Click the link up top to see the full exchange. Bumble did not misrepresent Connor when they called out his misogyny. But this message exchange proves that Bumble, well, wasn’t being totally honest when they wrote that blog post about Ashley and Connor.
Remember when Bumble said this?
It has been brought to our attention that you lost your cool on one of our female users named Ashley. She made small talk, you felt personally attacked. She mentioned her work day and asked about yours; you assumed that she was prying into your financial status.
Nope. No, that’s not what she did, Bumble. She didn’t “ask about his work day”, she asked him point blank, “What do you do?” And judging by the conversation, it was the first thing she asked him upon starting the conversation.
Now, I will give you that Connor’s rant was over the top obnoxious and misogynistic, but let’s stop pretending like, “What do you do?” is just an innocent conversation starter.
Because it’s not.
And remember when they said this?
“With that in mind — and knowing that Ashley simply mentioned work in the conversation — we can gather that she wasn’t hoping to figure out if your wallet was sizeable enough for her to move into your house and start cooking dinner for you after vacuuming your living room while you clock in a 9 to 5 work day,”
Orly? Tell me how you wizards and mystics were able to determine her motives when, “What do you do?” was the first thing she asked him and was part of her second message to him? Where is this alleged “conversation” of which you speak?
“What do you do?” is a loaded question, one often asked of men not to initiate a dialogue but to ensure that the man is gainfully employed. If you’re going to brand yourself as “The Feminist Tinder” then first admit that there’s one societal standard placed on men based on their gender, and it has to do with money. More specifically: what do they do, are they financially stable, and how much do they make. Let’s also stop pretending that asking someone what they do for a living right out of the gate isn’t socially inappropriate. Connor might be a tool, but Ashley clearly won’t be winning any etiquette or personality contesta any time soon, either. Surely all these sophisticated and well-educated women using your app have better interpersonal skills than that, Bumble. The fact that Bumble wasn’t even the one to publish this exchange and that they misrepresented the conversation shows you that they probably knew Ashley was in the wrong, too.
While I certainly will not go so far as to say that men – white men especially – are victims of oppression, I am going to call out the hypocrisy of perpetuating the idea that it’s okay to determine man’s value by his job or his bank account. Whether or not you realize it (and I think you do) that’s EXACTLY what your app promotes when it culls a user base of an atypically high number of white Ivy League bankers, doctors, lawyers, and men who work in other prestigious and high paying fields. Stop acting like that’s just how it worked out for you, because it’s not. You know it. I know it. Everybody who has ever dated online ever knows it. So stop. You somehow sought out those men or you created profiles with photos of actors and models.
Please keep in mind that I’m IN NO WAY defending Connor’s douchebaggery. I’m criticizing the way Bumble twisted the narrative in their favor and how they use feminism as part of their branding. Because…no. Bumble, stop denying that you’re all about equality and empowerment because you’re not. At best you’re champions of white feminists and that’s it, considering the dearth of black men on your app. I’d be curious to hear from black women and other women of color about what their experience with Bumble has been.
In closing, that’s a mighty white staff Bumble has. Notice how conventionally slender and attractive AND WHITE these women are.
You sure you’re the Feminist Tinder, guys?
— Bumble (@bumble_app) October 3, 2015