and yes, we have kissed, and no his breath didn’t stink when we did. The bad breath is more morning breath, but it still bothers me.

I have noticed other shortcomings such as laziness. He has a good paying job, but he has a naturally lazy, unmotivated demeanor. I feel that maybe the attraction is more physical? I don’t really know, but I am very attracted to him.
Age: 30

 

This is an easy one: tell him. Wouldn’t you want to know if you were walking around with a booger in your nose? I mean, it’s awkward as fuck to say, but it’s the kind thing to do.  Things like this happen to everybody. They aren’t the huge deals you’re making them out to be.

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11 Responses to “Bad Breath? BO? Bat In The Cave? TELL THEM”

  1. fuzzilla Says:

    She doesn’t seem to have terribly high standards. Not because boogers or smelling less than a rose should be deal breakers, but because she has really weird and vague reasons for wanting to be with him/what she likes about him.

    But all else equal, just pass a tissue and a, “Honey, you need to blow your nose.”

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  2. Eliza Says:

    If he truly were into his appearance as much as you state he is…you would not be writing into this blog about such issues. He’s clearly oblivious to this, and since clearly, you have been close enough to be subjected to the “morning bad breath”, just be open, yet diplomatic. As for other “shortcomings” that seem to have surfaced and may continue to in the future…you can’t change anyone…for better or worse. They are who they are. If you can’t communicate openly with one another, there isn’t much of a foundation. I’m sure you would want to know such things.

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  3. BTownGirl Says:

    I once had to tell my former boss that she had a period stain on the back of her skirt. Awkward as all hell (even though I just said, “I think you might have sat in something!”), but you can’t let people walk around with something embarrassing going on.

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  4. Selena Says:

    From the OP’s letter:
    “I have noticed other shortcomings such as laziness. He has a good paying job, but he has a naturally lazy, unmotivated demeanor. I feel that maybe the attraction is more physical? I don’t really know, but I am very attracted to him.”

    But you would be more attracted to him if you thought he was more ambitious and didn’t occasionally have stale breath – right?

    My crystal ball predicts this will be a short term thing.

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    • fuzzilla Says:

      Exactly – it’s like, just admit this is a fling. It’s like she feels ashamed and feels the need to dress it up as something bigger and more important. Which doesn’t make her a terrible person, just that she’s wasting a lot of energy overthinking the thing.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 1

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  5. Yvonne Says:

    He’s really into his appearance, except for the bad breath and boogers hanging out of his nose!

    Let’s see, what else:

    kinda boring, awkward, lazy, unmotivated, often irritable & moody

    “I feel that maybe the attraction is more physical?”

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    • Sherry Says:

      If the attraction was truly more physical, she would most likely have been intimate with him by now. They’ve been dating for more than two months without any sex according to her letter.

      She’s 30 years old. Most women in their early 30s who are physically attracted to the guy they’re dating will become intimate within the first few weeks. If I go a couple of months without sexy time with my man, it’s because I’m repulsed by him on some level.

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      • fuzzilla Says:

        **If the attraction was truly more physical, she would most likely have been intimate with him by now.**

        You’re right. You’d kind of assume she’s having the time of her life screwing his brains out, given how little she’s into anything else about him. That slipped past me – good catch.

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      • fuzzilla Says:

        I’m guessing the secret ingredient here is, “Well, I’m not that into him, but…he actually keeps his word and shows up consistently as opposed to the last couple dudes, so…therefore, I don’t feel I have a good enough reason to just say I’m not feelin’ it and be dunzos…”

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