It has been brought to our attention that you lost your cool on one of our female users named Ashley. She made small talk, you felt personally attacked. She mentioned her work day and asked about yours; you assumed that she was prying into your financial status.
We are going to venture a guess into the state of mind of Ashley here, given that we are all working women ourselves. Take a seat, because this concept may blow your mind. Women nowadays work. It’s happened over time, we know, but a vast majority of women from our generation have jobs.
With that in mind — and knowing that Ashley simply mentioned work in the conversation — we can gather that she wasn’t hoping to figure out if your wallet was sizeable enough for her to move into your house and start cooking dinner for you after vacuuming your living room while you clock in a 9 to 5 work day. Instead, Ashley was (wait for it, Connor, because this is where things really get interesting), viewing herself as an equal. It might sound crazy, but people connect over the basic routines of life. You know… the weather, working out, grabbing a drink, eating, and working.
First, your app borders on fraudulent given the outrageous number of fake profiles and bots.So there’s that.
She mentioned her work day and asked about yours; you assumed that she was prying into your financial status.
Right. I’m sure Ashley wasn’t trying to figure out what ol’ Connor did for a living. That never happens, right?
The only reason this open letter irks me is because of your disingenuous claim that you care very deeply about the experience of your female members. Nope. Not buying it.Your business model of allowing only 24 hours for a user to respond to the first message is prohibitive. It’s very difficult for your users to juggle communications and interactions with multiple people with a clock over their heads. Some people need a few days to meet the user and gauge interest. The way your app is set up, the men have to respond to every women with whom they match within a day or lose the connection. That means they’re possibly juggling multiple matches in one 24 hour period. Guess what happens in those instances? Some of those women get ignored completely. In the past month I’ve made twelve matches using your app. Only ONE of those men replied to me (my first response in almost 2 months). He suggested we meet quickly, I gave him two days that I could meet, he replied with, “Cool. We should be able to meet up.”
Second, while it sounds like Connor was a raging tool bag who should be booted from your app but probably won’t bee (get it?) , you seem to be of the impression that women using your sketchy app would never dream of asking a man what he did for a living to make sure he was employed. Spoiler alert: many women do it all the time. Not only that but please don’t act like you haven’t intentionally promoted Bumble to men who went to Ivy League universities and who work prestigious/glamorous high income jobs. I’ve never seen so many (probably fake) whitey white Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Brown grads who work in finance, entertainment, and law in one place. Did I mention how white your user base is? The majority of your male users in NYC are white. Okay. It makes total sense that in a city like Manhattan you’d have trouble finding men of color. Sure. Let’s go with that. Let’s just pretend there isn’t something that rhymes with shmacist going on there.
Your attempt to play up the female empowerment angle of your service is precious, but it’s bullshit. You intentionally entice women to use your app by loading your app with (mostly fake/inactive) single white men with pedigrees and fat bank accounts. I’m genuinely curious to know the last time any of these Harvard and Princeton grads actually logged in, because I’m guessing it’s not recently.
Speaking of what a shit hole Bumble is, let me regale you with a story about a guy I met on Bumble yesterday. He was from Boston, a suburb very close to my hometown. Plus he was an NYPD officer. I’ve come to learn that my lane is blue collar, and I’m sticking with it. Anyhoo, as we’re talking about the how elitist Manhattan can be, especially for someone with a nails on a chalkboard obvious Boston accent like he has. Holy fuck balls, dude. Go to a speech coach. He mentioned that his ex-wife and daughters live in Staten Island. Talk of Facebook and engagement ring posts and weddings come up, and out of nowhere he says, “Yeah, my ex-wife wanted a huge wedding. The problem with the guineas…”
Record scratch.”Wait. Go back,” I said, making the time out sign with my hands. “Did you just refer to Italians as guineas?”
“Uh oh,” he said. “Did I just get myself in trouble? You’re Italian aren’t you?”
Why yes. Yes I am.
“This conversation is over,” I said. Click.
In all of my adult life, I have never had anybody use that word to my face. Yeah, I hear guido a lot (PS? Stop using that. It’s just a socially acceptable way to call someone a guinea.) But never guinea. I remember sitting next to my Dad in the front seat of his car and talking about how my new nephew looked like “a little guinzo.”
“Don’t ever let me hear you say that word again,” my father said. “And don’t you ever say it in front of your grandmother.”
So, yeah, Bumble is a joke.