Stop Sending Nudes To Guys You Met On Instagram

selfiebed

Name: Natalie

:
Question: Hi! I’m sorry, I don’t know your name but I came across your blog and would love your feedback on my situation.  I met this guy in Instagram, I know lame right lol.  He is a soldier in the IDF and contacted me because I randomly like one of his pictures on social media.  This guy is 24 years old and I am 28 going on 29, so from the get go I didn’t think anything was there because 1st it was random & 2nd I considered him too young for me. Anyway, after I liked his picture he direct messaged me on insta and we started speaking it was not until 3 months into talking as pen pals that he started asking me more serious questions and telling me how much he liked me and for me. He started to grow on me too because he was heroic, nice and also good looking so in that sense yes U was attracted to him. But I also stressed directly to him that he was too young for me, we can be friends and besides he didn’t know much English so we messaged in Hebrew the whole time. 

Well, he didn’t want to be just friends & I quote said “too bad about not being able to speak English, I want only you and I like you.”  So, I have it a shot, stupid me.  It wasn’t until 4/5 months into talking (and I mean everyday/every week talking on whatsapp) that he finally asked me for nude pictures.  I didn’t like that, so said no but for weeks kept asking so finally after at least 3 weeks I did it.  Then over time that turned into video chat etc…and at this point he was telling me he wanted a relationship with me and felt love for me so that is why I went along because honestly I was getting connected to this guy and really liked him.  We met on insta last June (last year) and talked for a solid year.  Although things started getting a little weird as sometimes he’d not text me for sometime a week or 2 at a time.  This bothered me so I questioned him and he said I was the one for him always and blamed it on his army service. 

All in all, I didn’t really get to know who he really was. He would offer up info about his family, background or anything and the majority of our conversations became sex based. So I tried ending it a few times but he wouldn’t let up and so is let him back in because I created some kind of bond (fake bond I guess) with this guy.  Eventually, I was invited on a program to go to Israel for 3 weeks yay! Told him about it & he was excited saying how he couldn’t wait to meet me, he was dying for me etc…come the week before my flight I heard absolutely nothing from him. He went silent the week before and the week of my flight. 

So I got upset but didn’t say anything to him.  Arrived in tel aviv and then shot him a text saying I was there & where I was. He texted back but was distant from the start but did keep contact.  1st week in Israel me & friends went out & I invited him. He declined saying he was sick in bed & sent me a pic of him in bed so I gave him a pass. He made plans to go out w me that Thurs so Thurs came &
I asked to confirm our date. He said he would meet me straight from camp at 9pm in downtown Jerusalem do I was excited. Got all dressed up and went. Got there and he was extremely casually dressed (white to shirt/jeans) so struck me as weird but again gave him a pass.  He brought me for a drink, we talked for a little while & then he brought me to a park where he tried to have full blown sex in the park! I want up for it do said no and tried to at least suggest we get a room but he didn’t. We hooked up a little in the park which was extremely awkward and then he dropped me off at the bus station saying how he wanted to see me again sun & how much fun he had w me etc…for the next 2 weeks he kept planning dates then blowing me off.

In the meantime I met someone else but didn’t like him as much.  On out last date plan we confirmed 2 days ahead but I asked that he give me 24 hr advance notice as he kept blowing me off just a few hrs prior to each date and this time I would’ve had to take off classes to see him. Come the day of our date which was a few days before I left Israel, I didn’t hear from him all day again.  So I shot him a text asking if we were still on & he replied how he was still in class and then had to go to the army in the afternoon, he had to be there.  I was very upset so told him I met someone & that he was very nice. Ultimately, he said that he didn’t understand, he was in the army & he could send me a picture.  Felt bad so I said back that I believed him 100% but that he didn’t make time for me (he had gone out w friends one evening without inviting me so that’s why I said that).  Then he replied that he “didn’t have work to do, that he really hopes I keep in touch & that I live there.” Do I mentioned I’d be there again this Fall & he didn’t text back.  Sent a follow up text a week later & he ignored that too.

 So it hurts because I realized he probably only wanted sex from me this whole time & was playing me.  But any other perspectives on this would be appreciated as well.  Maybe I was at fault too for not going all the way that night, but I couldn’t given the park and how uncomfortable I was there.  I am embarrassed and ashamed of what happened and I wish I could go back and change it, but I can’t.  Thank you for your insight in advance :).
P.S.  He adds slot of girls on Instagram too

Natalie
Age: 28

 

I’m not sure what feedback you need. You seem to already know this guy was just using you as a distraction. Generally, when anybody stationed in the military reaches out to a random woman on social media, he’s looking for stroke material or a pretend girlfriend while he’s away. These guys are lonely and looking for something to act as a buffer between all the horrors they witness. I get it, but I really hate that so many of these people – usually men – blatantly exploit lonely women for their amusement. I see these guys on OKCupid all the time and I report every single one of them.

I think a  solid rule of thumb is not to turn your life upside down for a guy that first hits you up on Facebook or Instagram. People like that are not looking to get seriously involved with anybody. They’re not even looking to date. They’re looking for stroke material or attention.

Natalie, he’s done. He’s probably got a bunch of other women he’s playing the same way he played you. This isn’t even worth the ten minutes it must have taken to write this letter. Men and women like this cruise social media all the time looking for easy marks.  People who try to strike up conversations with strangers they meet on social media typically aren’t the most sincere or stable. Avoid avoid avoid. They’re mostly lonely isolated oddballs or creeps looking for a peep show.

And just going forward, NEVER send nude photos of yourself to someone you’ve never met. If you do, make sure your face isn’t visible. Why? Go to Google and type in “woman taking nude selfie.” I can assure you that 99.9% of the women whose photos are there did not give permission to have their pictures shared or distributed in any way. Seeing all those women that had been exploited was a depressing way to start my day.

 

Thoughts?

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11 Responses to “Stop Sending Nudes To Guys You Met On Instagram”

  1. Marshmallow Says:

    Your story is so similar to mine it’s scary – except my guy was Turkish. All I can add to Moxie’s advice is this – trying to figure out his motives is a waste of time. If you aren’t someone who preys on others, you’ll never understand it. Be glad you don’t. And be grateful he didn’t take you for anything else.

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  2. Bostonette Says:

    Lol! “Stroke material.”

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  3. BTownGirl Says:

    There are SO MANY ridiculously hot guys in Tel Aviv that you must promise me here and now that you will never, ever spend another minute there worrying about this one or any of his ilk. If this one messages you again, you tell him gai kaken oifen yam and turn your attention to the parade of gorgeous around you!

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    • KK Says:

      Ha.if dude is Iraqi or Persian he wont understand a word of that. My last bf was frommy moms hometown in Israel but Iraqi grabdparebts. Not a word of Yiddish. Sigh. Anyway.an israeli guy who writes badly in Ebglish is highly suspect.

      Btw. You watched Mad Men? Remember Fay cursing out David on the phone?

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      • KK Says:

        My phone. Sigh. I meant that my last bf was from the same town as my mom but Iraqi grandparents. So he did not know a word of yiddish. Also. He could pronounce ayin, which for the life of me, i can not.

        And yeah. If the OP is doing ulpan at Tel Aviv, dude. Boys. Men. Whatever. So easy.

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        • BTownGirl Says:

          For real, I wanted to be like, “Girlfriend, how
          ..HOW could you see all those muscles and all that pecan pie-toned skin and be worried about this putz?!” ;). I learned all my Yiddish from my bubbe, obvi haha! She had the best swear vocabulary on earth, I tell you!

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  4. Parenting Says:

    I dont think he was using the OP for sex because guys who use you for sex actually, you know, have sex with you. You said you’d have sex with him but not in the park. His response was “Nah, lets stay in the park.” I dont know why he was talking to her. Could be loneliness, could be ego stroking, who knows? He probably had a girlfriend or wife. Whatever it was, he liked having the OP far far away.

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  5. bbdawg Says:

    The most productive thing the OP can do about this situation is figuring ouy WHY she got into it in the first place. Obviously the issues are too glaring here. We have all been through shady stuff but it’s most helpful to figure out WHY we got into these situations in the first place than to blame others.

    I mean for starters people you haven’t met in person, especially instagram (??!!!) are not relationships, they are what nigerian scammers are to the banking system. Fiction, at best, scams, at worst. If you have a US passport I’d assume that anyone who contacts you from a different country, man or woman, wants a greencard. When I was online I’d get messages from people from so many different countries…I WONDER WHY lol. They must have really liked me for me!

    I once watched a show about these women who marry men who are “so romantic” at first then turn out to be scammers who take all their money and the thought really is, this poor lady, the signs were obvious but what got her was her delusional nature. Had the OP not wondered just why this person wasn’t hanging out with people in his local area?

    What’s troubling is WHY, instead of finding people who live near her, the OP managed to find someone in Israel. And then she was shocked he was not dressed up to meet her??!!! What was she expecting? An episode of the Bachelorette? A room at the Ritz?

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    • Marshmallow Says:

      Of course because you can only control yourself. But and this is a big but … If you are in a certain mind set you can be scammed by a guy who lives next door. Being lonely and trusting makes you really vulnerable.
      I can only speak for myself but an attraction to foreign men isn’t always based on “OMG his accent”. I find other cultures to be less youth obsessed (a plus for us old ladies) and them to be more flexible in their standards of beauty. You go where your audience is. And yes sometimes that leads to bad choices but ya know, sometimes it doesn’t.

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  6. Noquay Says:

    Nude photos, often with NAMES and faces have ruined the job and relationship prospects of many. Be very, very, careful what you send to anyone! Many commenters have mentioned vulnerability, lonelines. I get it; I too have made stupid decisions from a place of feeling trapped, alone, isolated. You have to fix that yourself, build some sort of life that word before seeking any sort of relationship.

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  7. Noquay Says:

    Whoops, was sposed to read “that works”. Phone problems.

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