Question: I’ve been dating someone exclusively for around 8 months, though I have known him for 4 years, and we dated briefly about 2 years ago when we were each rebounding from other relationships. We live about 50 minutes apart (door to door).
We usually see each other one or two times during the week and spend weekends together, and everything is generally great, especially when we’re together. When we’re apart, we generally message/text/talk at least once a day.
But we’ve been struggling with the communication when we’re apart, because our styles and needs are so different: I work at a desk and have lots of downtime (i.e., computer time), and he doesn’t. He mainly uses his phone for all communication and is rarely at a computer. We have gotten into multiple arguments about my “neediness” when it comes to communication, and I have toned it down significantly. In return, I’ve asked him for two things: Text me before bed and at least acknowledge me with some sort of response when I contact him (even if it’s “Can’t talk right now.”).
I’ve made it clear, several times, that the good night text is important to me, especially because we live apart and I like to know he’s home safe. Yet he still forgets to do it if I don’t prompt him with my own goodnight text. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel like he doesn’t listen to me or care. I don’t see how it’s so difficult to text me good night, especially since I know the last thing he does before sleeping is hop on Facebook.
I feel like I need a reality check from people who don’t know me. Am I being unreasonable with my request? Should I just let this stuff go since everything else is so good? I guess I’m stuck on it because of the whole “not caring” bit. It’s enough of a recurring thing that it’s starting to affect our relationship. It probably doesn’t help that I have trust issues and tend to think negatively, even though he’s given me no reason to doubt him.